<p>We're both juniors in college. We just found out she is pregnant. This is really tough because I want to go to med school in the future. We decided we're going to keep the baby so I know life is going to be tough. We might give it up for adoption at the end of the semester when she has the baby. But she mentioned that she might not even come back to school next semester. I love her too much to watch her future fade away like that. I know that I'm basically just rambling here. I guess I'm just looking for some insight or someone to talk to and give me their take on the issue. I'm just consumed in thought right now. </p>
<p>We seem to get a couple of these posts every year and they seem to be fake, to elicit emotional answers from people. I hope you are sincere.</p>
<p>At your age you are capable of doing the right thing. You are old enough to do the baby dance and as an aspiring physician you had to know the potential outcome. To not raise him because it’s not convenient to your career is extremely selfish, IMO. </p>
<p>I’m the mother of three teenagers. Two are adopted. My youngest son has adapted nicely but has always questioned why he was rejected by his birth parents. That’s how he sees it; rejection. My daughter has terrible problems with her adoption. They were both adopted as infants and we are the same race and “look” genetically related. We had preadoption classes; knew the things you’re supposed to tell the child but they still have problems. It’s a life long adjustment for them. I just want you to realize that adoption is not always the happy Hallmark result people think.</p>
<p>Your girlfriend can always go back to college when the baby is old enough for day care or a babysitter. She’d probably miss a year of school. If you love her I would expect you would love her child if you really think about it. Most of us would not be on this earth if our natural parents had a choice. </p>
<p>If you were 16 I’d have a different view but you are both adults. Good luck. IMO it’s you and your girlfriend’s decision.</p>
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<p>Or, OP can stay home with the baby while the GF finishes college and HE can wait to return to school.</p>
<p>OspreyCV22: Yes I am being sincere. And I do appreciate you responding even though you had this suspicion. Thanks for the advice.</p>
<p>Do you want to get married? </p>
<p>You future is now tied to her future if this baby is brought into the world. It is in both of your best interests to keep your girlfriend in school. Do either of your parents know anything about this and what are they saying? Giving up a baby is easier said than done. If your girlfriend drops out of school and has this baby you are on the hook for child support or for that matter even if she doesn’t drop out. </p>
<p>" Or, OP can stay home with the baby while the GF finishes college and HE can wait to return to school. "</p>
<p>You are absolutely right. She can possibly get by with missing only the spring 2015 semester. Whatever. It’ll be a trick to breast feed though.</p>
<p>“Do you want to get married?”</p>
<p>From College Confidential knowledge I almost pointed out that if they are married they are emancipated for financial aid purposes and possibly eligible for more school loans. </p>
<p>OP, both of you are probably home for Winter Break right now. Are you able to see her? You need to make some decisions with her before she’s morning sick in front of her folks. </p>
<p>OspreyCV22: well she’s about 3 hours away right now. So we’ll only be able to talk over the phone. I’m actually planning on taking a year off after I graduate so she can finish her undergraduate then and I can care for the baby before I go off to medical school. </p>
<p>Bengalmombengal: My parents don’t know yet. I want to give it some time before I tell them because this will be a lot for them to take in and I want to be sure I’m ready to face their reaction.</p>
<p>Okay, some tough love coming your way: how will you afford to care for a baby? If you are both in college and you want to go to med school, you won’t have any cash to spare, and it is likely that you would need to postpone med school to work and save money. Plus, just the application process for med school is incredibly expensive. IMO, you need to consider ALL (and I really do mean all, including the potentially less savory options )available options, and really think about what having a baby will mean for your life. In everything you do for the next 18ish years of your life, you will have to put the baby first ahead of yourself and anything else</p>
<p>Also, girlfriend of two months? You don’t have enough of a track record together to even begin to predict whether you can maintain a functional relationship 3 or 4 or 6 months from now, let alone commit to raising a child together</p>
<p>Do her parents know? Both of you need parental advice like now. To pull this off for medical school you will need one set of parents on board and close by to help raise this child in terms of child care and financial support.</p>
<p>As for “two months” - don’t judge based on that, it can happen that people together for two months can build a lasting relationship.</p>
<p>She doesn’t have to quit school if you guys keep the baby, but she will need someone to take care of the baby when she is going to classes. And if you want to stay involved, you should chip in too. You don’t have to be married to do that.</p>
<p>I had kids while in graduate school, and I took classes until each baby was born. My husband was able to take care of the kids for me, and we used daycare too. I know a girl who had a baby in HS, and ended up going to a great engineering school. Her mother watched the baby for her when she was taking classes or studying.</p>
<p>Do you know anything about her family and how they would feel? Do you know what your family would feel like about this?</p>
<p>Worrying about it won’t make it go away. If you both want to stay together, and you both want to have the baby, you’ll need somewhere to live at college or change colleges if you can’t get family (grandparents) support where you are now.</p>
<p>FWIW, I was freaked out that someone in my major got married as a sophomore. A few weeks later I was living with a guy… Things can happen fast.</p>
<p>IMHO, the prospective grandparents might be good to talk to. However, if she really is only 6 weeks or fewer pregnant, I would wait to tell them.</p>
<p>I hate to tell you this but you need to tell your parents ASAP and so does she if she is planning on having the baby. I would not recommend waiting or hiding this fact from either set of parents. Medical insurance is of great importance and plans change generally on the first of the year.</p>
<p>I disagree with telling anyone until she is 12 weeks along. A miscarriage could happen…unlikely but not impossible.
Having parental support can mean all the difference in the world in these types of situations. Parents will get over the initial shock and hopefully will have the time and means to help you guys finish your degrees and be successful in life.
My sister got pregnant in HS and is highly successful now, and my D’s best friend got pregnant in HS, gave the child up for adoption and is going to PA school next year. D’s friend chose an open adoption which is working out great for them, but Bengalmom gives excellent advice on the ramifications when choosing adoption. Adoption is never as easy as it may look from the outside looking in.</p>
Can she finish her classes online? If not, she may just have to not graduate on time. If she works hard enough, she’ll finish eventually. Her future will not “fade away” just because it’s delayed.
I think with something this heavy, you’re going to get a lot of diverse, strong opinions. You just have to ‘follow your heart’ as silly as that sounds. Some people have a kid of their own and don’t love, care or provide for them. Some people can adopt a child and love it like their own. You can make any situation work as long as your realistic with the challenges (like you said, it’ll be tough).
You can abort the baby or put it up for adoption. Problem solved.
No he can’t.
Spot on, @halcyonheather.
Or maybe that comment means only SHE can make that decision, he can’t.
@halcyonheather I’ll assume that you mean that he can’t physically abort the baby. From what I see in this thread, this baby will be a career ruiner. Both OP and his GF will no longer be able to attend secondary education because one of them will have to stay home and take care of the baby.
It would be far better for their careers if they both stayed in college and OP went to medical school. After they have settled down, then they can have another one. Also, considering that they have not been girlfriend/boyfriend that long, there is a likely possilibility they may split. This is not a baby created out of a long, steady, tender relationship. Their relationship has been far from long. It’s possible they may break up, and the baby would have a tough life living with split-up parents.
If not abortion, then at least put the baby up for adoption. Give the baby a chance with a family who can take care of him.