<p>My son is in public school and needs to get out. He is not challenged at all, and wants to change schools to get a better education. But He doesn't want to do anything extra at this point, and I feel he should start preparing so he doesn't have to do it all at once. We live in MA and he doesn't want to board, so he will be applying to some of the best schools in the country. Knowing it's a long shot, any suggestions on how to motivate him? Is there a better order to do things? I thought visiting the schools before taking SSAT's may motivate him to study. It's not that he doesn't want to, it's just that to him, he is just finishing 7th grade and high school seems so far away. </p>
<p>If he’s finishing 7th grade now and he’s going to be interviewing and applying to schools this fall, it’s not very far away at all. We weren’t big on SSAT prep, but my kids did take the actual SSAT in 7th grade as practice. During 7th grade they identified which schools they were interested in. My first kid took a couple of tours (without interviews) during the summer after 7th grade to get into the swing of things. Maybe you’ve already started these things, but if not, now is the time to start. It is possible to start later in the year and be successful, but life is easier starting earlier.</p>
<p>One question is whether your son actually wants to go to an independent school? My kids’ friends are pretty diverse in their interests and personalities, but one thing they have in common is that they were all highly motivated to go to independent school, because their local public school wasn’t going to work for them academics-wise, or arts-wise, or they didn’t fit in socially, etc. Your son is a lot more likely to be successful applying to selective schools if the motivation is coming from within. Perhaps you can nudge him by reminding him why he wants to change schools.</p>
<p>You mentioned “applying to some of the best schools in the country” and “it’s a long shot.” There are a lot of independent schools in Massachusetts. I’ve known kids who have gone to schools not often mentioned here (for example, Lawrence Academy and Worcester Academy) who have loved them, felt challenged, and gone on to great colleges.</p>
<p>To add on to the above, his motivation to apply should come from within. Some school tours might do it, but they’re his applications, his future. </p>
<p>My d goes to LA and loves it. He will apply there, but not sure it’s the best fit. My kids are complete opposites so we will have to visit with just him so we are focused on what he needs. I think he likes the idea of going to an independent school, but not sure if he wants to badly enough. We won’t force him, because I agree, that the motivation comes from within. But he doesn’t like change, so trying to figure out if lack of interest now is because of fear or desire. I think visiting in summer with no interview is a great idea. It will either get him excited or freak him out and then I should have a better idea.</p>
<p>If I were you, I’d take a calendar and write out all of the dates in big red marker or highlighter. Show him when you’ll be visiting, testing, turning in applications, etc. and maybe he’ll realize how fast the dates will appear; I know I used to believe that high school was a long ways off, but the application process begins a lot sooner than high school! </p>
<p>Secondly, for him and for your family, it may work best to arrange dates right now and focus on the major parts later on. Schedule interviews and a testing date or two, and then don’t worry about it right now (you can even let him start the process). He might just be showing that he wants some relaxing time and that he’ll buckle down later on. </p>
<p>Boys are not girls. Don’t look for him to show the signs of high motivation your daughter displayed. He knows LA if your daughter attends. </p>
<p>Questions for you to consider:</p>
<p>Does he want to leave public school, or do you think he must leave public school? If he agrees with you that he “needs to get out,” that’s actually a lot of motivation for a 7th grade boy. </p>
<p>He may be happy with the idea of LA. Thus, is it that you want him to show motivation for changing from public to private, or that you want him to show motivation to get into a “best school,” with all that that may imply, including feeling very pressured to show good test scores, to do everything in the process “well,” to feel worried if he doesn’t get tip-top grades next year? </p>
<p>I’m (clumsily) trying to say that I’ve seen well-intentioned parents make their children feel really pressured by insisting on things like too much test prep. The SSAT publishes a booklet with sample tests. I recommend having him sit down and take the tests at home, to try to establish his likely score.</p>
<p>For a 13 year old, high school is far away. You might visit some of the schools during the summer, or just drive by. However, that could backfire, as a school without students might not pique his interest.</p>
<p>You made a lot of good points. He just confuses me, so I guess I am expecting him to be like my daughter, when he couldn’t be more opposite. I think I will do the calendar for his room, and then try and not mention it for a while.<br>
I think he needs to leave our public because they have 30 kids in a class and they tend to teach to the lowest, and he is bored. His sister loves LA. She was challenged, made great friends, and had a great experience. he saw this, and I think those are some of the reasons he wants to leave. He wants that too. But he is not as outgoing as she is, so he is probably nervous… He w ants to go to a better school though, and LA is definitely better. But he has toured the other schools, and it wasn’t his favorite. Which is why I thought he should start to prepare early. But I know if I try and force him it will backfire, so I guess I have to give him more time to figure this out</p>
<p>It really isn’t that early. </p>
<p>I have to agree with mr nephew. While some certainly start the application process on the later side, that can end up being quite stressful. At this time two years ago, we had already arranged for all our school visits except one, which was a last minute addition.</p>
<p>@cameo43 You can arrange for them this early? Okay, checking the calendar…</p>
<p>Wmq333, you know your son, I do not. I would find a calendar for prep school applications in the bedroom to be the sort of thing which could land your child in therapy. If you need a calendar for such things, integrate it in the family’s calendar in the kitchen, or your office. Every child needs a private space. </p>
