Multiple Choices--Siblings and College Decisions & Tuitions

College Search & Selection
61

<p>Our two children are 14 years apart! It wasn't planned that way for college financial reasons, but it will help.</p>

<p>Yes, our S is getting quite a bit of financial aid right now. I really resent the attitude of many on here that because we qualify for financial aid, that we were somehow just negligent or lazy because we weren't able to save all of the money required. Most people are unable to save as much as they'd like for their kids' college, with no fault other than some of us were dealt different situations in life that prohibited it.</p>

<p>I would love to be in a financial position to be a full paying parent.</p>

62

<p>Three kids, 3 different schools, 3 different tuitions.</p>

<h1>1 full tuition scholarship to midrange LAC. Paid room/board/books did not require her to get a job due to tuition scholarship. No car.</h1>

<h1>2 chose large state university- full pay- wanted a big school- we supplied a car once housing no longer available and rent/living expenses with roommates.</h1>

<h1>3 expensive small LAC across the country, ivy-like womens college, but received a need based scholarship to make it doable. Required to work to pay personal expenses and books. We pay airfare and the rest. No car.</h1>

<p>If one went to a private fullpay then another should be allowed to go full pay, but I would insist it was a good school. There are a lot of fantastic LACs that are not Ivy and some Ivys that are not very good. ;) </p>

<p>In the end, each child was thought of as an individual.</p>

63

<p>Private schools are the ones with all the money now, but the safest bet is to apply to as many schools as possible and take the best money deal.</p>

64

<p>We are currently in this exact situation. D #1 had the benefit of heading off before the stock crash (someone referred to it as bc, before crash) with a nice college savings account. With scholarship we made it last 2 years. Now are funding through an inheritance and she took out 1 loan. The inheritence cannot fund them both. We did this prior to the stock crunch. D #2 - getting money everywhere but holding out for the top schools where we are unlikely to get as much money (my guess could be wrong but I doubt it). Her college account was hit hard. Retirement was also hit pretty hard and we have to look at it all. She received a full scholarship to a mid level women's college far from home. We aren't pushing her but will have a long talk once the yes/no letters are all in...early April. Financially we just cannot overextend ourselves as much as we would like to let her go anywhere. We would also continue to save for grad school which is a given for her...its a lousy situation to be in. Getting 20K is great but when the price tag is 50K that leaves a whole lot left for mom and dad....</p>

65

<p>I have triplets who are currently seniors. My daughter is the academic star, s1 has even higher SAT scores, but much lower grades, S2 lower in both categories. D has applied to some top Northeast LACs, IVYs, and one southern LAC and one university (both of which offer competitive scholarships). S2 was required to apply to at least 3 publically funded schools (safety, match, reach) and whatever else he wanted to apply to. S3 only decided at the last minute that he was attending college, and got into our local state school.</p>

<p>The financial deal is this...we pay for 4 years of private tuition. Anything that you save is available for grad school, worthwhile summer activities in lieu of working for books and expenses, and maybe a car. I have told them that I don't know what the situation will be for grad school, we will try to help, but they will be expected to take out loans. Coming from a blue collar neighborhood myself, I am very proud of the fact that I can get them through undergrad with no loans. </p>

<p>There is a basic caveat about any school that they attend: we have to be convinced that it is worth the money over a state school (in whatever state). The kids seem remarkably ok with this arrangement, and I feel as if we are on very solid ground. I try to stay away from arguments like: "she's earned it" and lean more towards: she's proven that she can take advantage of what it has to offer. That having been said, S1 will likely wind up at a private university (if he can get in). I know that I'm fortunate in having been able to save enough, but I really need to feel as if we're getting our money's worth.</p>

66

<p>I definitely don't want one kid's college choice to leave the other kid with fewer options. D1 knows that she can't automatically pick her favorite school of those that accept her--it has to be the best intersection of her preferences <em>and</em> the financial aid package. We're not going to break the bank for her and leave her sister out in the cold.</p>

