<p>Hi All,
I am really hoping someone can help me. My child has wanted to go to Georgetown since he was in Jr High. He has only been there for 5 days and hates it. He calls me everyday asking to come home. He has not made solid friends (being it has only been a week), he is emotionally upset, he is lonely being 2000 miles from home and alone, and he wants to come home. He is young for a freshman, he is only 17 so I understand but I don't know how to help him. The phrase "it gets better with time" does not seem to help him get through the day. What do I do? Does anyone have any stories they can share. My heart is breaking because I know he needs to stick it out but as a parent I am so sad. </p>
<p>Why donāt you fly over for the long holiday?
Talk to him, calm him down, reassure him that he can do this.</p>
<p>Call the Dean of Students to get him some immediate support.</p>
<p>Have him contact the counseling office at Georgetown. </p>
<p>No one makes solid friends in a week, or even a month, as Iās sure you know. </p>
<p>Maybe it might help if he made an appointment with someone at the collegeās counseling center. The counselors see students with this sort of difficulty every year and may be able to offer many kinds of help. And anyway, youāre already paying for this service, so he might as well use it.</p>
<p>Take a look at the thread āIām 2848 miles away from home, and I need help.ā The OP is a student who is struggling with the early days of college and perhaps with some other issues as well. She went to her collegeās counseling center, and this turned out to be a very constructive step for her. It might be just as helpful for your son.</p>
<p>One of the challenges of starting college at age 17 is that many of other freshman might be closer in age to turning 19. It does take some time at most schools to find oneās niche. People make acquaintances right away but they are not really friends and I know how hard it is to deal with homesickness. That usually will go away once he starts meeting people and having some fun, as well as getting into classes and schoolwork. One of the great places to meet friends and do some good deeds is any sort of service organization on campusā¦ but for the immediate need, if there is an administrative office that deals with freshmen that would be the first place I would reach out for advice. </p>
<p>It could take several weeks to get comfortable with the new environment. Send care packages, be available for phone calls, suggest he focus on class work and not on the social situation. He should get out of his room and go to the library (hopefully study, but go there and surf the internet if his coursework hasnāt ramped up yet). He needs to be distracted from focusing on āI donāt like it and I want to come homeā. Hopefully his classes are interesting and consuming so he will get invested in them and by thanksgiving he will miss Georgetown when he comes home for break.</p>
<p>Oh, this must be so hard for you. Try and get him to get involved in something, that has helped my kids. </p>
<p>He might also be feeling the effects of jet lag if he is in a different time zone now. Encourage him to get a lot of morning sunlight.</p>
<p>Jet lag is such a good thought. Going from west to east that āearly wake upā is a beast. How is he sleeping? I am a fan of melatonin to reset circadian rhythms. Available in the vitamin aisle at grocery stores or drugstores.</p>
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<p>What OPās S is going through is not necessarily an age issue. I started college at 17 and didnāt have these issues. Also, I was one of the students calming other first-year students complaining of homesicknessā¦including some boys who were 19 going on 20. </p>
<p>Itās an adjustment issue some students will have to varying degrees depending on their individual personalities, experiences, and other factors. </p>
<p>OP, itās good youāre a concerned listener. 5 days is a bit early, but I agree with encouraging him to make use of counseling resources on campus and if necessary, paying him a visit to provide moral support and reassurance. </p>
<p>Hugs to you and your son. Does he have a roommate he can connect with? Have him talk with the RA ( resident assistant on his dorm floor or building. This person can offer support and advice. When my niece was having trouble transitioning last year she spoke with her RA who provided her with emotional support and friendship. This greatly helped in her adjustment. </p>
<p>OP, I am so sorry. This is precisely what happened with my daughter 5 years ago this week, and it is just awful for a parent. BTW, she ended up loving her college, became a student leader, graduated with honors last December, and is now gainfully employed at a job she really loves. So a happy ending is possible. Lessons learned:</p>
<p>You must be his rock. My D told me much later that what got her through it was knowing that my husband and I believed in her. Little did she know the anguish we were experiencing, but apparently we succeeded in hiding it from her. Do not let him suck you into the vortex of his misery. Be sympathetic but calm. Let him know you have confidence that he will figure it out and that heās going to be OK. Even if he angrily or tearfully rejects that, he needs to hear it. Repeatedly.</p>
<p>Encourage him to find a club, group, activity which interests him. We adults know that itās impossible for him to have found a group of fast friends by now, but he doesnāt know that and wonāt believe it if you tell him. Joining with a group of like-minded students will help start him on that path.</p>
<p>As others have said, encourage him to reach out to his RA and/or the counseling center. At Orientation, I heard that by far the most common problem the counseling center deals with during fall semester is homesickness, so they are well equipped to help him. Strongly encourage him to check them out. </p>
