<p>I thought I will be over with these college issues once my son starts the college, and am realizing I was too optimistic.</p>
<p>We dropped off our oldest son to college week ago, and he had a week-long orientation last week. I spoke with him yesterday, and found that he is trying to make his work load as light as possible...</p>
<p>Other than a freshmen seminar and a humanity course required for freshmen, he basically has one major academic course. His seminar course is one of less demanding and a kind of non-academic course in the list. In order to fill the credits needed for the minimum requirement, he then chose a couple of physical education (recreational sports) courses. </p>
<p>I am the one who originally suggested him not to overload the first quarter and discouraged to find a job until he gets used, but his course selection seems too much relaxed. He said his advisor said ok, but I think it was when he had an econ course in his list, instead of two physical ed classes.</p>
<p>So, here is my question for you, experienced parents. Should I just let it go and learn whatever lessons, if there is, himself? Or should I talk more with him to reconsider his course selection? I think my main concern is on whether this kind of attitude, taking an easiest way, is going to continue throughout his college life, which is quite possible considering my son's personality.</p>
<p>I would let it go for first semester. However, I would also let him know that you are only paying for four years of college. If he has to stay longer to get his degree, it will be on him.</p>
<p>Ahhh, sons. I had to make it very clear to mine how many terms I was financially subsidizing. If he did not complete his degree in that time, or failed so many classes he had to repeat, then he had to come up with the financial resources to finish. Well, it only worked with 1 out of 3 so far. The other 2 have dropped out and are pursing other interestsat least temporarily. But at some point it is their decision not yours. Oh, and btw - the school does not really care if they finish in 4 years. The advisors were not focussed in that except in the teaching ciriculum, but he did not stay there. </p>
<p>So as not to drive yourself crazy, set the limits, set the consequences, demonstrate the results if necessary, and let them learn. Unless of course you are willing to finance 5 or 6 years. :)</p>
<p>Let it go. Freshman year is the best time to learn from one's decisions.</p>
<p>One also can't predict what a student will do by looking at their first semester course selections. </p>
<p>The only thing I'd suggest is setting whatever rules you wish for his maintaining financial support from you. This could be rules about what gpa he needs to maintain, and whether you'd be willing to fund more than 4 years of undergraduate.</p>
<p>My S, a freshman, started with a very light sched because he fears losing his merit aid, which requires a 3.2 gpa. S had SAT scores in the 99th percentile, a rigorous curriculum (but sub 3.0 unweighted due to procrastination and laziness), and is at a tier 2 LAC where his scores and h.s. curriculum make him among the top freshmen. </p>
<p>I thought S's courseload was overly light, and asked him about it, getting the reply that he wanted to make sure he kept his scholarship, and wanted to get used to college before taking on more. However, on the advice of older students whom he respected, S upped his courses and now is taking 19 hours. He is working very hard. Even when I called him on a Sat. at 11 p.m., he was in his room working. Last week, he had an exam in one course, a presentation in another, and a paper in another course.</p>
<p>S obviously concerned about his workload, but whatever happens, he can't blame me for forcing him to take it because he was the one who made the decision.</p>
<p>Whatever your S ends up with, I think it's important for him to make the decision without feeling he was acceeding to your wishes. All I suggest is that you ask him whether he has talked to his advisor about his current courseload, and if he hasn't, you could suggest that he talk to his advisor in case his apparently light courseload now will cause him to have to overwork himself later.</p>
<p>one big problem with that light of a load is that there is little time management needed or used, so the student tends to fool around, thinking they always have time and they don't </p>
<p>that is what happened to my nephew, and he learned real quick that his way wasn't going to work-being on academic probation with just three classes really opened his eyes</p>
<p>he thought he would ace his art class, his one business class and his english class</p>
<p>well, not so much</p>
<p>so he took more classes and learned to focus</p>
<p>Always tough, by law he may be adult(over 18), if like my son, he's probably argued he should be treated like an adult since he was 16, yet I don't think he is, and possibly your son isn't either. In our household we don't define adulthood solely by height, physical strength, or the birth certificate. We add self supporting in our definition. I recommend you do not set any kind of limit on what your son can do, or what he can spend, or how he chooses his courses. The limit is on what you'll spend. Make it clear to son that just as he wants to be called an adult and naturally doesn't want to be ruled by parents, you will not be ruled by the offspring. Any advice, money or other help you give him is a gift. He cannot dictate what gift you give him. Outline for him what gift you will give, or will not, and then let him make his choices. Know he may not choose what you would choose. Perhaps he chooses courses not in keeping with the fast track to a degree. Oh well. You owe it to him to be clear on advice, and on future financial gifts. He owes it to you to either accept those gifts or not, but if not, then he must realize your gift has ended and he must find a way to make up the difference himself. Just part of the adulthood he seeks. If he doesn't choose what appears to be best, he has that right, and who always knows what is best?
