@bridgenail That is a good answer. I am sure they will ask us about retiring too. 
Never ends.
Thank you
Isnât there a song that goes:
Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Peopleâs big noses all stuck in my business
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things
Thatâll keep a smile on your face during grad parties. Good luck!!
@bridgenail, I love those lyrics! And youâre absolutely right that once your kid is actually out making a living with his/her music, the questions dry up.
My son has a sign on his wall that looks like a dictionary definition. It reads:
hapâ˘piâ˘ness
n. liking what you do
Iâve always viewed that as a complete answer.
Reminds me of one of my favorite quotes:
âWhen I was 5 years old, my mom always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down âhappy.â They told me I didnât understand the assignment and I told them they didnât understand life.â ~John Lennon
When asked if S will be able to get a job, I say I hope he gets a lot of them.
âLately I am so sick and tired of hearing⌠âWhat your kid wants to study music?ââ
This happens a lot to us. All 3 of my kids are arts kids (Actor, Vocalist, Pianist), even though my wife and I are a lawyer/doctor combo without any acting or music background. I have two default responses:
- Your engineer/programmer/physician kid will need someone to entertain them when they get a few hours off work.
- It's our fault. We made their lives so comfortable they seem to think they can do whatever they want to in life.
I have read this thread with detached interest because all four of my kids are in the arts. My oldest founded an aeriel theater company; number two is doing an MFA in visual arts; number three is a classical musician; number four is an actor and playwright. Oldest and youngest have good day jobs to support themselves, but work hard in their fields. The two middle kids are full time artists, self-supporting. No one criticizes them or their decisions, at least not in my hearing distance, although occasionally someone says, Oh, no one went into medicine? (Their dad, my spouse, is an MD.) I almost wish someone would, so I could give a snappy comeback.
I teach at a large, very competitive university where students are under enormous pressure, as is continually self-reported by the students themselves. The so-called lucky ones graduate and land in six-figure jobs as âconsultantsâ-- even the English majors! And donât get me started on the business school students. But in general the vibe is one of stress and anxiety. Iâm not saying that music kids are buffered from stress (quite the opposite) but that the pressure is everywhere. And itâs not all about the money (no one goes into music or the arts with the idea of getting rich.)
Those who study the arts, and those who study pure liberal arts academic disciplines, like literature and history, are engaged in a conversation with humanity. That sounds highfalutinâ, but there is a difference between higher education that strictly for the advancement of personal wealth. I realize what Iâm writing here is somewhat reductive, as a certain kind of music education could be considered a vocational degree and some pre-professional plans of study certainly include elements of pure intellectual investigation. But my general point is that there rigor and scope in an arts or liberal arts education that is well-recognized.
People like to point out (and I can validate this) that students with a conservatory degree often pivot into other professionsâlaw, medicine, business, etc. Thereâs a reason why these institutions are so receptive to students with conservatory degrees: they recognize the brainpower and discipline and drive it takes to succeed in music. A doctor with a degree in piano, for example, is someone with highly developed spacial, memory, and listening skills.
I wouldnât trot out that last point I made too often, because it makes it sound like a music degree is a clever path to something else, but keep it in your back pocket. In the end, doing well (by your own standards) and living a satisfying life is the best comeback to naysayers.
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I feel badly for kids with talent and passion whose parents donât want them to major in music, or the arts in general. However, some posters here are secure financially, and well-educated.
In my experience, it tends to be lower middle class parents, who arenât secure themselves, or know less about the music or arts world, who discourage their kids. And it is understandable.
Our family took big risks for our kids who love music or dance or art. We are still helping our kids well into their 20âs. Not everyone can do that. In fact, I struggle to do that.
So I do understand where people are coming from. I think it helps the conversation if we all try to understand each otherâs points of view.
That said, I have indeed had conversations where I try to (respectfully) talk to a parent about music as a path for their talented kid, risking being obnoxious but hopefully never intrusive. It rarely has an effect, and their child goes on to something else.
