"Mom, C's are great!"

Parents Forum Learning Differences and Challenges - LD, ADHD
1

<p>Hi Everyone,</p>

<p>My son (grade 10) was recently disagnosed with ADHD-Inattentive. Long story short: he thinks C's are more than fine. He has an above average IQ, so ability is not an issue. Personally, I think he could get all A's if he put his mind to it (which he won't), and I am not expecting that. He's content to coast along and get C's. (He's not yet on meds, but we are looking into that.)</p>

<p>So, how can I convince him that C's are not just fine? I've told him that a 2.0 will get him into the local comm college and leave him with no other options, but that seems to fall on deaf ears. I'm not obsessing about him getting into a top school, I just want him to have some options when the time comes.</p>

<p>Any advice for helping him see the light? Thanks.</p>

2

<p>Yeah, get him on the medication and let him see it for himself.</p>

<p>I won’t bore you with the long story but my HS senior son was diagnosed exactly one year ago, when he was struggling for low B’s and C’s. Today ends first quarter and he got A’s in all subjects except one, in which he got a B. All but one class are college level. He says he worked much harder for the low B’s and C’s. It’s so much nicer to not be trying to make him “see the light”! :)</p>

3

<p>I second the suggestion to try medication. This often requires trying one medicine or then another, and tweaking the dosage. Do not be discouraged if the first attempt doesn’t work exactly as you wish. I know it’s difficult to be patient.</p>

<p>My daughter is in 7th grade and has had an IEP since age 3 for various health issues and communication/language disorder. I considered it for years, but we finally had her independently tested last year. She was working soooo hard and making minimal progress, especially with reading issues. The educ.-psych diagnosed her with ADD-inattentive and reading LD. Her long term and short term memory tested < 5%. She really hadn’t been able to hold the info long enough to work with it and integrate it.</p>

<p>A year later, on Adderall, she is one of two students to earn all A’s the first 9 weeks. She has gained 3 years reading comprehension in 1 year. She has worked very hard the last year, but still…she worked very hard before and was barely treading water. Almost daily she thanks me for taking her to that dr. and says that “Adderall changed my life”.</p>

<p>I know independent evals are expensive and in our case, we had to travel 3.5 hours several times over 4 months, but a good one is priceless. Our report was 15 pages, written in easy to understand language, with many recommendations both for home and school. The school psych report (she’s had 3) were short and written entirely in PhD language and included no recommendations.</p>

<p>Sorry if this went off-topic. I just wanted to impress how truly life-changing medication has been for our whole family.</p>

4

<p>Another believer in meds. Son fought hard against them, but after 6 weeks he saw drastic results. And this was before “tweaking” got him to a more optimal dosage.</p>

<p>Of course, meds alone aren’t the answer. I recommend finding a mentor (a teacher or faculty member preferred) and devolping organizational strategies (for my son a quick & easy one was ACTUALLY using his daily planner - not just carrying it around).</p>

<p>DO NOT DELAY on the meds. In our area, once we had son diagnosed we realized Husband very likely is ADD too. Unfortunately, trying to find anyone to dianose & prescribe for an adult has been impossible.</p>

5

<p>Bflo–</p>

<p>I’ve sent you an e-mail. But I think there’s a message for others, too.</p>

<p>Some kids who <em>seem</em> capable of getting A’s can’t seem to figure out how. All their lives, they’ve been told by caring adults to “try harder” and “live up to their potential.” But that advice doesn’t lead to As. Instead, it leads to frustration.</p>

<p>Most kids don’t want to disappoint themselves or their parents. But after years of struggling, it just doesn’t seem worth the effort of trying hard and almost always falling short. This paradox seems all too common for ADHDers or twice-exceptionals (people with gifted IQs but a learning disability.) Their brains just aren’t wired the way most schools teach and test! </p>

<p>So they tell themselves that Cs are fine. Yes, it’s a copout. But it’s also a coping mechanism. A kid who settles for “average” is usually better off emotionally than a kid who truly hates school, hates himself and hates life. </p>

