<p>Do the college move as per UVA and your mom- on the 25th. My 50th birthday was spent with nothing from son away at academic camp, sister missed a graduation for an OOS trip... Life happens. Your mom understands more than your father the importance of your college start. She will enjoy her birthday much more knowing you are not missing an irreplaceable orientation day. Do not try to come and go that first weekend. You are lucky your mom is in sync with you- she can tell your dad it's decided between you two; the rest of the family can surprise her early or without you.</p>
<p>I would be upset with my husband if he insisted my child wait for move in day and go a day late. I know it won't be the end of the world to move in on Sunday, but it also will not be the end of the world for your mom's celebration to be the day before or the day after. Go with what you and your mother want and tell your father to make plans for the party on another day. </p>
<p>BTW, a friend of mine had several 50th birthday celebrations; we joked it was the birthday that never ended! She had a surprise trip with her husband, a surprise party on returning from the trip, a family dinner the next night, and then several lunch dates with friends. All that matter is that she is among family and taking you to school will give her joy.</p>
<p>Missing orientation isn't a big deal. It's okay if you miss a day. I actually missed two days during my freshman orientation and I didn't feel like missed out on anything. The people with whom you with whom you will be sharing your dorm will most likely be transfers too so it's not going to be difficult to make new friends even if you miss one day. I think it would be better if your whole family was together for your mom's birthday.</p>
<p>A one day transfer orientation is different than a multiday freshman orientation, it sounds like more business than pleasure and will make a subtle but real difference in knowing how things work on that campus. I'll bet her mom is looking forward to some alone mother-daughter time and she will enjoy hearing about her D's orientation school trivia more than having her D with the rest of the family on her birthday. By the time a mother turns 50 she has dealt with so many of them and all sorts of less than ideal situations she usually has a good set of priorities; having a magical whole family gathering for yet another sign of aging doesn't trump what is best for her D. Her dad will have to give up his fantasy version of the big 5-0 celebration.</p>
<p>I can tell you as a mom, I would love to help my kid, no matter if it was birthday or not....the exact day of celebrating a birthday when you are over 21 really makes no difference</p>
<p>ALL mom's I know would agree with do the move in day when the school wants you to, family togetherness shouldn't cause stress, and dad is creating that stress</p>
<p>Believe me, if mom knew you were having to make big adjustments for her, she would NOT enjoy her birthday even if everyone was there knowing you were not moving in to a new college, etc....</p>
<p>If you were there she would feel guilty, and bad and it would not be fun for her even though it was the exact day</p>
<p>Fudgemaster, I can tell from your posts that you aren't the mother of a teenager and you have not had a 50th birthday. This one really is a no-brainer to we moms.</p>
<p>Here's the secret - we mothers are (1) obsessed with thoughts about our kids' security and happiness, and (2) we like to live vicariously through our kids. So mom wants to be helping d. move in, on move-in day, not only because that will make things easier for her d., but because if she goes that day she will have a chance to be part of all the excitement, meet some of the other kids in the dorm, and chat with other moms who are there. We moms have nesting impulses that mean we think moving into a place is kind of fun -- so going early with the kid means we get to have a bigger hand in helping to unpack, make the bed, offer up our opinion on room decor, etc. Yes - its nutty - but that's the way it is. </p>
<p>My son was out of school for several years, and he moved around a lot. Most of the time he did not have a car, so every time he moved he would call me and I would be driving in and lending my car and my carrying power to the effort -- I had a small car so it was always required at least two trips between the old & new place. I was very happy to do this - the moves were the only time time since my son has been on his own that I really felt needed -- and I was always happy to be able to see where he was living and meet his roommates. </p>
<p>I have spent many birthdays now with one or both of my kids gone, and really -- doing <em>anything</em> with one or both kids on my birthday is wonderful. </p>
<p>So... yeah, its crazy ... but I'm pretty sure that the Saturday move-in is one event this mom definitely does not want to miss. </p>
<p>And as far as turning 50.... yes, its a big milestone, but unfortunately it is the very last thing we women want to be reminded of at the time. We'd much rather skip the birthday and stay 49 forever....... (I'm 53, I've gotten over it, but it took awhile.)</p>
<p>My birthday is in December, and I can tell you that I celebrated my birthday on my birthday maybe 4 times in my life. As a kid, birthdays were celebrated on weekends for the parties (and of course it snowed!); as a high school, college & grad school student, my birthday always bumped up to study periods & exams - in fact, in college, my birthday was usually during exams so many of my friends were finished and had left for the semester; as an adult, Christmas parties interfered, and I married a musician who either had rehearsals for or performances of Messiah get in the way! I can tell you that celebrating your birthday on your birthday is highly overrated. The only thing I now expect on the actual day is a "Happy Birthday" wish from those nearest to me.</p>
<p>Your siblings and your dad can still give her her gifts before you two leave, and they can have the party after she returns. It sounds like that was the original plan; why did your dad decide to change it?</p>
<p>I agree that the best gift you could give your mom is time with you. Move in on the correct day (you're also more likely to be able to get some help with moving in). It's what your mother wants.</p>