<p>As the mother of two boys who went through serious WOW phases, my theory is that kids use consuming WOW games to avoid difficult real-life social situations; ie drinking, drugging, isolation from the popular group. An obsession with WOW means that her real life sucks.</p>
<p>Be careful what you wish for when you disconnect the computer. I had a friend whose son fell in with a hard drug crowd when she pressured him to quit sitting in front of the screen. Six months later he was dropping acid every day. Deal with the reasons she wants to escape her current real life before you disconnect the relatively harmless internet.</p>
<p>The trick with teens who have gone off the rails is to find some way to 're-attach' them to a thrilling vision of their future. A future of 'Research' might not do the trick, LOL.</p>
<p>Can you do something to make her real life more exciting? Can you afford to send her to Europe or Africa this summer? A summer program in fashion design or stage design at Parsons in Manhattan? A summer theatre program in the UK? If it were me, I would make a list of "100 exciting things you could do this summer' and let her choose. Once she gets into an environment that isn't as sucky as her current high school environment, chances are she will re-attach herself to her ambition.</p>
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Can you do something to make her real life more exciting? Can you afford to send her to Europe or Africa this summer? A summer program in fashion design or stage design at Parsons in Manhattan? A summer theatre program in the UK? If it were me, I would make a list of "100 exciting things you could do this summer' and let her choose. Once she gets into an environment that isn't as sucky as her current high school environment, chances are she will re-attach herself to her ambition.
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<p>We can't afford any of the programs that I've seen. When she first suggested taking a year off, I looked into the various gap year programs that are out there, and they are definitely beyond our current means. But my husband and I have talked about getting her on a plane to Ireland - I have tons of family there, and she wants to live there - or wanted to, anyway. She could also go to England, where I have friends and family that have said they would be delighted to have her stay with them, or even New Zealand - I have a friend who lives there and she said if this whole situations starts to get really scary, my D would be welcome to stay with her for a year as an au pair. So there are definitely options in that area. </p>
<p>She just called me a few minutes ago to tell me she got a $14,000 merit scholarship to WPI. I asked her how she felt and she said she didn't want to talk about it, but she knew I would be excited, so she wanted me to know. But she sounded excited when she was reading me the letter. I'm praying that her good sense prevails.</p>
<p>I can see how the WOW BF would be an escape from the realities of deciding on a college, leaving home, etc. A lot of growing up is about to take place. A lot of seniors my DS knows are just physically and emotionally drained now that acceptances have come in and decisions have to be made.</p>
<p>I'd try to help her tease out what's the college piece of this vs. the BF. My "meet the parents" advice still stands, too.</p>
<p>My d. met a guy online after she was away at college. At the time she was 19 and he was 23. She had broken up with a long-term boyfriend (4 years) who we found out later had been very psychologically abusive. I do think she was looking for "something" and the online thing felt safer than meeting guys in person.</p>
<p>She did meet with this guy and actually dated him for about 2 years. They were a 5 hour drive apart. </p>
<p>When she first told me that she was going to meet him, I did have a friend who is retired FBI and now does private corporate investigations do a background check. Some of my friends (and hers) thought it was creepy for me to do that---but hey, don't they watch the news?</p>
<p>Anyway, he checked out fine and turned out to be a very nice, personable young man. We even got together with his parents.</p>
<p>Last summer she spent the summer in the same town with him (actually living with his parents). They broke up at the end of summer. Yep, the long distance thing hides many of those irritating faults that seen on a daily basis are a deal breaker for the relationship.</p>
<p>I don't know what to tell you about college, except to reinforce that no intelligent, independent woman would give up the chance of an education for any man. And no man who truly cares about a girl would want her to.</p>
<p>mkm...your daughter was lucky and IMHO there is a difference between 19/23 and 17/24. I was reluctant to mention background check because I thought everyone would think I was paranoid...sounds like I'm not. Background check is in order. And regardless of whether he checks out, what I was really pointing too was the emotional difference between a 17 year old and a 24 year old.</p>
