<p>Question : Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.</p>
<p>The biggest influence on me is my father. Growing up watching him had the biggest impact on my life. When he graduated university with a degree in civil engineering, he travelled across the world for a job. He came to Qatar and worked here ever since. His dedication to his work is very inspirational, and he keeps moving up the ladder because of his hard work. This impacts me in so many ways; I would love to see myself dedicated to anything the way he is dedicated to his work. He works from seven in the morning until 7 in the evening, 6 days a week. It has been that way since I could remember. I want that dedication in my school work; I want to be able to ace all my exams, my projects, and everything else with ease. That would not be easy, and I should work for it just like my father does. Right now he is in a very high position in the company he works in, in a minimal amount of time, because of his dedication. I want to be in his position when I finish university, I want to be able to work hard, climb the company ladder, start my own company, and be on top of the world. Being on top of the world is never an impossible thing in my eyes, impossible is not a word I live by, I live by everything is possible and that is a fact. 100 years ago people would never imagine to land on the moon, but it happened. I want to be one of the most successful people where ever I end up, and even if the chances are slim to none, I would take it, work for it, just like my father did, and I will reach my goal even if it killed me. My father worked hard, he gave in all his effort, and now it paid off, and that will be my goal in the upcoming years of my life, working hard, giving in my all, and then ending up with positive results. Ever since I started this senior year, I changed in the way I do my work, I started being more serious about my education, my father always told me A degree you receive from a university is the only guaranteed weapon you have in this life. Money comes and goes, friends come and go, fun comes and goes, but education comes and stays. Knowledge, hard work, dedication, and commitment are guaranteed with positive results, I witnessed this growing up watching my father. </p>
<p>This is my first draft, could anyone help me improve this by reading it and pointing out any mistakes. Many many many thanks</p>
<p>It’s really repetitive so all I got out of it was you will work hard to be like your father.
That isn’t exactly a unique trait…
Replace the repetitive ideas and general statements with more specific examples, or I would just scrap the whole thing :/</p>
<p>The biggest influence in my life has been my father. Growing up watching him had the biggest impact on my life. When he graduated from the university with a degree in civil engineering, he travelled across the world for a job. He came to Doha, Qatar and has lived and worked here ever since. His dedication to his work is very inspirational, and he keeps moving up the ladder because of his hard work.
His work ethics has impacted my life in so many ways; I would love to see myself dedicated in the same way he has been dedicated to his work. He works from seven in the morning until 7 in the evening, 6 days a week. It has been that way since I could remember. I want that dedication in my school work; I want to be able to ace all my exams, my projects, and everything else with the commitment he has demonstrated.
Right now my father has gained a very high position in the company he works for, within a minimal amount of time. I want to be in his position when I finish university. I want to be able to work hard, climb the company ladder, start my own company, and be on top of the world.
Being on top of the world is never an impossible thing in my eyes. Quite frankly, impossible is not a word I live by. Philosophically, I believe that everything is possible. One hundred (100) years ago people would never imagine to land on the moon, but it happened. I want to be one of the most successful people where ever I end up, and even if the chances are slim, I am committed to meeting the challenge. And just like my father, I will reach my goal.
Ever since I started this senior year, I changed in the way I do my work. I started being more serious about my education. My father always told me A degree you receive from a university is the only guaranteed weapon you have in this life. Money comes and goes, friends come and go, fun comes and goes, but education comes and stays. Knowledge, hard work, dedication, and commitment are guaranteed with positive results. I witnessed this growing up watching my father.</p>
<p>^ I agree. It needs more development. First, take out the main points you are trying to hit on and make an outline. You can avoid the repetition since it will become more obvious in a simplified form. Then try to put examples in. </p>
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