MIT and UC Essays. Critique please!

<p>Hey! Please read my essay. It's the same prompt, so I plan to send the same essay to both schools:</p>

<p>Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.</p>

<p>Any critique and feedback is appreciated. (no 2009ers please)</p>

<p>i'll read it. I'm an 09er, but I have already finished my essays</p>

<p>sweet. i'll check out your essays and give you feedback.</p>

<p>09er but give realistic and straight-to-the point essay analysis as well as sentence-by sentence commentary. I should charge for this! :O</p>

<p>Sure send it over</p>

<p>I'd love to read it.
People tell me I provide good and honest commentary.
Email me at: <a href="mailto:confusedcalcstudent@yahoo.com">confusedcalcstudent@yahoo.com</a></p>

<p>i would be happy to read it
PM me</p>

<p>I would love to read it!</p>

<p>I'll read it for you.</p>

<p>if you’re worried about people stealing your essay feel free to email me at my school account
<a href="mailto:sxkamboj@ucdavis.edu">sxkamboj@ucdavis.edu</a></p>