<p>I have been accepted to:
- Northeastern University (accepted for spring admission/Jan-start program - I would commute to UAlbany 1st semester)
- University of Vermont
- SUNY New Paltz
- Hartwick College
- SUNY Albany</p>
<p>Long story short, my parents are divorced and I have not seen my dad in 5 years. He is chronically unemployed and jumps from job to job, always moving to different states in the northeast. Most of his family lives in Massachusetts, my grandparents live in boston and have made no attempt to see me.</p>
<p>I really want to go to Northeastern because it is the best school I got into and I love the city of boston, but my mom is very opposed to this. She doesnt think its fair that my dads family will get to see me after not trying to for all this time. She wants me to go to SUNY New Paltz, even though they do not have the exact major I want (environmental Studies), and I feel I would get a better education at Northeastern.</p>
<p>Do you think that the ultimate choice of college should be up to the student or the parent?</p>
<p>As you’ve been accepted to Northeastern for spring admission, I would strongly encourage you to attend SUNY New Paltz or UVM for the fall semester and not sit-out the term. (Undergraduate credits at either college can be transferred to Northeastern.) This approach might partially satisfy your mom’s wishes, while still allowing you an element of control in your college choice.</p>
<p>I was actually planning to spend my first semester at UAlbany (and commute) to earn some credits that could be transferred over to northeastern if i did decide to go there</p>
<p>If at all possible, I would not commute to UAlbany, as there seems to be enough tension already in your family. Besides, for your mom to consider sending you to Northeastern, she (and you) may need to make a clean-break for the fall.</p>
<p>You pose a very interesting question. As a parent, my first thought is that the decision should be jointly made and agreed upon by both parent and child. But there are some circumstances where one or the other parties vote should carry more weight. For instance, if a child wants to attend a school that would be a financial hardship on the parent, then the parent’s vote should carry more weight. If the child receives a scholarship to a great school, but not the one the parent prefers, I think that the child’s vote should carry more weight, as the decision will not negatively impact the parent. But I will tell you that sometimes the choice is similar to, “because I said so”. I have told my children since they were very young that many things are negotiable, but occasionally I will pull the BISS card. I have pulled it on very few occassions, but when I have, no amount of pleading or arguing can sway my decision. Once it was just a bad feeling I had about the particular event. Another time it was a weird feeling about a person who would be in attendance. And the last time it was an uneasyness about flying at that particular time. Did I have any logical reason to say no, not really. But I did anyway. All this to say that I understand where your mom is coming from. While I am very sure she wants the very best for you, she may just be uneasy about you being in Boston, for reasons she may not even be able to articulate.</p>
<p>My advice is to think long and hard about how you choose to handle this situation. You may be able to win the battle, but the war will still rage on. This is your first major step in defining the relationship you will have with your mother as an adult. Acknowledge her feelings, about you leaving and about your proximity to your dad’s family if you do go to Boston. Reassure her that you are mature enough to handle the emotional conflicts that may arise. And thank her for all that she has done for you in the absence of your father and his family. You may well be able to convince her that Northeastern is the right place for you.</p>
<p>I wish you the very best of luck with your situation. I know what ever you decide, you have a bright future ahead of you. Congratulations to you and give your mom an extra hug for a job well done!</p>
<p>fishymom - thank you so much for your response. It is good to hear an opinion from a mother’s perspective. I guess I do have a lot to think about, I just feel like it is unfair for me to have to give up on my dream school just because my dad is a jerk. But I certainly see where my mom is coming from now and that maybe I should respect her instincts. Thank you again, and your kids are lucky to have you :)</p>
<p>to be perfectly frank, just because you will be closer to your dad’s family, does this necessarily translate into meaning that they will make the effort to see you? I would go to Northeastern, if that’s your first choice, and if you don’t want to see that side of your family, then it should be pretty easy as a busy college student not to see them. My nephew attends college within an hour of us, and we almost never see him, not because of animosity or anything, but because he just wants to do his own thing.</p>
<p>I think your mom’s reason is a bit selfish and also irrational although it sounds undoubtedly, justified. Your dad’s family should not be a factor in this decision since they have not been a factor in the past. Why should you be penalized further (=not be able to school where you want) for your dad’s dysfunctional situation?</p>
<p>You should go to the best school for your future and Northeastern seems to be the one that holds the most opportunity for you. It also seems that some space between you and your mom will do you each some good. You will appreciate her more when you see her for breaks from school and she will begin the inevitable separation process.</p>
<p>I have two kids, one graduating from college (going on to grad school) and one going into college. I am going to miss her so much when she goes to college and she is likely going to a different coast 2000miles away. snif’ but I will get a life and she will grow in oh so any ways and I am so excited for her. I don’t want to hold her back and trust that letting go will make her want to return home where there will always be a loving place for her.</p>
<p>When my son comes home from school I always exclaim “killed the fatted calf…look who’s home…” but seriously I do miss him while he is only a few hours away. I also encouraged him to go away from the comfy nest and spread his own wings.</p>
<p>btw congratulations because you have accomplished much by the great choices you have so keep it up! good luck and God Bless.</p>
<p>btw artsy if your mom’s reason is financial this would obviously change my opinion. I am assuming Northeastern has provided about the same aid package, etc… or you have the means to pay the difference and is not a hardship.</p>
<p>I agree, University of Vermont is not a bad option because its a good option. Though since you seem to like Northeastern so much you probably should go there.</p>
<p>thanks, and money is an issue, but i wont know until i get my financial aid package from northeastern. new paltz gave me a pretty good offer, but am I right in thinking that northeastern might offer me more because it is a larger school with a larger endowment??</p>
<p>I do agree that you should attend some college in the fall, and it would be better to break the ties and go away. That said, UVm is my favorite choice too: great school, a bit distant from home. But, I see you said your mom thinks it’s too far, yet you are within commuting distance to Albany. It seems that your mom is creating all sorts of obstacles for you in this process. There are many factors to consider, mostly financial and majors, but your mom is making her needs too well known and hardly considering yours.</p>
<p>I agree with fishymom’s post. Consider your mom’s perspective. Thank her for her hard work of raising you. But college is a time to spread your wings and move on.</p>
<p>In my day, I went to a college that was 15 minutes away, yet it could have been 3 hours away. I rarely went home. I did end up transferring to a school that was 5 hours away and that was a terrific break for me.</p>
<p>You know, my son wanted to go to a college that was “near” a city. He figured he’d enjoy some shows and cultural events there as a break from his college campus. Now that he’s there, he has gone into the city (about 20 minutes away) once. And that was a mistake! He forgot to get off the bus. So if your mom is worried you’ll spend too much time with your dad and that side of the family, I doubt that will happen.</p>
<p>I pretty much agree with everyone else. Be respectful of your mother’s wishes, but you need a bit of a break too. You’re the one who is going to be in college, not her, yet she’s the one who is going to be paying for it :/. Just keep a level head and talk things over with her.</p>
<p>Also, like a few others mentioned, just because the school is nearby your dad’s family doesn’t mean they’ll suddenly be interested in your life and visit you constantly…</p>