Seriously, consider the military.
Step 1: Stop posting on message boards complaining
Step 2: Google “Entry level jobs available in [insert your zip code]”
Step 3: Get job
Step 4: Move out
First, if the car’s title is not in your name, you can’t just take it with you. And, second, sit down like an adult an crunch numbers. What is minimum wage in your area? Multiply that by 32-40 (many places do not offer 40 hrs per week) and then by 4. Call and find out how much car insurance is on your own policy. Find out how much rent is for an efficiency/studio apt. Will you have enough money for food? Electricity?
Your posts remind me of one of our adult children. He didn’t graduate from college. We didn’t yell at him, but his perception was that we weren’t letting him do what he wanted and therefore we were responsible for all the things in his life that weren’t the way he pictured them. (And he is correct; we didn’t let him do whatever he wanted. We forced him to save most of his pay check. In his reality, the money was his and he should have been allowed to spend it however he wanted. He thought saving for his future was completely unreasonable.) 2 months ago we moved him out bc of his behaviors and the stress they were inducing on his younger siblings. The only way he could rent an apt was if we consigned bc he had no credit. He had been working full-time for 2 yrs and had enough money in the bank to cover 9 months of rent.
He now walks to work. (No car budget.) He can’t afford Internet or cable. He makes barely enough money to,pay rent, food (very limited food budget), electricity and water. If we didn’t supplement his budget, the $$ in the bank would have to be tapped into every month.
After the first few weeks, he regretted his decision. His life is not what he pictured it would be at all. But he has a lease and he is now obligated. Our ds is autistic, so many of his behaviors and choices are major hurdles from his disability. It is why he didn’t follow through on finishing a degree. It is why he couldn’t appreciate just how limited his full-time-slightly-more-than-minimum-wage job’s pay was.
For us it has been a win-win situation bc it has taken living what we kept telling him in order for him to recognize the reality of the situation. We are managing his money for him and have a spreadsheet with his income and all of his expenses. Living with only the bare necessities and having details laid out in black and white has finally made it real. (And fwiw, he is still on our health insurance. He wouldn’t have enough $$ to eat if he had to pay for that.) He is now open to thinking about his future in a way he was resistant to before.
I encourage you to actively seek the path out of home. I’m sure your terrible parents will appreciate having fewer expenses in their budget since your father is stressed about being out of work. An extremely tight budget might help you recognize that that degree they want you to have is not an albatross but a gift toward a better future.
Sorry that you are getting such a critical response here. We do not know enough about your situation really, but from what you write, I can certainly sympathize. I suspect there are cultural factors here as well, that you have not mentioned.
Community colleges have advisors and other people to talk with. If you have health insurance, you can also speak with a counselor in the community. If it is possible that you are depressed, you might benefit from therapy and/or medications. Medications can be really helpful to get over a hump like this.
I personally believe that there is too much pressure to go to college, and that many don’t have an easier time getting a job after all the money and work, especially if you are coming out of a community college. And a break can refresh, provide new motivations, and help mental health. Much better for you to leave school than fail, that’s for sure. You want to protect your academic record as much as you can.
Ultimately, community college can be of benefit though in several ways. One, you can usually go on to a state university 4 year program if the CC has an agreement with the university in place- and you end up saving a lot those first two years at CC. Two, if you don’t want to do that, community colleges have practical, career oriented courses (in Microsoft Office, Bookkeeping, Fire Science, EMT, nursing assistant, PT or vet tech, etc.) and shorter certificate programs that can help you get a job. Have you looked into these? Are you doing liberal arts? What exactly are you studying? Perhaps a more practical direction would appeal to you. Something with a practicum or internship that can get you a job relatively soon.
I really do think it’s fine to step out and work- my opinion. Unfortunately I am not your parent. My daughter and most of her friends did that and worked, and then at some point she started taking a class or two in a degree program geared more to “adult learners,” some of it online. She has worked as a waitress, trained as a practitioner in a healing field, and now has a good job while she continues to take classes. She is doing fine. My other kids went to Ivy League Schools and I would say she supports herself as well as they do, though that may change in the future, and she is working slowly toward a better salary.
There are many many paths to both degree and to jobs. Some jobs still don’t require a degree.