<p>I agree that the 17/24 is much more of a red flag. Another good thing about the background check was that d. told the guy her parents were having him checked out. He still stayed around which I thought spoke well of him.</p>
<p>When I was 17, just 2 months shy of 18 ,my first bf was 25. But I had graduated HS early, and he was an immature musician. It didn't last, but the age thing wasn't that big a deal. If anything, I was a lot more sensible than him!</p>
<p>I met my husband when I was 17 and he was 25. We didn't date at first, I only realized there was an age gap when he mentioned he remembered his mother waking him up to watch Neil Armstrong walk on the moon - an event that occurred 3 months before I was born. </p>
<p>But we were both college students with common interests - I have no idea if this online boyfriend has gone to college, has a degree, has a job, etc.</p>
<p>Well, Irish, make a list with 100 things she could do--including various jobs or tours in Ireland, England, a combination of Irleand and England (does she have an EU passport?) and NZ. </p>
<p>If you are short of ideas--start a thread titled "Please help me find exciting summer programs for a theatre nut--for under $1000"). You will half your list from other CC parents!</p>
<p>btw Dublin is an AMAZING city for young students. The music, the wit, the humour. I can't think of a better place to 'plug-in' a detached child.</p>
<p>If she has an EU passport she could go to London or Dublin--take a course--and work to support herself.</p>
<p>Irishmom, Your post spoke to be because I have a son who plays WOW too much, well he did until recently. We did everything we could including my husband inventing an internet lock that could be programmed to turn off the internet at whatever time we wanted. What worked though was when he went to college in the fall and discovered friends and challenging academics. </p>
<p>I think a lot of kids are scared about the "next step". It's a big decision figuring where to go to college and I think your daughter has decided not to decide, at least for now. I agree with your idea of holding off on any more pressure and just go with the assumption that she will be starting college in the fall and you and your husband will help her with that decision - after April 11. </p>
<p>I also liked the idea of getting her out of the area for the summer but it does't have to be expensive, in fact, she can earn money. If she has any interest, there are jobs at National Parks, camps - all without easy internet access! <a href="http://www.coolworks.com/%5B/url%5D">http://www.coolworks.com/</a></p>
<p>Will she have it by June? Will she have a document that says it is coming? I would trample a herd of elephants to have EU passports for my kids. Wait until she realizes what that means! So long San Antonio!</p>
<p>Most of the kids that I know who went to Europe went to London first to earn pounds.</p>
<p>I was 17 when I graduated from high school. I dated a 25 yo guy in France though we were never serious. Still I never felt like the age thing was a big deal. That said, I'd be checking out the internet friend carefully. BTW, I've visited a couple of Internet friends and they were all just like they had seemed over the computer.</p>
<p>WOW is a roleplaying/fantasy game. You might want to find out more about your daughter's and her bf's online characters, and how they interact. You might find that their characters have noble reputations or otherwise work together to do positive things. </p>
<p>Why wait until after graduation to meet the guy? If the relationship has been developing since the end of first quarter, and they consider each other gf/bf, delaying the meeting might just give them more time to deepen the relationship (or the relationship that is based on whatever they have told each other). She needs to level with him about her age and the fact that she's in high school. Hopefully they have represented themselves mostly honestly to each other.</p>
<p>If he agrees to travel to your town, have a busy agenda so that your daughter can see what he's like in different situations: with family, with neighbors and your/her friends, pleasant actitivities, restaurants, and something stressful. Do typical things that your family does and see how he fits in.</p>
<p>Also, meeting him sooner rather than later will give your daughter more time to process his real-life self before she goes away to college. If things don't go well, she'll have the routine of school and family life (and parental oversight) to help keep some balance if she chooses to distance herself from him. And if things do go well, ditto. </p>
<p>He may be the greatest guy ever, but as a high school senior, your daughter would probably prefer to have a bf who lived nearby so she could have a fadce-to-face relationship and do fun things rather than interact via computer screen. For instance, what about the prom? Could he come up for that and join her group of girlfriends and their dates?</p>
<p>This disturbs me more than it seems to others. If DD is naive or just not worldly, chances this is a predator are not insignificant. I would fully check him out immediately if not sooner.</p>