<p>I have a 12yo son who is incredibly bright and outgoing. One of the top of his class. He has always been very mature for his age. He is involved in the student govt, on the yearbook staff, advancing in Boy Scouts and playing competitive tennis. He has known since a young child he would be attending a boarding school starting in 9th grade and he has always looked forward to that.</p>
<p>The problem is he wants to leave his private school and go public. He says that he is stifled in the school setting, that he is too sheltered, he is not able to develop an identity because they are all "clones." He says he is tired of being a "goody goody" and wants to just be "normal." If I will just let him try public school for 2 years he says he will happily go to boarding school. </p>
<p>How do I explain to him the importance of staying in an excellent school? Would his chances of getting into a top tier prep school be diminished if he did a few years in public school? I've tried to explain to him that the prep school world is a huge place and that we want HIM to decide where to go- we want to help him find the school that fits him emotionally, socially and academically.</p>
<p>Part of me thinks that this is just normal pre teen woes and it will pass. Part of me thinks he has outgrown this school (he has been there since PreK 4) and maybe he would benefit from going to another, larger private school or going to a junior boarding school.</p>
<p>I think that you should talk to your son and research about this.
Maybe you should change the school to another private school that has a reputation for being outgoing, fun, creative, yet challenging and serious.
:)</p>
<p>It is difficult to offer meaningful advice without knowing more. What school does your son attend? Is the public school well regarded? To which boarding schools will your son apply? Why must he attend boarding school ?</p>
<p>I had an absolute blast at my public middle school and my public high school. It's the path 95% of children take so you shouldn't be worried about him ruining his academic career. It's really not as bad as everyone makes it out to be.
I would not suggest sending him to a junior boarding school and this is SOLELY my opinion. I think that sending your son off to early will HURT him more then it can ever help him. I honestly believe that 12 year olds are not mature enough at that young age to live without their Mommy and Daddy.
The only real reason I'm posting is to let you know that not every public school is some horrible crack-house with prostitutes and axe murderers around every corner.
What sort of neighborhood are you in? Urban? Suburban?</p>
<p>I believe that your son will probably learn more at a school that he wants to be at than one you are forcing him to go to. If he doesn't want to be at the prep school and is trying to break out of the bonds of being a "goody goody" he runs the risk of not applying himself in school anymore or trying to find ways to rebel against that idea of goodness.</p>
<p>I think if he wants to go to public school, he will be more motivated to work hard there because it was his choice to go. Even if the classes are slightly easier than they would've been at his prep school, if he keeps up the same level of work his education shouldn't be too affected. </p>
<p>I currently attend a competitive prep school that runs from 5th-12th, adding new kids in 5th, 6th, 7th, and 9th grade and there isn't a clear distinction between the kids who have been there since the beginning and the kids who arrived in 9th grade from public school. There are girls from public school who are in all the highest classes (some are even a grade ahead in some classes!), and there are also girls from public school who are in the lower sections. The same is true for the girls who have been there since 5th grade.</p>
<p>There is a certain VERY sheltered aspect of a small prep school, and so I completely understand why your son wants to go to a public school (I have been attending very small prep schools my whole life, and that's exactly the reason I am applying to a larger boarding school) . I would recommend giving your son the opportunity to go to public school as long as he agrees that he might have to put in more out-of-school work to make up for a possibility of a lower-caliber in-school work (unless you can find a public school that has equal academics to that of the private school). I also would recommend making sure to choose a private school that ends in 8th grade, and doesn't feed into any specific high school, otherwise you run the risk of him not wanting to leave his friends.</p>
<p>However, this is just my opinion and I think you really need to decide WITH your son what you believe is the best for him (definitely make sure to discuss it with him, because although he is young I think he's old enough that he could resent it if you make the decision without at least consulting him), but I hope this helps!</p>
<p>You say, "we want to help him find the school that fits him emotionally, socially and academically." If he is an incredibly bright and mature kid, he may know what he needs.</p>
<p>As parents, we don't have the privilege of attending school with our children. If your son is feeling stifled in his school environment, you should listen to him. It can't hurt to tour the applicable public school. You can also tour the private schools you would prefer he attend. He has taken a huge step in trusting you with his misgivings about his current school. He has also formulated a solution to his problem. Being able to articulate why he chose a certain path will surely stand him in good stead in life. </p>
<p>You obviously want the best for your son. Your son knows that, and has presented you with his arguments for changing schools. It may be that he doesn't want to leave home yet. Changing to public school would require that he live at home, unless your state has an applicable magnet school. Even if you've planned for him to attend boarding school from 9th grade, he may not be ready to leave you.</p>
<p>If your son is as mature as you say and he will thrive at a public school there is no reason not to let him go. </p>
<p>Why has he known he will attend a boarding school since he was young? Because you told him he will go? </p>
<p>There are many other issues at hand here, AP courses and other opportunites, at this public school that we don't know from your post. When you say "he wants to leave his private school and go public" I get the feeling it is more about your desire for him to be in a private school than anything else.</p>