See if there is a job training program outside of school if you exhaust resources at community college. If there is an agency in your town or city that can help, go see them. Most states have employment centers. And use craigslist.
I sounds to me as if your parents are worried about money and their ability to support your education or your life financially while also taking care of their own needs. They probably want you to be able to support yourself soon. We are all dealing with this! Unfortunately, many many young adults are living at home these days (I just read a book about this actually) up to age 30 even. Cost of living is high, jobs are not always paying a living wage, and so on. Not all parents are aware of these economic challenges. Some are only too aware.
I hope you can leave school but you will need outside help to get your parents to understand. I cannot tell but they do not sound as if they have a sophisticated understanding of options for you. A therapist can meet with you and your parents to negotiate this perhaps. Time out of school can be valuable if used properly, and it preserves your transcript from the harm your burn-out can do.
Finally, that therapist can help you with whatever issues you need help with, including depression. If you are diagnosed with depression, you can probably do a medical leave now, with proper documentation, and then any classes you might be failing would be wiped off your record- clean slate. Talk to a dean or someone in the college after you have seen a therapist. It might be possible.
It sounds as if you have lived a relatively cloistered existence, since you have never worked. It is great that you have a car. That can open up many job possibilities. You’ll find something and grow, then you can return to school when it seems productive. But please, get help from a counselor- now!!
Good luck.
My brother was living with us while he was going to school. At some point he dropped out. So I said “I guess this is what you want to go do with your life…so go do it.” He moved out and got a low paying job living in a boarding house.
Independence may be the most important thing to you right now and that is okay…but take responsibility and move out.
My sister was adamant that she was not ready to go to college and she needed a break. My parents insisted (and they are NOT horrible people) and she flunked out after a semester or two. So it was a waste of time and money. She had the desire to return to college later, but by then she was married with kids and didn’t have the time or resources to do it. Without a college degree or other specialized training, her income is modest and she struggles financially.
Who can say how things would have worked out if she had taken a gap year or two? In your case, I suggest finding a job and moving out. There is nothing like trying to survive on minimum wage to motivate one to pursue a post high school degree.
Do you have any interest in learning a trade? If you’re not academically inclined, plumbers, electricians, etc. make good wages and are always in demand. This might be a viable alternative.
Do you have student loans? One of the reasons that your parents may be against you “taking a break” is that you’ll have to start paying them back 6 months after you leave school. When deciding whether you can afford to live on your own, factor in any loan payments you may have. My niece took a semester off when she decided that she hated her major and wanted something completely different, but she was back the next semester because she could not pay both her rent and her loans even though she was working two low paying jobs and had roommates.
Yes but accumulating more loans while not doing well in classes is a problem too. Then you owe money for D’s or F’s or whatever and have nothing to show for the money, or less than nothing.
Your parents wanted you to get an education. You lost your financial aid because of poor grades. Now they would have to pay full price until you can qualify for aid again. Since you are not motivated and your dad is fearing job loss that is not a good idea right now.
Ask your parents to save that money right now. It can either be used later to go back to college or to help your parents if your dad does lose his job. Explore with a counselor your feelings and why you are not motivated.
Get a job and save money, help your parents out. Find out what you enjoy doing and what aptitudes you might have for a career.
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Im not sure what to do at this point in my life. I don’t want to be in college yet, mainly because I am extremely sick of school and I don’t know what I wanna major in. I’ve lost the motivation to try in school, and i lost my financial aid due to my grades. My parents also told me that I have to finish college as quickly as possible because my dad is scared that he’ll lose his job and that we wont be ableto afford college. It feels like he doesnt think I could work and save money on my own. I already asked them if I can take a break from school and work and literally started screaming and told me thats not happening. I’ve never been employed before and my parentsbought me a car. It depresses me to no end that the few friends that I have are working and doing well in college and living their lives while I’m here, stuck at home being forced into college when I dont even know what I want to major in. I’m sick of it. When I stopped to think about it, my misery and frustration all comes from my parents. They are terrible people and I’m ashamed to even call them my parents. I need help. Any would be appreciated.
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Let me get this straight:
-Your dad is afraid he’ll lose his job-- the means he has of supporting his family.
- Instead of telling you to forget about college, he’s pressuring you to go while he can still afford to pay your way.
- You’ve never been employed.