<p>My 75-year old father needs a hearing aid but rationalizes that the real problem is people who mumble or the TV volume not being loud enough. Similar with kids who rationalize that a C is fine. It’s hard for any of us to accept the reality that we <em>can’t</em> do what comes so easily to others. No matter how much willpower they have, it’s not enough for my dad to hear clearly or your son to read a textbook chapter and remember the facts for a test. Over time, their willpower wanes and they resort to making excuses instead.</p>

<p>Probably not worth arguing with him over this. Pick your battles. I’d focus on finding a medication that works for him (and it may take several trials/errors) and getting a 504/accommodations in place. Once he finds the right med/right 504, give it six months. Then see if his grades and his attitude about school are any better. </p>

<p>And if he winds up going to a community college for two years, then transferring to a four year school, he can still be a happy, productive adult.</p>

6

<p>If LD students’ brains aren’t wired the way schools teach and test, then a C is fine. I have bad vision, even with corrective lenses. If I were required to take an archery course, I’d be lucky to get a C.</p>

<p>The meds may do the trick, but even with meds, students have different skill sets and different strengths/weaknesses - - you may continue to see Cs on the report card. But as Mitdu posted above, even a C student can go to college, graduate and lead a happy, productive life. (Though I do understand parents’ concern that, b/c of C grades, their respective children will have fewer options/opportunities than students with higher GPAs.)</p>

7

<p>C’s don’t really matter too much until high school anyways. The problem is getting out of C’s once you hit high school. Hell you can even coast by high school and go to a community college. Then grades do matter to able to transfer to a decent school.</p>

8

<p>I have AS/ADD and I actually applied myself for the 1st time in my school getting very close to a 3.0 GPA as a community college student, which I still think I need to pull up much more, because I do believe, just because I have learning differences, doesn’t mean I am going to settle for a lesser GPA for my 4-year college transferrable GPA. Infact I am going to aim for at least straight A’s for my transferrable GPA and I will find which ways to acheive to my goals. Just have a good attitude and don’t settle for less. You will regret it, I sure did, due to my attitude in high school.</p>

9

<p>C is for cookie, that’s good enough for me!</p>

10

<p>My sons been on “meds” since he was 5 and he still got Cs first semester 10th grade. That was also the year we stopped trying to micromanage his academics. Also the year he stepped up his level of sport, so not being able to eat and sleep was not okay with him. Finally worked it out, but there were important compromises.</p>

<p>Anyway, I think “meds” only work when you also have something you want.</p>

<p>Hi Bflo.</p>

<p>BTW, he was so “hyper” when younger, inattention didn’t even enter into the equation,</p>

11

<p>I’m going to say “no” to the medications. I am autistic but was able to go through my education without having to take any medicine. You (as a parent) should start by explaining to your son that a higher GPA will lead to better jobs (and a better life) in the future, etc.</p>

<p>Medications do make children concentrate more, but they also have many side effects that may lead to more problems down the road.</p>

<hr>

<p>Danny
University of California, Berkeley '09 (B.S.)
St. Mary’s College of California '10 (M.S.)</p>

12

<p>Well said, ixfd64. Nothing should stop us from achieving what we set to do - </p>

<p>But then, OP, does your son has any talent in any other area?</p>

13

<p>Hm. I’m a parent and someone whose grades were always lower than test scores. My opinion is this.</p>

<p>First–He is old enough to decide whether to take medication or not. He’s what, 15 or 16? This isn’t something that you can do to him, in my opinion.</p>

<p>Second–A lot of people could get As if they wanted to and tried harder. Unless he’s in some amazingly competitive private school, chances are the classes really aren’t that hard. So you could make an argument for A LOT of children that you should just try to medicate them and see if it helps.</p>

<p>Third–Those drugs are powerful. They can cause depression, weight gain, ticks… Cs are a big deal to some, but not to him if he doesn’t want to go to university. For a child that is struggling and stressed and unable to function as a normal person (many ADHD kids drop out… Cs are not an option for them), it is worth the risk. For a kid with Cs and community college ambitions? I dunno. He has a goal and he’s working towards it, that’s more than most ADHD kids can do.</p>