<p>When you head into interviews, it will help that you already have sent a child to a private school. One important question in interviews is frequently (as you know), “whose idea is it to apply?” If your son wants out, and will give that answer, then don’t mess with what’s working well. </p>
<p>As you are trying to change from public to private, one thing you could do is arrange for a tutor. Sometimes teachers at local pre-preps tutor in the summers. They know well the standards their students must meet. I would suggest calling parents of your daughter’s friends who attended the local pre-preps. They should be able to give you names. Or try looking online for the school newsletters, although I think those are often password-protected these days. Or call the main switchboard, or send an email to the academic dean.</p>
<p>But if you choose to do this, don’t wait, as schools are finishing up for the year. The teachers often stay on campus for a week or two to wrap things up, but after that many head off to summer jobs or vacations.</p>
<p>At a guess (and I haven’t had to deal with the Common Core as a parent, thank heavens), I think you would get the most “bang for your buck” in arranging for your son to work with a writing tutor. The SSAT has essay prompts which aren’t simple 5-paragraph essays. Students at the pre-preps are often taught grammar. </p>
<p>My daughter’s just finishing 7th grade too. We had her do a practice SSAT test a few weeks ago, so that we at least knew the ballpark for her scores and could figure out what she’d need in the way of tutoring. When we went through this with our older son a few years ago, I knew he probably wouldn’t need any tutoring and just doing some work himself with an SSAT prep book would be enough (which it was). But I also knew my daughter would probably benefit from some more formal tutoring because she’s not as motivated as he is. Summit Education (which has an office in Newton) gives free proctored practice tests, which was really good for her to do so that she really got the feel of what it was like. She was pretty nervous to take that practice test, which I think was actually helpful because it made her realize that she wants to do well and will need to work at it a bit. We were able to come to the conclusion that she will need some tutoring, but not so much that she can’t wait until fall to start. So I felt like that was a real benefit to know that she didn’t need to feel like it was hanging over her head all summer.</p>
<p>My DD started a vocab review (on her own) over the summer before she applied, but she did not have any tutoring. She ended up a hair beneath Andover’s stated average and over the other schools to which she was admitted.</p>
<p>I have heard from friends that tutoring for “skipping strategies” can change results in a big way (like 10+ percentage points). That there can be big leaps in just getting 1 or 2 extra questions right and 1 or two skips/not wrong. </p>
<p>I’m sure secondary schools are aware but do they really still emphasize SSAT’s knowing that a family with a few extra hundred dollars for tutoring can game the system if they want to? We could have done this I suppose, but it seems wrong to me.</p>
<p>It’s just like the SAT. </p>
<p>@soxmom. Thanks for the information on the practice test. I think we will have him do that. he took one for math at home and did well, so I know we really need to focus on vocab and reading. I think we will see how he does on the full practice test before deciding on how he will prepare. I don’t think he cares enough to pay for a tutor. This may all change if he doesn’t do well though.</p>
<p>I have been reluctant to chime in on this thread because I know I’ll come off as too harsh…but I’m sitting in a hotel and letting my kid sleep in on this Independence Day and have free time so here goes:</p>
<p>Your first few sentences are all that you have to read to your son to get him to do something:
“He is not challenged at all, and wants to change schools to get a better education. But he doesn’t want to do anything extra at this point.”</p>
<p>How does he expect to change schools if he doesn’t want to do anything extra?</p>
<p>I’m a semi-Tiger Dad myself, and if I were in your shoes, would just repeat that sentence to him. Possibly loudly, and maybe more than once. ;-P</p>
<p>I say all of this mostly tongue in cheek, but there is some truth to it…in the words of Debbie Allen’s dance instructor in the movie FAME: “You got big dreams. You want fame. Well fame costs. And right here’s where you are going to start paying for it. In sweat…”</p>
<p>I am glad you chimed in, and that is not harsh. My son has never had to work hard academically, and I think he is very naive about how difficult the process is. Coming from a public school, he doesn’t know many that have been through this. I am having him take a practice ssat and secretly hoping he will do badly. I think that will motivate him to prepare more than anything I can say.</p>
<p>I think you need to just tell him what to do. Like you would tell him it’s dinner time or to go to sleep. I find most boys need guidance to get motivated especially the smarter ones. It seems like they are prone to do more of just the stuff like they like and avoid the stuff that they don’t. </p>
<p>It’s too late to take the SSAT now but I would have him take the ISEE now and then the SSAT when it’s held again. Being in a real testing environment is much different than taking it on the dining room table. The test are different but similar so it can help get things moving. I think taking that test will be that first step on the road to getting him going. I would also make a list of the schools that you are considering and go onto their websites and facebook pages with him. Then start with the visits as soon as you can. It seems like a long time away but think of this 7th grade summer as you would if he going to be a senior in high school and he’s just starting to study for the SATs and look at schools. You wouldn’t let him wait till Jan of Senior year in high school to really start the college process so you can’t do it for this process either. Believe me and learn from my mistakes.</p>
<p>soxmom mentioned a place that has practice tests in a classroom, and he is going to do one of those. Sounds crazy but I am going back to something his pre school teacher said when I was given the book “How to raise your spirited child”. if I tell him, I am nagging and he will fight me, but I can make him think its his idea. so far, so good. He would be ok if he went to the public school, but he is an introvert,( read about this last night) and I don’t think it is the best place for him. I am hoping the right school can help him turn that into a strength rather than a weakness. And he says he wants to apply, I think it’s more important that he goes to a private school than he does.</p>