<p>This is YOUR life, not your parents'. You will have to live the consequences of your choices, not them. </p>
<p>Go where ever your heart takes you and stay strong. If you end up enrolling in a non-Christina college, maybe you can negotiate with your parents. All college campuses have Christian societies that you can participate in. :)</p>
<p>If you know what Christian schools your parents have in mind, go online and print out copies of the application. If they have an affirmation of faith that you have to sign, this is the opportunity to sit down and have a heart-to-heart with your parents. They are probably hoping that you don't really mean it when you say that you no longer believe, or that you are just going through a doubting phase. Indeed, you have to be honest with yourself and consider if this might be the case. But if you honestly tell them that you can't truthfully sign the application, that may make them realize that you are serious, and that they have to rethink their approach. They will be very sad, and you have to be patient with them. If you can honestly do so, leave the door open that your views are continuing to evolve.</p>
<p>Maybe someone will remember a similar thread within the last year: student wanted to go away, parents were worried she'd be exposed to secular influences. Some posters suggested that the student look for schools that had vibrant christian student organizations. </p>
<p>OP, I have no idea how doctrinaire your family's church is, but you might also try talking with the youth director or clergy. Try doing this first without your parents, and then possibly with them. Your situation is probably one that your clergy has seen many times. They may have some suggestions or advice for you and/or your parents. </p>
<p>Have you ever read Chaim Potok's novel "The Chosen"? Might be worth a read.</p>
<p>You might also point out to your parents that you will be much more likely to consider religious options at schools where it is not forced upon you, ie schools with a Christian origin as have been mentioned. If they have in mind colleges where religious practice is compulsory, that is not the way to bring someone around to those beliefs, and, in fact, you are more likely to reject those beliefs even more strongly.</p>
<p>I worked my way through college - and know many others who have done the same - it can be done. It probably won't be the same experience that you would have going through school with it being paid for by someone else - but it can be done. </p>
<p>Having said that, it seems to me that there is a more basic problem in the relationship that you have with your parents which will be made worse by taking the extreme position of going your own way - and every effort should be made to work towards a solution that works for both of you. </p>
<p>I'd start by scheduling a time to sit down with them. Agree up front that you are going to listen to their position, ask clarifying questions - and NOT respond. It is a session for them to express their beliefs, desires, and goals - and for you to understand those positions. Go away for a few days and then have a followup session where you respond with what you want - and they listen... then finally a third session where both sides attempt to work towards a compromise. It may be a school with a strong religious foundation (e.g. a Jesuit school) or something like that - but you won't know until both sides understand the position of the other party. </p>
<p>It may be worth having a third party sit in on these sessions. Perhaps a minister, GC, or family member? Look into the academic background of your family's minister. Perhaps he or she went to a regular college first and then to his/her religious training (I know our minister did). </p>
<p>Ultimately it is your decision - and your life. But at the same time, you only have one set of parents - and you want to be very careful about causing permanent damage to that relationship.</p>
<p>"IMHO college is a place to help mold yourself into the person you're going to become, not a place to reinforce the person you already are."</p>
<p>This is bass-ackward. College is a place to learn. Attending a college whose academic and social environment one hates, is a recipe for failure and a huge waste.</p>
<p>If "compromising" means giving into his parents' demands on selecting a college, his college experience is likely to be a total disaster. Lying to them about being interested in a Christian group is no better.</p>
<p>Life is way too short to allow your parents to decide where you receive an education.</p>
<p>Here's another option: Force your parents' hand. Attend the first semester at where your parents force you to go, and intentionally fail every single one of your classes. Waste their money. Make it crystal clear that you are not interested in being their tool as a college student - that you intend to be your own person.</p>
<p>Perhaps it'll take something that extreme to make them figure out how irrational and sadistic they're being.</p>
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Here's another option: Force your parents' hand. Attend the first semester at where your parents force you to go, and intentionally fail every single one of your classes. Waste their money. Make it crystal clear that you are not interested in being their tool as a college student - that you intend to be your own person.
