<p>So many good people urging you on, Max. </p>
<p>First problem: Did you say that you do not have the $200 deposit?
Do you have any way of earning that deposit? Do you know anyone who would lend you that deposit?</p>
<p>Legendofmax,</p>
<p>My deepest sympathy is with you. I have just a little encouragement to give, and I don't think I saw it given previously. Tiny bit of encouragement. The govt. has a deal called the Hope tuition credit, which would allows the tax filer to get back 100% of the first thousand dollars paid for tuition, and 50% of the second thousand as a tax credit. Your mom, assuming she claims you, would get that back for two years. In the years following, there is a Lifetime Learning credit of 20% of up to $10,000. This is assuming an income of less than $50,000 for single filers, in both the case if the Hope Credit and Lifetime Learning. (Actually it phases down between $40 and $50 thousand.) Those credits helped me deal with the tuition a LOT when my D was in school and I was a single parent. I know it may seem like a drop in the bucket to your mom, but it may help.<br>
I hope that the financial aid office at Penn is wonderfully helpful to you. Thinking positive thoughts your way!</p>
<p>
[quote]
I am not sure how you got such a low
EFC given her assets and payouts, and you are fortunate the FAFSA/Profile were even submitted as I see to many cases where a dysfunctional parent will not or cannot fill out those forms.
[/quote]
Don't mean to butt in, but I know that Legend's mom didn't fill those out...he basically had to scrounge and guess and pull that together for her because she refused to help; instead she tried to hide tax information from him and kept insisting "just tell them we have nothing"</p>
<p>
[quote]
Don't mean to butt in, but I know that Legend's mom didn't fill those out...he basically had to scrounge and guess and pull that together for her because she refused to help; instead she tried to hide tax information from him and kept insisting "just tell them we have nothing"
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Isn't lying on the FAFSA illegal? Or at least if schools find out they might recind acceptances??</p>
<p>mmm i don't think he lied. He tried his best, and probably attached a note that figures were to the best of his knowledge...in any case, colleges use the tax forms more for the final package</p>
<p>What I want to know is how a parent can use social security checks if they are in their child's name? I haven't been signing/endorsing anything...</p>
<p>You said that your mother got $1500 a month for you and $1500 a month for your brother. How does that work? For how long does she get the money? Does it go directly to you after you turn 18. It might be a legal issue if she got the money specifically for her children and did not provide it to them. Perhaps you could just point out that the money is supposed to be for your benefit and ask her to give it to you. I would ask nicely, and investigate things if she doesn't.</p>
<p>Are you talking to the financial aid officier yourself or is everything going thru your mother? If you are willing to take the loans, accept the college by May 1st and then work with them afterwards. If your mother is getting $1500 per month for you, I would do everything I could to get it. I don't see any reason why she should refuse to just give it to you. Also, try looking into scholarships.</p>
<p>Some people have talked about how difficult the death was on the mother. I have more sympathy for Legend. It was his father, and this is a very difficult time for him.</p>
<p>Please ignore my previous post; I was on the wrong page of the thread.</p>
<p>Legend,
It sounds as if you and your mother have a good relationship. I think that your mother is overwhelmed, in panic, and has absolutely no idea how much money she actually needs in order to live. The person who was taking care of everything for her is gone and she has never had to deal with any of this before. Personally I think that someone with $500K and a house is in pretty good shape. (It isn't enough money to last a person for the rest of their life, but get a job.) Saying that to your mother, however, is probably not going to get a rational sounding response. She can't deal with it yet. Talking to her about how to obtain tax breaks and how to obtain a lower EFC will just cause her to shut down in confusion and panic. I'm sure that she will adapt to the new situation with time and she will learn how to take care of herself. It sounds selfish for someone with $500K and a house who is getting social security to not help pay for your college. On the other hand, your mother is probably afraid of being kicked out of her house and ending up penniless. I would continue with going to Penn and trust that everything will work out once she learns to cope.</p>
<p>Legend,
What a terrible thing you have had to deal with at this time of your life. Could your mother's refusal to pay be a plea from her for you to stay home and be the man of the house? In her mind, if she doesn't pay, then she thinks you won't (or can't) go to Penn. Then, you would stay at home, and she wouldn't have to endure another loss. I know that there was a bit of sadness when my children left for college-- excitement, but a touch of sadness. For her, in her grieving mind, your going to Penn would be another loss. </p>
<p>If you go to Penn, and I encourage you to do that, make sure that you keep up contact with her. College students are so busy in their lives, that they sometimes push mom and dad to the back burner. It's fine, but she has to be so afraid that she will lose you, too. Remember, much of her fear comes from a lack of knowledge about college and its importance in today's world. She is facing a life that she wasn't planning for, a life that she has to make the decisions that your father usually made, or at least had an imput. If she uses that money (and while $500,000 is a lot of money, it isn't a fortune), it is gone. If she needs it, then there is even more fear and uncertainty. Fear feeds on itself.<br>
