<p>Well, if you think it’s worth lying to your family, and cutting ties with your family for the sake of some peace now, then go ahead and “yes mom” her. I doubt she’s as stupid as FlowerMom thinks.</p>
<p>The OP thinks mom will be taking out loans to pay for her college (and then making OP pay it back). But the fact is that OP will be depending on mom to pay the bills while in school, and this mom will certainly want to see grade reports. </p>
<p>^^^that’s why people are strongly suggesting the OP go somewhere with a full ride if possible.</p>
<p>I think OP needs to recruit two adult outsider “experts” on her side. One would be a practicing doctor that the mom knows and respects to casually tell her that the medical field has terrible prospects these days.</p>
<p>Another would be someone successful (who has earned lots of money) to talk up the prospects of whatever finance/with/accounting field OP wants to get into.</p>
<p>So my suggestion is for OP to look for these two people in her circle of family/friends/teachers and figure out how to recruit them as allies.</p>
<p>I agree it would be best if the OP would get a full ride somewhere, but the OP did not mention that as a possibility. I am assuming since the OP already has an older sibling who went through the college admission process that the OP has some idea of what kind of scores and grades it takes to win one of those scholarships. OP has the SAT scores already and is expecting to take out loans to pay. Of course look into a full ride if you can get one, but if you can’t, I think it would be a very poor idea to lie to your parents and think you will just deal with it when they find out once you are in college that you aren’t following their program. Then they will additionally be angry that you lied to them. What will you do when they stop paying? </p>
<p>In an Asian culture, " yes mom " or " yes mom/pa, I understand "
is a polite & " neutral " way to answer to the the question or request from an older person.
I found it much easier to talk & explain the situation to the mom once she is no longer agitated. Some say a spoon full of sugar is better than vinegar ?
One time a kid had said this multiple times within a couple of weeks to his/her mom, the mom had tears in her eyes. At that time, she was able to open up & listen to all the options & stats regarding diff colleges, major etc etc.</p>
<p>As I said before…I totally agreed w/ the previous poster, it is a “crazy” suggestions & definitely will not work for the OP. </p>
<p>
The likelihood is that they will NOT stop paying since they will have already sunk a lot of money. If u don’t graduate they will have difficulty getting paid back all the money they have lended to u.</p>
<p>Or they may pay contingent on seeing course registrations.</p>
<p>I don’t claim to understand Asian culture. I just think that lying to your parents and sneaking around behind their backs is not going to have a better long term outcome.</p>
<p>At worst, you can stall them and say you are premed while still majoring in what you want. You can major in math, econ, or even accounting and go to medical school</p>
<p>It makes me laugh that the desire to be an accountant would be a sign of a “bad kid.” </p>
<p>Try healthcare management? A hot field. </p>
<p>You should tell your mom that the medical profession is what it used to be, post Obamacare (as per the comments from the doctors in our family)</p>
<p>I have some suggestions</p>
<p>1) Grow a backbone (or some particular male anatomy if appropriate). Plan to do what you want. Pursue full rides, and run your life the way you want it. You are correct. It is your life. You own it. You have to live it. Part of growing up is changing your approach from “following orders” to giving your parents a “voice but not a veto” on YOUR plans. </p>
<p>2) Don’t argue with your mom. Don’t bring up the subject. Find a way to disengage with any arguments. If she starts to fight with you, stay silent and don’t take the bait. Don’t get emotional. When you meet with your guidance counselor, indicate that your mom is giving you trouble with your ambitions and want her to stay out of it. Meet with your GC without her. Once your are 18, even your HS can’t discuss things with her without your permission. Don’t give that permission. That said, go out of your way to be nice and friendly to your mom in all aspects of life that don’t involve her manipulating you. You are still her child. You will eventually win her over. You owe her respect, but not compliance. </p>
<p>3) Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. You’ll make them for sure. Just don’t let them phase you. </p>
<p>As I said, smile and nod and do whatever you feel appropropriate. Any argument or reply is just a futile attempt with no results whatsoever in this type of situation, actually results could be ONLY NEGATVIE. Since parents have no leverage, financial or nay other, what you got to loose? Nothing, but you gain a piece and comfort at home if these talks will stop. The only way to stop them is to ignore (the same strategy as with the 2 y o who goes into tantrum, ignore her and it will be the last tantrum in your life)</p>
<p>I don’t think it’s productive to keep telling the OP to smile and ignore parents until their free ride liberates them when there’s no been indication that OP will qualify for a full ride. What does the OP do in the scenario actually described, where mom pays the bills? This mom is clearly very invested in controlling the OP. Mom will want to see courses and grades.</p>
<p>Under these circumstances, turning 18 liberates them. Mom can pound sand. </p>
<p>Mom will not be paying for college. Student will have to do it on his/her own. That might mean full-time work and self-funded night school if sufficient scholarship money isn’t forthcoming. </p>
<p>That’s still better than pursuing a medical career under mom’s thumb. At least it is to me. </p>
<p>I absolutely agree with ClassicRockDad, in fact I was thinking of writing something that is part of the male anatomy part but I didn’t want to sound crude. Lol!
