<p>What the heck is going on here? </p>
<p>OP, you’re an idiot. No one ever BECOMES gay. Your roommate obviously eventually became comfortable enough with his sexuality to actually begin dating men.</p>
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<p>No, I didn’t say you shouldn’t have told on them. That’s fine. But if the hacker was just demanding an apology to stop him from publishing your friends’ pictures, I believe that you should have sucked it up and apologized… if you considered yourself a good friend.</p>
<p>I did read your second post, but I don’t quite understand it. I seriously do not mean any offence to this, but is English your second language? </p>
<p>And perhaps he used to date and hook up with girls because he was insecure in his sexual identity and was trying to presume the “normal” role of heterosexual man, especially since he comes from a conservative family. Then, when he went abroad, and was free from the societal pressure from friends and family, he was comfortable enough to go out and experiment with men. Perhaps he is bisexual. Maybe you would know if you tried to speak to him about it…</p>
<p>* “someone” you know *</p>
<p>The hacker was never caught, nor identified. I think it was someone of our relationship circle who did it because:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Only someone with basic knowledge of our college social scene would have knowledge of some specific facts more than 2 years older than the events. Even checking the 10.000+ messages on my archive, one wouldn’t have know of some specific details mentioned.</p></li>
<li><p>It was not the first time, in our department, that an email account was hijacked and used for defamation in the precedent year.</p></li>
<li><p>I made a lot of precious friends in college, who helped me a lot to look after the hacker, but he/she was not identified even though we put every reasonable effort to find out.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Then your rant should have been about the hacker. If your gay friend betrayed you, I believe that should have been the secondary issue. The thing is… your original message was:</p>
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<p>Which made it pretty clear that your problem with your roommate was that he changed his sexual orientation, and therefore ruined your life. His betrayal didn’t ruin your life, no, the fact that he was gay was the root of all of it. Do you see why people think you are homophobic? I’m sure a lot of girls and guys, straight or gay, would unfortunately betray their friends in the same matter. But since you decide to blame the issue on his gayness, you seem like the ass here.</p>
<p>Being gay does not makes ok to be stalked.</p>
<p>However, stalking is a risk that everyone bears. Depending on (regardless of one’s reasons) how much one has to hide/not disclose, certain behaviors and actions present a greater risk if exposed.</p>
<p>Example:</p>
<p>Action: walking in close proximity in a knwon city mall, exchanging hugs and so on.
Risk: stalking and having pictures and activity report sent to your college fellows.</p>
<p>Situation 1: heterossexual male going out with girl, both singles and with nothing to hide about the date - very-low risk, if any</p>
<p>Situation 2: heterossexual male going out with girl, both singles but planning to keep the flirt private for now - low risk</p>
<p>Situation 3: heterossexual male going out with female graduate T.A. who grades his paper - moderate risk for men, high risk for T.A.</p>
<p>Situation 4: heterossexual male, engaged, goes out with heterossexual girl, engaged - high risk</p>
<p>Situation 5 (my friend’s): self-discovering homossexual male goes out with lover, being afraid of the possibility that his family notice he changed his behavior and turn their face to him - extremely high risk.</p>
<p>Ummm…no.</p>
<p>It was totally wrong of your roommate, after reading your clarifications, to blame the spam on you.</p>
<p>But you are attributing all of your problems to his gayness…STILL! Even in this last post you are saying just him being gay was risky behavior that attracted stalkers, more risky than being a cheater, being with a TA, etc.</p>
<p>Your roommate was afraid of you, I think, plain and simple. It was wrong for him to retaliate as he did but don’t think your attitude towards his homosexuality had nothing to do with him distancing from you and ultimately even blaming you for what happened.</p>
<p>Wow. Just wow.</p>
<p>Exactly you can’t continue to place the blame on his orientation because had he been straight he easily could have attracted a straight stalker. It sounds like you need to get over it and move on.</p>
<p>I think this one’s a wash. I think both of you acted unfairly (you in blaming this entire situation on your friend “switching” his orientation, and your friend in latching onto the story that you faked being hacked), but the blame lies ultimately on the hacker. I sincerely don’t think you’re a bad person, though there are a couple of things that I disagree with you on (for example, the fact that he dated women doesn’t mean that he was ever straight - he could have just been trying to discover himself, or trying to convince himself that he was straight because of his conservative family). I also wish you had reached a different conclusion, especially if you were trying not to sound like a homophobe.</p>
