<p>I really don’t think it’s up to the college to monitor the comings and goings of its students.
Do you really want a Big Brother type of existence? </p>
<p>If parents feel the need to be in 24 hour contact with their college students, let the parents devise their own system of communication. It could be a simple daily text back and forth.</p>
<p>Parent: "Good morning. Have a nice day.
Student: “Nite. All is well.”</p>
<p>Colleges are educational institutions. Yes, they should try their best to make their campuses as safe as possible (security in parking lots, proper locks on doors, security cameras in various places on campus, working fire alarms and sprinklers, blue lights around campus, etc.). Most have easy access to an on campus health center as well as a counseling center. It’s not the job of colleges to act as surrogate parents. </p>
<p>What happened to this student is tragic. The thought of a student not being missed by anyone is terrible. However, it’s not the fault of the college, the professors or the dorm mates.</p>
<p>I don’t see what would be accomplished by monitoring swipe card or e-mail records.</p>
<p>Do students who plan to commit suicide typically stop using their swipe cards and computers for several days before they kill themselves? It doesn’t seem likely.</p>
<p>As for students dying of natural causes, the situation would have to be one in which the individual suddenly became so incapacitated that he could not make a phone call or yell loudly enough to be heard by neighbors but remained alive for several days until the swipe card or e-mail monitoring system registered his lack of use. Is this situation really common among young people?</p>
<p>In a situation like that of the MIT student, all a swipe card or e-mail monitoring system would do would be to enable the college authorities to discover the body sooner. Although discovering a body sooner is less unpleasant than discovering it later, I don’t think the benefit is great enough to justify putting an entire monitoring system in place.</p>
<p>“I remember having meals, especially dinners, with my dormmates almost everyday.” - He may not have been on a meal plan. MIT does not require it for freshman. </p>
<p>Many MIT students love that meal flexibility (I think some dorms have kitchens). As a parent, I considered it a disadvantage that there was not the normal dining hall / dorm experience. It was not a deal breaker, but I was happy to hear that when son ended up at another school he did socialize a lot in the dining hall. </p>
<p>I would say that his suite setup was nice for many reasons. But not doing the traditional community bathroom/shower meant not as much mingling as I had in my college dorm hallway. Not a big deal, but it did make me ponder the fact that inconveniences sometimes have an up side.</p>
<p>I imagine the technology is there that the watch I wear monitors my heartbeat and the cell phone I carry pinpoints my exact location at any second. All may cost little.</p>
<p>What we parents should do is sending a kid to college who’s ready to be away from home, at least do our best.</p>
<p>PG-
Your post reminded me of the bank ad that had people going up to the teller and getting a barcode stamped on their foreheads. That’s the ticket…</p>
<p>I don’t think that it is anyone’s “fault” that this apparent suicide occurred. I would imagine that if someone is determined, they will find a way regardless of how many wellness checks are in place. However, I do wonder about the culture at MIT where a student is not seen for a week and no one thinks anything of it. It’s a relatively small school, and there is a history of stress among students that is well established, which includes isolation and alienation. What exactly is the purpose of an RA? My naive expectation is that RAs in freshman dorms are involved and actively engaging students in campus life.</p>
<p>My son is applying to MIT in the next few weeks, so I really have to ask a few more questions. My impression, gleaned in the last year, is that MIT has a cooperative, almost “nurturing” environment among freshman which goes to great lengths to make sure that students are engaged and involved. All of our contact, which is considerable, has led me to think that this is truly a mission there - that has evolved from past tragedies and has dissuaded some great students from even applying. My s does not want to sit alone in a single and walk down an empty hallway looking at closed doors at dinnertime. And to be frank, that’s not what MIT is selling students right now. It’s all about cooperative learning and an atmosphere of like minded students who enjoy being together - certainly not isolation and unrealistic expectations!</p>
<p>If the reality is that students feel isolated and alone, I want to know about it.</p>
<p>First, this can pretty much only happen with a student living in a single. When I was a sophomore living on a section of a hall of singles with 30 guys these were 3 of my neighbors … 1) brilliant weird scientist with multiple patents in high school who disappeared for a couple weeks at a shot a couple time a semester when he became deeply involved in games of dungeon and dragons … 2) a loner who did not socialize with anyone on the hall and spent virtually all his time at his frat … 3) a CS nerd who spent virtually every night holed up in the CS lab programming. And I knew another guy who lived in one of the lecture halls by sneaking in at night.</p>
<p>I agree “most” freshman hang out in groups and are seen around the dorm a lot … however the non-typical students number far more than zero … and lots of them could go off radar for days at a time.</p>
<p>You can’t stop someone who wants to be isolated and alone from being isolated and alone. Look at the threads in the past about students with roommates who never left the room, didn’t engage in social activities, etc. You can’t physically drag someone to go to a party, etc. </p>
<p>Likewise, many people could put on a good front, eat in cafeterias, interact with other students and still be despondent. This presupposes that suicidal kids live isolated lives for some time.</p>
<p>Well, RA’s are not like summer camp counselors. They are students themselves–taking a full load of classes and dealing with the everyday stresses of college life. They may be only a year older than the incoming freshmen. Once in a while, they may lead a floor meeting or initiate a holiday activity. They are basically there for the student if the student comes to them about a specific problem. If the problem relates to the roommate, they will try to mediate a solution. If the problem needs to be addressed by a specific department such as the health center, counseling center, or campus security, they will direct and help the student reach out for the proper help. Generally, they also try to enforce the underage consumption of alcohol and drugs within the dorm—some are strict, while others may turn a blind eye. </p>