Usually when Iâm talking to anyone I know well and the conversation turns to my daughterâs potential music career, we end up laughing over how someone who sings as badly as I do could have birthed a child with this much talent (my lack of musical ability is actually notorious among my friends).
But if you end up being put on the defensive about the practicality of your childâs career choice, one response is just to shrug and say, â[Kid]'s got a solid plan â Iâm sure theyâll keep food on the table.â If the person then continues to caution you or offer unsolicited advice, you can say, âAww â thanks! Iâm not so much of a helicopter parent that I need to micro-manage every life choice for them â Iâve raised them to be independent and take healthy risks.â (That usually puts anyone in their place who WAS or WOULD BE a helicopter parent).
But I would echo Comp Momâs comments about being understanding when you are talking to another parent who is trying to discourage their child from pursuing a musical path. It very much comes from a place of economic insecurity or scarcity mindset â think Maslowâs Hierarchy of Needs â economic security comes before self-actualization â and itâs important to acknowledge these very real fears that people have for their kids. I know my parents â who both grew up poor, during the Depression, and often struggled financially themselves â would have freaked out if Iâd said I wanted to major in music â or art, or philosophy, or whatever. I majored in history ultimately, which my parents were not crazy about â but they comforted themselves by saying, âWell, I guess you can always teach.â (I went to a school where there were ONLY liberal arts options, which if theyâd been more aware, might have scared them when I was applying). Music would have really worried them because they would have seen the teaching part â in a school setting â as hard to come by, with just one or two jobs available in any given school. They were never exposed to the professional musiciansâ studios in which many people do their teaching, or the idea of supplementing teaching with gigs. (Many of the music teachers we know are fully booked and making at least $40 or $50 an hour â more in large cities. My parents never could have envisioned that!) And they definitely didnât know anything about arts admin or fields like that.
So if youâre talking to another parent who has that working class background and those worries, it makes sense to ask them, âWhat worries you the most?â and then let them talk through the worst case scenarios. You can reflect those back (Ah â so youâre thinking your kid might be happy, but also might not be able to pay for car insurance?" and commisserate âI think a lot of parents have that fear! Even when their kid has a more practical major!â) but then go on to share with them how many ways there are to make money as a working musician or a related field, as well as all the transferable skills, valued in other fields, that people have stated above. The key is not to dismiss their fears but to really hear them. A hallmark of the world in which we live is that people end up having to change jobs and careers much more often than they did in generations past, and navigating that, and learning how to be resilient and regenerative professionally is important whether youâre a cellist or an engineer or a doctor or a financial consultant. When thereâs no support net, itâs a pretty scary proposition.
Hi. This is my first post. Just found this website a short time ago.
Father to 4 kids. 15 year old son has been playing drums for ~10 years.
Heâs the main focus for my joining this website. Also have elder daughter just
now enrolled at Bard (non-music major, plays several stringed instruments and sings)
and 2 younger ones (play saxophone and piano/keyboards). The 4 kids had
their own pop band and played in a variety of venues. Parents have no music backgrounds.
My son wants to apply in percussion. We are a bit late getting organized I fear.
Also, I am quite isolated and really do not know what background is expected /
are they looking for at the better schools (schools like Bard, Lawrence, Oberlin, âŚ).
Still have some time to correct for some deficits. Could anyone who has already
gone though this help me to learn more?
THANKS!!!
@daddrumexpat - my kid is about start @ Temple (Boyer College) as a percussion performance major. There are some really great schools out there for percussionists if your son is looking for a university/music school vs. a stand alone conservatory. If you look on the prescreen thread for our last year youâll see both my kid and percussionmamaâs who applied to some of those programs. What youâll want to look for depends on whether your son wants to go classical, jazz or contemporary. For classical you want to look for a minimum of two (or more!) instructors as they will specialize.
