My girlfriend gave me an ultimatum.

College Search & Selection
1

<p>Either go to her school (which is very good, although very comparable to the other schools I was accepted to) or break up. We have been together for a year and a half. She is just about to complete her freshman year. I really have enjoyed our time together but this seems a bit ridiculous. The next option is 3 hours away, which is doable, because I'll have a car. </p>

<p>It started out with please don't go to a school that is 15 hours away (which is an option) but go to one closer. So I was strongly considering the other that was 3 hours away. Yet now it has changed to this - her school or nothing. </p>

<p>I don't really know what to do or say anymore, we've been fighting about this for a month. We have never had any real fights in our relationship, either.</p>

2

<p>dont go to school because of a girl. break up with her before she does it to you</p>

3

<p>Choose your school, then figure out what to do about this relationship.</p>

4

<p>That has been my plan from day one, yet she has made it very clear that when I give her my decision, and if it isn’t her school, then we will break up.</p>

<p>The whole thing is absolutely ridiculous!</p>

5

<p>Care to elaborate on which schools in particular?</p>

6

<p>High school GF’s are nice (when you’re in high school) but it’s probably time to move on so that you can focus on you for the next 4 years. I don’t know about you, but if anybody gives me an ultimatum like that gets an automatic negative response (i.e. goodbye). </p>

<p>Good luck!!</p>

7

<p>They are essentially all well respected state schools: UNH, UVM, URI (potentially for marine bio) and UNC Wilmington. Her school is UNH. One of her arguments is that since they are all similar state schools I might as well pick hers. She thinks I’m being selfish and don’t love her/make her a priority if I decide to pick another school.</p>

8

<p>If she’s being silly over this then imagine what she might say when you have a really important thing to consider, like moving overseas for a job.</p>

9

<p>You’ve declared the situation “absolutely ridiculous,” and it is. Just like siliconvalleymom, I recommend that you decouple the two decisions (where to go to school, what to do about the relationship). If it makes sense to go to the same school as your girlfriend for reasons having to do with your goals for your life and career, then fine. If it doesn’t … Well, there’s your answer. That cliche about “if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be”? That’s for real. If someone slaps an ultimatum on you when you’re about to make what is perhaps the most significant decision of your life, to date, you have to wonder what her motivations are. Does she have YOUR best interest in mind?</p>

10

<p>My thoughts exactly. She is also planning on med school - I’m not entirely sure what I’ll be expected of when that decision rolls around.</p>

11

<p>I’ll be quite honest with you: go where you want to go and break up with her. You’re going to miss out on a lot of fun and opportunities to meet new people if you go into college in a relationship, trust me. You won’t be able to separate your future from your home life and it’s not worth the added stress. I’m surprised that you made it through a year with her in college already; I wasn’t able to when my ex went off to college. It’s up to you, in the end. Don’t compromise your own aspirations.</p>

12

<p>If you’re meant to be together, it’ll happen in the end. Go where you want to go. You don’t want to regret it for the rest of your life (if it doesn’t work out)</p>

13

<p>hmm - someone is forcing you to go where they are by giving you an ultimatum, that sounds like a healthy relationship which you want to be a part of in the future… </p>

<p>Her being at UNH might be a decent reason to go elsewhere.</p>

14

<p>Run. Run while you can.</p>

15

<p>Your gf is wrong. Everyone else is right. Choose the best school for you. And I also like posts 13 & 14…</p>

16

<p>to the OP:</p>

<p>Close your eyes</p>

<p>think of a world without your girlfriend</p>

<p>think of all the colleges that accepted you</p>

<p>think of which college would be best for you and what you want to do in life</p>

<p>open your eyes</p>

<p>enroll in that special school…</p>

<p>then,</p>

<p>get your cell phone</p>

<p>call your girlfriend and tell her that you have enrolled at the best school for YOU.</p>

<p>enjoy your next 4 years.</p>

17

<p>It depends, has she offered to make you sandwiches or do your laundry yet?</p>

<p>Because if not she should have been gone a looong time ago</p>

18

<p>that’s pretty selfish of her, and really putting you in an awkward place.
you should think of a decision regardless of what she has told you. if it is still possible to date despite the distance, then go for it.</p>

19

<p>She’s being irrational and selfish. If ever there was a high-school romance worth pursuing after high school, this doesn’t sound like it.</p>

20

<p>When I hear “choose x or it’s over,” I tend to think the person might actually want it to be over. The ultimatum language is the language of someone who isn’t really invested in making something work. Sometimes, breaking up is hard (and even harder in high school when you don’t have a lot of experience with relationships - so no context for comparisons.) For someone immature, it’s often easier to break up by making it ‘the other person’s fault’ by creating a ridiculous hoop they have to jump through and then blaming them when they finally say ‘no.’</p>

<p>Not saying that this is what is happening here, but something to think about maybe?</p>