<p>Fourth–I don’t know if you can convince him that C’s aren’t fine if they are consistent with his career goals. Real life might make him second-guess his choices, but I know people who did poorly in high school, then totally rocked community college and state college and ended up in grad school in the Ivies. They saved a lot of effort and money that way.</p>

<p>Obviously that’s a big risk but your son is a big boy now. If you don’t let him fail and see the consequences of his actions, he will not learn. Will. Not. Do you really want to teach him that the answer to not pleasing other people is to take drugs?</p>

<p>Again, ADHD is really serious. I wouldn’t second-guess medication for a middle-schooler that was literally getting sent to the principal’s office four times a day because she could. not. stop. talking. or. moving. And there are kids like that, and they deserve a chance.</p>

<p>But we can’t medicate every mediocre kid that doesn’t live up to his potential. There’s enough Adderall in the water already!</p>

<p>My mom said to us, “At 18 you’ll be out of the house. I might help pay with tuition, whatever I have left at the end of the month, but other than that it’s up to you.”</p>

<p>We knew that for years and she was making plans for our rooms, LOL. That was a huge motivation to look at jobs.</p>

14

<p>C’s aren’t good by ANY standards. Average, maybe, a lot of people think that, but good? No way. Put him on the medication. Anyway, for someone of above average IQ, if he goes to a fairly easy school he should be able to pull off B minuses without doing the homework or studying at all…</p>

15

<p>DS was diagnosed with ADD in second grade. He’s now a junior in high school. </p>

<p>He has struggled with meds since his diagnosis and recently decided to go off of them because they make him feel like a “zombie.” He didn’t talk much in school even though he has a lot of friends and is very social outside of school. Since he stopped taking his meds he said that his friends and teachers are shocked that he’s contributing to discussions in class.</p>

<p>He certainly has his share of C’s on his transcript, even a couple D’s freshman year. He also has A’s and B’s. His GPA is just under a 3.0. </p>

<p>For those of you who think that average students, and C’s are average - not below average, can’t get into a decent four year college your wrong.</p>

<p>My DD ended up with 3.2 GPA and had several Cs on her transcript. She is at a top research university on a pre-med tract and is doing extraordinarily well academically because she’s studying what she likes.</p>

<p>A teenager should decide whether or not he or she wants to be medicated. It’s not the parents choice to make. And, getting all A’s is not worth it if it dulls your child’s creativity and personality.</p>

16

<p>My son who was diagnosed with learning disabilities in preschool and did not read at grade level until fourth grade. He struggled along and was not performing well freshman year of high school. Then he found a strong interest in martial arts. Martial arts gave him an outlet for frustration, unspent energy and helped him focus. He learned that by practicing and following a system he could excell. Now he is off to a great college and his happy. We tried meds, but it was not for him. I wish he had started doing martial arts when he was 5!</p>

17

<p>I was more than happy when I finished my sophomore year with C’s. My parents never put me on medication for my supposed ADD diagnoses when I was six years old, only to find out ten years later that I wasn’t ADD, but NLD. I would skip the drugs for now, and revisit it.</p>

18

<p>i am not a believer in medication.</p>

<p>I have adhd and aspergers and i learned HOW to control it, as opposed to being drugged up <.<</p>

<p>Sports would help. Often those with adhd have too much energy to focus on anything, and sports provides an outlet.</p>

19

<p>I wouldn’t recommend coming to a board like this and getting people’s votes on medication or other actions to be taken. Not only are you not going to get a representative sample on this board, but you are not likely to get answers from people specially trained to deal with your problem.</p>

<p>Get professional help for your son. That may mean starting with the school psychologist, or it may mean paying for help outside of the school. Schools are overloaded in the special ed area, so going outside if you can afford it is a good idea, but you will also need to get the school on your side to deal with the issue.</p>

<p>We had our son diagnosed by a pediatric neurologist in 2nd grade, who recommended medication. He gained two years ground in less than a year. That didn’t mean that the problem was fully solved. He still has ADHD symptoms, even with the meds, but he has an 89 average and ranks in the top 15% of his class, going into 12th grade.</p>

<p>There are lots of things that can be done. Some strategies require medication and some don’t. Work with some professionals and the school to develop a solution.</p>