Don't give up your dream of Penn. You can make this work. Having some debt will make you more focused, and more determined to succeed and get rid of the debt. God bless you.</p>
<p>Thank you for your kindness. I have been talking with her occasionally about the issues -- she still is not home yet. The financial aid officer I have spoken to has suggested that I perhaps try to borrow the money from my mom -- which she at one point had suggested herself. We could make our own interest rate -- say, 4%, which I believe is better than what she can get by having it just sit in the bank? This way she would still get her money back and then some, and I could go to Penn.</p>
<p>What do you guys think of this idea?</p>
<p>I think it's a good idea. I think you should do a contract just as if you were borrowing from a bank. I think that the 2 of you should agree on a reasonable time for you start paying back the money (perhaps 6 months after you finish college or grad school -- if you go directly to grad school after college), and what amount will be paid each month.</p>
<p>I know that this is a difficult time for both of you since both are coping with your dad's loss and with your leaving home. I wish you well.</p>
<p>How would such a contract be done?</p>
<p>If you are a legal adult, I think you can do it with a lawyer.</p>
<p>How much would that normally cost in itself...? Would it be necessary? Too dangerous to rely on faith?</p>
<p>My father did not want me to go to an expensive college. I had my heart set on Pratt Institute. My parents paid for my college, and I started paying them back as soon as a got a job. After years and years of paying, when I was almost done they forgave the balance of the loan and the interest . I guess they when they saw I meant it when I promised to pay them back. Also by that time, my sisters went to a state school and their retirement was going well and I guess they didn't need the additional money from me. I'm sure you can do it without a lawyer, but its your moms call.</p>
<p>I doubt that it would cost more than $150 or so, possibly less.
The reason that I suggest it is that even though you are related, it could help to talk through the implications and to make sure that the contract is written so that both of you are very clear about what's expected.</p>
<p>For instance, if it were to say, "payment will begin 6 months after son finishes school," that may be too vague. For instance, what if you had to take time off because of illness. It wouldn't be fair to expect you to pay back the $ if you were ill, but if there were then some dispute between you and your mom, she might expect you to do that.</p>
<p>If you dropped out of school because of some really stupid reason, and the contract used the vague language I gave as an example, theoretically, you could refuse to pay because you could say you hadn't gotten your degree.</p>
<p>(Given your high level of motivation, I honestly am not anticipating that you'd drop out for a dumb reason nor am I thinking you'd skip out of your promise to repay the loan. I do think, though, it's helpful to have a real contract and for both of you to think of the implications. It also would be a good way for both of you to find out about contracts and loans).</p>
<p>try seeing if your local law schools have clinics- they should help you be able to draw something up then you can get it notarized and you each keep a copy-</p>
<p>legendofmax - I also think your borrowing is a good idea. If there is an attorney handling the estate, perhaps he/she would do it for a nominal cost. Also you can find generic contracts on line. Also Nolo press might still have books out there - they have always offered simple legal procedures/contracts for "do-it-yourself"ers. What you are looking for is a "promissory note." It can be very short. I will try and find one and post a link; otherwise Google promissory note. You should have this written agreement for many reasons - IRS, family relations, two different people not remembering different things, etc.</p>
<p>Here is one link (google brings up quite a few). They have the contracts organized by state, so that you will be in compliance with your own state's requirements:
<a href="http://www.ilrg.com/forms/promisry.html%5B/url%5D">www.ilrg.com/forms/promisry.html</a></p>
<p>This idea is a win/win for your mother because, as you say, you can agree on an interest rate which is better than what she can get in a bank. For you, it's a good place to borrow from; for her, it helps her get the maximum income to use for her own living expenses.</p>
<p>Of course, you will still want to get as much grant/scholarship money as you can over the years to minimize your debt.</p>
<p>You know, there's a lot of nasty criticism of the poster's mom for going to Las Vegas, but I remember clearly when my mother went to Las vegas not long after my father died (after 2 1/2 years of slow cancer)--and blew $15000 in one night (it was 1979, for those of you who like to do "how much is that really worth?" calculations). My sisters and I were horrified, but strangely enough, it kicked my mother back into some sort of sense and sanity--she'd been more than a little nuts, insisting my father was haunting her. Everyone copes in their own way. </p>
<p>My fingers are crossed for a good call from Penn on Monday.</p>
<p>Yes. How can any of us know
a--what the whole situation really is and
b--what level of pain and misery this poor woman is in.</p>
<p>I wish the best for all concerned.</p>
<p>BTW, someone above asked for how long the mother gets the Social Security money for the son.</p>
<p>That money comes to the mother for the sake of the son for the support of the son. As such, it is for the mother to use as she sees fit for his support and care. If she doesn't need it for that purpose, she may save it for his future and education. It stops when he turns 18, as the government assumes that he is then responsible for his own support.</p>