My parents are making me dorm with my sister (follow up)

Student Lounge College Life
1

So it’s been a while since my last post. (i never use this site – I just wanted a way to reach out to people and hear a different side of the spectrum than just my own mind or my close friends who will usually side with me)

If you haven’t read my other thread, basically I was asking for everyone’s opinion on whether or not I was being dramatic or not about having to dorm with my sister. My parents made a compromise with me and said that I either dorm with her or I don’t dorm at all.

A lot of you were confused as to whether or not she was a twin or not, well, she’s my older sister. This upcoming fall season for 2019, she will be a junior in college ( a transfer from community college, this will be her first time at a real university) and I will be a freshman. She is 20, I am 18.

I probably did come off as an ungrateful brat that was selfish, but I guess it’s because all my life I have grown up in a household where my mom micromanages EVERYTHING I do.

I should have been more clear with my situation in my last post. I am currently living in a different city right now that the college I got accepted into is in. However, my parents are MOVING to that same city when I start my first year. Now can you see why I have an issue? I already have to put up with them moving to the same city as me, and now I have to deal with them making me room with my sibling when ALL I WANTED was to get away and have some freedom.

Of course, I could be being completely unreasonable and I am aware of all of the parents on this website.

And of course, I AM grateful for them compromising with me! All I’ve ever wanted was a normal college experience where I get to live on campus and be independent for once in my life. I am also aware that it is their money and I would never take advantage of that. I am thankful for their support.

However, I am also probably not being thankful e n o u g h. I appreciate everyone’s advice from my last thread, it was a nice slap in the face. If anyone else has any input and advice for me on how to handle my situation, it would be really appreciated :slight_smile:

2

How does your sister feel about it? If anything I think it might be more of a drag for her, since it can be harder for transfer students to assimilate socially and living with other new transfers can help a lot.

3

I remember your first thread. It was a month ago. Go back and read it, because there was good advice, and this post seems no different than the first one. It clearly says it was closed because you never came back to respond to the other one. It’s called hit and run posting, and it tends to annoy people because they’ve taken the time to respond to you, then there is no follow up.

4

my suggestion would be to see if you and your parents could compromise-how about you and your sister in the same dorm but different roommates.

5

Your parents are moving to where your college is just because you’ll be in school there? I’m a parent and I just don’t get that at ALL. They do seem to be incredibly micromanaging. Unfortunately it is their money, so you’re stuck with the conditions unless you’ve got a full ride somewhere else. Rooming with your sister seems better than commuting to me though.

6

This isn’t a compromise, it’s an ultimatum. It sounds like your choices are commuting or rooming with your sister. Which do you prefer? Can you choose a suite type dorm with 3 or 4 girls/suite?

7

Yes, the choices seem to be living at your parents’ new home next year and rooming with sis.

8

@cupcakehinata - let me just say that the desire for a “normal” college experience is perfectly healthy and your parents actions would drive many kids crazy - and even more into rebellion. I know that there are some cultures in which the parents maintain control of the adult children for far longer than others and I have to assume you are used to their hands-on parenting style. My kids would consider my and/or my husband moving to their college city as totally and unacceptably intrusive. So basically I just wanted to affirm - it’s not you that’s the problem here, it’s them. Yes, they are paying the bill and so your choice is to go to college “their way” or not at all… but I think they are flat our wrong and I don’t blame you if you resent it.

9

Bearing in mind some of the roommate from hell stories, as long as you and your sister get along alright, this is not the worst rooming situation that could happen to you. Your parents following you to your college town sounds much worse, controlling and intrusive. However, your sister could be your best ally. You can share this burden, with one running interference when the other needs her freedom. It’s not fair, but it’s survivable for the two of you. And you want them to trust you enough to keep on dorming by yourself as soon as your sister graduates.

You will, once you are financially independent, be able to draw firmer boundaries. Now is not the time - you need that degree first. And you will be working on those boundaries for the rest of your parents‘ lives, because they will never let go voluntarily, and you will always be emotionally dependent in some way, no matter how much or how little contact you have. Just wait till you have kids! It’s a marathon, not a sprint. Team up with sis and you’ll get through it.

10

Some schools require that freshmen live in freshman only dorms.

This could be a good situation for you. If your parents are comfortable with you & your sister’s rooming situation, they might be les likely to appear on campus to check up on both of you.

11

Would your parents expect you to live in the dorms together or would they rent you an apartment together?

12

Is there a health reason they are doing this? If you want to share?

13

Getting a four-room dorm suite was my first suggestion to my parents, because it’s way cheaper than what I’m doing right now, but I guess my parents don’t want me being with people I don’t know. Also, my sister doesn’t want to be with a bunch of people she doesn’t know, so now we have to do just a two-room thing.

14

@CaMom13 - thank you for this. I have let my parents know countless times in the past when this was a bigger deal that it bothered me how they were moving to the same city as me. My mom took high offense to it and would always lecture me about being a brat who wanted to get away from them. Now that I’m getting closer to actually going, as I’ve been accepted and whatnot, I’m just trying to not let it bother me.

15

@Tigerle - yes, you are completely right. My sister though, she’s not like a normal “big sis”. She’s very dependent and has never really cared much about school. My parents have to basically force her or remind her of anything. She’s never been employed, she even still hasn’t even been admitted to the university yet.

16

@silverpurple - There are no health reasons. No other reasons than wanting to keep a close eye on us. I was not even allowed to apply to any other university except the one I am currently discussing.

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@MYOS1634 - Renting an apartment is completely out of the question. They would never allow us that unfortunately.

18

@Publisher - the ONLY university I was allowed to apply to doesn’t require freshman to live on campus.

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@austinmshauri - 3-4 dorm suites was something I originally proposed to my parents when I told them I wanted to live on campus. They got really angry initially, but now that my sister is in the equation, she doesn’t want to live with other people so now we are getting the 2 room ones. She didn’t even want to dorm in the first place.

20

@lostaccount - my sister despises the idea of roommates so it’ll just be her and I. I’m open to the idea of roommates, but this is the compromise I had to make. Even though the latter choice is way cheaper.