My Mother's Trying to Make My Decision! HELP!

Parents Forum
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<p>Basically my mom doesn't want me to attend Macalester because UMich offered me a large scholarship and lots of grants. But right now Macalester is less expensive than UMich thanks to its very generous aid. My mom says she'll try and get a better job and that my grants will plummet when she does so I shouldn't go there. But I love Macalester so much. You can't imagine how much I love the school--but I don't want too many loans. It's just not fair! Why is she doing this? I don't WANT to go to UMich. I wish I hadn't even applied. Why would she do that?</p>

<p>Should I base my decision on what may happen? She probably WON'T find a much better job. And even if she did it wouldn't matter. If she doubled her income next year it would STILL be below $70,000 and she, my brother, and I would all be in college. My aid wouldn't be that bad would it? </p>

<p>What should I do? I tried talking to her about it, but she just said that she's going to try to make as much money as she can without regards to my or my brother's aid or her lively hood. She just doesn't care. I don't even know why she needs to much money. Her income is mostly focused on making her, and her alone live most comfortably. Only my brother, grandfather, and I feel the effects of being working-class. Does she need to make so much money? She can live comfortably with twice her income or less.</p>

<p>I feel so selfish. I haven't approached her yet, really. I only discussed then when she told me not to go to Macalester.</p>

<p>Why is she doing this? I worked my ass off poor and in a ghetto school(which she kept me in, by denying me the chance to attend one of the cities only decent public schools) to finally get into a nice place and she wants to take it away and send me elsewhere! UMich isn't a bad choice, and maybe I'm being spoiled(I know I am) but God damn it, I want to enjoy at least four years. I think I deserve it more than most people.</p>

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<p>OK, take a deep breath. Now that you've vented, do you feel better?</p>

<p>When you calm down, present your case about the money rationally to your mom. If there will be 3 of you in college your aid probably won't change that much (or try going to one of the online financial aid calculators that figures out your EFC and see what happens if you increase your mom's income).</p>

<p>If money is really her concern, and you can show that Macalester won't cost her any more, and you can talk to her calmly and rationally about it, maybe you can change her mind. You said you haven't approached her yet.</p>

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<p>Is your mom forbidding you to go to Macalester?</p>

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<p>Not completely, she's just trying to persuade me with a "You'll be in debt for the rest of your life so I hope its worth it" argument. She doesn't even have this high paying job yet. And we're in MI, the economy isn't that great...for someone with a Masters in Sociology and Bachelor's in...Education...or something like that. She can't teach but she's not a sociologist, she's a social worker. Come on'....what type of job is she going to get?</p>

<p>She's trying to scare me. If I have to get over 40,000+ in loans than so be it. That won't be crippling.</p>

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<p>If Macalester is indeed a better deal financially this year you can add the thought of transferring to Mich in the future if need be. Good luck- remember you will probably fall in love with whichever school you end up at, so don't hold a grudge if the reality check keeps you instate.</p>

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<p>What are the costs you would pay and the debt that you would incur at each school?</p>

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<p>Two great schools but very, very different. Good luck with YOUR decision, Alchemy. Try to present it as reasonably, politely, and dispassionately as you can.</p>

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<p>We've corresponded and I know you're from DPS. You've done a fine job (especially since you aren't from one of the two "other" schools ).</p>

<p>It might also be cold feet. Mcalester is in MN. Ann Arbor is very accessible. </p>

<p>Minnesota iand Macalester might as well be the moon to some people. Maybe she's feeling the distance and it's hard for her to express this --</p>

<p>There are lots of Detroit kids in Ann Arbor and it may be easier for her to wrap her expectations around a more familiar setting...</p>

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<p>Thanks all.</p>

<p>T26E4 I did not consider cold feet. It would not be surprising: the wanted me to call her five times a day while I was at Macalester. She's never shown that much concern before.</p>

<p>What should I do? How should I approach talking to her?</p>

10

<p>I agree with a lot of what has already been said but I am going to look at this from a different point.</p>

<p>
[quote]
Should I base my decision on what may happen? She probably WON'T find a much better job. And even if she did it wouldn't matter. If she doubled her income next year it would STILL be below $70,000 and she, my brother, and I would all be in college. My aid wouldn't be that bad would it?

[/quote]
</p>

<p>While you may think your mom is being unrealistic, the other side of the coin is that your mother has a very legitimate concern.</p>

<p>If your mother does get a better job your EFC is going to change based on her new income. Based on your statement, it is safe to assume that have a really low efc and are probably PELL/FSEOG eligible. She is loooking at worse case scenario, if she may get a better job where she may:</p>

<p>no longer be Pell grant eligible (this could happen around the 40k mark)</p>

<p>be able to afford the increased EFC (which is a very real situation for many families at any income level). What happens if she is not able to borrow the money to pay the EFC (which is also a very real situation for many families)</p>

<p>In addition, unless there is just one year between you and your brother ( assuming that he is older and in this case it won't happen until your senior year) there will come a time where your EFC will change because your brother won't be in attendance. Your mom being in college doe not affect your EFC or financial aid.</p>

<p>If your mom has always been financially struggling, it is understandable why she wants to choose what she feels financially is the "safer" option being in-state at Mich. </p>

<p>As a parent, I also think that she would feel very hurt if she sent you to Macalester and then had to pull you out because she could no longer afford it or feel that you would be taking on large debt to stay (which is also understandable).</p>

<p>I agree with the posters, sit down and talk with your mom, pull both of the financial aid packages apart looking at:</p>

<p>Free money
Grants which don't have to be repaid (federal grants and how would/ could you fill the gap should you lose the money.</p>

<p>Scholarships (if there is merit money, the terms of the merit money vs. need based scholarships)</p>

<p>loans- if your package has stafford loans keep in mind that they are going up each year : max 4500 sophomore year, 5500 max starting junior year this will be approximately 19k
Are there perkins loans in your package- this could add up to about 16k which means potenitally you will have 35k in debt when you graduate</p>

<p>Look at the work study component- will you be able to comfortably earn this money with out sacrificing your studies?</p>

<p>
[quote]
Does she need to make so much money? She can live comfortably with twice her income or less.

[/quote]

she is in the best postion to answer that question, I don't think any one is happy about having to always struggle. While you may feel you have worked your butt off and deserve something better, think about it, your mom feels the same way have gone to undergrad and grad school with the hopes of changing her lot in life.</p>

<p>just a thought.</p>

11

<p>If you really want to be free from your parents - take the steps to be independent from them. This is what I did (not by choice), but the freedom was great. I liked looking at the mirror and discerning that I was the only one whom I needed to satisfy. </p>

<p>If, on the other hand, you want to accept their money, then you must live with the consequences, and make a rational, logical case as to why a certain investment would pay off. Good luck.</p>

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<p>Write down some questions and scenarios with changes in financial and family circumstances and call their financial aid office. I found Macalester financial aid to be very helpful and willing to discuss how EFC would change with changes in income. (See my PM for some details.)</p>