<p>I love my parents and am certainly not one of those kids who wants to go far away from home. It's just a coincidence really that my dream school is 15 hours away. I don't have a problem leaving, even though I love my parents, but I know my Dad (even though he won't admit it), is going to be really sad if I leave so far. He's also a lot older than most parents (he's 64) and I'm afraid if I leave I won't get as much time with him. He's healthy and all but statistically speaking, he is getting older and that worries me.</p>
<p>My Dad wants me to be happy and says I should go wherever I feel most comfortable. He wants whats best for me, but my Mom told me he told her he's afraid he won't hardly see me anymore..</p>
<p>You sound like a wonderfully thoughtful daughter! It is hard to think of your child moving far away. My D almost went 11 hours away, but ended up attending closer to home, hopefully because the school was a better school and not for my sake. You see, we parents have to let go sometime. It’s been happening by stages ever since our kids started taking their first steps, but now college represents one of the biggest steps yet. But you need to go to the school that’s best for you, even it it’s far away.</p>
<p>Where do you think you want to live after you graduate? In today’s economy, we don’t always have a choice, but often people will tend to find jobs in roughly the same geographic area as their college. I’m not sure if this applies to you, though, not knowing your major or you location. In any case, where you find work will be a bigger factor, long term, in whether you’ll see your folks a lot as an independent adult.</p>
<p>As you go to college, your parents will be sad, and proud too. If you do move far away, keep in mind that you have a huge advantage over us, when my generation left for college—skype. Is your dad comfortable with computers? Maybe you could practice skyping from different rooms in the house to show him how he could see you even if you’re far away. But then, once college begins, whether he gets to see you will depend on if you’re able to make time to do it.</p>
<p>Noble sentiments, and ones most students consider. Fifteen hours away? I assume you’re an international student and you’re not talking about 15 hours on a bike, so this also means seeing your parents much less frequently than your American college friends will be able to do. Ouch. </p>
<p>However, your dad is right. It’s the time in your life to begin to step out on your own, and going 15 hours away means you’re going to take that step almost all at once, whereas your classmates will be taking it incrementally over four or more years. So invite yourself home with one or two of your friends over your first year. Just as there are children missing their parents, there are parents missing their children; so check out your friends’ parents and look for opportunities to get some of that parental love you’re missing from your friends’ parents. It could be a dad who takes you and your plans for research seriously, or a mom who learns of your favorite meal and tries to make it one of the meals you eat with them, or an invitation back, or a little sibling who thinks you’re cute–anything to get that family feeling again. It won’t make you miss your family any less, but it will give you something like a family holiday experience. This is easier to do, perhaps, if you befriend some students whose families recently immigrated to America. What a great adventure this will be.</p>
<p>I assumed as such, because in my house, “15 hours” also means a 15 hour drive rather than a plane flight . </p>
<p>I think the biggest adjustment might be Thanksgiving. Most schools don’t give a long enough Thanksgiving break to make such long drive. You could fly, but the expense and difficulty of trying to fly at one of the most busy times of the year might not be worth it. Yet, people adjust. It will be hard for a while, though.</p>
<p>I’m still going to push Skype, though! We have a number of friends who have moved overseas to do international work for our church denomination, and Skype is a real lifeline for them. You won’t be nearly as far away, but it could still do a lot to help your dad feel in touch.</p>
<p>What a great idea, @mdcmom! I’d forgotten about my own success with Skype when D was 15 hours away–by plane ;;). It was soooo cool being able to see her and talk to her and for her to be able to move the laptop to show us her apartment and friends. We even talked for an hour and twenty minutes one time. It was great. We also sent each other text messages with photos, and in the last month she built a webblog about her experiences with the natives and their language. Great stuff. Made the time go by so much faster. Still hurt tho. I hope you’ll consider some of these technologies, OP. But you’re still going to need some home cooking from time to time. If you cannot find a good brat in the Carolinas, you’ll have to have some sent to you. </p>
<p>OP, it’s not easy to see our kids go off to college- especially if it is far- but we want the best for them. There is no getting around the fact that this is a change- whether you are 2 hours away- or 15. Depending on what stage in life you are, you feel it differently. For you, it’s moving towards your future, and for parents, it’s a new stage but it is also an ending to having a child at home. You and your parents will have all kinds of emotions, and it’s wonderful that you are sensitive to how your parents feel too. </p>
<p>But here is the division. You are you, and they are who they are. Years ago I was that excited college freshman going much farther than you are, and taking that next big step. Now, I’m the parent letting my kids go. I don’t want them to worry about how I feel. I want them to embrace the next step.</p>
<p>What I do want is for them to communicate with me. I know at this point, they won’t share everything- and I would’t want that- but I love to get a glimpse of their lives, and how they are doing. Skyping, phone calls, are great, but even a short text- words or a picture- is great. I love to see pictures, and I want to know how they are feeling and what’s important to them- to the extent that they feel like sharing. I don’t want them to feel they have to be on the phone every day or all day with me either. Sometimes they get busy, and that’s good too. You and your parents will get into a routine of communication that works for you. By staying in touch with them, they will get the pleasure of getting to know that great young adult you are becoming.</p>
<p>Right now this place is just a “dream school”. Put it on your application list along with several others, and next April when you have all of your admissions offers and any financial aid packages on the table, if you have been admitted, and it proves to be affordable, that is when you should worry about whether or not to attend.</p>
