<p>I already submitted the essay, just read it ( ITS HALF/editted OF THE ORIGINAL)</p>
<p>topic was something like how ug education will help you in the 21st century.
this isnt for the ivy leagues. </p>
<p>Learn from cradle to grave. A very common yet very powerful saying that sticks together one's entire life to acquirement of knowledge. Knowledge comes in many ways through many ways . Its use and importance is ever growing in the twenty first century. But the system of education is something we need to give more thought and consideration. We come to the conclusion that the very beginning of education is a student itself.
An undergraduate student has a broader view of life as compared to an uneducated person. Higher education like graduation and post graduation enable the student to develop a deep thinking of life and everything relating to it. He starts pondering over the world around, he thinks about the changes that will take place and how it will affect his life and that of others around him. He tries to find a purpose in everything he is informed or told about. He struggles to discover the cause and effect of every minute event. Moreover having a broader spectrum of life..............................................</p>
<p>Just to warn you, there may be meaner critiques than mine. </p>
<p>First, stop switching person. You go from one to we to he. Also, never use he. Use society b/c colleges are getting modern and anti-sexist. </p>
<p>"Knowledge comes in many ways through many ways" While repetition can be clever, it's not here because you're saying the same thing.</p>
<p>"Higher education like graduation and post graduation enable the student to develop a deep thinking of life and everything relating to it" Okay, graduation isn't education. Undergraduate and graduate? Bachelors and masters? And "a deep thinking of life" sounds really stupid. Understanding maybe, but even then I feel you could expand.</p>
<p>Overall, I think your essay, granted I've read a portion of it, is way too broad. A little unoriginal/juvenile. Knowledge makes you think; big shocker. I understand you've submitted it already, but you should have focused on the prompt. How does education help in the 21 century, as opposed to others, I guess.</p>
<p>It wasn't terrible, but it wasn't that great either.</p>
<p>thanks for the judgement, by the way, it was an online application and i just started out of the blues. in the end i copied it to notepad. anyway like i said its for a formality not for MIT. </p>
<p>Ur right about the person change. I have to learn more about essays then.</p>
<p>Hmm... I'm sorry. I'm not being spiteful, but it sounds like you're desperately trying play with your words to make them sound clever, but it actually just sounds a bit repetitive and... well... stupid. It's like you're trying to come off as really deep, and yet... I also agree about the 'he' thing. People can be overly sensitive about that, so I'd watch it.</p>
<p>I read about 2 sentences in stopped, the thing is junk. Most ADCOMS don't read entire essays for that very same reason, they are all the same. Kids sounding pedantic. You don't talk like that so why write like it? Good writing is sophistication, it's removing all of the trash and getting to the point. Read any popular book on the NY Times Best Sellers and I guarantee it won't be laden with that filth. ADCOMS don't want to read it all day either, so they dont</p>
<p>I had to read that essay 3 times before i found the relation it had to the topic.</p>
<p>You're not screwed; you just need to think about how you answer the question before you blast away in writing.</p>
<p>Do you seriously need an education to be aware of teh world around you? No. I know a kid in freshman year who out-debated the IB Theory of Knowledge teacher and I know 2 people who are self made millionaires without going to college.</p>
<p>So idea...flawed.</p>
<p>Then, you have that weird play-on-words. It's not witty. I would stop reading there.</p>