- Your parents bought you a car.
and, as a result:
your parent are “terrible people” and you’re “ashamed to even call them (your) parents.”
Did I get that straight??
I have to hand it to you-- I can’t even find the words to say here. (I just erased my 4th attempt at a civil answer.) The words I want to say will be edited by the mods.
The best I can offer is this: Your parents can’t make you go to college. They can’t make you live with them. If they’re causing all your misery and frustration, move out.
And, as mildly as I can put it, I think you should be ashamed all right.
There’s an old Irish curse: May you someday get the children you deserve.
@GrayNight I think the military suggestion some have made is a good one. It will force a little maturity on you while at the same time helping you to develop into a successful adult.
You shouldn’t be angry with your family for trying to help you. I strongly suggest you see a counselor or psychologist who ought to be able to meet with you once or twice and at least give you some type of guidance as to which direction you ought to take. Go hug your parents.
Well, after a massive arguement with my parents, I finally managed to take a break from school and am looking for work in my area. The military is not an option for me because I suffer from back problems. To be honest, I feel depressed. It doesn’t feel worth it. Its a mission to get up in the morning and keep trying. Oh, and my dad losing his job was never a real problem. He was just being paranoid. I’ve been questioning so many things. What do I want to do? Why am I doing it? Will my life get better? I can’t seem to answer those questions. I feel trapped and alone. Again, I’ve been looking for a job, but so far, nothing. I guess what I’m trying to say, is that my life is really dull and I think I may actually be depressed. I hate to admit it, and I’ve never told anybody about it, but it seems to be true, especially since I’ve stopped caring about a lot of things and don’t have any real interests. Crying used to be a regular thing for me because of the pain in my sitaution, but I don’t feel much now. I have thought about just leaving my house but without a well paying job, and knowledge on how to actually survive and manage various expenses and budgets, I won’t have anything. I’d end up homeless and I’m not sure if I want to go down that path. I’ve always heard in college, that its a place people want to go to learn (obviosly), but I don’t have a clue what I’d actually want to do. Going on day after day is getting very difficult and I can’t seem to find the motivation to do much about the situation. My life is a mess thats just getting worse and I hate it. Any suggestions will be appreciated. Thank you.
Continue looking for work. It can take time to find your first job. You’ll figure out what you like and what you don’t, by trying different jobs.
Find volunteer opportunities to see if you can develop further interests related to that line of work.
Is there a high school teacher, relative, or clergy, that you could contact for help?
I took a hard line for both my kids and told them their options after graduating from high school (they both knew this when they entered high school so there were no surprises): 1) college, the best we could afford and they could get into; 2) military; or 3) move out into their own apartment Labor Day after hs graduation. Everyone thought I was a monster for “threatening” them. I disagree. Far too many kids from this rural area pick a bar stool and never leave the peninsula and I wasn’t going to bankroll that. S joined the USAF, D is in college. Stop whining and figure it out.
It sounds like you should take the advice of others on here and speak to a counselor or therapist about possible depression. Your father’s employer may offer a program for him and his dependents as a benefit. Start there. If not, a Google search will help you find someone in your area.
Have you applied for jobs and been turned down or just not found anything you want to do or feel like you can do with your physical problems? Sorry to sound unsympathetic, but beggars can’t be choosers. Keep looking and keep applying. Your CC might have a career center that can help even if you’re not currently taking classes. A call center might be a good entry level job if you can’t be on your feet.
For what it’s worth, I was a mean parent who forced my daughter to go to college. Everyone’s experience is different, but she had no idea what she wanted to do and felt like she would be wasting time and money at college. She also had no plan for what to do if she didn’t go to college. I told her if she could tell me her plan for financial independence I would consider it. She couldn’t come up with one so off to college she went. We purposely sent her to four year university, which is against conventional wisdom for someone in her situation. However, we knew living at home taking general classes would not move her forward. Out of state, she was forced to figure things out and was able to choose a major within her first year.
She found her passion and is doing very well now, on a track for a fulfilling career and meeting others with similar goals. It wasn’t easy for her but it’s working out. She didn’t have depression, though, and I really think you need to act on that first. Then maybe making a plan and following it, even if it’s hard, will help you move forward.
Find a job in a restaurant… They are always hiring!