<p>No need to tell your son, but you may want to reach out to the Freshman Dean, or your Sās advisor if possible.</p>
<p>Encourage him to hit the wellness center. Exercise is a great antidote to stress and depression, and again, there are lots of people there.</p>
<p>If things donāt improve at all by mid-semester, you might want to consider a leave of absence for spring semester (but do NOT offer this option now!). My D did this, and it made all the difference. She was just 17 too, and that semester off gave her time to do that little bit of extra growing up. She also found that her HS friends had moved on, so home wasnāt the haven sheād been dreaming of. And, to her surprise, she found she missed her college people. By the time her leave was over, she was eager to go back. The belated āgap semesterā was a reset button. It brought immediate relief ā without making any irrevocable decisions ā and the chance to calm down and do some thinking, and to start over when she was more ready.</p>
<p>By chance, is there a girlfriend back home?</p>
<p>I would bet that the kids who call home ecstatic after 5 days at a selective school are the minority. That said, theree is nothing harder than listening to an unhappy kid from long distance. Hang in there. There is really little you can do except offer some of the suggestions here and see what happens. Georgetown has a pretty low transfer rate, so I bet things will work out, though remember that spending a miserable year at Georgetown falls in the category of first world problems.</p>
<p>Iām from the west coast and spent my last two years at Rutgers. One aspect he has to adjust to is that Northeast Atlantic kids are different than anyone he knew in high school. I went through this and found it exciting. He might not be though.</p>
<p>He just needs to find his people. What does he enjoy? What is he interested in? What does he care about? Thereās likely a club or organization on campus of like minded people. As others have said, the Counseling Center can help. Georgetown is invested in your son and wonāt want to lose him this early. Theyāve likely very adept and helping if he asks (or you help him ask).</p>
<p>A nephew of mine went through this. His parents helped him stick it out and he eventually loved it and by senior year was president of a fraternity.</p>
<p>Iāve got a freshman over at Syracuse. Heās been there without me now for 7 days. Today was the first day he never called. Weāre Jewish so I got him hooked up with Hillel from the start so heād have some place else he might think of as āhomeā. Thatās working. On his own heās signed up for 3 different interest groups. He knows he wonāt stay with all of them, heāll pare down later after he gets to know them. Iām also pushing him to get a work-study job. You wonāt feel lonely if youāre busy washing dishes and statistically work-study people are significantly more likely to graduate.</p>
<p>Work study is a very good idea too. It was one of my Dās few bright spots that first semester.</p>
<p>I know you must feel terrible that your son is unhappy. Encourage him to find activities with some built in structure. Itās so hard to randomly walk up to a group of people and introduce yourself. </p>
<p>Did he play any sports in high school? Intramural sports leagues would kill two birds with one stone. A little exercise and a social outlet. Philanthropy clubs are also a good way to get to know people. They often have social activities and the experience looks good on a resume. I just looked on the Hoya link and there are 326 student organizations at Georgetown. Share the list with him and help him find some activities to get excited about. Good luck and please keep us updated.</p>
<p>OP, I sent you a PM. </p>
<p>I have already received the teary phone call saying āI want to come homeā. My daughter is an introvert and she says everyone around her has such large personalities. However, that was last week. Yesterday was the first day of classes and she is more in her comfort zone. She is shopping for classes and likes what she is seeing so far. Class and studying is her forte, so she will be okay once that kicks in full swing.</p>
<p>She has a fear of going into the dining hall and eating alone. She went to the same school from Kindergarten through high school. She has always had someone to eat with. She said sitting in a class of strangers was weird and the first time she has ever been in a class that she did not know everyone in it. I told her to find someone she recognized and go sit with them. Some of it is just getting used to college. In some lecture classes, students come in, sit down, donāt speak, listen to the professor, get up and leave. She went to a very progressive touchy feely high school, this degree of ācoldnessā is foreign to her.</p>
<p>It breaks my heart to hear her and I just want to jump in my car to run to get her. But I donāt. I tell her to wait until intramural sports start, to go to the gym and work out (which she loves to do) and text one of her new friends and see if they want to go eat. The last couple of days have been good. Only drama is when she apologized for the $242 German book we had to purchase (which I found on Amazon for $172!!!).</p>
<p>Hang in there moms. Our babies are going to be okay.</p>
<p>I know this is going to sound like I am making fun of the situation the kids are in, but I am not, I understand how scared they are doing something new, thinking they donāt fit in, you name it (while some kids are like āyipee, away from home, what a gas!ā).</p>
<p>Anyway, just as a humorous reflection, anyone remember the Allen Sherman song āHello Muddah, Hello Faddahā? The song goes through a list of the miseries of camp life, how it is raining, the food stinks, etcā¦but then the sun comes out, kids are swimming, kids are canoing, and the last line is ādearest muddah, dearest faddah, kindly disregard this lettah!ā. :)</p>