My bright, motivated son is spiraling down...words of encouragement needed!

Parents Forum
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<p>Deb, sounds like your S & you are getting through this. In some ways, it sounds like what we in our household have been through. My kids both have some chronic health conditions and have been battling to get them under good control since 2000. Both did a tremendous amount of lying around – very unlike their prior behavior. I was glad they had these challenges while I was here to share it with them rather than when they are thousands of miles away in college. D really stressed us (& herself) out by getting several incompletes and have a tough time having any energy to do work. The work she did perform was significantly below her normal standards, but we hung in there with her and kept supporting her through all the self-doubt and challenges.</p>

<p>As her body got stronger, she has been better able to handle everything. To everyone’s surprised (especially the HS who forced her to withdraw after her junior year), she graduated from HS a year early & was accepted as a transfer student to the only U she applied to, where she is thriving and very happy.</p>

<p>We tried to help our D figure out how to pace herself and through trial & error, she did. I would let the professionals do their job and let your S figure out what he feels up to and see how things work themselves out. </p>

<p>Your S is truly blessed to have the support of you and your family! This is what he needs to figure out his path and find one that he can be happy with.</p>

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<p>What is perfectly normal for some really smart kids sets off alarm bells in the psycho-medical community. </p>

<p>Dabrowski, a Polish doctor, did studies after wwI when he noticed that some soldiers reacted differently to the same stimulus. He found that in 5 areas, very bright, high achieving people maybe very sensitive to particular stimulus: hypersensitive skin, social injustice, the passing of the season etc. For these people, extreme sensitivity is Normal. </p>

<p>The very bright may normally have higher highs and lower lows, but are not bipolar. They may also try to limit stimulation as a coping mechanism. “Alone time” is sometimes the best medicine. A boarding school environment may overload them. </p>

<p>These kids are not sick; they are finding the right blend of coping mechanisms for dealing with their very big brains. Let them feel around for the right mix. (And get high thread count sheets - skin sensitivity may have been keeping them awake for years.) </p>

<p>The medical community is more into norms, drugs, and labeling and generally is not aware of these normal behaviors.</p>

<p>Separately, teenage brains are growing and changing - which sometimes sets of non-pain migraine symptoms of blurry sight, spaciness, recall and memory problems, extremity numbness and others. Miss-firing neurons can play havoc with a kids brain; they know they are smart, and are frightened that their smartness is crumbling; they may withdraw to hide from disappointing their parents. Neurologists may try hit or miss treatments such as low-does anti-depressants, but beware. Amitryptolene, even at 20 mg, can turn some teen into a raving maniac. Teenage Angst Turbocharged. Doctors don’t recognize this either, but as a parent you will be on the firing line. If you can handle the abuse (and suicide threats) the drugs do help with the migraine symptoms. The good new - they grow out of it and the neuron growth finish at about age 20.</p>

<p>So if your bright teenager becomes different, he may not be “sick” but just behaving normally. Psycho-labeling can cause more trouble then the limited remedies than our pharmacopoeia are worth.</p>

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<p>Hi debMaine, I am just catching up with your thread now, and am relieved your son is healing. Perfectionism has a way of squeezing away light and joy, and through this crisis your son will move towards a healthier balance. I look up to you, as both a mother and psychiatrist, in the way you are handling this situation. Your love shines through.</p>

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<p>debMaine – I too just read this thread and want to offer my support. What a hard time for your family!
I have struggled with depression, and while I finished high school and college on time and with the highest honors, I remained very ill throughout my 20s and 30s. So 6 weeks really does seem like a blink of an eye to me, though I know it feels like forever to you. I am NOT suggesting your son has a lifetime of anxiety and depression to look forward to – far from it! What I am suggesting is that you step back from worrying about whether he is “on track” for taking AP exams or graduating on time and just make sure he feels better. It sounds like you and he think the “test” for whether he is better is picking up the books and doing the homework like he used to. It may be that he needs to approach it all completely DIFFERENTLY than how he used to, and that will take time. He has an illness – he is NOT failing school.
All will be well. Love and peace.</p>

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<p>While this is not your primary concern right now, I would like to offer the following for consideration;</p>