<p>If he is as smart as you think, give him some credit. Let him go to public school. But let him know it is your desire for him to go on to boarding school and why.</p>
<p>Keep in mind that students at the top of their class in a public school may have a better chance of getting into a top college than a middle of the road student of a top boarding school. Boarding schools are not an automatic ticket to top colleges.</p>
<p>If a 12 year-old says "that he is stifled in the school setting, that he is too sheltered, he is not able to develop an identity because they are all "clones." He says he is tired of being a "goody goody" and wants to just be "normal."" then I would listen. Those are valid comments and, even if he's off-the-mark in his analysis, it's a very mature outlook.</p>
<p>I'm not saying that you have to do what he says. I'm saying that you've got an extra set of eyes and ears and a resource most parents of 12 year-olds can't rely on or resort to when facing these sorts of decisions.</p>
<p>If he goes to public school and thrives, my question is why would you want to mess with success and send him to boarding school? Why must that be the goal? College...sure, that's a goal you need to plan ahead for. But making sure he's got the right background to be admitted to boarding school just sounds like you're putting the cart before the horse.</p>
<p>He's sending signals that, as I translate them from the sliver of information you've shared here, say that he may very well be more inclined to spend his high school days in a "normal" setting that he thinks public school will deliver. I think you need to look at this immediate decision in terms of what will be best over the long haul and not in terms of what will be best for him in terms of what will lead to a short term goal that was preordained and, based on this change of heart, ought to be revisited and reconsidered.</p>
<p>Keep an open mind as to what will be best for your child, be a vigorous advocate for his long term interests above all else, listen to him when he shares mature revelations about himself and his environment and, one way or another, I'm sure you'll figure it out. I wish someone would publish Chilton's Guides for our specific makes and models of kids. Until then, there's a whole lot of "winging it" we have to do...and however you go about figuring this one out, I wish you luck!</p>
<p>You have gotten some great advice.<br>
One thing I would suggest as well is that you might be able to set up a day in classes at the local public school. We did this with out son last year. He spent the day in the classes he would have been in this year. He decided that is was NOT his first choice for high school - despite having many friends there and as you say being "normal." He also decided he liked being "sheltered" (not in those words, but a comment about public disply of affection...), and that he wasn't really missing all that much.
We also got a tour - much like our prep school tours - and the principal was very happy that we would even consider coming there after private school
For us, it worked well - we all realized, the school could probably challenge him in most areas academically, and it would not be horrible if he goes there. For him, he realized he would much rather be in a private school. </p>
<p>In any case, you might want to give that a try. Not necessarily to change his mind, but at least he would have a better understanding of what he is asking. This time of year, they may also have new parent orientation nights that might help you feel more comfortable about the choice.</p>
<p>My first thought was: I wonder if this is a smaller private school? Could he be bored and feeling isolated b/c the school is small and/or he's been with the same group of kids so long? I think it's normal at that age to feel a little claustrophobic and be looking to stretch a little. Perhaps some large schools like Exeter or Andover would be a good fit for him.</p>
<p>My guess is that a visit or two to the public school will change your son's mind. If it's anything like the difference between public and private schools around here, the difference in class sizes, level of academics, student attitudes and so forth, your intelligent son wil reconsider. He probably is stifled and probably wants to do less work and that is normal, but so is questioning your parents at this age.</p>
<p>that's what my mom did. I visited my public school last year and 1 hour changed my mind pretty quick. 40 students in a class doesn't exactley offer much 1 on 1 time with a teacher.</p>
<p>Also, your son might not realize that unless his school is one of those far brook types, private schools are usually way more diverse than public schools. Public schools only have students from 1 area. So if you live in a middle class white suburb all of the people at the school are going to be middle class and white. And they have all known eachother since they were 5 and have similar experiences which means a lot of the time that they have same mindset.</p>
<p>private schools on the other hand have students that ride the train for an hour, are on financial aid, and are all different nationalities. The one thing that all of the students have in common though is that they all have parents who are on their case if they get a c in english. Often times public school kids are way more sheltered than the ones who go to private school. </p>
<p>and sorry, but if he wants to go to public school because he doesn't want to be a "goody goody" anymore than you really need to check out his reasons. The last time I checked, studying wasn't a bad thing. one question though, how mature can a 6th grader be? I don't consider myself nor most of peers to be mature and we've at least finished puberty.</p>
<p>I almost switched over from private day to public half way through the 12 grade because I got mad at the school. I am sure glad I didn't! What a stupid move that would be. The only thing that concerns me is sending a kid to boarding school prior to high school. Unless you live in a remote area where good day schools aren;t accessible, why send him off so young?</p>
<p>I agree that visiting the public school is essential. Another consideration: socialization. How will students perceive a student who's transferred to public from private en route to boarding school? That aura of privilege might put off some students -- and some teachers, too.
