Im not sure what to do at this point in my life. I don’t want to be in college yet, mainly because I am extremely sick of school and I don’t know what I wanna major in. I’ve lost the motivation to try in school, and i lost my financial aid due to my grades. My parents also told me that I have to finish college as quickly as possible because my dad is scared that he’ll lose his job and that we wont be ableto afford college. It feels like he doesnt think I could work and save money on my own. I already asked them if I can take a break from school and work and literally started screaming and told me thats not happening. I’ve never been employed before and my parentsbought me a car. It depresses me to no end that the few friends that I have are working and doing well in college and living their lives while I’m here, stuck at home being forced into college when I dont even know what I want to major in. I’m sick of it. When I stopped to think about it, my misery and frustration all comes from my parents. They are terrible people and I’m ashamed to even call them my parents. I need help. Any would be appreciated.
Come ON.
You have a lot going on here…hating your parents is not the same as not knowing what you want to do with your life. Are you going to a community college? Living at home?
What are your parents hoping you’ll get out of college? If your parents are worried about money, spending more on college isn’t necessarily a smart move, especially if you don’t have financial aid, don’t want to be there and won’t be successful at it.
Why haven’t you ever worked? By the time most kids are in college, they’ve had a job or two. Did your parents not allow it? Did you need to care for siblings, or help around the house, or something like that? If you just never wanted a job, it’s not a surprise that your parents don’t yet trust that you can be successful at a job – they have nothing to go on.
Find one or more trusted, intelligent, relatively neutral adults (i.e. not fellow ~19 year olds) and talk to them.
If you’re attending a non-profit college, then perhaps that college has counselors (career counseling or otherwise). I would be more reluctant to advise this if you’re attending a for-profit college, as I would trust their counselors less.
If you have a connection to a church or religious facility, perhaps talk to the pastor or other leader.
If you’re in your home town, perhaps you have contacts at your high school - a trusted teacher or counselor who you could talk to.
Perhaps one of your friends’ parents is someone you could talk to…
While you might get useful information directly about your life situation from others here on CC, assessing your current situation, possible directions, and maybe just providing a good listening ear is probably easier to do in person, with someone who knows you better than an anonymous forum…
Im going to a community college and my parents are hoping that I’ll get a well paying job. Ive never worked because my parenst said no to me getting a job and although they said I can get a part time job, I am not sure if that would go well. I struggle already with the classes I’m taking. I feel that maybe working part time would worsen my grades.
^^this
It’s your life, you are an adult. Seek wise counsel and figure out how to go about living your life with integrity and self-respect. Hating your parents won’t help move the ball forward, no matter how justified or silly (or somewhere in between) that is.
JMO.
You should not be in college. Period. End of discussion. Nobody can make you go to college.
If you don’t go to college, he won’t need to afford it
Perhaps because you continue to be dependent on him.
If you are over 18, then they can’t stop you. If you feel as though you are being abused, you should move out. If you are being held captive, call 911. Legally, nobody is stopping you from being independent.
Those terrible parents bought you a car. That sounds incredibly generous. It sounds like you continue to play the role of a whiny dependent child. You are an independent adult and you own your life. What is stopping you from just getting a job and moving out?
No disrespect, but your whining is counterproductive. You can only control your own behavior. Your parents can only control theirs. Take charge of your life and live it.
I understand what you’re saying, but they really are terrible. If I dont do what they say, they’ll curse at me and yell until I do what they say and they don’t care how I feel… They’ve never really taught me how to be independent. I don’t know what I’d have to do to get a job and live alone. For the record, I’m 19.
What do you think drives their behavior? Is this a cultural issue?
Can you talk to your career center at your community college and see what types of part-time jobs you might qualify for? My son’s CC sends out part-time job bulletins frequently (and they aren’t necessarily tied to the school so if you’re not taking classes it’s fine).
If you could get some money coming in you could formulate a plan of how to move out on your own.
Your blaming them is grating. “they really are terrible”
“They’ve never really taught me how to be independent. I don’t know what I’d have to do to get a job and live alone”
You can type on a smartphone or laptop or other computer device. You can get a job. Don’t want to go to college? Fine. Otherwise it’s a waste of time and money. But you know what? You’re then responsible to come up with a reasonable alternative. Eating your parents’ food and living under their roof w/no job and no plan on doing anything isn’t one.
They may yell and even be unreasonable – but you’ve not shown that you’re a paragon of rational planning either.
Do that and they may respect you.
Do what thousands of kids in your situation do: find a full time job. Find a place to live (or crash with your friends until you do.) Move out. Tell your parents – in a letter, if you can’t do it in person – that you’re not doing well in college because you’re burnt out and unsure what you want to do. That you need a break, and want time to evaluate what you want in life. If you’re financially independent of them, there is very little they can do with your decision. Final advice: once you’re on your own, work on improving your relationship with your parents. There will be many times in your life when you will need them - and vice versa.
You are fortunate to be one of the teens that have all the answers about parenting.
Dad thinks you can’t save money? Just because you’ve chosen not to work and save money? My goodness, he sounds unreasonable. Ha.
Do what others have advised, get a job, move out, support yourself, then you can be an adult, and make all the right decisions for yourself. You are old enough to be an adult, but while your living in their home, on their dime, you are still living as a child. Support yourself, then you can be proud of what you’ve earned, and choices you made.
Or, of course, take a second look at parent’s advice and do your very best in college, to get a career you want.
I’ve shared it before, but my favorite saying is, “Hire a teenager while he still knows everything.”
You can’t have it both ways. If you are an adult, you get a job and move out. An adult ignores screaming and cursing (which is what small children do when they throw a tantrum) until it blows over. How to make the first moves? You talk to your guidance counselor at CC and ask advice. You talk to other respected adults in your orbit, and get their recommendations. You move out and stay with a friend or relative for a few weeks while you apply for jobs. You look for group houses where you can rent a room. You research organizations that offer gap years - like City Year among others.
Or you are still a child, in which case it is their house, their money and their rules, so you do what they tell you to do and do it with decent grace. That doesn’t preclude trying to persuade them or negotiating a compromise - i.e., work part-time and take only one or two classes. Take a gap year to work full-time and save money, and you promise to return to CC full-time in a year when you are less burnt out.
Either of these approaches is acceptable. What isn’t okay is learned helplessness. You are not helpless. Decide what you want to do/be and then take action.
Enlist in the military: best attitude adjustment organization ever!
Yes, join the military. You will be out on your own. You’ll be able to support yourself and have a career. All in an instant.
Just wanted to correct/clarify myself.
Yes, 19 year olds are adults. But I think you should talk to one or more older adults - who’ve gone through college, or bypassed it, and have been out in the world for 5+ years…
If your dad is worried that he’ll lose his job, then he should be SAVING the “college money” for that possible problem.
Your Dad is losing his job, and he is seeing you give up on the opportunity to educate yourself so you can have a chance at a well paying job. He sees that you are making an uninformed decision…What will your plan be? He can’t afford to support another adult with no job. You think that will a HS diploma you will be able to find a job (despite having no work experience) that will pay for rent/food/insurance/gas/phone/internet?
Others have said to join the military…that might be an idea. They will take people who have not worked before. My brother and my nephew joined the military after HS…they enlisted for a few years and then when they figured out what they wanted to do they went to college.
A number of my extended family enlisted in the military and did college afterwards. I even have one nephew who partied his freshman year, lost his merit scholarship, then parents pulled the plug. He enlisted, served active duty, gained maturity, then came back to finish college strong.