<p>Well I could have asked this in college life but I think many of the actual parents here could give me better advice.</p>
<p>I'm moving in as a freshman next week and my parents had my grandparents come visit from really far away. So it's like my whole family with the little brother, grandparents and parents being here. Only...this sort of makes me a little uncomfortable. </p>
<p>I mean I'll miss them all very much, but move in day is probably going to be hectic and stressful more than anything else and I don't see very much good from having my big family there. Is it normal? I was hoping of getting the goodbyes over with quickly and just going forward but i'm afraid everyone might linger too long and make it more stressful than it needs to be on the first day.</p>
<p>They plan on staying the night close by as well and visiting me the next day, do parents usually hangout the whole weekend? Or do most leave and say heir goodbyes as soon as we're unpacked?</p>
<p>Has your family already seen your college campus? If not, perhaps that is what they would like to do. In both of my kids’ cases, they were involved in student things the day of and days after drop off…no time to “visit” with them except maybe to have dinner. </p>
<p>Try to strike up some sort of compromise, but first check YOUR student schedule. Do you have student obligations (floor meetings with RA for example, purchasing books, whatever)? If this is important to your family perhaps you can “schedule” a time to have one meal with them, and say your goodbyes.</p>
<p>Personally, my feeling is the grandparents are a no-no particularly if they are frail, elderly, health issues. Alot depends on what the typical family interplay is as well. The brother, depending on age. If he’s close to college age could be beneficial to him (and it’s an extra schlepping body).</p>
<p>I’m not to thrilled about the overnight stay aspect unless driving distance makes it mandatory. </p>
<p>You may be between a rock and a hard place, but you may be forced to deal with it.<br>
Print out the threads for your parents as food for thought, but don’t press it. </p>
<p>I do believe this is really all about the student. Best of luck to you.</p>
<p>Edit: we made ourselves scarce as soon as it was prudent to do so, and let ours settle in.</p>
<p>First I would carefully read the orientation material. Hopefully there is a point when it says – this is when parents should say goodbyes. </p>
<p>Second, you wont be the only one with relatives other than parents. Yes it will get hot and stressful. If your grandparents are not very young and agile, I would suggest your parents let them have a look at your room, and then ask little brother to walk them around to less crowded area. </p>
<p>I would think you have mandatory activities the next year – just show your parents the brochure and emphasize you dont want to waste their money.</p>
<p>I stayed overnight, becuase it was too long a drive home, but made myself scarce.</p>
<p>Talk to your parents. Tell them that you will not be able to do “family” things because you want to get settled into your room and attend frosh activities. Hopefully, they will give the tour of campus to them without you, rent a nearby hotel room in case one of the g’rents needs to take a rest from the heat, go to dinner without you and generally let you take care of business. You seem very sensitive to not hurting their feelings but you will miss bonding time and activities if you are off campus with them. What were they thinking, srsly?</p>
<p>What you described is pretty close to what happened to us.</p>
<p>Being paranoid parents, we spent well too many days at college when my child moved in. (Please do not laugh at this: We stayed around the college for at least 5 days. Now thinking about it retrospectively, we defintely had a problem of letting go at that time.) Part of the reason may be that he also joined some pre-orientation program which lasts for several days, in addition to the one-day orientation. BTW, we flied to the college town as the college is like 5000 miles away.</p>
<p>On most days, the kid was busy and we only had limited contacts with him via cell phone. It somewhat surprised us that, unlike in high school, he was often busy during evening also. We sometimes even did not know when would be a good time to call him.</p>
<p>The main contribution form us is that we had a car and we could buy whatever he needed and delivered them to him. However, I could sense that having parents staying there too long did give him some pressure. We tried not to visit his dorm room unless definitely necessary (e.g., delivering stuff to him). We ate lunch or dinner together like once every third day. That is, we were rarely with him on those days.</p>
<p>Sometimes, the school may have some program just for the parents. If your school has this kind of program/events, send your parents there. Also, one thing the parents usually do is that they will treat the student a nice meal before they leave. Most restaurants are pretty crowded. Some may require reservation in advance. (We did not do that.)</p>
<p>One tip: If your parents are too concerned (like us), you can promiss to take a picture of your dorm room and send it to them later on. This might calm them down and make them not so “pesky” :)</p>
<p>Because we stayed there longer than most other parents, we noticed one thing that is kind of interesting: When most parents left, the quality of the food at the dining hall seems to get somewhat worse :)</p>
