Hello CC community! I have quite the slippery situation at the moment.
To begin, my parents have been divorced since I was 9. I am now 17 and headed into my senior year of high school. I live with my mother and step-dad in one state, while my father moved a few states away 2 years after the divorce. Ever since my step-father moved in with us roughly 5 years ago, my relationship with my mother has rapidly deteriorated. This past year, the difficult, tense, and destructive atmosphere spiraled down worse than ever, and it somewhat reflected in my grades, but more importantly in my mental health. For the past few months I have been considering moving to my father’s, but I fear the semi-unknown school environment in his town and how that would affect my current standings for college.
At my school of ~750, I am ranked in the top 3 and have an unweighted GPA of 3.95. It went down slightly due to my rougher junior year. I have stable ECs, a good relationship with teachers and peers, and a place where I’ve been volunteering for 4+ years. I don’t have many close friends, though, and only see friends sparingly because most of us are extremely busy with schoolwork and ECs. I would also be worried to move with college applications rushing around the corner, as I know very little about the high school where my father lives. But I do not want to mentally drown in another negative year with my mother.
Does anyone have any advice regarding this situation? I’ve thought it over countless times but I still can’t come to a solid decision. Perhaps some alterior perspectives would help.
@Aceris let me first say, I feel for you. That is a very difficult situation to be put in. I congratulate you for keeping it together. I am not sure I can give you a proper answer. My gut feeling is that you are already in stressed situation. Not sure if it would be good to add additional stress to it by uprooting schools in your senior year. On the other hand, mental health and inner peace and happiness is paramount and should take priority. How is your relationship with your father? Is it a supportive one? If not, than you may be moving from one difficult situation to another.
Is there anyone close to you that you can confide in and talk this out with? I really think it is important to do.
I know it’s not easy but take a deep breath and try not to put any additional pressure on yourself. You are doing an amazing job! You should be very proud of your efforts!
You kinda remind me of a former good friend of mine. He was in a bit of a similar situation, wanting to run away from his mother’s due to her new husband (to be fair, the stepdad was physically abusing him and his mother, that is, until he murdered someone and was sent to jail in May of his senior year). He also began to greatly resent his mom for marrying that man, and so their relationship also went on a downhill spiral.
All I can tell you is that he moved in with a friend in December of his senior year (when he turned 18), and then continued to attend the school until he graduated in June. I do not know the exact situation that surround you and your family life. If it is a rocky relationship between you and you mother, and you think that this can be fixed, then I would recommend staying.
However, if there is anything that even approaches what my friend went through, then I would highly recommend either talking to your dad to arrange moving, or see if a friend will be willing to take you in.
We don’t know all the details, you do. Ultimately, you have to make a judgement call. Can you, or can you not, survive another year at your mother’s. It would be ideal to finish school at the high school you are at, but if you are in danger (either from your mom or step-dad, or yourself potentially) then get away from there.
Hello again, I apologize for taking nearly three months to resurface.
First of all, thank you both so much for your advice. I cannot express how helpful it was. When all was said and done, I decided that it would ultimately be best for me to move to my dad’s. I primarily did so because I wanted to have a lot of personal growth my senior year, and it simply wasn’t going to happen smoothly with my mom. There may have been a possibility of us reconciling, but I fear I may have suffered more psychological damage, be it caused by our relationship or myself.
ConcernedRabbit, I am so sorry and relieved for your friend and very glad that he was able to make such a decision. I cannot imagine what he had to go through with that, but I only wish the best for him. Thank you for sharing his story with me.
I’ve already grown a lot this year and discovered that I actually love meeting new people while finding a plethora of amazing opportunities to boot. Better yet, my symptoms of depression have been minimized, though still present, and I have found a far greater support group where I am now. I’ve also learned how much I miss my former home, but I do not regret moving one bit. And that’s a good thing, because I want to live a life free of regrets.
But yes, case in point is that my decision went over very well, and essential risks were taken. Again, thank you for your support. Hopefully this can help others who may be facing a similar situation.