<p>It helps that she isn't fixated on a one-and-only Dream School. She has a preference, but I think she'd be pretty happy with any of her top 4.</p>

67

<p>I am the oldest of four. My brother is two years younger, and my sister is a year younger than him, meaning three of us will be in school at the same time. My youngest brother will start a year after my sister finishes. My parents have told me what they can afford each year, and I know if I choose to go somewhere that costs more I will be taking out the loans. (They will cosign, I think, but that's it) They will try to offer the same to my siblings. What they are able to pay is nowhere near our EFC so I don't think the tuition breaks for multiple kids in college will affect us too much.
My parents don't believe that parents should go further into debt for school and that they loans should be in our name. They'll pay what they can for each kid that year, but that's it. The rest is on us.
I won't feel too bad about picking a more expensive school in regards to my siblings, because I know my parents will pay about the same regardless.</p>

68

<p>Seems we are in the minority in terms of answers so I've been thinking about this a lot the past few days. D #2 definitely got more along the way and probably still does. My H is adamant that she accept the full scholarship and I truly do not look forward to the discussion. The inheritance money is his and he controls it. D #2 wants medical school. At the price of that, coming out of undergrad education loan free and with $ in the bank to get started for med school (or some other grad program) sounds very reasonable to me. We've also been advised that she might not get enough med school money if she has high undergrad debt already. Any input,CCers?? Thanks.</p>

69

<p>Northern New england has some good public schools. Maine, Vermont, New Hampshire all have good flagship public schools. I hope she applied to some of those.</p>

70

<p>^^The game does look like a good idea! We're done with SATs at our house, but I'll pass the idea on to friends.</p>

71

<p>KHStiches, your (and your husband's) plan sounds reasonable, especially in the big picture. I remember when my parents told me I could forget about Hampshire, Bennington, etc., because the money wasn't there. I was in a daze, but I had four great years of college at the state U--and met lots of brilliant people.</p>

<p>I would actually consider sacrificing for an Ivy league or equivalent for one child if I could, and not offer the option of a "lesser" private school to the other. Getting into one of those top schools is an achievement that the child has no doubt worked very hard for. In point of fact, I do have a child who may well get into one of those top schools and we probably won't be able to afford it (sigh). But if either of my kids goes to a state U, I am sure they will have great educations and I won't feel guilty in the least.</p>

72

<p>I am doing some research on the cost of attending medical school and frankly it is scary. So I am now putting together some spreadsheets for projected medical school costs (figure a rock bottom minimum of $200K at a public school, more like $280K for a private, once you throw in books, fees, living expenses etc and the ever rising costs) and then all of her undergrad options....right down to how much we can do, what she will have to finance, the payments in amounts/years....it is a lot of work but given the amount of money we are talking, it is worth the effort. The state u in Maine isn't all that great IMHO and UVM is not cheap if you are OOS. UNH has serious problems with class enrollment and students not getting the classes they need in order to complete a degree in 4 years. So we opted for private schools for safety level where we felt she would get $$....and she has. Oh, well...we'll know in a little over a week, won't we? These last few days are not exactly fun.</p>

73

<p>Yeah, UVM is pricy out-of-state. I noticed that a number of the gems of public education are not gems for out of state students (my little angel loves College of William and Mary, but $40,000 for a state school is a lot!)</p>

74

<p>My brother attended our state school. Now, my parents say that my state school will give me just as good an education as the private schools I applied to. I keep trying to explain to them (IF IT'S FINANCIALLY FEASIBLE) going to a private university with a top name, even if it's not an ivy, would give me many opportunities.</p>

75

<p>I think, Neethus, that you should be somewhat careful in your discussions with your parents. It's good that you're aware that financial feasibility is important, and that you're making your desires known. But do be careful not to push too hard. You don't want your parents sleeping on your couch in 20 years because they ruined their retirement for your sake!</p>

76

<p>^ I know exactly what you mean. My parents are very loving (perhaps a better word would be accommodating, as you can certainly be the former w/o the latter) and often times go out of their way - WAY out of their way - to get me what I want. And I don't want that to happen to them.</p>

