My Mom is Forcing Me to Attend a College that I Strongly Dislike

Parents Forum
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<p>Hi guys.</p>

<p>So, for the past few months I've been deciding between Missouri State University, Mizzou, and Missouri Southern State University. </p>

<p>Mizzou is my favorite of the three. I applied to the honors college, was selected for an alumni scholarship etc. I'm even going up to visit next Friday. But I will not start my freshman year there because my mom is forcing me to go to MSSU. </p>

<p>Part of her reasoning is if I attend MSSU, I will not be in any debt. If I attend Mizzou, I will be $22,000 in debt. </p>

<p>She has called me snobby, egotistical, selfish etc. for not wanting to attend.</p>

<p>MSSU has nothing that I want to major in and none of my friends are going there. </p>

<p>My family went out to eat without me tonight and I lost all privileges (phone, TV, Internet) because I offended her. </p>

<p>I feel so powerless. I'm dreading it...</p>

<p>What should I do?</p>

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<p>Attending a college without a major in your interest is huge waste of money. You need to make a powerpoint or a spreadsheet or something to show your mom that you have reasons for wanting Mizzou other than her perceived “snob appeal”. Sell the school to her on its merits. Is there another adult in your close circle that you could talk to that could help you explain your reasons to your family. If you lost your privileges, how did you get this message out?</p>

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<p>“MSSU has nothing that I want to major in…” - Very valid concern. That’s the one you should discuss. </p>

<p>"… and none of my friends are going there." - Lots of students going off to a college (sometimes very far from home) not knowing a soul.</p>

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<p>Also trying having your guidance counselor talk to her on your behalf.
I would not use “my friends are not going there” as any sort of reason.
But not having your major and not being in the honors programs are good reasons.
The debt is up to you.</p>

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<p>I assume your mother is “forcing you”, meaning she’s paying your college costs and she won’t pay for Mizzou. Is that right?</p>

<p>$22,000 debt by the end of 4 years isn’t unreasonable. On the other hand, if you compare graduating without that debt to graduating with it… it’s almost like you start your independent post-college life with a $22,000 head start. Pretty attractive.</p>

<p>But I guess the main question is, is there any possibility your mother would change her mind? If not, and if you are relying on her support to go to college at all, then it’s probably best to let go of your resentment and move on and make the most of where you do go to college. Maybe if you do well there and mend fences with your mom, you can transfer to Mizzou to pursue your major after completing all your gen ed requirements at the cheaper school.</p>

<p>If there is any possibility your mother will change her mind, I promise you that getting into an argument-mode with her will not be as effective as really listening with an open mind to her reasons and asking her to listen with an open mind to yours. Then have some really good reasons. One that is probably not good are “my friends are going there”, but explaining the broader opportunities in your major might be very strong, as well as the benefits of attending the honors college.</p>

<p>First though, settle down, clear your head, think about how to talk to her in a way that is respectful and that may actually stand a chance of changing her mind. </p>

<p>I have heard kids where I live sound incredibly snobby when trashing the regional public university in this area – that attending there is somehow just beneath them. While I totally understand that it is not the most appealing option (for good reasons) for some students, just trashing it to advance their case shows an immaturity and it does make them look snobby and superior. So don’t take that route. </p>

<p>Apologize for the way the dinner conversation tonight went, and own the part of it that was your fault. Tell your mom politely that it would mean a lot to you to try again to have a polite conversation where you each listen respectfully to each other with an open mind, and then ask her just to think about it… that she doesn’t need to answer you right now. Tell her you appreciate all she’s done for you. I’m not saying to tell her that cynically. Get yourself to the point where you really can feel that again.</p>

<p>Then be very nice and friendly. You may feel really mad and disappointed right now, but starting a new conversation from that negative emotional state will not serve your desired end.</p>

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<p>Ask your mother why she wants you to attend a college that does not have your major. Then really listen to her answer.</p>

<p>

</p>

<p>I need clarification on this thought. What do you want to major in? Are you absolutely certain that MSSU doesn’t have your major?</p>

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<p>I’m using my iPod Touch. It has WiFi. She didn’t take it. </p>

<p>My entire family went to MSSU, so no one sees it from my POV. </p>

<p>MSSU’s tuition is $6000 per year. I would live at home. Mizzou’s total cost per year is $18000. I’m planning to work during the summer and have a job on campus. She says that she can’t go into debt and I don’t want her to, but I can only take out $5500 per year.</p>

