MIT [list price] vs LSU [full ride] for Physics

It sounds like your parents are justifying their reneging of their initial promise on economic/return terms. I’d simply reduce this issue as an economic/return comparison between the choices they made for your sister and you.

On your side, you can show MIT vs LSU (does full ride mean tuition or all COA?) with 4 year costs and expected earnings within a reasonable top and bottom range (using the sources that others have linked for you) over 10 to 40 years with a PV of those amounts.

Then show the same calculation (this time 7 years of costs) for your sister for the Brown plus UPenn Law vs LSU in state plus UPennLaw cases.

Source both calculations for your parents.

I am pretty confident that the numbers will show a significant disparity in what your parents were willing to do for your sister vs you, including a comparison of money spent vs net present value of the 4 scenarios. I think you will get more traction by confronting your parents with “numbers” that indicate clear favoritism or at least a gross discrepancy in how they treated the economics of your sister vs you situation if they don’t change their minds.

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I wouldn’t underestimate the power that ones own words and/or actions have on another regardless of their relationship and how grand or small they appear.

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There is no doubt the student is very fortunate compared to 99% of the world’s population. She is not, however, fortunate in comparison to her sister, which is the more likely standard for her.

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Compromise, teamwork, problem solving! Great life skills to learn that matter!

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Like equality, fairness and advocacy

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It seems to me that Plan A is to talk to the parents

Plan B would be to investigate @roycroftmom 's suggestion of a gap year rotc. Perhaps the OP can pm Roycroft for more guidance.

Those suggesting applying for financial aid with $400,000 family income are misinformed and unhelpful.

In my opinion the issue is the parents changing the rules late in the game, not that they don’t have a right to decide what to do with their money.

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The biggest lesson here is for parents to set out their expectations and determine a budget up front. If you can’t or don’t want to pay for MIT (or any other extremely expensive school) it is totally understandable. No one owes their kid a $300k+ college education. At the same time, don’t have your kid apply to schools you can’t afford or don’t want to pay for - and definitely don’t have them apply, say you’ll pay and then renege. That is just asking for a lot of hurt feelings all around. In this particular situation, those hurt feelings are exacerbated by parental willingness to foot half the bill for the siblings Ivy League law school after already paying for their undergrad at Brown. Anyone who doesn’t think this type of situation isn’t going to lead to really hard feelings is not being honest - I’m not rooting for parental alienation, but I think I’m being realistic when I say this type of scenario is sure to engender a lot of resentment.

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My guess is they didn’t see a full ride coming.

But given the student is clearly top notch, they could have (and sounds like did) apply to other publics.

I think the free ride caught them by surprise - if you believe the narrative.

But yeah we set a top $ #. Applied to no schools that didn’t offer merit or hit price on their own.

It is, as you point out, crucial to define budget and various price/value scenarios up front

I wonder if OP had not applied to LSU, would the parents have let her go to MIT or pushed her fo a UNC or other lower cost that took her.

Stroking that big check 2x a year has to hurt. But they’ve done it with Brown.

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Is it autopay at any moment? I doubt that money are available for Fall now…

I think that is your perception but that may not be the reality. I think you need to have an honest discussion with your parents about the finances. If they are going to have to borrow money to send you to MIT in excess of what you can borrow on your own, which is $5000 to $7000 a year, they can’t afford to send you. Perhaps that is the reason they are pushing LSU?

The fact that they’re paying full price for your sister to go to Brown is irrelevant but you are focusing on that. They can either afford to pay for MIT or not. Maybe they didn’t get the financial aid they expected? Maybe their investment portfolio has tanked? It may not be fair, but your parents are the ones that get to make this financial decision.

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I don’t find the discepancy "irrelevant " at all. Or, the issues about fairness, sibling or family relationships going forward. We don’t have the full picture here and hope all works out!

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Or she’s more fortunate in knowing she saved her parents over $300,000, whereas, their sister may feel burdened by the amount her parents sacrificed for her. Again, a matter of perspective and speculation.