It appears you haven't discussed this with him before he entered school. You may not want to hear this, but I think you have done the student a disservice. He probably has the impression he can take in school what he wants, merely because you didn't tell him otherwise beforehand. It may appear to him now that you are changing the rules on him and to some degree you are.</p>
<p>Here's a slightly different take: my son was in an extremely demanding double major program, with a very specific course outline carefully sequenced to provide completion of both degrees within the allotted (normal) 5 year completion. The recommended credit load varied from 18 to 16.5 credits per semester.</p>
<p>The first semester was gangbusters- 18.5 credits, high GPA, Deans List.</p>
<p>As were the next three, maybe 4. Better GPA, Presidential honors.</p>
<p>His primary academic advisor retired; he never bothered to meet with his new advisor. He lost touch with the sequencing, and ended up with minimum credit loads for a couple of semesters. His grades for the most part remained superb.</p>
<p>It's not my job to plan his schedule. It's his. Only when I happened to see his transcript did I realize he'd be lucky to finish in 6 years.</p>
<p>His scholarship funding was good for five years. When confronted with how HE was going to fund the difference he got his act together.</p>
<p>Three summer courses to get his credit load back on track were funded out of his own pocket.</p>
<p>He did end up dropping one of the two degrees at the eleventh hour, but it was a career choice (concentration on full performance; he's a musician) and graduated summa cum laude with one BM. He could have achieved the second degree with one additional semester, a 5 1/2 year rather than 5 year duration.</p>
<p>Don't ask me to explain it. I'm still scratching my head.</p>
<p>I'd like to add one other component....
S lacks the skill called "planning and foresight". He is young for his class, and somewhat immature, and without strong advisement from his school, I have found it necessary to fully understand the graduation requirements and consequences of his choices. The amount of advice I give has tapered off each semester.</p>
<p>We have always stated that our "gift" was only for 4 years. And while S says he understands it, he has never been one to examine the fine print.
He is learning, but if I can advise him towards choices that can save him from extending beyond the 4 year gift, I will do so. In our case, it's a private university so the financial consequences are significant.</p>
<p>It's a fine line between allowing him to learn but minimzing the damage.</p>
<p>Some will say we're overinvolved....that may be. However, doubling his debt because of a few poor choices outweighs the benefits of the lessons in independance, at least for us.</p>
<p>Wait a sec...you encouraged him to be cautious and now he has been cautious and you're still unhappy? Hmmmm.</p>
<p>Frankly, I visiualize the majority of freshman boys in tippy boats out on a choppy sea. Naturally, their immature decisions led them to that precarious position. They are boys. They do not realize that a few skipped classes could tank an entire semester. </p>
<p>Many of them pretend they can skipper that tippy boat to port--and lo and behold, the majority pull it off. they arrive safely in sophomore year with a fair idea of what needs to be done to achieve smooth sailing. However, a good percentage of them end up in the water and need some sort of assistance righting their boats.</p>
<p>Another solid percentage end up drowning in their own immaturity--and they are asked to leave the university. </p>
<p>My freshman thought two of his freshman classes were too 'boring'. He signed up for senior classes. Ahhh...hubris. Luckily, one is math based and he didn't understand a word of it and he switched back into the freshman course. He loves the other class but my freshman boy does not write like a senior college student. He will find this out when he gets his first exam or paper returned to him. That class may well be a write-OFF! </p>
<p>I think you've misjudged your boy. Perhaps he has a sense of that tippy boat, he listened to you and signed up for a load he KNOWS he can navigate. Encourage him to be more daring next term. Encourage him to ask older students about great professors.</p>
