Now what? He’s always had support and resisted it but got through high school and into a good college. He did not do well 1st semester (1F, 2 D’s, 1 C) and was failing 3 of 4 classes by mid 2nd semester so we withdrew him before his GPA tanked. It was like he was paralyzed to help himself. We put resources in place semester 2 but it was too little too late. He really wants to go back but we’ve explained he will need to start slow at CC and work part time and create a path back to college. Has anyone been in this position? Is it too late to get someone help with reading and writing - and understanding their own brain - so they can be successful? I know there are other paths to success and he is open to exploring, but nothing stands out. And the issues with reading and writing will limit his options. I did so many things to help this kid and now I’m at a loss. I feel likes it’s on him to figure it out but I’m not sure if he can do it without guidance. Any advice is welcome. TIA
What is his goal with a college education? Is it needed?
Can he take just one class at a summer session or maymester at your local CC (with relevant accomodations)? Any subject at all, just to see whether he’s able to focus on that one class. Preferably a class without much reading or writing - “leadership” or “recreation management” tend to be lighter on reading, for instance. Or something that uses academic strengths or personal interests (music appreciation, statistics…?)
If he passes or get A or Bs, during the 2nd summer session, see if he can take a second class, one in a subject he took at his other college, alongside a class known to be easy and fun at that particular college.
Can he focus on both and maintain passing grades in both? Is he able to focus on just one and then the other’s content is like a handful of sand thrown on a beach? What does he struggle with?
That’s in addition to working on reading&writing help, whatever that requires (could mean using audio books when available, or “reading” software that reads out aloud for him…)
My friend had a low-to-average stat student (no diagnosed LD) who realized/admitted to themselves in the first semester that they couldn’t manage themselves on their own, away from home and in a new learning environment. They chose to switch to community college for two semesters, figuring out “how to do college”, while still being in their familiar living/family situation.
After doing CC successfully (dean’s list), they now successfully transferred back to their original college - and we’re all amazed how it all turned out.
First, formulate a career goal. We need people in every trade! Then, the appropriate training. If he really wants academic college, community college for associates while living at home with support from you and college, then transfer to local 4 yr state college while living at home to finish BA.
He’s interested in finance and the stock market. He is strong with numbers, but the class he failed was pre-calc. That was a surprise. His biggest academic challenges are reading and writing.
Thank you for this thoughtful reply. That is our plan to have him start with one CC class this summer and build back any confidence that was lost. His biggest challenge is reading comprehension, written expression, language and memory. He is strong in math, luckily, but the class he failed was pre-calc. We were surprised. He said it was hard to memorize all the formulas. We tried using audio books but it’s hard to stay focused and retain and comprehend. He admits he is a little on the lazy side, so that’s part of it. He’s into fitness so we’re encouraging him to get a part time job at a local gym.
Is he good in sales? A big part of financial services is sales. Financial advisors are basically sales people who have some understanding of the financial markets and is tangentally related to the stock market.
He woud just need a degree from anywhere and then try to network as a junior advisor and work his way up.
If he really wants to get into the financial world, anything quantitative would be probably be unrealistic if he cant get pass pre-.calculus (a class many HS juniors take).
Awesome story! My son wants to go back in September, but we’ve explained to him it’s going to take him showing us that he understands the point of going to college before we send him back. He was loving dorm life, being away from home, making friends, having freedom - but there’s also successfully taking classes and working towards a degree. Very important!
He’s interested in finance. I don’t see him in a trade, but it’s definitely something he needs to consider. We are definitely rethinking the traditional college route.
He is not the sales-y type. I do not see him in that role. He is not particularly outgoing and doesn’t have a closer mentality. He’s pretty laid-back. That’s why this is so challenging. I feel like he needs to do Clifton Strengths or Meyers-Briggs to find out who he is.
Maybe he could start with 1 CC class and you could begin to remove the levels of support you provided to him previously?
Reading comprehension is an important skill in most fields. I would have him in a program or working with a tutor to address that asap. Does he code?