<p>I think typically on move-in day family members help the student move in, maybe head to the bookstore or possibly a quick lunch someplace with the student to just get more of a feel for the campus and hang with the student an extra hour or so, and then the family departs to allow the student time to settle in with the new roomies and participate in any ‘welcome’ activities the campus has that are geared towards the new students. Typically dinner s/b with the other students and/or as part of the welcome functions - not with the family.</p>
<p>It’s important that the parents allow the student to participate in these initial settling in activities - that’s why they have them.</p>
<p>If it’s a long trip to the campus then the family might stay the night and head back the next day, perhaps checking in briefly with the student in case another run to a store is needed, otherwise, the family should not plan to spend a lot of time there.</p>
<p>I think it’s okay for grandparents, siblings, etc. to be there for move-in day and they wouldn’t be out of place because the campus is typically filled with relatives on move-in day and thus you wouldn’t feel too ‘self-conscious’ about it but as ‘violada’ stated the grandparents might be better off finding a place to get some coffee or something while the actual move-in takes place since it’s usually pretty hectic and crowded getting all the stuff in. Better yet, have the grandparents come visit a few weeks after move-in instead if possible. </p>
<p>All of the above could vary depending on the particular campus.</p>
<p>We helped move D in at 9 am Saturday morning. There were some school sponsored parents things for us to attend during the day and getting the computer set up. D’s roommate didn’t come till mid afternoon. Then there was the arranging and rearranging of furniture as decided by the 2 girls together (and the dads doing the moving). The kids attended a school sponsored dinner that night. </p>
<p>We stayed overnight at a local hotel. Sunday morning was spent on the last minute Target runs (we had a car available). Said goodbye at Sunday noon and left.</p>
<p>I think that turned out to be the perfect drop off regarding time to accomplish what needed to be accomplished and get the feel of the campus, yet not monopolizing D who needed to socialized into the new tribe.</p>
<p>I’d say that after the actual move-in, have kids and parents separate and plan to get together for one last meal–whether it is breakfast, lunch or dinner. We planned on a vacation to start as soon as D was settled, so we were anxious to get off also.</p>
<p>ucsd<em>ucla</em>dad, the suggestion was kayf’s, not mine, and it was a good one. </p>
<p>Look at it logistically as well. Depending on the vehicle you’re using, the amount of stuff you’re bringing, is there physical room for 5 adults and a male child of indeterminate age who may consume as much space as an adult?</p>
<p>Freshmen tend to bring a lot of “stuff”. Sometimes vehicle space is at a premium. If you’re traveling light and planning on buying “stuff” on site, then you still need ample room, or be forced to take multiple shopping trips. Just food for thought.</p>
<p>Unless your original plans involved using two vehicles, or you have an oversized one to begin with, this aspect does deserve some consideration.</p>
<p>If the grandparents are content to fend for themselves on campus or at the hotel, it might make things easier. There could be also ethnic/cultural aspects of having an extended family presence. As I said, a lot depends on the family dynamics.</p>
<p>When each of my S’s moved in freshman year, their roommates had an adult sized sib along as well as both parents. It made the whole process more diffcult to have seven people trying to move around in a small dorm room. We arrived after lunch and departed after dinner ( instate schools) . The boys were def. ready for us to be gone by then.</p>
<p>I feel the same way, my mom is bringing a boatload of people. I am just going to let her and shuffle her out the door sooner. At the colleges around here parent orientation programs and things like that are before semester starts, so parents just go home after their student is unpacked or unloaded and maybe after going out to lunch or something. Other colleges have programs and the parents are around for a while. How long you want them to stay is up to you and them. If it were just my parents coming I’d have probably let them spend the day with me, but since they’re bringing the horde I’ll need to politely kick them out shortly after getting settled so I can get some time to relax and settle in. I won’t be able to relax with the entire family there.</p>
<p>I would be sure your family is aware that the entire time everyone is there it will likely be very hot, there will be NOWHERE to sit down, and there may not even be enough room for everyone in the dorm. My mother’s solution to that was to kick sibling and her friend out and send them to breakfast, but your mom may want to rethink bringing older relatives as they are not so easily distracted and will likely be uncomfortable. </p>
<p>My parents aren’t allowed to come back unless I need something until after classes start, that’d just make me miss them, but we only live 20 minutes away. XD If they are far away it wouldn’t hurt to humor them with a quick visit the next day before “helping your hall-mates unpack…”</p>