One of mine didn’t go to college, then went, then left, then did a course or two at CC and is now in an adult learner program (degree completion at a good school) taking a class at a time. She is halfway through. The determination comes from her, as it should, in my opinion. She works and does a performance art and is a good friend and lives her life. She lived with me for three years after high school and now shares an apartment with a friend. I help her a little, as needed and as she tolerates it. I am confident things will be fine for her.
The most important thing right now is that it sounds like you are truly clinically depressed. The fact that you have stopped crying and feel little is significant. Many people think clinical depression is sadness but what you describe is what true clinical depression is like. Please, please get help. A small amount of an SSRI antidepressant medication can change your life. You still have to do the work of finding a job, making decisions, and so on but with the help of a med and some therapy- also important- your depression can lift and you can be more effective.
And yes, seasonal work is opening up in many parts of the country, including restaurants and stores. But first get some help on the medication, please!
It really sounds like you are depressed. The first thing you need to do is see a doctor, preferably a psychiatrist or therapist, and/or talk to a trusted teacher, pastor, former teacher, etc.
First - you need to address your depression. Even if you can just join an online forum with others going through the same thing - depression and feelings of apathy - that would be helpful.
Call a hotline. Anything. Do SOMETHING right NOW about seeking help for your depression. Ideally, see a doctor.
Second - you need to do something. I know what it’s like to be depressed and apathetic and have zero motivation - I’ve been there. And it is HARD to even get up and leave the house, I know. I know. BTDT.
But you MUST. You must get up, leave the house, and go look for a job, ANY job at this point, because a) it’s better than no job at all, b)it will give your life structure and force you to leave the house every day, or regularly and interact with other people.
You absolutely have to do this, your life depends on it, it really does.
And you must get help for the depression.
It also sounds like you’d be a good candidate for A FOUR-YEAR college (not community college**) simply because you do not know what you want to do with yourself. University is where you figure out things like that - it is designed for it, actually. The focus is on a broad education, and if you haven’t figured out a career path by the end of four years, you will at least be prepared for a variety of white-collar jobs.
Believe me, half the students, or more, at any four-year university have no idea what to do with the rest of their lives. College is a place to transition and learn - about yourself and the world. You honestly seem like a prime candidate for that transition right now.
Having a goal also helps tremendously. Your parents want you to go to college, and it sounds like you would benefit from it. Perhaps, getting to a university next fall could be a long-term goal for this year.
Get a job, save your money, and always keep that goal in your mind.
Or come up with a different goal - whatever it is, always keep it at the front of your mind and keep working toward it, no matter how slowly it seems things are progressing.
But again! - get help for the depression and do it TODAY.
** I say, NOT community college, because typically, students at cc have more of a career goal in mind and it’s less of a place to “wander” intellectually. UNLESS it is a cc designed to help students transfer to four-year universities.
But I think you’d benefit from being away from home, living with your peers on a campus, if you can afford it.
I just came back to say the opposite 
Sometimes the career-oriented certificates and two year degrees are very motivating and end up providing a good job. And sometimes they provide transfer credits, as with nursing or PT assistant. There is great computer skills training offered at most CC’s as well.
The first priority is treating the depression. A therapist will not be able to medicate, so a psychiatrist or nurse pharmacologist is a good way to start, but your primary care doctor can also prescribe, and many do. It can take time and skill to find the right one, because some are activating and some are more sedating.
I think it can be very hard to work or concentrate on anything when a person is as depressed as you are. I hope you can ease the pressure on yourself (and others can too) until you feel better. If you had what is considered a medical illness, you would not be looking for work right now, and in the eyes of many, clinical depression is no different. If you find that a certain job, and its hours, have the potential to make you feel better, then fine, but otherwise, get treatment first.
I see your point, @compmom, but in this case, OP has no idea what he wants to do, and community college may not be the best place to “wander” to figure it out… Also, many commuters don’t stick around on campus much - OP may benefit from being at a place where he can live on campus and be around other people on a regular basis.
I’d also advise him to force himself to socialize, because that helps.
I know, from personal experience, that living at home with parents when you’re 18, can be socially isolating and extremely lonely, especially for someone with little motivation to get up and leave the house.
College is, of course, only one option - OP could also join a meet-up group, club, youth group at church, volunteer…
A job is another place to meet others.
I completely agree though, that seeking help for the depression should be top priority.