<p>hi amu,</p>
<p>i think the structure is very good, and your example paragraphs clearly support your thesis. the essay is definitely appropriate to the prompt. the length is quite good. in those respects i think the essay is very, very good for SAT purposes.</p>
<p>but there are a few awkward sentences throughout, and some redundancies as well. sentences like this, for example, could be shortened:</p>
<p>"I continued my habits unable to change them the way it was necessary to do so until my priest helped me."</p>
<p>that doesn't really sound right. i could explain why grammatically, but i'd rather try to explain the feeling of it. for one thing, "the way it was necessary to do so" could be cut completely. for another, you can't really "continue" a "habit." you can continue behavior, but it doesn't sound right to say you continue a habit.</p>
<p>a little further into the same paragraph, you refer to a "fellow peer," which is also redundant. "peer" by itself would have done just fine.</p>
<p>there are also a couple of grammatical errors. you have a split infinitive in the third paragaph ("to not repeat" as opposed to "not to repeat"), and when you use "however" as you did in the second paragraph it needs commas on either side of it.</p>
<p>also, maybe it's just me, but i can't get that whole "however" sentence to make sense in my head.</p>
<p>there are a couple of other minor things ("even since" should be "ever since," for example), but to me that's most of the important stuff.</p>
<p>a very good first effort, i'd say.</p>
<p>oh, also--i'd recommend you start writing them out longhand instead of using the keyboard. it's a pain, but it's what you'll have to do on test day.</p>