Since you stated that the two of you aren’t close is part of the reason you don’t want her to go to the local CC because she would be living at home?
CC’s have two year nursing programs and there are many RN to BSN programs available after that. And other Massachuusetts state colleges/universities have BSN programs. She could also do Red Cross nurse’s aide training (one month) and work in the field for awhile. Almost all the aides I have met in hospitals were either in or headed for nursing school and say that experience was invaluable.
Is it possible that your daughter CAN’T do the semester? Perhaps she is depressed and needs help. Perhaps there was a reason you told her she was “destined for misery”: depression. Has she ever been seen or treated? if she has developed anxiety or depression you really want her to leave before anything worsens (and her transcript is still clean as well, though that pales in important to mental health).
It sounds like there are a lot of unresolved issues at home. It would seem she might need some help, and having rigid expectations right now might have painful consequences. You deserve a listening ear as well.
I hope that your limit your conditions to asking your daughter to first have a talk with someone in the nursing department or counseling office or both before making a decision. And then support her decision.
Many of us have been there and can assure you that things work out. The important thing (as someone posted so eloquently in the image of the rocking chair) in the long run is your relationship with each other.
Good luck.
When you factor in spring break there really is about 10 weeks left for her to complete the year. Unless you really feel that there are mental health issues, I am not sure that you want to send the message that the financial loss just doesn’t matter. You say she has friends, is involved in the school community and last semester achieved a 3.9. Just from a practical point of view I just do not see what the big deal is to finish up this semester. She is pulling her transfer paperwork together so emotionally she knows she is going to move on - that realization alone should help her through the last few months.
I just feel like there is a piece of the puzzle missing here to this story - she feels “squished” in the large classes and because of that her whole college experience has gone awry? I am thinking maybe there is more to the story?
Now here’s an interesting thought from @compmom.
Does your daughter have any work experience in a medical environment? If not, getting some could be a valuable experience for her if she leaves UMass, especially if it’s too late for her to enroll in a CC for this semester. Working in any capacity in a hospital, clinic, or nursing home would give her some additional perspectives on a career in nursing.
The nursing part of nursing students’ curriculum at UMass takes place almost entirely during the last two years of the program. The students take general education courses and prerequisites for their nursing courses during the first two years. This is probably why your daughter thinks she can do her gen eds elsewhere – and she may be right. But it also has a disadvantage. Students aren’t exposed to the profession they’re preparing for until quite late in their program. Once they get into a clinical situation, some may find out that they don’t like it. But at that point, they’re juniors, and it’s a little late to change to another major.
So if your daughter’s changes in plans mean that there will be a gap time during which she won’t be in any kind of school, she might learn a great deal from a job – no matter how low-level – in a clinical setting.
I never liked being at a large flagship, even being in Honors. Science classes were huge lecture halls, because these were general ed courses. Eventually, class size got smaller. If I had shared with my parents my unhappiness, I would have hoped they would have told me to come home, then regroup.
My friends daughter lives at home on Cape and attends local CC in nursing. I don’t know where you live, but how hard would it be to transfer? How much money will you lose if she leaves now? Can she enroll late in the CC?
CC’s in Massachusetts started two days ago, but often a student can jump in a week late. Still, it doesn’t seem possible at this point.
I was assuming tuition would be refunded at this early date in the semester.
One other thing: nurse’s aides (patient care technicians, ER assistants, whatever the label) often receive further training by hospitals. Hospitals have labs in-house for this training. Those with basic nurse’s aide training can then get training in EEG, Phlebotomy, and other areas that make them more useful in a hospital setting.
With a 3.9 GPA the daughter could gain entrance to any 2 or 4 year program, but the added experience would make it an absolute sure thing and also might deepen her commitment to a point where crowded classes don’t bother her as much.
She sounds like a hard-working young person who is willing to do the leg work to improve her situation. I think her work ethic and self-awareness should be rewarded by parents supporting her plans. The caveat being that any depression or anxiety behind this scenario, it a factor, needs to be addressed.
