<p>Would you please grade my first essay. I don't like it at all but i'm a non-native speaker and it's really hard for me to write in such format. I'll be very grateful if you give me some tips about it and how to make better one. I didn't come with any other adequate example so it's only with 2 argumentative paragraphs. </p>
<p>Prompt: What are your thoughts on the idea that television has turned out to isolate people instead of bringing them together?</p>
<p>Television has definitely turned out to isolate people instead of bringing them together. Nowadays people prefer watching television than talking and having close relationships with their families. As the painter Andy Warhol said, “When I got my first television set, I stopped caring so much about having close relationships”. That’s because of the great number of stupid ridiculous TV programs that make people live the life of someone else.</p>
<p>In the last 10 years the TV has been flooded with a myriad reality programs. This is very dangerous because many of the people can not live without their TV stars which in many cases are not really clever. Moreover these programs are made very intriguing so people very soon become addicted to them. For example Big Brother the most famous reality show is based on the life of 10 men and 10 women and the social contacts they will form.</p>
<p>One of the biggest problems nowadays is the lack of social activities and close relationships between people. Instead of that many of them prefer after a exhausting day to spend the night relaxing while they are watching TV. People just do not want to talk with their relatives. That problem is growing and it leads a lot of problems in families. Many parents don’t talk with their children about problems in life and how not to be stopped by them in achieving the big goals.</p>
<p>Television is an isolator for the humanity. All the stupid programs that have flooded the TV are the main reason for the failure of many children nowadays. Kids just prefer not to reveal and talk about their problems with their parents but to keep them only in their own which is very harmful.</p>
<p>Sorry i cant give you a grade because i just skimmed your essay, but i would definitely get rid of the harsh language such as ridiculous and stupid because it just gives the graders a bad impression</p>
<p>It was an okay essay. The prompt wasn’t that good since not many examples could be made. Did you have that Andy Warhol quote off the top of your head or from the little paragraph thing at the beginning of the essay? I don’t really like using any information from that section. I agree with the previous poster, try not to use such harsh language. And, think of some example it will make your essay 10 times better.</p>
<p>First off, I would like to know where you got that prompt from. Wherever you got it from, don’t get prompts from that source again because these kind of prompts are much too specific to ever appear on an actual SAT. I’ll have to give it a 4 or a 5 (out of 12) because of (a) the harsh language used (b) grammatical errors (c) lack of specific examples. I notice that you mentioned Big Brother; you should elaborate more on why it has affected human interactions with each other.</p>
<p>This-
Television has definitely turned out to isolate people instead of bringing them together.
Don’t do that.</p>
<p>That should be the main idea of your paper, the summary. You want to express that point throughout the entire paper without blatantly stating it. Use examples to support your idea, but NEVER do what you just did.</p>
<p>Considering English isn’t your first language, it isn’t bad. However, the scorer’s don’t care about that. 5</p>
<p>The prompt was from McGraw Hill’s SAT 2008 and all the prompts there are such as this. For example “What is one great question that every educated person should ask?”. I don’t really think that that kind of prompt is possibly to appear on SAT. Thanks for the feedback. I have problems with the examples because I know a lot of things from History, Sport and some from Literature but I just don’t come up with them when I see the prompt. For example if prompt is something like “If we rest, we rust” I can figure something out - there are a lot of good examples in the sport, but despite my knowledge of history I can’t imagine that kind of example. Today, I’m going to write some essay from Barron’s and I will definitely post it because your opinions can better my works.</p>
<p>Don’t do barrons or any other book. The essay prompts for each SAT have been released, those are far better and more accurate than any other company. Blue book ones are fine also.</p>