My Progress Thread

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
201

<p>Grade my essay :smiley:</p>

<p>Is there any value for people to belong only to a group or groups with which they have something in common?</p>

<p>There is value in people belonging to groups in which they have something in common. First, belonging to a group helps advance the individual’s interests. Belonging to a group helps bring out the voice of the individual. Individuals coalesced into a group have a much bigger collective voice than a single voice. In addition, humans have a need of being accepted. Joining a group with which you share common interests is a great way of being accepted. </p>

<p>Just look at the arena of national politics to see the value of people belonging to a group with which they share interests. Have we ever elected an independent President? The answer is an unequivocal no. All of our Presidents have hailed from a group, or political party – whether it is the Federalist and Whig Parties of years past – or Democrat and Republican Parties of today. The parties are composed of like-minded people. Individually, each of Democrat or Republican may not have much of a voice on the stage of national politics. Those individuals will barely make a ripple. But when like-minded individuals coalesce into parties, they start making a splash. And when coalesced, like-minded people can start fighting for their collective interests and advancing their collective causes - they start making waves. </p>

<p>Now turn to the Gilded Age of America. During the Gilded Age, there was minimal protection of workers. Workers could be fired on the spot. Workers could be paid peanuts for hard, manual labor. Workers could be subject to work in squalid and inimical conditions from dawn to dusk, all in the name of a couple of cents to support themselves and their families. Sure, individual workers complained to their employers, but that made no difference. Who cares about one dissident? What is that one worker going to do? Not return to work? All right – there are at least thousands of other people desperate for a job – some source of income. It was not until the inception of workers’ unions when working conditions got better. The various early workers’ unions – from the Knights of Labor to the American Federation of Labor – all united disgruntled and dissatisfied workers and focused their individual voices into one unified voice. And guess what? The unions were often successful in demanding more humane working conditions for workers, such as a shorter workday and better wages. There is clearly great value in people assembling into groups with which they share something in common. </p>

<p>Politics aside, humans have a fundamental need of being accepted. What better way to get accepted than to join a group with which you share interests? When I first entered the imposing double doors of my high school, I was a scared 14 year old teenager with 3 books in my arms and no friends to speak of. I was an individual fish in a big pond. I, as a human being, had a basic psychological need of being accepted. So, I immediately signed up for the school’s chess club. There, I found my niche, my haven. There, I hanged out with people who shared my deep-seated passion for the game of chess. There, I met people who had something in common. Our common interests in chess provided a catalyst for my making new friends. Now, I am a junior, and I have plenty of friends at my high school, and I no longer am the lonely guy at lunch or in the library. </p>

<p>Ultimately, joining a group with which one shares common interests has its perks. A group amplifies an individual’s voice. A group also helps people feel accepted, which is simply a basic psychological need of humans.</p>

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<p>Good luck, and thanks :D.</p>

202

<p>Grade my essay</p>

<p>It is often important to develop our views of right and wrong instead of following the crowd. As a high school student, this often comes into play. This also comes into play in history. </p>

<p>Many high school students at my school brag about doing drugs or drinking alcohol. In their attempts to act mature, they act immaturely by doing such illegal things. Sometimes, they try and pressure me into partaking in such activities with them. But I have never bowed down to them. Sure, it might be appealing to descend into the ranks of the crowd, but sometimes, we should stand above the crowd because we recognize that the crowd is wrong. </p>

<p>Looking back at history, we can see that slavery was accepted by Americans up to the Civil War. Until then, a significant portion of Southerners and even Northerners supported slavery. But slavery, as is universally recognized today, is a violation of the fundamental tenant that America was founded on – “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” for all men because “all men are created equal.”</p>

<p>Some people did indeed rise up and sound the clarion call against slavery, such as the likes of William Lloyd Garrison, who compared slavery to such a heinous crime as rape, or Wendall Philips, who was known as the “golden trumpet of abolition” for his impassioned appeals against slavery, or Theodore Parker, who kept a pistol in his pulpit as a bulwark against fugitive slave catchers who dared to return the slaves Parker helped shelter. While vocal, the abolitionist community remained comparatively small versus the legions of pro-slavery men. </p>

<p>Those people I cited were those who decided to break away from the crowd. Those people decided to determine their own views on what’s right and what’s wrong, and they vehemently protested the moral wrong of slavery well before it was popular to slam slavery as wrong. </p>