<p>We'll see, I suppose.</p>

77

<p>Scholarship fairy passes your way!</p>

78

<p>I have an older brother who goes to UNC Asheville full pay. When he applied to college, he did not think about finances at all. Did not fill out a FAFSA or otherwise apply for financial aid. This year, he did the same, once again flat out refusing to apply for financial aid, even though I'm going off to college this year. Though he hates his school (he has told us this explicitly several times), he refuses to transfer back instate and only submitted a transfer application to UNC-CH, which is, I believe, more expensive (though his actual chances of acceptance are extremely low; his grades are not stellar). He keeps saying he will get a job over the summer, but both my parents and I know for certain that he is not serious about it. He's not a great student and quite lazy to boot; extremely intelligent (I'd even go so far as to say that he's a genius) but refuses to apply himself and is just slightly disconnected from reality.</p>

<p>If it sounds like I'm bashing my brother, I really . . . am. (Bit angry at the fact that he didn't apply for aid . . . just a bit angry). I've gotten accepted at my dream school, UChicago, and because their financial aid isn't that great and my parents are already footing out full tuition for my brother, who does not do anything to help with the financial situation, there's a high chance that I won't be able to attend. My dad may be laid off soon, and if that happens, I'll be attending my state school even though my parents say that they're willing to pay for UChicago (because they let him choose what college to attend, so "only fair", they say, but, eh, I've given them enough grief for 17 years without having to siphon out their retirement fund. . . Plus, my state school's pretty good). :)</p>

<p>Also, there's the fact that he's extremely stubborn about everything. My parents told him to pick up easier classes for his first semester so he could ease into school. Nope, refused to listen to them, and almost failed two classes last semester, I believe (or at least, one class; but this is why his chances of getting accepted as a transfer are minuscule). Same situation this semester. Though he's not an excellent chemist (let's just say he got a 2 on the AP Chem exam and failed the AP Chem class), he has decided to major in Chemistry thinking that he'll make money that way. Nothing we say will make him change his mind, and if he does actually fail classes this semester, he'll be wasting more money and hurting his own prospects. I'm frustrated, quite frankly, at his pigheadedness.</p>

<p>/rant about brother.</p>

<p>Apologies for sounding whiny and bitter; some frustration pent up inside. I really do love my brother. Just . . . wish he'd wake up and realize that, yes, the economy really is in a bad state and so are the family savings. Heh.</p>

79

<p>neltharion, that must be a very frustrating situation. I think in this case, your parents should step up and talk to your brother. They can say, "maximum, we'll pay for the tuition, housing and meal plan, but everything else is on your own. Clothes, electronics, trips, etc." That would force him to get a job, unless he really can just not go out with his friends and not spend any money for the next 2 years. Even negotiate with him to apply for financial aid next year, such as "we'll give you 1/3 of the amount of money that the financial aid gives you". Frankly, it's ridiculous for him to be so inconsiderate and not even TRY to get financial aid, even if you weren't going to college! Maybe you can talk to him, and tell him straight up that in a way, his laziness is costing your dream.<br>
However, on your end, hope things work out! With a part time job, some aid and some loans, your parents may not have to shell out too much more than the State U. University of Chicago is a great school and a great opportunity, and IMO, worth taking out some loans for. The economy will get better, and if you get a good job upon graduation, then you can save some money and give it back to your parents for their retirement fund.</p>

80

<p>neltharion: Is there a possibility that your family would qualify for FA? If so, then your parents could take on the assertive role and fill out the FAFSA and other forms that might be required. Perhaps your bro is too lazy to fill them out, but wouldn't mind signing off on other people's work. If so, they can probably still submit the forms. My freshman S's school's FA deadline for next year for the FAFSA and Profile is April 15. As a parent, I would never provide hard cash for charges that could have been covered by FA. I would (and do!) make sure those forms are filled out perfectly and that they get in on time.</p>