My highschool sweetheart & I need help tackling college together. HELP.

<p>I have been dating my boyfriend since the beginning of my sophomore year. However he's been my bestfriend since I was in 8th grade and here I am a senior in high school applying to lots and lots of different colleges in my state. He has his own place and I typically stay with him on the weekends. He is on the verge of 20 and I am 18. We share incomes just as grown up couples do and have been together for awhile now. He tried community college two years ago and didn't enjoy the college experience however he agreed that once I graduated he would give it another shot except he would prefer to live on campus.. with me. As if the college application wasn't stressful enough I have to think about what his wants/desires are too. I am elated that he wants to further our relationship and make things more serious but i'm not sure what our options are as incoming freshman into a university. I would like to stay in either an on campus apartment or dorm that is kinda suite like. Most colleges do not allow opposite genders to room together however I just want to know what our options are. Are there colleges that allow couples to room together? Do colleges like UC offer affilliated on campus apartments? Help me, I'm stressing out over this bittersweet moment in my life. I am soo happy to be progressing in both my education, growth, and my relationship with my high school sweetheart. But I am just overwhelmed.</p>

<p>There used to be “married” student housing decades ago, but I don’t think a whole lot of colleges offer that anymore.
You say you “share” incomes as “grown-up” couples do. Does that mean you are now living together? It’s one thing to pay for some expenses in an adult relationship, it’s another thing to have to split the rent, utilities, unexpected bills, etc.
Freshman typically live in the dorms with other freshman. You won’t be given that same option with your boyfriend’s status as a transfer student IF he gets in.<br>
Newsflash, since he had already attended Community College, he will not be consider an incoming freshman. Your “options” as a person who wants to “room” with live-in, may be limited. </p>

<p>And most schools will not permit a non enrolled student to live in their dorms. And assuming you haver a roommate, it wont be a fair thing to do to said roommate.</p>

<p>I have a couple of questions. Does your boyfriend have a job? How much does he make? Is he prepared to quit the job and go back to school? Why do you want to live on campus as opposed to an off campus apartment? Will your parents pay for you to live with your boyfriend? What do your parents think?</p>

<p>My own take on this - you’re young. If it’s meant to be, it’ll be. You don’t need to force it by living together your first year away from your family. Lean how to live like an adult without him so you can discover whether or not you actually do want to live with him. </p>

<p>I think you should live in a regular freshman dorm and get to know your classmates. Have the freshman experience. Don’t spend every weekend with your boyfriend. Don’t have him move into a suite, it’s not fair to your suitemates. If you are still together at the end of freshman year you can move to an off-campus apartment. Life isn’t a race, don’t deprive yourself of the freshman experience. </p>

<p>I’ve had the experience of being separated from a boyfriend. The first time it both my boyfriend and I met other people. (Interestingly enough, both of us met the people we married.) The second time my now husband and I spent three years on opposite coasts, we’ve been married thirty years now. </p>

<p>I am going to focus on YOU right now. Who is going to be paying for YOUR college expenses? What are YOUR college plans? Are your parents going to be supporting you through college? Are you thinking about going away from where you currently live for college? Is a separation a consideration?</p>

<p>Colleges expect parents of those under 24 to take the primary brunt of the costs. What do you have available in terms of paying for college? This is essential,because if your parents are willing and able to pay for you to go away to college, and this is something you want to do, you have to figure out how the BF is going to fit into that scenario. Most colleges that have dormitories and accept students from away from the area, have some sort of expectations for freshmen to live in their facilities. If this is an active option for you, I suggest you take a year apart from BF and see how it works to go away to school. People do this all of the time. DH and I were separated while he went to business school. A number of my friends had serious BFs at home while away at school, and yes, some relationships did not continue, but some did, and they married. </p>

<p>Because you don’t bring up getting married, you two are not at that place to make the commitment, that it’s going to be the two of you together. You are still considered a dependent of your parents, as is he, for school purposes. </p>

<p>The two obvious choices to make are to just go where you want to go for college and be separate for the year and see how that goes, or look for local schools and find a place to live together or continue current arrangements as you get through college. Plenty of kids around here making that choice. MOst people do not go away for college , you know IT’s a privilege, a luxury, an extravagance most of the time that parents are providing. </p>

<p>I like and agree with the info provided in the posts above.</p>

<p>Your situation is a little more unique in that you at a very young age, have already been semi “living” together - on weekends. You’ve had that taste and maybe you both like it. Steps forward sometimes require change. Definitely steps forward like college involve growth - for both of you. </p>

<p>Does BF really want to go to university? Or is it his next move just because its your next move???</p>