@compmom said
I think it’s important to realize that a person can be having significant difficulties with anxiety or depression and still be functioning well – for example, getting a 3.9 GPA. Not all cases of anxiety or depression are signaled by difficulties in keeping up with responsibilities.
But even if a person is functioning well despite anxiety or depression, treatment can make a huge difference.
A kid must be REALLY miserable at a college to prefer being at home with parents who are not quite on board with their life choices vs. sticking it out.
For me, that would be enough rationale to call a Dean, find out how the last day withdrawal date before classes show up on the transcript, how much money gets refunded if she leaves this weekend, etc. Once I had the facts- i.e. 75% of fees would get rebated by the end of next week, transcript shows W but student is in good standing to return if/when she wants to, I’d have a discussion with my kid.
Your daughter could discuss requesting a leave of absence just in case she changes her mind. This will likely mean she can’t matriculate at another school. But she might be able to take a couple of CC courses or get CNA training…or EMT training without issue while on Leave of Absence.
Just two pieces of info are needed at this point: 1) is the spring tuition money at UMass largely refundable at this point? And, 2) can she get into her desired classes at local cc? Two quick phone calls.
Based on my own College experience and that of two of my children, the biggest problem for an Incmoning Freshman is friends or making friends. Did other student from her Private High School attend this University and are she friends with any of them? Encourage her to join an on-campus club or two as a way to make friends. Big Universities can be pretty scary for a lot of first semester students.
If she doesn’t like being at this University, there is not much you can do to prevent her from coming back home and she might just fail all her classes or get pretty poor grades just to force the issue. BTW, attending a local Community College might not be so bad as you might think. It might just convince her why her State Flagship School was such a blessing, not to mention the cost savings, etc.
If I was in your position, I wouldn’t cosign ANy loan period! Why would you want to do such a thing when there are less expensive option (her existing Flagship State University or Community Colleges). DO NOT underestimate Community Colleges. My Daughter went to our State Flagship University (>40K students) after Private High School and did not like her 1st year experience there. She came home and attended a local Community College, excel and went on to another State University for her Bachelors and eventually her Master’s Degree. She is now looking at doing her Doctorate. CC can be a viable option for your daughter at this point in time.
One thing that @Ellen94 said earlier got me thinking. It was mentioned that a CC would limit her transfer options. My first thought when I saw this was that many states have agreements where State Us have to accept CC transfer students if their grades are good. After reading further into the thread I see that Mass is the state being discussed and that it does have matriculation agreements. However, since the OP’s DD is already at a state school that wouldn’t be of much help since other state schools would probably have similar class size experiences.
However, if you are talking about a private school then the agreements don’t count, and that is probably what you meant about the more limited options. In reality, though, I would bet that any Private that she wanted to go to would not hesitate to admit her with grades like she had at UMass and would have at a CC.
Another worry I would have is what would happen if she transferred and her classes were smaller but still crowded. A room of 300 with every seat filled isn’t going to feel any different than a room of 75 with every seat filled. I would suggest that what other people have said about getting to class early and sitting maybe in the front row on the aisle would help.
If she hated the school because she had no friends etc then I would be more inclined to say let her transfer. Since she apparently likes the school (outside of the class conditions) I would say she should suck it up and stick it out (at least through the end of the year). Being miserable is a good reason to transfer but I would think that reasons like: no friends; hate the rigor; etc would be much more applicable to transferring than I don’t like having people sitting next to me (which can be remedied). That sounds to me more like a situation where you are told to “suck it up” and deal with it by adjusting to minimize the issues (like most adults do when confronted with problems).
Lots if advice, let me give you some that is specific to nursing (my own d’11 will graduate with her BSN in May). This is information only, but it is information you should share with your d. She needs to have it before she makes a decision about transferring, especially to a cc. Now, I love community colleges for ANY student, but sometimes they don’t save time.