<p>Check with your school regarding the ultimate disposition of
Incompletes on your sons academic record. At many schools an I is replaced by the ultimate grade with no indication of delayed work. This varies widely system by system.</p>

<p>If the I’s can be totally cleared, this is good news for your family. If not, you do not need to mention it to your son at this time. Talk to your mental health professional as to timing and mechanism for communication regarding this matter.</p>

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<p>take a look absolutely at any medications that he is taking…over the counter and prescribed medications…google search “FDA Investigates Safety Of Asthma Drug Singulair”…review any asthma/allergy meds that he may be taking…and all others as well.</p>

<p>also…is it possible that there is any hostility towards him in any of his classes…from teachers or other students? any bullying going on?</p>

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<p>^^ completely agree with the allergy med stuff.</p>

<p>My s best friend was prescribed Nasonex two years ago, the child was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
The mom figured out his anxiety started around the time of the start of Nasonex. The doctor denied anxiety as a side effect, however, once looked up in the PDR sure enough anxiety was a side effect.</p>

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<p>debmaine, I am so pleased to hear that progress is being made. It is a slow process, which is frustrating. </p>

<p>I’m just so thankful that your son has such good, loving parents. Take care of yourself as well.</p>

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<p>I am so glad to hear that he is doing better!</p>

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<p>debMaine - I too am late to this thread but am so happy that your son is doing better. My DS is a sophomore who has been treated for depression (dx is Major Depressive Disorder w/ anxiety) for many years. When all is well - he is high functioning, smart, involved in school and with friends and happy in his life. There have been many times, however, when he has been curled into that ball you described and incapable of functioning. We accept this as an illness - just as diabetes is an illness - and one that requires ongoing treatment.<br>
Some things that have been most helpful -

  1. a good pediatric psychopharmacologist - it is really hard to find the right medication and then the right dose. My son is on a med that works for him but only in its original – he can’t take the generic or he is literally sick to his stomach. It is all tricky.
  2. A good therapist - building these relationships takes lots of time - esp with teens. There’s lots of shame - unspoken, unforgiving, and unwarranted - that must be worked through. A good therapist will set goals and help your son to meet them - even small ones - each goal reached leads to a feeling of achievement and breaking the cycle.
  3. You should meet with the therapist as well - or one of your own - because it is so hard to separate your S from yourself – and his dreams aren’t gone, he just may end up on a different path than the one you all imagined.</p>

<p>This is a health crisis and should be treated as such - and he will come through on the other side with a new set of strengths. That said, it is very hard to watch your S in so much pain; that I know only too well. Take good care of yourself and wishing you all the best</p>

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<p>A book: Keys to Parenting Your Anxious Child by Manassis, was recommended. I have not read it.</p>

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<p>I’m right there with you and hoping for the best. Sounds like things are on the upswing. Remember that in the long run, it’s not the college, the degree or the grades…it’s all about launching a healthy, happy young adult into the world. I’ll say a prayer/warm thoughts for you and your boy. :)</p>

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<p>I can relate, I’ve been there. When he was in middle school, my son started having severe anxiety about separating from me and he also had frequent worries about getting sick. He wasn’t a great student by any stretch and he started missing alot of school. Add to this the fact that he was in a very competitive private school and I was concerned about him being asked to leave. If he had to start somewhere else that would have thrown a whole new issue into the mix.
I’ll make a LONG story short. He started on Zoloft and it saved both of us. It takes a few weeks to kick in so give it time. He had been going to a psychologist but we knew he needed medication also. It was a hard decision to go that route. But I was the one who had to get over it.
Fast forward to his senior year in college. He is in a top 25 school and doing great. I’m not glossing over the fact that it took a lot of work to get here and he will occasionally call with a “concern” but if you had asked me when he was 13 if he would ever get to this point I would have said, “Never”. He no longer needs the Zoloft but he does have something to get him over a rough spot. Luckily he doesn’t seem to need it very often.
My point is that it is a very difficult time for you but with the help of good doctors there is health and happiness ahead.</p>

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<p>I didn’t read all the responses, so I don’t know if this has been suggested already…but why not have him home schooled for the rest of HS? Maybe it will help him with the anxiety he’s facing while he is trying to figure out where it’s coming from.</p>