<p>On balance, I agree with Cheers. Remember he is a first semester freshman. He may need to develop some confidence in himself before he goes full steam ahead. Sometimes laziness is really lack of confidence in disguise. I guess I just wish he were taking one more academic course (even a relatively easy one) instead of a physical education course. See how he does this semester both academically and socially and then guide him to a more academically rigorous couseload next semester. By the way, if tuition cost is not determinative here, he may benefit in the longer run by taking longer than four years to get a degree. In the scheme of his life and given his particular path to maturity, a little extra time to get his degree may be beneficial to him.</p>
<p>This reminds me of my older daughter's friend. Went to Univ of Miami, and 1st semester took 3 physical ed classes, one of which I remember was archery. Her dad almost died when grades came, he thought she was majoring in business. It was made very clear that the pareents were paying for 8 semesters only. The girl graduated on time with her business degree and got a fantastic job with IBM.</p>
<p>I would guess the phys. ed. courses are more academic than just playing a sport. Those classes don't usually carry the same credit academic course. To carry a full load I am presuming that the phys. ed. courses are 3 credits each.</p>
<p>As a college prof. one of my jobs is advisement. I do enjoy it and do try to see the kids get out on time. I would make sure two things: 1) That he really is carrying a full load. Things can get sticky if he isn't, and 2) That he is aware of the graduation requirements, by that I mean distribution requirements. If you get a yes to both answers I say let it go. If either answer is a no, require both conditions are met.</p>
<p>the one woory I would have and was evidenced by my nephew was so much free time, and with only three classes, he had a lot, and always thought he would get the work done, but just didn't</p>
<p>so hopefully OP S will not be at a loss for REAL things to do and will get his work done</p>
<p>yes taking it slow for some may be beneficial, but for others, it can be a big problem</p>
<p>I didn't go to a college where you could take a phys. ed course for credit so I am scratching my head a bit on that one. In your shoes I'd probably say something like, "I know I advised you to be cautious, but I think you might be overdoing it. Did the adviser see your current schedule?" And do make it clear you can pay for the four year plan, not the five or six year plan.</p>
<p>Thank you all for your many helpful and thoughtful remarks.</p>
<p>cheers, "Wait a sec...you encouraged him to be cautious and now he has been cautious and you're still unhappy? Hmmmm." I should have written differently as "I agreed to him on not overloading". He was not ambitious even before the orientation begins, and was talking about doing about average load, and I told him that is ok sondiering it is a first quarter. What he is planning to do is below average, though.</p>
<p>marks, "I guess I just wish he were taking one more academic course (even a relatively easy one) instead of a physical education course. ": This is exactly what I wish to see! </p>
<p>I also agree with several of you on that "light load" doesn't necessary means "more focused work".</p>
<p>I will try to talk to him this evening to get a bigger picture on his plan.</p>
<p>MozartMom,
My son took what I thought was a fairly "lite" load his freshman year. I found that over the course of that year and the summer between his freshman and sophomore years he really grew up. Sophomore year he is taking a much more demanding academic load and he is approaching it totally differently. </p>
<p>He is no longer living in a freshmen dorm. He is in a dorm where he lives with one roommate and the other rooms are all upperclassmen. He is approaching his schedule this year much more like a job. Doing his work, keeping on track, etc. Much less hanging out with groups of kids, etc. </p>
<p>I would give it time...however I would be sure that he is taking enough to graduate in four years and that he is told that you have a certain gpa or standard that you expect him to uphold as long as you are footing the bill. Consider it like his salary for doing his job. He stops doing the job, he stops getting "paid."</p>
<p>I don't believe these particular points have been covered (altho alluded to): if he is not a full-time student (I can't tell if he is with that courseload), there may be implications for his qualification for health insurance; as well as financial aid (if he has any); and "making satisfactory progress toward the degree." Even though he met with his advisor, if the advisor saw a courseload with an Econ course, since replaced by two PE courses, well... if you do talk with him, I'd make sure he has considered this aspect.</p>