<p>And in Fahrenheit 451, Guy Montag breaks from the crowd. The rabblement of the world which Guy occupies believes that books are deleterious. Books are inimical, insidious – harmful – and deserve only to be burned. Guy’s conscience pricks him, and wonders – why are we burning books? Could there be something valuable inside a book? Indeed, Guy founds out, and as a result, he is marked as a dangerous dissident who must be executed. Guy’s dissent from the crowd exemplifies the value of determining one’s own views of right and wrong. </p>

<p>A universally held view is not universally correct. Although many people thought that slavery was not morally reprehensible – indeed – some argued that slavery was a “positive good,” we now know today that slavery is indeed morally repulsive. Fortunately, some people determined their own stance on what’s right and what’s wrong and argued in favor of emancipation and civil rights, thus helping America advance to where it is today. And in Fahrenheit 451, in the dystopian world of book-burning, the value of developing one’s own views is only further exemplified by the character arc of Guy Montag.</p>

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<p>Update your diary!!! :)</p>

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<p>^I’m waiting for some essay feedback first :p.</p>

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<p>Dear Diary: </p>

<p>Today, I took most of the day off from SAT. Sure, I made some new notecards in the morning, but the afternoon was dedicated to schoolwork. In the evening I started writing SAT essays - as shown by the 3 ungraded essays above. I would love to hear any feedback about the three untimed essays I wrote above :). I have a list of all the SAT essay prompts and I’m planning each essay on the list one by one, and sometimes I’ll write out the essay, and I hope that by the time I’m done with the list, I’ll be ready for any prompt the SAT pitches my way. Some common examples and threads in my writing are already beginning to coalesce, which is a good thing :D! I want to come armed in January 28th with a toolbox of essay examples. I’m also trying to stay away from trite examples in my essays such as MLK or Gandhi. And also I need to start timing my essays and start writing them out on paper versus typing them, but that’ll come later :). As always, </p>

<p>Hugs and kisses,</p>

<p>IceQube</p>

206

<p>Grade my essay :smiley:</p>

<p>Are people more likely to be productive and successful when they ignore the opinions of others?</p>

<p>People do tend to be more productive and successful when they ignore the opinions of others. Notable people who have transcended the opinions of others include Glenn Gould and Beethoven. They ignored the opinions of others. But were they successful? Absolutely. </p>

<p>The one adjective that comes to mind when I listen to Gould’s music is “unconventional.” Glenn Gould was a very eccentric pianist. Refusing to sit on piano benches, Gould always insisted on a chair. And while playing, Gould often annoyed recording engineers because he had the tendency to hum along with the music while playing, and his hum would be picked up by the microphones, along with his piano playing. And his piano playing – it was radically different from what everyone was used to. His music was antipodal to many peoples’ tastes. His interpretations are always lively and staccato filled. Sure, many critics lambasted Gould for going against the mainstream, going against how most other pianists interpreted and played the music. But Gould didn’t care. He tellingly remarked “I’m fascinated about what happens to the creative output when you isolate yourself from the approval and disapproval of people around you.”</p>

<p>I personally appreciate Gould for being himself rather than listening to everyone around him. Had Gould listened to everyone around him – all the naysayers – he would have turned out to be another one of those trite, banal, and hackneyed pianists. I could care less about another conventional recording of Bach’s Brandenburg Concertos because they all sound mostly the same. After I hear one conventional artist play Bach’s Brandenburg Concertos, then I already know how everyone else plays the concertos. But if it’s Glenn Gould playing, I’m all ears – I know I’m going to be listening to something fresh. As Glenn Gould shows, sometimes it is best to listen to yourself instead of others. And while it has been 30 years after Gould’s death, he has hardly been relegated to the annals of history. </p>

<p>Another famous musician was Ludwig van Beethoven. While it is hard to imagine today, people once viewed his music as vulgar. The people did not like how his music was so innovative for his time. People especially knocked on his final, Ninth Symphony. People abhorred Beethoven’s grandiose style of composition – massive chords and people singing along with the symphony – what kind of circus was Beethoven writing for? Fortunately, Beethoven ignored the critics of his time. And today – 300 years after his death – Beethoven is almost universally hailed as one of the greatest classical era composers. I’m personally thankful as well – I thoroughly enjoy listening to Beethoven’s moving music. Beethoven is an example of another musician who ignored the opinions of others, blazed his own trail, and reaped the fruits of doing so. </p>