As far as deficits - schools for percussion (classical) majors are looking for strength in the three major disciplines: snare drum, mallets (marimba, xylophone, vibraphone) and timpani. If your son is more interested in jazz/contemporary, then he would need just strong drum kit skills.
Hope this helps.
@daddrumexpat
My daughter is about to move in today as a Freshman popular & commercial music major (voice) at Loyola University in New Orleans. Canât believe we are at this stage already so I will warn you it goes fast! I remember being in your shoes and credit this site with helping us so much on this crazy journey to find the perfect college.
I donât want to overwhelm you, but these are all the threads that helped me. The journey 2022 one I read like a novel from start to finish and learned a ton. So bookmark these if you think they might be relevant and return to them as needed. Good luck!
http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/music-major/2108045-2019-pre-screen-thread.html#latest
http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/music-major/2028502-2018-pre-screen-thread.html#latest
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@daddrumexpat
Oh and this is the newest journey thread if you havenât stumbled upon it yet : )
@daddrumexpat - is your son going to be a senior this year? I wrote a longer response but then saw that your kid is 15âŚso will he be a junior or sophomore? In that case, you are not behind for college. Still lots of good information on this forum.
@AmyIzzy move-in is TODAY?! Wow wow wow. Congratulations to all of you! Wishing your D the most wonderful, magical, crazy amazing experience. Keep us posted!
@AmyIzzy - I meant to say CONGRATS on move-in too. So exciting. I hope that it went well.
Thanks for the positive vibes as we navigate through move-in day (the physical moving, organization, and emotions all hitting us at once) but we are making progress! Iâll definitely be sure to return with a full report on how we survived! Good luck to you all in the next few weeks!
Dear Lendless,
Thanks for your response. I have been paying attention to the # of percussion instructors at the different schools, though I think the school website information
is often limited. My Sâs interests are evolving: he is quite interested in contemporary
music â and I do think he would prefer to have a reasonable component of this in his studies; he also likes orchestral music with his attraction in this area growing; heâs seems less attracted to chamber-music. Which percussion schools would you
recommend where there will be a contemporary component available?
From my studies thus far, all the noteworthy schools seem to âwantâ the 3 major disciplines you cite. This is my concern.
Last Fall, the public (but not quite typical) high school he attends (as a junior this upcoming ear) hired some instructors (incl. percussionist) and started an orchestra, recruiting my S for the percussion section â so I thought this would start his instruction in marimba & timpani (he has many years private instruction with snare drum, jazz drum, hand drums); however, the whole thing was a miss-managed disaster and a near complete waste of time. So we just added to a private instructor
for marimba and timpani. Though he is pushing himself, certainly 1.5 years is a
limited amount of time, and I wonder what expectations the schools have. For instance, how long had your child prepared in each of the 3 disciplines before he entered college?
Thanks again for any insights and information you can offer!
Dear AmyIzzy,
Thank you for all the links. I have looked over all of them and pulled several
bits of new information form the material. Iâm still in the early stages of the process
for my S (though I just finished going through college applications with my D!).
@daddrumexpat - My kid started in middle school, but didnât seriously start private lessons and such until 7th grade when he started in our local youth symphony. He had a private teacher who was very focused on marimba so his snare skills are average at best. He worked hard on timpani and we were able to score a used set for a very reasonable price. If you son focuses hard, he should be able to get to the level schools will be looking at especially as he has a really good foundation. And remember that they are looking for potential not mastery. One of my sonâs good friend didnât really get serious about bassoon until early Junior year, and she received the STAMPS scholarship at Frost this yearâŚ
Iâm not as sure on contemporary schools - they tend to be jazz or classical from what weâve seen. They will do some contemporary, but thatâs not the focus. So, Iâm probably not as good a choice as some whose students are going popular/contemporary. We have one friend who started as a contemporary drummer at Berklee, but not sure if you want conservatory or not.
Watching YouTube videos of schools ensembles might be a good way to help discern music focus.