I may or may not agree with you. Likely it’s both. It’s not an either/or. My point isn’t to argue sides. It’s complete opposite. It shouldn’t even be on the table. To argue about something based on hearsay on not on facts is fruitless to begin with. And whether these are the facts or not, it’s a lose-lose situation for a kid to hear, from adults, that their parents are unreasonable, unfair, horrible etc. I just don’t see any good in that.

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It’s the parents who are driving a wedge between their younger daughter and the rest of the family.

They paid in full for the older daughters undergrad at Really Expensive U and will pay half for her law school. That’s about half a million bucks, give or take. And it’s not like poor older sister couldn’t have gone anywhere else, either. No one needs to go to Brown, It’s a luxury item they’ve given her, and promised to give to the younger daughter too.

But they are now telling their younger daughter they are considering paying her nothing. Nothing. Even if they realised they would have trouble affording it, that’s when you tell older sister you have to go back on your promise, because she’s already had Really Expensive U.

If they truly refuse to pay a dime for her now because she can go to LSU for free, that’s the parents treating her like dirt. Not because it’s not a good school that OP can do great things at. Its because the parents have decided that older D is worth it and younger D is not.

Seriously, if the parents were to go through with it I wouldn’t be surprised if the kid went off to LSU and never came home again. That’s not on the kid. That’s on her parents.

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Auto merit. Yes by May 1 but Honors may not be possible.

Most would consider Arizona like an LSU and not even look there. But that’s why you have to look at majors specifically. CU Boulder would have been another strong choice for Physics.

But Arizona is still attainable and wonderful for astronomy as well.

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Really - so you spend identically on both kids ? College ? Medical ? Car ?

I guess I shouldn’t have paid for my kids medical when she got a concussion last year. Or I should pay my kid who didn’t get one an even amount to be level. Or when I take my son skiing this week, I should give my daughter an even amount to make up for what she’s missing.

Sorry. That’s just not a fair argument.

And let me tell you, if my financial situation or perspective changed, then yea I would change on a dime.

If my kids disowned me, then I didn’t do a good job raising them.

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Are you 100% sure you have all the facts?

Again, fruitless.

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This isnt a difference of a fun weekend or toy, or necessary medical treatment. It is deciding that you want to spend $500k on one child’s education and 0 on another. Absent special circumstances, I find that deeply wrong. And absent a compelling reason, I wouldnt want to associate with parents who cared so little for me.

If they had no money for education, I understand. If they had money but chose not to spend it on education, I disagree but still understand. But to have money and choose to spend it only on 1 kid? Deeply wrong.

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I’m not sure it’s helpful to debate whether the parents are reasonable or not since they aren’t here, and there’s no real productive outcome to be gained.

Basically we can give OP advice on how to frame the things to convince her parents. How to listen and put things in perspective based on that conversation. How to deal with things if they don’t go her way.

I really like @momsearcheng’s advice of what else you can do if OP can’t convince her parents to pay for MIT and she really, really does not want to go to LSU. A productive gap year can set her up in a position to go to another school, and show her parents that she’s serious about her education and future.

OP can’t make her parents pay for MIT, and her parents can’t make her go to LSU. It’s all about weighing alternatives and potentially finding creative solutions.

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And you’re entitled to your opinion and I don’t necessarily disagree but I’m not the one with the money.

Often on the CC I’m ripped for coming out with less costly alternatives. Others say - if they want to spend and can afford to - why should I care ?

It’s the same - reversed - but the same.

The argument against me always is - they earned it but they can spend as they want.

Now others are saying - they earned it and they are obligated to spend equally.

That’s a sad statement to me.

And again you are hearing one side. There’s another side. And then the truth. The third side.

I think OP is gone. She was here to vent.

It’s an interesting discussion. I, for one, am alarmed at the amount of people saying to disown the parents, the same people who made it possible for the kid to get here.

Thx

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My hope is she had a talk with her parents and they said she misunderstood them and they had a great conversation and she’s either happily going to MIT or happily going to LSU.

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