<p>Have you and your parents visited Clemson? My daughter was accepted there but chose a different school. But she loved the campus, it was beautiful and seemed like a smaller college than it really was because of the layout. Great school spirit in a tiny college town. Depending on your major, they have a great reputation, and what I liked was their focus on undergraduates. It is a huge deal to have professors teaching your classes, and not just a bunch of TAs.</p>
<p>Another reason Clemson was dropped from our list was finances. OOS tuition is expensive, and Clemson doesn’t give a lot of automatic merit scholarships to OOS students. There are some generous competitive scholarships, though.</p>
<p>Make sure your “dream school” lives up to the hype, and be sure to visit other schools to compare. But if dream school wins out, go for it! Southerners can be very kind and generous, and you will have opportunities to be “adopted” by more local students who take you home with them for weekend trips.</p>
<p>I was in a similar situation. I had narrowed things down to 2 schools: one was < 3 hours away, and the other was a 2 day drive away. My mom really wanted me to go to the closer school because she wanted to see more of me, and her health was declining. However, she also recognized my desire to try the world outside of the midwest. When she was looking at graduate schools, she wanted to go anywhere but the midwest, but got married and stayed in the midwest.</p>
<p>I did end up choosing the further away school. Once my mom got a chance to visit at orientation (I had originally visited with just my dad), it put her mind at ease about the school and me being so far away. If you get a chance to have BOTH your parents go to the school, I think that will make them more comfortable with the the decision when they see how it fits you. For the issue of communication, I make sure to call home regularly, and I always texted my parents about interesting things I was up to or sent them pictures just to stay connected. It was kind of hard not being able to be home for family gatherings like Easter and Thanksgiving, but that’s a sacrifice you have to make; you can’t have everything. I did go home with school friends for Thanksgiving and had a good time, but there’s nothing like being with your own family.</p>
<p>I do regret a bit not having spent more time with my mom. I missed her big 50th birthday party (though I was there by Skype!) as her health was getting much worse. A few days later, I had to fly home suddenly to be there when she passed away. When that time came, it was hard being far away. I mention this because you said that your dad is older. I’m not trying to deter you from going far away, and overall I don’t regret my decision to go to school where I did, but I want to point out the potentially difficult side of things as well.</p>
<p><<<<
Another reason Clemson was dropped from our list was finances. OOS tuition is expensive, and Clemson doesn’t give a lot of automatic merit scholarships to OOS students. There are some generous competitive scholarships, though.
<<<</p>
<p>This is very true. Even with a merit scholarship, the OOS cost was quite high for a state school. Instate costs are very high, and OOS rates are even higher.</p>
<p>@LakeDweller …have you talked to your parents about how much they will pay? Is clemson affordable.</p>
<p>Unless your dream school brings something to your education that is impossible to find elsewhere, try to avoid having a particular school in mind. Think about what aspects of that school appeal to you and look for other schools that have similar attributes.</p>
<p>15 hours is only 15 hours if you drive. During the winter, it will be longer. Consider flying. It will be less than 4 hours. You just need to save up for a ‘travel’ fund. </p>
<p>That is tragic, nanotechnology, Im sorry that you lost your mother so young.</p>
<p>In high school by necessity and design, our kids became more involved in their own lives.
One went farther away for college, and we are now not close, but we ( my husband and I) have enjoyed a renewed relationship with our youngest, and appreciate being able to visit her & her friends, in her college town. We were able to tour the museum where she was doing her internship & we got to meet her professors who were leading a community panel discussion.
Its also come in handy when she has needed our assistance. Bringing a batch of chicken soup by car is much easier than by plane.
:)</p>
<p>Not sure if you are going to be a HS senior or college freshman in the fall. </p>
<p>If college freshman. It won’t matter if the school is 8 miles like mine was or thousands of miles away. Assuming you chose a school that is academically and socially a good fit you won’t be returning home very often. You will need to engage in your school. Your father will miss you but be most happy if you are happy and enjoying your college. Parents need to let go, even if they don’t want to. </p>
<p>If a HS senior. Expand your search. Make a list of reasons WHY Clemson is your dream school. Figure out which are most important to you and find schools that meet much of your criteria. It could be that there are other schools out there you could reconsider or weren’t on your radar. There is never only one school that works. </p>
<p>Once you are in school Skype can be wonderful but be sure to limit it to once per week on a routine basis. You need to move forward and not miss out on the wonderful opportunities your school offers because part of you is tied to home.</p>
<p>It doesn’t matter how old/young your father is. He will have had the usual 18 years raising you, hopefully to be an independent adult. Do NOT even consider needing to be there because of his age. It could happen that he lives another 20-30 years- another lifetime of yours to date. You should not be spending your entire life being there for him, you need to live YOUR life. Besides- how would he ever get to be a grandfather if you don’t leave to discover someone? More likely to happen if you are happy where you choose to attend college.</p>
<p>Follow your father’s advice and go to the school that best fits you. Don’t try to second guess what someone else wants.</p>
<p>Go to your dream school. If you do not follow your desires and put them on hold for someone else’s, you will come to regret your decision, or worse, begin to resent them. </p>
<p>I would first advise against indulging in the whole “dream school” concept in the first place. Nothing against Clemson, but it is very hard to imagine that you could not find what it offers much closer, and probably for less money.</p>
<p>It is still too early to decide. Let your mom know Clemson is still a top choice. But first, put in your applications, see where you get in, and what schools you can comfortably afford. Visit your couple of top choice schools one more time. after you get in and know you can afford them Only then will will it be time for this difficult decisions.</p>
<p>Speaking as a father - if your father says you should go then he means it. Yes, he might be sad that you will be so far away, but he will be sadder if you give up your dreams for him.</p>
. </p>