<p>Sometimes, you have to transcend the opinions of others. You have to tune out the nay-sayers and the critics. And often, this pays off. Glenn Gould and Beethoven are simply two examples of hugely successful people who ignored critics. They ignored the suffocating opinions of others and were each highly individualistic, and each are now forever imbued in the consciousness of all classical music lovers.</p>

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<p>^ 10-11. Really good examples. But the use of ‘I’ and ‘you’ pronouns is rampant, and I’m not sure how CB graders would respond to that. Nonetheless, a very good essay.</p>

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<p>Thanks :)! </p>

<p>I’m not sure if I understand your point about using “I.” Is it because using “I” signifies a personal opinion, and personal opinions are inherently subjective and therefore do not offer much in the way of supporting evidence for an essay? Thanks for the feedback again :). </p>

<p>Grade my essay :smiley:</p>

<p>This one I feel is a little weak. I did a lot of summarizing of literature. How much summary should I actually include in my SAT essay? Can we safely assume that the SAT grader has some knowledge about the book we are writing about? This is really different from my literature class, in which we are discouraged from summarizing because the teacher knows the work.</p>

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<p>We should generally pay more attention to those more experienced than we are. However, older does not mean more experienced, and more experienced does not mean wise. We should always take advice from anyone with a grain of salt and be individuals in that we do not solely rely on the advice of others. </p>

<p>Machiavelli once remarked “the more sand has escaped from the hourglass of our life, the clearer we see through it.” This is true in the case of my grandfather. I used to visit my grandfather every summer when he was alive. One summer, I decided that I wanted to learn how to ride a bike. My grandfather purchased me a nice bike, fitted with training wheels and even a horn, and taught me how to mount a bike, how to steer a bike, and how to use the brakes. The precocious child I am, I had the basics down in no time. I was soon careening around the neighborhood on my bike, and the feeling of exhilaration and freedom was overwhelming. </p>

<p>But my excitement was soon shattered when I noticed that I was the only kid riding with 4 wheels. The desire to fit in with all the older kids overwhelmed me, and so I persistently pestered my grandfather to remove my training wheels. I felt so stigmatized with those appendages. I wanted to be freed from my crutches – the extra 2 wheels. He, however, told me that I wasn’t ready and refused to remove them. I, therefore, surreptitiously snuck into his garage, and after much trial-and-error, managed to wrench off the bolts attaching the wheels. Reminiscing, I know realize just how right my grandfather was. Before I had even gone 10 feet off the driveway, I was already out of control. I ended up falling off the bike and bruising myself fairly badly. I should have listened to his advice, as he was more experienced, and in this case, older. </p>

<p>The story of Antigone is the story of how listening to someone more experienced, and older in this case, has its benefits. In Antigone, the title character disobeys a direct order from the king instructing that no one should bury the body of Polyneices, a traitor to the state. But Polyneices is Antigone’s brother. Antigone, conscience-stricken, cannot let her brother’s body languish in the open. Therefore, Antigone decides to give Polyneices the funeral rites he deserved, but the ruler, Creon, finds out. Creon decides that he must execute Antigone. However, Creon is warned by Tiresias, a sagacious prophet of Thebes famous for his clairvoyance. Tiresias admonishes Creon not to bury Antigone, but Creon fails to heed Thebes’ warning. As a result of burying Antigone, Creon touches off a cascade of misery. Antigone was the fianc</p>

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<p>My point was, you used “I” and “you” a lot in your essay, when “one” or something else would have been cleaner. It seemed to weaken your argument.</p>

<p>Edit: When using personal anecdotes, “I” is, of course, fine. But you used the pronoun throughout your other examples, and I think it would have been stronger if you didn’t.</p>

211

<p>Grade this essay!</p>

<p>This one should be fairly interesting if you admire Steve Jobs. I’ve included a little known story about Jobs :D. </p>

<p>Can a group of people function effectively without someone being in charge?</p>

<p>A group of people cannot function effectively without someone in charge. Leadership is paramount for achieving anything. Examples of leaders who have led the rabble include our Founding Fathers, President Roosevelt, and Steve Jobs.</p>