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<p>As a parent, the first thing I'd think if one of my kids did this was that they were being a lazy student, not that they were being their "own person". Flunking every single class the first semester would mean that for second semester they were going to community college and getting a job.</p>
<p>"As a parent, the first thing I'd think if one of my kids did this was that they were being a lazy student, not that they were being their "own person". Flunking every single class the first semester would mean they were going to community college and getting a job."</p>
<p>Then at least he'd be out from his parents' sadistic thumb. And there's nothing wrong with getting a job and going to community college. For the OP, community college would be a much healthier and more supportive academic environment than anywhere his parents would choose.</p>
<p>I'm astonished that people here actually seem to think the OP should allow his parents to select the colleges he can apply to. That's friggin' nuts. There is no way in hell that any aspiring college student should be told what colleges he can and can't apply to.</p>
<p>Going to college is an adult decision with long-term adult consequences for the rest of your life. Those are consequences for YOU, not for your parents. No parent has any business telling his or her child where they can go to college.</p>
<p>So Travis, parents should have no say even if they are contributing to the expense??</p>
<p>That (deliberately flunking) isn't really advice, that's just venting. If your parents are rigid about this, and will only pay for a Christian college, you have a choice to make. You can go to the Christian college, do your best, and tell them at every opportunity that you want to transfer. Or, you can decline their financial assistance and do it some other way. Neither of these is a crazy choice.</p>
<p>"So Travis, parents should have no say even if they are contributing to the expense??"</p>
<p>Absolutely not. Parents should advise their kids, should make suggestions, should provide a sounding board, should be supportive. They should be clear that "here's how much I can spend, if you want to go to a more expensive college you'll have to come up with the rest."</p>
<p>Parents should not ever deign to think that they ought to control the next four years of their adult son/daughter's life by deciding what colleges/universities they can apply to or attend.</p>
<p>Any parent who wouldn't support their son/daughter in whatever higher education decision they make as an adult, is a parent who needs to rethink their priorities. Their son/daughter's life is not their own.</p>
<p>I'm shocked at the responses because my parents made an agreement with each other to stay out of my college decision-making process. They offered their opinions and their advice, and let me know what their budget was, but allowed me to be my own person and make informed adult decisions about my adult education. I maintain a great relationship with them based on mutual respect, support and love. They gave me the freedom to choose and I have the responsibility to succeed.</p>
<p>I just sort of assumed most/all parents were like that. I'm sorry, Zokman, that yours aren't.</p>
<p>Travis, some high school seniors are responsible and clear thinking and are in a good position to make the right decision in terms of their future.</p>
<p>Others are not so mature and may need more nudging and guidance.</p>
<p>In the case of the OP, his parents may feel that he is in mortal danger if he strays too far from the path that they believe is right. It can be hard to move forward in life if your own views and beliefs are radically different from the way you were raised.</p>
<p>It can be equally difficult to move forward in life if one is forced to hide and repress their true beliefs and feelings so as not to appear radically different from the way they were raised. One is then lying to both his parents and to himself.</p>
<p>"Others are not so mature and may need more nudging and guidance."</p>
<p>Perhaps true in some cases. Clearly, not in the OP's case. He's made the mature, thoughtful and adult judgment that he would not be happy with his parents deciding where he may attend college.</p>
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"So Travis, parents should have no say even if they are contributing to the expense??"
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<p>Absolutely not. Parents should advise their kids, should make suggestions, should provide a sounding board, should be supportive. They should be clear that "here's how much I can spend, if you want to go to a more expensive college you'll have to come up with the rest."</p>
<p>Parents should not ever deign to think that they ought to control the next four years of their adult son/daughter's life by deciding what colleges/universities they can apply to or attend.
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<p>Well FCYTravis99, your parents are not the only ones who feel that way. I gave S the monetary limits. S applied where he chose. The LAC he chose gave sufficient merit money so he could attend within my monetary commitment. </p>
<p>I do not monitor his grades. He was told that he would have to cover everything above $X. It means that if he loses any scholarship money he has to make it up himself. It has worked out very well for both of us.</p>
<p>If OP's parents say "do it our way, or do it on your own," its grow up time for OP. I personally cannot understand it, but I have at least two examples in my close relationships where this was the attitude the parents took about their continued control of their child's life after HS. In both cases, when the child did it his way (on his own), the parents severed their relationship. I guess those parents valued their control over their son greater than having him in their lives.</p>
<p>I am not in favor of Zokman repressing his beliefs and in fact I admire him greatly for telling his parents of his lack of belief and his determination to act accordingly.</p>
<p>I was not thinking of him as a case of those needing nudging and extra guidance. </p>
<p>I'm just saying that I don't think we know enough about his circumstances to be able to say that it is impossible to find a school which would be acceptable to Zokman as well as his parents.</p>
<p>I am not in favor of him repressing his beliefs either - but I am in favor of doing what he can to avoid ending his relationship with his parents - which could easily happen if he forces the issue. Having a thoughtful series of conversations with his parents is one way to make sure that everyone involved is fully informed before the final decision is made. (and Zokman ultimately does own that decision)</p>
<p>FCYT: The world doesn't work the way you think it does. People who are paying up to $200,000 or more in after-tax dollars to send someone to college will often feel empowered to have an opinion about which college it should be. Not everyone, but lots. And I suspect that the "hands off" attitude of many who claim to have it is really a "hands off unless I disagree fundamentally" attitude. It never gets tested, because more often than not -- a lot more often than not -- the kids and the parents are evaluating things from the same value system, and they tend to agree within acceptable parameters.</p>
<p>In any event, some of the responses here trivialize the OP's problem. Sure, Georgetown, Fordham, Davidson would be nice, but they're not what anyone means by "Christian college". Pepperdine is; that's a decent suggestion. I think a true non-Christian would feel awfully oppressed at Pepperdine, but I question whether the OP is that kind of true non-Christian. Does Baylor retain enough religious character so that one could sell it to one's parents as "Christian"? If so, maybe that's another possibility.</p>
<p>Otherwise, the OP is going to have to go fishing for substantial merit scholarships, and as many have pointed out he's late for a lot of that market.</p>
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I think a true non-Christian would feel awfully oppressed at Pepperdine
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<p>Oppressed is pretty strong, I would have said "uncomfortable", but your point is taken. I would say the same about Baylor. A good school, but someone who is is strongly non-Christian (or even someone who is more of a "liberal" Christian) would probably feel uncomfortable. Texas Christian maybe less so. But it's really hard to give concrete advice unless/until the OP comes back to the thread and explains what his parents mean -- ANY school historically affiliated with a Christian church? A Jesuit school? A fundamental or conservative christian school? Just a "a Christian college" leaves too much unsaid.</p>
<p>If the OP was raised in a fundamentalist Christian household, maybe he would find a few fellow travelers at Baylor, Pepperdine or a school of that ilk.</p>