<p>We stayed two nights. We drove up the day before and stayed one night after the move in. We were going to stay for 3 nights because all the hotels had 3 nights minimum, and we assumed it was necessary. The school had a few family oriented activities that were nice to attend and we were glad we stayed one extra night. Our daughter stayed with us during the day, but even the first night parties were in full swing. Our younger daughter did come with us, and there were people with the whole family there (multiple siblings).</p>
<p>Your grandparents are probably very proud of you going to college. If they are coming, I would have them stay at the hotel of the move in day. Your parents wouldn’t have time to look after them. Have dinner with them that night, you are free after dinner (like 8-9pm, people don’t even go out until after 10 or 11). Next day let your grandparents see your new room, have brunch, kiss good-bye. It shouldn’t be that painful.</p>
<p>That said, the OP may not have a choice about who comes along. Rest assured though, that no matter who comes and how it goes, no one else will particularly notice. My DH is the IT director for Res Life at a very large university. He’s been through dozens of move-in days and has seen it all- parents who fight, parents who cry, grandmas who fall asleep on the dorm bed, purse-dogs who bark, people who appear drunk. The one thing he says is consistent is that everyone brings waaaay too much stuff. And that once the smoke clears, everyone breathes a huge sigh of relief, especially the students :). I think the suggestion that you check the schedule and let your family know how busy you will be is a great one. And if they still all want to come along, because they love you and it’s a very exciting day, then just try to be as patient as possible. The cost of move-in day? Lots of stress and sweat. Four years of college life? Priceless (well, more like hundreds of thousands, but you know what I mean).</p>
<p>If your brother is much younger, could you deputize grandparents to keep him out from under foot? Conversely, if the grandparents are elderly, could you pay brother to keep them out from under foot?</p>
<p>When we took our daughter to college, the school had a very detailed schedule for that weekend. It included time for the families to move in and a short reception with the president after his welcoming speech. Then he told us to leave and meant it. The rest of the weekend was completely filled with things for the new students. Don’t be surprised to find that to be the case. You may be able to explain that to your parents and ask if the grandparents could visit on family weekend, instead, when you’ll be able to spend time with them.</p>
<p>There will be other students with parents, siblings, grandparents, so don’t worry about standing out because of having so many relatives around. The freshmen who stand out are those who don’t have any relatives who came to help them move in. And there will be lots of proud parents taking pictures, etc.</p>
<p>There also will be a few parents who’ll spend the night and will still want to do things with their kids the next few days, so don’t worry if this happens, too. To my surprise, my younger S’s freshman year roommate – a handsome basketball player – spent the first few nights of college in his mother’s hotel room. Afterward, he became quite the …um – ladies man and frat man, according to S. Mentioning this in case you’re concerned that other students may look down on you for seeming to be so tied to your family.</p>
<p>I agree with the advice to check the schedule and look for family activities your family can do while you settle in. You also may look for things that they can do in the area if they stay an extra day. See if you can build in time for a good-bye lunch or breakfast with them before you totally dive into your college life.</p>
<p>I loved my mom deeply, but when I got to college, I couldn’t wait for her to leave so I could dive into college life. I don’t think she ever forgave me for so obviously wanting her to go, but it was a lesson that I applied when my own kids started college. I said a warm good-bye without expecting them to spend lots of time with me after I helped them move into their room.</p>
<p>Since it is a 6.5+ hour drive, we’ll be going up the day before D moves in with D, 2 parents, & younger brother (who will hopefully come in handy to schlep stuff/loft bed/set up computer, etc.!). We are planning to stay the night of move in since we’re not sure how long the set up will take and didn’t want to make that drive after all that. We’ll either take D out to dinner or possibly breakfast depending on when she is free. </p>
<p>I’ve already asked her how long she wants us to stay…said as long as roommates parents stay!</p>
<p>Cali_mom- May I suggest a relaxing family dinner on the day you drive up? if you don’t know any good places try yelp.com Then on move-in day, do whatever needs to be done, then leave her to have lunch/dinner with floor, roomie, fellow students. Plan to say goodbye next morning on your way out of town. She may be too tired for breakfast so keep it optional. The less you ask of her time the more grateful she will be. Best of luck.</p>
<p>Batllo, - Actually we will have our ‘official goodbye’ dinner the night before and leave the option to have dinner/breakfast with us totally up to her (I’m guessing she’ll want to hang with her new friends!). </p>
<p>Her roommate is local so we have already met she and her parents as well as have been to orientation with them. She was the one who decided we should stay as long as roomies parents stay…LOL!</p>