<p>Our Founding Fathers led America through war and peace. Without our Founding Fathers, it is hard to imagine that America would be anything like the magnificent nation it is today. Each of America’s Founding Fathers contributed something unique to the making of America. Thomas Jefferson, a young lawyer, authored the Declaration of Independence, which resolutely pronounced America’s independence. George Washington, military general and President, provided the leadership that America’s rag-tag army of soldiers needed to ward off the most advanced military of that day and age – the British redcoats. And James Madison – “Father of the Constitution” – proved instrumental in drafting the United States Constitution and the Bill of Rights. Our Founding Fathers provided the vision, legal expertise, and clairvoyance needed to guide America through the trials and tribulations it faced as it was coming into being. </p>

<p>President Franklin Delano Roosevelt is another leader who guided America through turbulent times. Here is another special person who remained aplomb under pressure and admirably held the American people together through both the Great Depression and World War II. Roosevelt often took to the radio and consoled the nation with his famous “fireside chats,” in which he explained his New Deal program and optimistically said that America would soon rise from the Great Depression. And when World War II struck, Roosevelt did not stop. He kept consoling the nation-at-large with his regular fireside chats. Roosevelt actually set a precedent for increased communication between the President and the nation. And today, President Obama uploads his weekly addresses to YouTube rather than broadcast them via radio. Without Roosevelt, it is hard to imagine that America would not have descended into chaos after the Great Depression and World War II, spaced only a few years apart. </p>

<p>Yet another leader is Steve Jobs. Steve Jobs, former CEO of Apple, was known for both his clairvoyance and his uncompromising vision. He was the visionary who was fired by Apple in the 1990s, but was rehired before the decade was out to save Apple from bankruptcy. And did he save Apple from the brink of bankruptcy! Now, Apple is hugely successful, thanks to Steve Jobs and his uncompromising vision. When Steve Jobs was pushing to put an Apple-branded MP3 player out on the market, he had his design teams work overtime. Once, when Steve Jobs was showed a prototype iPod, he picked it up, looked at it, threw it in a fish tank, and remarked that since bubbles started coming out the iPod, it was too big. Now that Steve Jobs has passed, people constantly wonder if Apple will be the same company it was. Is there another Steve Jobs? Is there another leader with his clairvoyance and uncompromising leadership and vision? </p>

<p>Ultimately, the examples of the Founding Fathers, President Roosevelt, and Steve Jobs show that leadership is paramount. The right leaders can forge a new nation, keep a nation together, and design revolutionary consumer products.</p>

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<p>Did you write the essays in 25 minutes? They seem extremely long… I doubt you can even fit them in 2 pages. Your essay writing skills are quite remarkable, though. You didn’t stick to the orthodox 5 paragraph essay.</p>

<p>I only read the most recent one, but your examples are not exactly on point. The prompt was “Can a group of people function effectively without someone being in charge?”. You answered “leadership is paramount”. I think your examples could have been better if you had demonstrated the consequences from the lack of leadership (you could have expanded on “Apple in bankruptcy”). I loved the Steve Jobs example. I’m a big time Apple fan. :)</p>

<p>Btw, I don’t think “rabble” was a good word choice in your intro paragraph. You also seem to have a penchant for rhetorical questions, which I don’t think are the needed.</p>

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<p>Naw, I just free-wrote them. I think it’s helping because it forces me to think, and I think I have at least a couple of examples under my belt that I can use on SAT day. </p>

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<p>Yeah, I realized that I answered the question in an oblique way because it was kind of a tricky prompt :p. I really should have expanded on Apple in bankruptcy because that is like the strongest point - it shows what happens when you don’t have a leader in place. All of the other examples I used - FDR, Founding fathers - were really wishy-washy because one can never really know if there existed no FDR or the Founding Fathers. On the other hand, what happened to Apple without Steve Jobs is clear - Steve Jobs actually wasn’t at the company for an extended period of time. </p>

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<p>Mm … I have some kind of obsession with the word “rabble” ever since I read * Julius Caesar* for some reason … </p>

<p>Would you mind reading some of my other essays on the previous page :D?</p>

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<p>I would love to, but your essays are insanely long. :smiley: I’ll read them when I can (probably on the bus tomorrow). Still, my previous SAT essays did not score 12s, so I don’t know what my review might be worth…</p>