<p>I’m also curious what your parents think.</p>

<p>Agree wholeheartedly that if your relationship is meant to be and if the mutual trust and love is really there, he should grant you the opportunity to experience this next step typically. Applying, moving in, getting roommates, etc. And then seeing him when you can and when he can - whether he is in that town too - perhaps in a separate apartment or back home (how far away?) </p>

<p>Look at it as a one year commitment to your education and personal life. You can reevaluate (as many univ students do after freshman year) if you want to stay in university housing or get an outside apt. </p>

<p>H and I started dating late senior year and survived and grew our relationship while attending two different universities about 1 1/2 away from each other. S and his GF starting dating senior year and this spring both just graduated from separate universities 3 hours away and have a very, very strong relationship. They grew individually and as a couple by growing up, getting educated, having personal time, having time as a couple, appreciating times together and managing through times apart. </p>

<p>Who is going to pay for all of this? Are both sets of parents going to be paying for your college costs?</p>

<p>Are you going to be able to find a school that will accept both YOU and your BF and be affordable?</p>

<p>Do you have the stats to get into a school that gives great aid? Or will your parents pay whatever college costs?</p>

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<p>Does he have the stats to get into a good school? And transfers often get lousy aid.</p>

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<p>(and what kind of parents let their high schooler spend every weekend at their older BF’s apt. I hope you are using excellent BC.)</p>

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<p>If this is your long-time BF and best friend and you want to go to college together. You probably should get married so that the school will allow housing exceptions (like live off-campus or in married housing), and your FA may be different. </p>

<p>Personally, I think you should go to college alone and have that experience…grow up…and find out who you are. Sounds like you have been a “couple” for so long you may not know who YOU are.</p>

<p>DS’s college has family housing but you would need to be married. I would pick the best college for yourself. Your BF could then try and get accepted into a Community college nearby. Try the dorms for a year and then you could get married or live together in an apartment nearby. You say he didn’t enjoy the college experience but more importantly how were his grades? </p>

<p>Did your boyfriend graduate high school? How is he supporting himself? What was the issue with community college and how did he do?</p>

<p>These are important questions to consider before he chooses to go back to school. College- even CC- is a major investment of time and money. Going to college for someone else may not be a motivator. It would be good if he went to college because of his own goals and interests. This is something he needs to decide. </p>

<p>Who wants him to go to school? If it is you, than this could become an issue to deal with. You can’t change a person, and only he can decide to go to college or not. </p>

<p>What are your goals in college? Are you the stronger student between the two of you? Will you be compromising your education if you choose a college based on his needs?</p>

<p>Applying to college is not a commitment. At this point in time, I would suggest applying anywhere and everywhere that you are interested in. You could have a list of colleges that work for you, and also one that works for both of you and apply to colleges on both lists. By the time you hear about being accepted, you will know what your choices are. There is time between now and then to work on a solution, but you need to meet deadlines. Don’t restrict your opportunities at this time. </p>

<p>What kind of experience do you want in college. If you want the experience of living in a dorm, spending time with peers- as an individual- then this is a chance to do this. If you two are already committed as a couple by the time you hear from colleges, then you can make other choices. </p>

<p>My personal bias is that compromising education at this age could be something you regret later. </p>

<p>You’re not going to like my advice. Do your own thing. Let your boyfriend do his own thing. If he doesn’t want to do the college thing, then why would he apply to your colleges? (Further, what are you expected to do if he decides <em>again</em> that college isn’t for him? drop out?) Apply to colleges that fit you. Not your boyfriend. Not you and your boyfriend. Just you. Let your boyfriend apply to colleges that fit him. Just him. Not you. There may be some overlap in schools. There may be no overlap. Locations may be close together or far apart.</p>

<p>FWIW, this is what my brother and his high school sweetheart did. She ended up attending college 5 or 6 hours away while he attended a college close to home. Each studied his/her passion independently. They both dated other people on campus. In other words, they allowed themselves and the other person to grow academically and emotionally. They’ve now been together 35 years or so. </p>

<p>I hope that I don’t get flamed…my mom radar/something is amiss antenna are up & pinging loudly!</p>

<p>I have an 18 yo college freshman and I’m going to give you the same advice I would give to her. </p>

<p>A person who is only willing to “give college another try” for someone else probably isn’t that sincere/invested in his own future. </p>

<p>He’s only willing to go if he can go with you? Is that so he can control you? </p>

<p>From a quick read of your post, you are playing house & you may not be ready to play house emotionally. Not that I think it a good idea, but has he discussed marriage? He wants to encroach on your college experience, but where is the ring & the “I do’s”? </p>

