Mistake? Running? What's wrong with me?

<p>Hello Parents!</p>

<p>I used to post here under a different name, but I decided not to use it because, well, I'm at a small school and it would take two seconds to identify me by it. (I actually had two incoming freshmen this year recognize me from here :P)</p>

<p>So, I'm at a crossroads. I feel like I'm always at these things, but I'm tired of being here and I'm trying to figure out if I really need to change or if I need to change scenery. </p>

<p>Quick Background: I'm at a small, private liberal arts college. Its well-respected and massively grade deflated. All things considered, I'm doing pretty well GPA-wise. I'm a little bit involved but not much. Work has been all-consuming. Hours and hours and of sitting and trying to get stuff done. Then, go figure. I get tested, I have ADHD and a few learning disabilities. Life starts to make sense for once.</p>

<p>Issues at hand: I've never been entirely happy here. I like my classes, but I don't feel like I'm getting what I want to out of it. I'm in a humanities major but I'm constantly questioning. I can't change majors: small school, not enough classes. I don't even know what I want to take. I wish I could major in high school: science, math, English, history, with a little art thrown in. Here comes the "oops, why did I end up at a school with a really traditional curriculum?"</p>

<p>I ended up at a school like this because I didn't know what I wanted. Problem? I still don't know what I want. I guess I'm looking for advice. I know this is the internet and no one can fix my problems, but I don't really know where to turn anymore. Parents are tired of hearing my constant ideas about what I like (ADHD's impulses are my demons, am I just a chemical impulse or do I actually want to change?), friends just make me feel worse ("well, I guess you should have thought about this.")</p>

<p>Schools is too expensive. I think about the costs all the time. Then I feel bad and can't focus on my work. I don't even know if I can get a good financial aid package as a transfer.</p>

<p>I'm also a sophomore. I'd have to take off next year to apply places, but I don't have any idea what I'd do in that time. Parents would be mad at me doubtlessly. </p>

<p>Socially there's no connection. I try and I fail. I find interesting people, of course, but I can't find friends. There aren't any clubs I'm even vaguely interested in, I've tried. I hate the party scene here. I hate parties. I hate substances. I hate that everyone I know either thinks weekends are for partying or already has little cliques that always seem so exclusive.</p>

<p>I'm at my wits end. I know I should probably just stay here but right now I want nothing more then to run away. Get in car, drive, and start over somewhere else. I know a lot more about myself now and I wish it was back in high school so I could apply smart. I wanted to apply to a lot of schools, but didn't because I felt stupid. This one was a last minute whim and I feel like a spoiled little kid for not liking it.</p>

<p>Have you visited your school's counseling dept.? If not, please do so very soon. You sound like you might be depressed, which is not at all uncommon for young people. Even if you are not actually depressed, you certainly could use someone to help you try to figure out what to do. Don't make any changes, because you don't even know what you want to change or what you would change it to if you did. But DO talk to a counselor, PLEASE! Keep us posted ...</p>