Anybody want to read it and give me feedback? I’m appling ED to Swarthmore and having some problems with it. Basically, my essay is about overcoming some emotional difficulties I had in 9th grade and explaining the horrible grades I got then. I explain it in very up-front, honest detail and at some point I mention that I used to cut. I think I do a good job without being cliche or whining. My parents strongly think that I should take out the part about cutting because it puts me “on another level” and they think that colleges are not going to want to deal with that. My English teacher said it was fine, but I haven’t talked to him about that particular point yet. My boyfriend thinks I should definitely keep it because it emphasizes how far I’ve come since then. In his words: “The first paragraph was powerful, and it hits the reader in a visceral fashion that one doesn’t expect from a typical college essay. It has shock value that makes it stand out. More importantly, it vastly increases the significance of your full recovery when you make the full depth of your disease clear. I’d totally keep it”
Anyway, any comments would be appreciated, and if you’d like to read my essay, I’ll email it.
<p>What type of disease are you talking about?</p>
<p>Mental? If i knew specifically what you were sayin i could help out, but not knowing it i dunno what to say, you can IM me at SunnyDlyt23 if ya wanna chat. pppppppeace</p>
<p>Clinical depression.</p>
<p>Well IM me and just give me a few more details, like jsut the general basis and then i can assist ya better. Because those essays can be either a big flop or very good. Sometimes they sound like an excuse and sometimes they sound legit, so i dunno just IM me at SunnyDlyt23, if ya have aim</p>
<p>just for security reasons DONT ever show anyone your essay, but i mean describe it a bit better or we really can't help ya :-(</p>
<p>It's not that bad to show someone your essay if you're emailing it to them, especially if they're an adult. Basically, everyone agrees that my essay sounds legit. The question is whether I go too much into detail by saying that I used to cut. I'm looking for an opinion on whether this would be evidence of a more significant recovery, or whether colleges would see it as a little bit too over the top and it would put them off.</p>
<p>Honestly i dunno. My friend has an anxiety disordr and he's putting it down. Think of it like this, if it sounds like one of those chicken soup for the soul stories, include it. Also what specifically made ya feel clinically depressed.</p>