<p>You deserve to be young, footloose & fancy free!!! You have your entire life to be an adult, married and anchored to life’s unavoidable responsibilities. Why choose to be so overly connected at such a young age? </p>

<p>My guess is that you are overwhelmed because you know that this may not be an ideal situation for you…</p>

<p>Sexual attraction is a powerful thing. But using a term for a sexual act as your screename suggests that you are perhaps thinking with the wrong end of your anatomy.
I don’t see any indication that this is a hetero couple. They may live in a state where it is not legal to marry.</p>

<p>Who’s paying for college and what do they suggest?</p>

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<p>OP is asking for information on colleges that allow opposite genders to room together. I think it’s safe to assume it’s a heterosexual couple.</p>

<p>The choices are very clear for the OP. She can go off to college, some distance from where she now lives and become a regular college students with visits when possible back to boyfriend or boyfriend to her. A lot of college students are in that situation with a SO elsewhere until some commitment is made or the relationship ends.</p>

<p>She can pick a nearby college and continue as she did during high school. Or she can move in with boyfriend and go to college.</p>

<p>Or both BF and OP can look for a school to take them both, and request exemption from the dorm requirement and find off campus housing together Or it can be two separate schools in the same area. But that means two app processes, and BF is a transfer student. Makes it complicated. </p>

<p>Of course, all of these choices need to have some way to pay the costs. That was not discussed in the OP. That includes the BF costs too. He is also a dependent for financial aid purposes.</p>

<p>My best advice…Be “selfish” right now and do what is best for you. You’ll do a lot of growing, meeting new people, deciding on a career. You must do it for yourself. The relationship will last if it is meant to be. </p>

<p>Apply to colleges of your choice without regards to his needs. He’ll be okay. He’s already tried college. He already is independent (unless you are the one who is paying the bills which indicates a whole 'nother scenario). The fact that he is even considering college now and making limitations on you is a big red flag–think about it–that really is selfish… This is something YOU need to do. Have the college experience YOU want. You may find you are a totally different person in a few years and find yourself on different paths emotionally. Don’t get tied down–a good relationship will weather the time and distance. </p>

<p>Echo all the others. Go live in a freshman dorm and enjoy the experience. If this is really true love, he would want you to have the experience that you want and will wait. If not, better to know before you give up college life. IMHO, that is not selfish on your part, it is simply doing what is best. Most 4-yr college require freshman to live on campus with very few exceptions. Unless you are married or completely independent of your parents and can’t afford the dorms, wanting to live with your BF probably would not be one of those exceptions</p>

<p>Since you are asking in the parent forum, i will give you parent advice.</p>

<p>Pick the best college for you and live on campus. If you must, pick one in your state.</p>

<p>What is your BFs goals in life? Not going to college is okay if he has other goals that he is working toward.
But don’t tie yourself to someone who isn’t going anywhere.</p>

<p>If you are meant to be, then he will be there waiting for you. If not, then you are doing what is right for you.</p>

<p>Alright so here I what I’m gonna say. Some of you are giving great advice however I guess I didn’t talk or mention my boyfriend in the correct sense. He worked full time while trying to attend community college which is why it didn’t work out for him at the time And while he was there he didn’t earn enough credits to be considered as a transfer student anywhere. He will be enrolled as a freshman to the university of my choice. It was my idea in the first place for him to go to the same university as me now that he has established some income and works really hard at his job however he isn’t happy at his job despite his pay and wants to further his career and decided this would be the perfect timing to do so. He isn’t being selfish, he looked at as a way to really make things serious. He has a lot of potential and have mentioned our future together on numerous occasions. Since this post has been posted by myself me and him have heavily thought about our awesome experience and chance we have to go to college together. We have decided that our first year should be spent in a dorm. He has had his own House for nearly a year and wants to go back to school. We figured we would get an apartment together our sophomore year and go from there. Besides this being a once in a lifetime opportunity I want to ensure my happiness. My mother wants us to be together in fact isn’t opposed to us living together. And I moved out when I was 17 so my parents are a big factor in this but they’re there. And it’s none of anyone’s business the type of birth control or type of parents I have. I turned out just fine. I have been a 3.6 student my entire life including now even when I stay the night With my boyfriend on the weekend. That has nothing to do with this I am 18 years old and been relatively independent besides rent for a year. I provide my own car, insurance, groceries. Etc. my username seems childish I know lol but this was linked to an older twitter account lol. I appreciate all the nice thoughts however I have to think about myself and be a little selfish. My boyfriend of two years isn’t a dead beat. He is doing amazing things in his life and the fact he wants us to be doing it together is awesome. However patience is a virtue and we will wait to live together. </p>