<p>It is very important for parents to understand that college is not an extension of home. It is assumed that a young adult being sent off to college is emotionally mature enough to live independently, interact appropriately with peers, and to seek out help when needed (be it academic help, medical help, psychological help, course advisement help, etc.). </p>
<p>Unfortunately, some parents tend to equate academic intelligence with readiness for college life and the pressures that come along with it. There are so many other things that need to be added into the college success equation than simply academic intelligence.</p>
<p>PG - it is certainly true that some people can feign a sense of normalcy when things are, indeed, far from normal. However, the general tendency for profoundly depressed people is to isolate themselves. In terms of my S, I’m not so much worried about the fringes - he’s not at risk - but that isolated or antisocial behavior is considered something that is expected and there will be no intervention by the RA or other staff. </p>
<p>I guess that my stupid impression is that there is plenty going on for freshmen - camaraderie and whatnot that students can engage in to feel connected and a part of campus. I wonder if many students just shut their doors and fend for themselves. This is at odds with what I’ve been hearing - what MIT is looking for in prospective students - engaged, group thinkers, cooperative learners - they’ve made a huge push to convey that students need to be of a larger group. I wonder if they’ve not been so successful in assembling this type of student body.</p>
<p>I agree, ny, but if a mature and ready student is surrounded by students who are academically prepared, but not emotionally ready - what kind of experience will that be for the prepared student?</p>
<p>An elite college like MIT attracts students from all over the region and country. Thus their parents may be 3,000 miles away and they may have no family or close friends nearby. The COA is so high that it really isn’t practical for a student to “work his way through” school, no matter how responsible, like many folks our age did. Also, the cost of medical insurance and medical care today is exorbitant, and therefore the student must remain on his parents’ plan or else pay several thousand dollars for the college plan. So most college students attending residential universities like this one are not independent adults insofar as supporting themselves. </p>
<p>Nevetheless, there are not parent-professor conferences, and the school does not send the parents their child’s report card–just the bill. The college health center will not contact parents to advise them that their student is receiving counseling, and campus security does not advise that a kid got hauled off to jail for underage drinking. I understand privacy considerations and do not object. Still, we CCers are a smart, informed bunch and will take action to care for our own kids. Other parents, not so much because they may be naive, or first generation immigrants, or they never went to college themselves. The college information sessions paint pictures of close-knit learning communities where students meet their professors for lunch and babysit their professor’s kids, where there are regular dorm activities to encourage bonding, and kids engage in tons of happy acapella groups and other cheery organizations. So parents feel their kids will be looked after–not babysat–but kind of shepherded through four years in a way appropriate to their age and maturity. I think the unease comes from a realization that this pleasant fantasy is just that–a fantasy. No one’s fault, probably not a solution.</p>
<p>I am sorry if it would bother anyone, but this kid is not any college freshman that regular American rule or expectation should apply.
the dad who is old enuff to be his grandpa won Nobel prize for ever before category in Japanese history. I remember how big-o-deal it was. and his (second) wife - kid’s mom is somewhat famous, too. Don’t know if the kid was born there or here if there how old was he when he came here, I don’t know them in person of course.
I am just saying from what I know. His mom studied about brain and talks and writes about school systems comparison to US (Boston) and Japan in general, quite established there but none published here, and the kid went to Milton won Carnegie could be masking for “not getting it really” = atypical in Asian intelle-implanted family.
It is not as easy as John Maeda’s D at Wellesley or Tigermom’s D at H or Y.
Assimiration, is a tricky thing. can’t blame anyone on this.
Dr. Tonegawa have been scoffed at more “in” Japanese-y American scientists’ community for reasons commoners like I would never understand.
either way suppose pressure was such, hard to imagine it did not affect on this kid’s upbringing to the way family dealt things, like, which tippy top school to send their kid to.
no media so far followed up anything about why and how he died. even after more stuff’d be out, I will never know what really the boy was thinking, what was his wish, dream, love interest, passion, favorite Pokemom was.
that makes me sad.
I don’t think his parents would even think to blame the school. can we leave it at that?</p>
<p>Bears and dogs, as usual I have no idea what you are trying to say. The death of this young man is unfortunate and it has nothing whatsoever to do with whether his father won a Nobel prize or swept the floor for a living.</p>
<p>It is. he was only eighteen had loads of potential, he is now dead.
was only fund because his dead body started to smell.
his family is at loss. people would point fingers. worry about our own kids’ safety at their schools.
it affect us. It is affecting me. I will remember his name as it will be talked about in the community more than any other incident in the past because of his background.
You are saying it is wrong to feel or care?
I care about your kids, too. since I know about them more from your posts than I do about this boy.</p>
<p>No, I was not saying it was wrong to feel or care. I was responding to your post dealing with who this kid’s parents are and how important they are apparently. Makes no difference to me – it’s equally tragic no matter who the parents are or what they do. I don’t see what having a Nobel winning father has anything to do with anything; people are people.</p>
<p>@Emerald; I disagree. The loss of a continuation of a great line is surely more tragic, though no more sorrowful, than the death of an average american boy.</p>