<p>I'm living in a apartment with three apartmentmates. one girl brings her boyfriend into the apartment and almost lives here together. I don't hear anything during the night but it's so uncomfortable. today I saw him in the kitchen with no shirt on....this girl does not seem like an outgoing person. she is very quiet and nice. I don't know how I should talk to her. Can someone give me an advice?Am i just being too sensitive?</p>
<p>what are you, like 12? You are in COLLEGE… if you are big enough for that you are big enough to see boys with no shirts on. You are an adult living with other adults who are all paying rent and it is equally your roommates apartment too and she has full right to bring her boyfriend over and let him stay the night on occasion if she so desires. If, in common areas, his presence or behaviors are truly bothering you then you would probably do best to discuss that with her and him and come to some kind of consensus but it probably wouldn’t be so far as to not let him come at all unless other people in your apartment are bothered as well. But your roommate is inviting him over as a guest, which is perfectly acceptable.</p>
<p>Be careful with what you mean by “living together”… I assume this boyfriend is not on the lease but your lease still stipulates other people can stay over and it should clearly make criteria for the border between a guest and a “live-in” guest neglecting to pay rent. Some leases allow guests to stay over as often as 6-8 times a month before considering it a real issue. If you feel as if it is your duty to enforce this rule for whoever’s sake (probably yours) then feel free to let your apartment complex know when you feel this boyfriend has overstayed his welcome and should start paying rent/bills and signing contracts.</p>
<p>In the meantime, just make sure he isn’t intruding in on your space in the kitchen and, obviously, your room because otherwise he would be an unruly guest and would then be needed to be dismissed from your household without question. If they are having loud sex at night then tell them to quiet down and if they keep repeating the noise then make a compromise like i mentioned before.</p>
<p>But honestly, you are being too sensitive. Your parents probably should have either bought you a 1 bedroom apartment or let you out of the house more often as a high schooler. Unless this gentleman is abusing or disrespecting you in some legitimate way I wouldn’t make it an issue. Instead, build a bridge and get over it.</p>
<p>I don’t really think you’re being unreasonable to wonder about it at least. I would personally immediately confront my roommate if I thought his girlfriend was overstaying her welcome. Then again, I have 4 roommates, and 3 of us are close friends… and all the stuff in the apartment is mine… so I would have a lot of leverage. I mean I live with all guys, but we still respect each other and don’t walk around half-naked unless it’s like 3am.</p>
<p>More to the point, it really depends on the dynamics of your apartment. You’ll ultimately have to just make your concerns clear. It’s also best not to wait too long, can’t have it being like “why does this bother you now, when it never did before.” If you really want to make an issue out of it, you’ll have to read your lease and see what it says, I’m sure it has very clear stipulations about what is allowed.</p>
<p>I would think about what specifically was bothering me, then talk to her in a non-confrontational way. Basically tell her what your concern is, and ask her if she can help you out. Or just avoid the common areas.</p>
<p>Try flirting and hitting on the boyfriend in front of her.
Then she’ll stop him coming over…problem solved</p>
<p>It seems rather mean to forcefully insist that he start paying rent, but it is not unreasonable to talk to the bf and ask him to both keep fully clothed while in the apartment common areas and to start contributing to the grocery bill or go grocery shopping himself when he is over and consuming your apartment’s limited resources. Suggest that he may wish to move in entirely with his gf, and that his share of the rent would be most welcome.</p>
<p>Make sure to use “I” messages instead of “you” messages, which are often taken as accusatory. e.g. I feel (insert emotion) uncomfortable when your boyfriend is often in the apartment without a shirt. I was really hoping to keep the estrogen flowing in my safe haven.
This as compared to “You’re an idiot! !#$%%!”</p>
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<p>Yeah, you will need to do something like this to keep him from coming over. Being rational and talking about it won’t work and being mean won’t work either (although I was quite successful with this once when I got tired of my roommate’s gf living at our place). You need to help her have an epiphany that it’s not a good idea for her to bring him over, but you can’t act like you’re guiding her opinion one way or the other.</p>
<p>How did it goooo…?</p>
<p>lol is this serious?</p>
<p>I think it is a good question. If I were you I would think about what if you had a boy friend and he stayed over. I think you are kind of jealous and wish you had a boyfriend also. I have and idea. What you should try to do is get to be rilly good friends with her boy friend and then she will get mad at you because she will be mad because she will think that you are trying to go out with her boy friend. As then that way what she will do is go over to her boy friends room instead and then you will have the whole apartment to yourself. And then you can get your own boy friend and bring him over to your apartment and the can do what ever and if he wants to he can sleep over on her bed since she won’t be sleeping there any more.</p>
<p>If the “he almost lives here” comment isn’t an exaggeration, then I see no problems with having the bf chip in for the rent. I can understand friends and family occasionally “living” there but if its constant then I think there is a legitimate concern. I’ve heard of many stories where the significant other moves in and the rent isn’t recalculated because the apartmentmate wants to consider them as a “guest”.</p>
<p>Btw, is this person cooking, bathing, etc… at the apartment?</p>
<p>Is she your only apartmentmate? Did she ask your permission? Does he have a key and his own access to the apartment?</p>
<p>Some may say it’s a silly thing to get upset about, but this is your living space. Your roommate needs to respect your space and rights in this situation.</p>
<p>You need to sit down and have a discussion with her and make it clear that this wasn’t part of your deal when you decided to live together.</p>
<p>Situations like these can get ugly for a number of reasons. Get ahead of it and put a stake in the ground and set some ground rules that would make you comfortable. If she doesn’t like it tell her to find a new apartmentmate. It’s better to be safe than sorry.</p>
<p>Mike</p>