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<p>^What did you get on your previous essays? I would love to read your essays, which are probably excellent in their own regards :).</p>

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<p>You met all the criteria required for a top essay, IceQube, and the length is overwhelming. If you write something similar to this on the exam, I am willing to bet fifty bucks for a 12.</p>

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<p>I received one 10 and one 11. I’m planning to generate a template for the Jan SAT so that I can fill up 2 full pages.</p>

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<p>Wow! The last time I wrote an SAT essay (7th grade) I got a mere 6 :p. Could you post screenshots of your essay or PM them to me, if you don’t mind? :).</p>

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<p>Ahh … you flatter me :D! Thanks :). Now I just need to work on being able to write all that in pencil and in 25 minutes :p. </p>

<p>Grade my essay :smiley:</p>

<p>I hope that the essays I post will provide a springboard for others essayists - whether they be looking for examples and support for their essays - or simply examples of good prose :p.</p>

<p>Should society limit people’s exposure to some kinds of information or forms of expression?</p>

<p>Society should not limit people’s exposure to information or forms of expression. Doing so would violate the fundamental tenant that America was built on – the first Amendment of the Bill of Rights – which guarantees freedom of expression. Nonetheless, freedom of expression does not entail freedom from responsibility regarding what one has said.</p>

<p>Thomas Jefferson once remarked “A democracy cannot be both ignorant and free.” Thus was the view of the “enlightened” men – our Founding Fathers. The framers of the constitution desired openness after shedding a history of tyranny and control under the British regime. And thus, the Bill of Rights was ratified in 1791. To limit our exposure to certain information or forms of expression would be in direct violation of the First Amendment. To censor what information we can access or our forms of expression would be antithetical to the sentiments of our Founding Fathers, and antithetical to what America is synonymous with – freedom. </p>

<p>Freedom of expression and exposure to information also acts as a check on government. Without those two inalienable rights, we can be sure that abuse of power will follow. There are a myriad of examples of societies without freedom of expression. One such example is Fahrenheit 451. Guy Montag lives in a dystopian word in which books are deleterious. Books are inimical, insidious – harmful – and deserve only to be burned. Guy’s conscience pricks him, and wonders – why are we burning books? Could there be something valuable inside a book? Indeed, Guy founds out, and as a result, he is marked as a dangerous dissident who must be executed. The reason why the government orders the burning of books is that books give people ideas. Books can tell people of other forms of government. It would be dangerous if someone in Guy’s world picked up a book about the American Constitution. Therefore, Guy must be executed because he thinks that books are valuable. </p>

<p>Apart from literature, we can see the importance of freedom of expression and exposure to information unfolding before our very eyes – on the world stage. Look at what happened in Egypt, when the ruler tried to shut down the Internet. The people actually became more volatile. The people realized that their rights – their inalienable rights – were being trampled on by the government, and uprisings ensued. Limiting our exposure to some kinds of information or forms of expression is inimical to our endowed rights. </p>

<p>Nonetheless, freedom of expression does not imply freedom from responsibility. If we slander someone, then that someone has every right to sue us for libel. We should not take our freedom of expression for granted. We should realize that it is a right, and we should realize that there can be consequences and repercussions for what we say. </p>

<p>Ultimately, our access to information and freedom of expression are our inalienable rights. Society should not limit our access to information or our freedom of expression because that is inimical to our endowed rights, and it only causes harm – as exemplified by Fahrenheit 451 and the Arab Spring. Nevertheless, we should also realize that freedom of expression does not mean we can express ourselves in certain ways without consequences.</p>

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<p>Ehhh… I’m very insecure about my essays… I’ll post my essays once I get a 12… :D</p>

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<p>I’ve been lurking in this thread for quite a while, not because I’m training for the SAT, but because I’m curious about your progression. I’m impressed with your devotion and work- keep it up! By the way, when I was reading that^ essay, I felt as though you were shoving words up my face. Was this necessary: “…deleterious. Books are inimical, insidious – harmful – and deserve only to be burned”? You don’t need to advertise your vocabulary any further. I’d give you a 12 anyway. Also, I suggest practicing writing using a pencil because most people can type faster than they can write by hand. Sadly, I learnt that lesson after I wasn’t able to finish my conclusion on the day I got a 2380 (780writing) with a 9 on the essay. You wouldn’t want that to happen, would you?</p>