In my public high school, we had a student transfer into either sophomore or junior year. She'd attended a local day school that among the public school set had a reputation for being very la-di-da. She was aloof to boot. I have no idea how the teachers perceived her. It wasn't like we didn't know anyone who went to private school. Maybe her quiet personality exaggerated our perceptions.
Now, if your son is gregarious and has strong social skills, there is something to be said for a transfer, especially if he is interested in public policy and student government. Two years in a public school setting would close a major experience gap. he'd witness firsthand debates over budgets, curriculum standards, teaching to the test, the impact of No Child Left Behind. He could approach it like an anthropologist. Internally. I'm not suggesting he take field notes!
I agree that not wanting to be a goody goody is a possible red flag.
My son, a Sixth Grader, has attended the same public school since pre-K and is itching for a new school experience. So, perhaps some of this age-related. We've applied to four private day schools with two public middle schools as backup.
Good luck!</p>
<p>i think you should let him just be regular kid and go to a public school. he's probably right about the clone thing and being too sheltered, youur going to have to expose him to the world at some point and it's better to do it now then let him be in for the shock when he goes to bs. and i think it might even help him get in if he's from a regular school, they like diversity remember.</p>
<p>dragonkid, you might want to look up last school years threads. Some good insight regarding your question. As I recall Burbparent may have a good explanation via a book he read. The greene guide to prep school or ????? Rather than top tier I meant to type "ivy league".</p>
<p>WOW! What great feedback and advice I received. I thank you ALL!</p>
<p>Yes, Creative1 he is at a small school with the same kids forever .</p>
<p>To clarify the situation - he is at a private, Episcopal school of about 325 kids (prek-8). We live in a small town (40,000), there are two classes per grade (35-40 kids tops) and over 50% of them have been together since Pre K 4. Because the school is small there are no electives like in public school and not a lot of separate advanced courses. HOWEVER, the school is very well respected for its quality of education and the students always score well on standardized tests (my son consistently scores 99th percentile) and easily transition to the honors or IB program at the public high school.</p>
<p>We want him to attend a boarding school (not necessarily top tier prep) because our families come from that background and as parents we feel that it really enhances the child's education and opens up a whole new world. Also, there are no acceptable private or public high schools (in our opinion) in our area. He would not board until 9th grade. That is a full two years away. </p>
<p>Yes, the JR boarding school idea was probably not a good one thanks Crickett.</p>
<p>Taking him to shadow for a day at the public school was a superb suggestion that I will follow up on.</p>
<p>LovelyVelocity had a great point about socialization. I agree that the public middle school kids might be put off by his private school background and the entire social aspect could well backfire. There is another very good, and much larger, Episcopal day school that is an hours drive away in a metropolitan area. They have the resources to offer more programs. That might be an option I had not considered.</p>
<p>Most importantly, you have all confirmed that it is important to listen to my son. To put his needs in balance with what we as adults/parents feel is best for his future. We dont always have the right answers, but we usually have more experience and can see the larger picture. On the other hand, I want him to know that we have heard his concerns and we are taking steps to address them WITH him.</p>
<p>Weve made an appt with an educational consultant and Ive asked my son to be open with her and tell her everything he has told me. That she is to help him and us make sure he is where he needs and wants to be. So, one day at a time!</p>