<p>Okay, basically I have lived here at UCLA for a week now and already wish to leaving on campus housing and become a commuter (I would use the vanpool they offer which leaves 10 mins from my house - I live about an hour away). Here is a list of reasonings...</p>
<ol>
<li>I'm over the whole "dorm experience" - I HATE this late to bed, late to rise thing, I'm usually in bed by 930-10 and up by 6 everyday. Also, I HATE my one roomate, he is such an ass, and he is just really annoying the way he talks, acts, etc...</li>
<li>Im Homesick... I miss the comforts of home, although I'm going home like every-other weekend for laundry and such, I do miss those little things.</li>
<li>This is perhaps the key reason... my dad is terminally ill with Lou Gehrig's, aka ALS. If you aren't familiar, basically it slowly incapacitates his muscles to the point where he can't move and will eventually slow his heart and breathing to cause death (no cure FYI). Hes at the point now where its hard to walk, hard to get around etc... anyways, I would love to go home and help my mom as I did this past summer... I have an 11 year old brother and sister and both have busy schedules and such so I would love to be there to help out with them, make dinner, etc, anything to make my mom's life easier...</li>
</ol>
<p>What does everyone on the cc forum think... I REALLY want to leave the dorms and become a commuter, I just know the biggest obstacle in doing so will be my mom because I think she wants me to keep my mind off my father, although I think in doing so I'm thinking about the whole situation more?</p>
<p>That’s really awesome how you want to help out your parents. Most people on here are awfully narcissistic. I guess if you really want to move out, why not? It’ll save you money and you get to be close to your dad/family. If anything you can always try out dorm life again next year.</p>
<p>The only good reason for you to leave is for you father. You might want to be with him to take care of him while he’s sick and god forbid but if anything went wrong you might regret not being by him when he really needed you. I don’t know exactly how severe his condition is or how much your mom needs help at the moment, but you can be the judge of that and decide.</p>
<p>Other than that reason all other excuses aren’t good and you might regret commuting after. A lot of people get homesick but that’s part of the experience. You wont be living with your family for ever so it’s better to learn to be on your own now. also in life there will be many people that you don’t get along with but you might have to work with that person, so you should learn to put up with someone like that now.</p>
<p>You’ve been there for a week. That’s hardly enough time to adjust to things. At my school, you’re required to give housing 2-3 weeks before you make any changes.</p>
<p>If it weren’t for number 3, I’d tell you to give it time and not wimp out about it. However, I think that last reason is incredibly admirable. Were I you, I’d move back home and commute so long as being at home wasn’t putting me in a worse position mentally. If you think it’ll be more straining to be close to your father, I’d stay and just visit home. It sounds like being closer to home would really calm you down, though.</p>
<p>Either way, I’m really sorry to hear about that.</p>
<p>Can you continue to live in the dorm and visit your family? Will the vanpool still take you if you are officially living on campus? Even if you were to move out, would you be able to avoid paying for a room all semester, since once they find a room for everybody who signed up for one they won’t be able to rent your half of the room to anyone else? You can concentrate on visiting at times when your mom and siblings need your help more, and still be able to stay on campus when there is something there that is important to you. That could be long hours in a research library before a paper is due or something social, or even just a chance to get away from the situation at home: just because you want to be there doesn’t mean you want to be there every minute.</p>
<p>My father died when I was not much older than you are now. It is absolutely possible for you to regret having spent too little time with him right now. On the other hand, your mother (and quite possibly your father too) is really worrying about you missing things you will never have another chance to experience. The last thing they need is to worry that they are being a burden to you, and maintaining the fiction that you are living somewhere else and having the “college experience” available to you any time you want it, and just visiting them because you want something from them (free access to a washer and dryer – and you can do the rest of the family’s while you’re at it, a home-cooked meal – and even cook it yourself after doing the family’s grocery shopping, a chance to watch a talent show full of 11-year-olds – and you can do the driving and really make it a special event for your siblings while your parents have a quiet evening at home together) may make it a lot easier for her to handle the reality that you and your sister and brother are not going to have the life you would have had if your dad didn’t have ALS.</p>
<p>On the other hand, if you will save money by moving back home, maybe you do need to have a frank talk with your mother about just exactly what it is that matters to you. Your parents’ quality of life can be greatly enhanced by the use of services that cost money, and the government won’t pay for all of it (but if they haven’t been to your local center for independent living, I hope you will try to get them the information CILs have to offer them).</p>
<p>Your parents are lucky to have you, but it is going to be very easy for them to feel like they coerced you into giving up something valuable and irreplaceable and that’s going to be hard for them.</p>
<p>OP
Can you stick the first semester out and go home on weekends? Or once a month or something? I am just asking that because there might be financial repercussions (like with Financial Aid and stuff) if you were to leave the dorms now.
I would stick this first semester out and then if you really feel with all of your heart that you should move back home and be a commuter, then go for it. The Financial Aid Office and the Student Housing Office would be more than glad to help you.
It is truly very noble for you to want to move back home in order to be near your father. Just please try to balance things out so that you would still have time for yourself, no matter what you do.</p>
<p>First, let me say I’m sorry to hear about your father – my mom is in the terminal stage of cancer and I can relate to what you’re going through. FWIW, I think you should move back home to spend more time with your father and to help your mom as much as possible.</p>
<p>If I were you I’d talk to the Dean and ask if you could leave at the semester and have a spot a year later and go home and be with your family. I kind of have a similiar problem and I want to go home also for a year while withdrawing from the school but I don’t have the grades to secure a spot a year later so I have to stay at school. I hope you the best for you and your family.</p>