He is not interested in coding. I think you’re right about getting him help with comprehension, and reading & writing. I put him in a private high school and I thought that’s what was happening there. They told me to back off and let him figure it out. In the end, he went off to college ill-prepared for the rigor. I think academically the college he chose was not the right fit… too cerebral. I think he needs a more hands-on environment and experiential learning.
Once he’s proven that he can manage college with support and brought his GPA back to a decent average (2.5 would be a MINIMUM to transfer and it’d often require him to have mostly A’s and B’s in CC, even if it takes a while) you can look into more “hands on” colleges.
(Cal Poly Pomona and Cal Poly Humboldt, Elon, Drexel…)
What matters now is making sure he gets the help he needs, starts out small and regains confidence, then builds back a good GPA. Along the way he’ll figure out what he’s good at and how to make a living from the skills he’ll gain in developing his talents and smoothing out the wrinkles in what he struggles with.
My son got into other schools that may be a better fit, including Elon. When is it a good time to reach out to those schools about possible transfer? Is there any reason to think they might take him this Fall after a disastrous first year somewhere else? I know we should wait, but I wonder if it’s possible for him to consider Elon as an option sooner rather than later?
I would contact Landmark. Thye have a college program and a bridge to college program, and can also refer you to tutors and coaches.
I have a kid with severe ADHD and some other issues, who left college fall of sophomore year. Worked and did one class at a time at community college, then entered Lesley University’s adult learner program. There are tons of degree completion, adult learner, and continuing ed type programs where you can attend part-time. My kid worked, at a restaurant, a dry cleaner, etc. which helped organize their brains.
Kid just graduated with a BA at age 30 1/2.Siblings did Ivies and I regard this achievement as the most impressive. Also has a great partner and is a caring, thoughtful person. (Lots of issues with reading, scanning, and it can take 10 hours to write a page- though the writing is excellent in the end.)
When kids are overwhelmed at college at first, they often put their heads in the sand. They don’t attend class and try to put it out of their minds. I visited and found my kid had only gone to one Spanish class and you failed if you missed two! I did have to intervene, talk to the dean, withdraw her from the class etc.
One time, kid had a paper and was paralyzed and their sister and I took them to a motel. This kind of support gets ridiculous.
Make sure your kid has all the support, therapy. meds whatever- as I am sure you are doing.
Can he get a job near the university, go part-time and live with friends? Is that too distracting? He will have to decide priorities and goals but yeah a lot is still on you, including accepting him and making him feel hopeful as I am sure you are.
Feel free to PM me! It’s not a disaster!
I think he is going to need a year of good grades at CC prior to any transfer.There are minimum gpa requirements
ps In recent years I have played no role in academic, job or personal successes…kids do mature even with LD. (We are close, but kid is autonomous.) It takes longer for boys (they say 25)!
I think Elon requires a 2.7GPA and eligibility to return from all colleges attended as a baseline to transfer (to Elon).
Your son’s previous grades will be part of a clearinghouse so he can’t “hide” his first transcript.
How many credits did he earn at his previous college?
He probably has to spend a year at a CC before he can re-apply to Elon or elsewhere.
I realize, it’s a different scenario - but your mention of paying for private high school and them wanting you to “back off” reminded me of last month’s supreme court case, where parents learned too late
… their son was not in line to graduate with a high school diploma but instead with a “certificate of completion.” This was surprising to them because Perez had made the honor roll for four years and had received mostly As and Bs on his report cards. "
In reality, the district had for years knowingly assigned unqualified aids who couldn’t even communicate with that (deaf) student, despite it originally having
seemed like the Sturgis school system had their youngest child’s interests at heart. Perez received an individualized education plan, or IEP, under the main federal special education law. The IEP called for him to have an educational aide use sign language to relay his lessons to him.
It’s water under the bridge - but for other parents the lesson might be, never to fully trust anyone else to advocate for your child like you would.
(A Deaf Student Says His School District Failed Him. The Supreme Court Will Decide)