<p>The thing about Mizzou is that for the general education requirements, I would get to take Geography of the Middle East, Philosophy of Film, Zoology etc. and all MSSU offers is U.S. History (1877-present), Biology, Theatre Appreciation etc.</p>

<p>It’s not that I’ll desperately miss my friends, but they are all going to the colleges that they want (Missouri State, Washington & Lee) and I’m a little jealous…</p>

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<p>You are effectively powerless, unless you have sufficient merit scholarships to attend your desired school. Your parents have complete control over your college choices until you are 24, married, or a military veteran, unless you do not need any of their money or any need-based financial aid. This does not necessarily mean that they are making the best decisions for you and them.</p>

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<p>So this is not a new development, right? You’ve known for a very long time that your mother would want you to attend MSSU, but you were hoping that you could convince her otherwise.</p>

<p>You really cannot take on $22K in debt.</p>

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<p>$22k is reasonable amount of debt for a college education.
It isnt even the maximum amount of Direct loans.
Flymetothe moon, if you dont think a college degree is worth you spending $5,500 x four, then who exactly do you think should be paying for your education?</p>

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<p>But the difference in cost in **12K **per year so that will total at least **50K **more. That is a substantial amount of money. If your family cannot afford the difference between the two schools, then the best you can hope for is to MSSU for the basic courses and transfer to get the major you want.</p>

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<p>Chelsea, how much are your parents willing to pay? Is it just the $6000 for MSSU? If so, do you have any funds beyond the $5,500 in Stafford loans you’ll be able to take freshman year? Is the issue really that your parents can’t afford to send you to Mizzou? You’ve indicated there’s a $12,000 difference between the two schools, and even if the Stafford loan goes toward that, you still have to find another $6500 for your first year (it could be more in subsequent years as costs rise). Could it be that your parents simply don’t have it?</p>

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<p>In this case it sounds as if through merit and loans that you are effectively paying your own way. If so, your Mom is being more than a little unreasonable. It sounds like a power play. Sooner or later you’re going to have to go your own way and have that fight with your mother. In this case it might be sooner. Is there a relative that you can stay with until college? BTW $22-40K is not unreasonable debt for a four year degree. But it does put pressure on you to obtain a marketable skill.</p>

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<p>

Sounds as if money is the main reason why your parents want you to attend MSSU. How would you pay for Mizzou if your parents can’t support you beyond the $6,000 they’d pay for MSSU? If you could formulate a reasonable plan to finance the difference, would your parents reconsider their position?</p>

<p>

What do you want to study? In another recent thread you were considering a double major in finance and journalism at Mizzou. MSSU has a finance program as well, as well as several communications-related degrees.</p>

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<p>From what I read, your parents are in the middle of a divorce that includes dissolving a business, your mom makes about $40K without business income and you received merit money at MSSU. I agree with you that Mizzou is a top journalism school but my advice would be to spend your first two years t MSSU, save your work money and take the general requirements you would need for Mizzou’s journalism program, take the Arabic you want to take and, in two years, transfer. You’ll need o save quite a bit of money to do it but you’ll be able to take out $7500 a year as an upper classman and things might be more stable with your parents by then.</p>

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<p>MSSU does not appear to offer Arabic, and Mizzou appears to offer only elementary (first year) Arabic.</p>

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<p>“MSSU does not appear to offer Arabic, and Mizzou appears to offer only elementary (first year) Arabic.” </p>

<p>On another thread, the student wrote that MSSU offers 4 semesters of Arabic and it is listed in the course list:</p>

<p>[Course</a> List](<a href=“http://courses.mssu.edu/]Course”>http://courses.mssu.edu/)</p>

<p>Adding to the OP: Even if a course is listed in the catalog, it may not be offered very often. To be sure, you would need to check the class schedule and/ or call. (I say call because sometimes, even if a class is listed in the class schedule, it can be cancelled for underenrollment. So when you want to take a foreign language in a small dept, it is wise to call and see if they anticipate sufficient enrollment.)</p>

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<p>If that is the case, then MSSU seems to be a better choice than Mizzou for the purpose of learning Arabic.</p>

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<p>“Mizzou is my favorite of the three. I applied to the honors college, was selected for an alumni scholarship etc.”</p>

<p>How much is the alumni scholarship per year, and does it cover most of tuition, R&B, and books where you only need what appears to be Stafford loans to attend with earnings from summer employment?</p>

<p>I apologize in advance for my directness, but why did you apply to MSSU if the school does not offer your major?</p>

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<p>Why are you going to visit if you cannot attend? Falling more in love with something you cannot have sounds like a bad way to spend a weekend.</p>