Nursing isn’t like other majors. It’s very, very difficult to transfer into a BSN program. If a program is direct entry, even if the actual nursing classes don’t start until junior year, transferring in is next to impossible. If a program is not direct entry (students apply during sophomore year), you can bet there is an advantage to being already enrolled at the host institution. Not saying it can’t be done, but your daughter needs to realize that the odds are not in her favor if she thinks she wants a top flight program. Transferring into a much lower ranked school (think regional instead of national ranking or a school that NEVER gets a nod on CC) will be easier. Is she ok with that? If she is, look at Catholic schools. Many that started as women’s colleges specialize in helping professions–nursing, teaching, social work. Everybody takes the same boards.
Many hospitals require a BSN. A student can earn an RN, work in an LTC facility while finishing the RN to BSN bridge, but fewer and fewer hospitals are hiring new grad ADNs. It’s not a bad route, just be aware.
An ADN at a community college often isn’t really a two year degree. It looks like one, but the student needs a certain GPA in the nursing prereqs to be accepted, making it a 3 year program. The RN to BSN bridge is often also more than a year. There may be a year of nursing courses, but there are other requirements necessary for he bachelor’s.
Give her the info. The decision your d makes needs to be an informed one.
I don’t know much about the crowded classrooms at UMass, but it seems like kind of a weird complaint for a future nurse. Nursing can happen in tight quarters. D had an externship this summer that on one day involved a transport of a patient in a very small airplane out of a very remote area. The flight nurses were right on top of each other. ER situations can get crowded and close, too. Maybe this is just your d’s latest reason to leave UMass, but honestly, it’s a red flag for the profession. Maybe it is the result of a treatable condition, but it something your daughter should look into.
Should your d decide to transfer, tell her what you can pay a year. Don’t cosign any loans, and let her find a new school that fits within the budget. If it’s a cc, so be it. Or she may decide to suck it up and finish at UMass. College is only 4 years of your life, after all.
If it is a large school, is it possible she can change sections of some of her classes. D2 is at large school and lots of time there is an evening section that is much smaller than day time sections. Might not like the time but it might give her some breathing room for this semester. Also, have her talk to students a year ahead of her. It might be that by next fall the classes for her start to focus in and are not so big.
She did look into transferring into a different anatomy class, but it was just as large and held in a slightly smaller auditorium. She’s agreeing to complete the semester on the condition that we pick her up each weekend so she can have her space then.
Hello, I am reading all these posts and can’t help but to notice that your daughter and I are in the exact same situation at the same school. I am desperate to go home all the time and I want to transfer elsewhere so badly. I have been homesick at UMass since the beginning of fall semester and my parents were barely able to make me come back. I understand exactly what she is feeling. She is not alone!
Ellen, glad she has decided to stay for this semester. So sorry this is happening. It’s so stressful.
@Ellen94, I’m glad you were able to keep communicating and reach a compromise. I suspect your support will mean a lot to her.
I don’t know if this applies in your situation or not but one piece of wisdom I have picked up from CC is that sometimes our kids call us when they are at their most miserable to vent, and don’t share the happy moments that follow. I know I have gotten some calls from my D that left me so sad for her. But not long after, she was out having a good time with friends, while I was still worrying! I hope there is some of that going on with your daughter and she is finding some happiness there. Clearly she is doing a great job furthering her education. I hope she either finds what she wants at UM or is successful in her efforts to transfer.
Are there any nurses who have served as mentors or role models for her? It might be helpful for her to talk about these issues with them.
I’m amazed that any kid of this generation can tolerate the lack of privacy at college. Most of them grew up in small families – so small that few of them had to share bedrooms. They’re accustomed to being able to be alone when they want to be – something that’s tough to do at college, especially if you live in a dorm double.
Don’t be surprised if she decides not to come home some weekends, though. You say she has some friends. If they’re doing something special on a particular weekend, she might prefer to stay on campus. I suggest not arguing with her if this happens. I think that coming home on the weekends should be an option for her, not a requirement. “But you said you wanted to come home every weekend,” would not be a productive comment, I think.