I was told by some friends of my brother to study medicine when I was younger but I didn’t like long schooling. I did ended up taking organic chemistry and biology just to get a field but in the end although I like reading about medical related stuff, I’m not made to be a doctor. It’s very grueling. I have never regretted it. </p>
<p>Relax. The good news is that most colleges/universities offer majors in medical fields. Therefore feel free to apply to the schools you feel are good academic and financial fits for you. Get accepted to a school. </p>
<p>You will choose your first semester courses with your advisor’s help sometime before you begin your first semester. Your mom has no say in this- you can always quote your advisor’s approval of your schedule. Many medically related majors will require math, physics and chemistry so it will be easy to get started on a math major and fulfill any physical science requirements. You will also need to meet breadth requirements so you can choose electives that interest you in the social sciences and humanities that have nothing to do with a STEM major. The second semester you continue with courses that meet YOUR goals. Continue doing this.</p>
<p>btw- husband (Asian Indian) and I are both physicians. We used to say our son was too smart to become a physician. He was undecided between physics and math as a major- he chose math. For his Honors degree he did several grad school math courses. Took no chemistry after HS AP Chemistry so he can’t get into medical school. He added enough computer science courses for a second major. He then got a well paying job as a software developer, switched companies so now his title is software engineer. Making a lot more money than most ancillary medical positions pay.</p>
<p>You can tell your mom that math majors have good, well paying job prospects. Add some computer skills (btw- there is overlap in courses required for each major and which department they are listed in) and there can be no complaints about jobs. Also- math is a very difficult major. Grad schools are hard to get into since top math people from all over the world apply to US schools, the math GRE (after the general GRE with its math section) even has a scale of 900 instead of 800 to differentiate the top students.</p>
<p>For now you listen politely and don’t argue about her plans for you. Eventually you will do what is best for you, not her ideas. Things will work out. Do not spend your last HS year worrying about this.</p>
<p>While I agree with most of what everyone is saying here, being in the IT field and having an IT degree… wis75 neither you or you husbands job can be outsourced to India, Mexico, China or any other country like those in the IT field. I have a friend who works for Microsoft in WA and he is saying the exact same thing… s/w Engineering jobs and many other IT jobs are getting Outsourced. </p>
<p>I don’t think I’ll ever go into my Dr office and have someone tell me, sorry your Dr. now resides in China/India or any other country. I’m praying real hard my DD doesn’t follow in my footsteps. Now she did attend a Robotics 3D printing camp this summer. I’m letting her lead and I’m just silently praying. :o(</p>
<p>They can be outsourced too through tourism. My massage therapist go some work done overseas, and I knew somebody at work, his wife went to India for some medical procedures.</p>
<p>Just a wild guess here: some “not particularly costly” medical procedures may not be economically justified to be outsourced to overseas.</p>
<p>If this is true, maybe it is “safer” to pursue a specialty in medicine in which there are “not costly” procedures that are needed by many local patients.</p>
<p>I heard that the doctors who prescribe the mental disease medicines to prisoners could have a high volume of business and their jobs are not easily outsourced. After all, it may be more costly to outsource the prisoners to other countries because they are generally not welcomed by other countries.</p>
<p>I heard the radiologists may have run their course and may not be in high demand (domestically) in the future. One of the hospitals in NYC seems to have dropped their residents in the middle of their residency training years not long ago, because they have found a more cost effective business model: hire somebody at some remote location in order to reduce the cost. It seems McDonald’s has tried the same trick before. But they are too big a business to be politically correct to do this.</p>
<p>Maybe the job of a primary care doctor is not “bad” after all from this point of view: it has the high volume in general but likely not cost effective to outsource their jobs. They help the big insurance company to recruit, screen and treat the patients. If the patient needs a costly procedure, in a cost effective model, they help the insurance company and the patient to find a “cheap” doctor anywhere in the world who can “fix the problem” as cheaply as possible. Both the customers (patients) and the shareholders of the insurance company would thank the primary care doctor for getting the job done efficiently (in terms of the money spent, not in term of the length of the time or the distance of travel to get the “problem” resolved.)</p>
<p>Am I too pessimistic?</p>
<p>We had bypass the primary care doctor and went straight to a specialist recently for a minor procedure. Our insurance allows us to do it.</p>