<p>Where are you from? I’m just curious, and if you’re not comfortable saying it, that’s fine.</p>
<p>Welcome to America, most of us understand that people are born gay. Most colleges are very progressive, so you better not repeat this story to your new rommmates. They may want to change thier room, then live with someone who is so homophobic ( and yes you are).</p>
<p>The reason he blamed you is because you’re a homophobe.</p>
<p>You seem to be struggling to accept your homophobia (it’s not an extreme… but you’re still homophobic). You, like your roommate, seem to be trying to fit in. The current atmosphere in colleges is very accepting towards homosexuals and so voicing your true, inner opinions would probably socially isolate you. Therefore you maintain you aren’t homophobic, even though your thought process and the words you post on this forum are. Also, I agree with dissonance that you seem to be changing the story after viewing the 100% negative responses against you. Yes, your roommate was very wrong and made you a victim by stabbing you in the back through telling people you hijacked your own account, after you went through so much effort to defend him. Any reasonable person who read that would immediately understand why you dislike your roommate (due to his actions, not his sexual orientation). Why would you leave out that important part? </p>
<p>It’s like saying: I hate my mother because she gave me $100 dollars today. </p>
<p>obviously people would think there’s something wrong with you… unless you wrote:</p>
<p>I hate my mother because she randomly gave me $100 dollars today to make up for stealing $1000 dollars from my bank account earlier today.</p>
<p>Sounds more like a cautionary tale for keeping your passwords safe.</p>
<p>I guess I’m the only person whose attention span wouldn’t allow them to read all of this.</p>
<p>^I only skimmed the OPs posts because his massive failure to emote in English makes me laugh.</p>
<p>I’m Italian, have lived also in Brazil, U.S. and now I’m attending Grad School in The Netherlands, hoping to grab a tenure-track position later on in America 
. My written English is (usually) better than the one presented in my second and third response (loud music, tons of people here interrupting me, coming in and out).</p>
<p>I guess, finally, most here understood my point. Had he spoken to me when I stood in his defense (remembering that my personal ‘dirt’ and some particular thing were also spread out by the hacker) and told me the allegations were true, I’d have adopted a whole different strategy, focusing on the disgusting act of the spammer rather than on the false state of the most “hot” claim on the spam campaign. Then we would still be friends of some kind today.</p>
<p>For the ones who are curious, the way I found out he was blaming my was this: we were in a barbecue (he absent, my ex female friends present) just after the first hacker message was sent out. In the woods, far from the field where I was, a small but consistent group of girls were chatting in soft-spoken voice for quite a while. When I approached, there was some unease reactions, some people were embarassed.</p>
<p>It kept going this way all the afternoon, then we decied to go clubbing for the afterparty. I gave a ride to a friend, who couldn’t refrain herself and told me that the discussion on the woods were about the fact that my ex-roommate was claiming to them that I made up the whole thing etc. etc. Two ex-female friends aforementioned had already backed up the story with flawled reasoning.</p>
<p>I stopped my car immediately, parked it, and made some phone calls to these girls (that were some of my best friends then) and asked, plainly, “Have you told X, Y and Z that you concluded I’m hacking my own email, I’m gay and have a crush on roommate, and that I pretend the hacking but have done it myself”? She silenced, tried to explain that it was just one of the many ‘theories’ (lie, it was the only) they could think about after Campus IT Servive gave up on finding the hacker.</p>
<p>I called the second ex-female friend, she panicked, told me to calm down (I’m usually calm and tranquil, that day I was angry, though respectfull and firm) because she would discuss the matter only in person. I told her how angry I was at her, she was one of my best friends for almost whole college years, and that I considered it a cheap betrayal of our friendship. She begged that I refrained from call the roommate because he was undergoing “the hardest time of his life”, which I doubted since he has already blamed the spamming on me. She was afraid that if I had an outburst on him, he could not come back for the finals as he was been be “overhelmed” by the facts.</p>
<p>I called him, he didn’t pick up. I left one of my most angry voicemail messages ever, didn’t call him any names, but said the things I mentioned before. I sent him an email also. Focus of both voicemail and email: “you could date whoever you want, from whatever sex you might like, but when I ask you if I could put my face on the public to defend you above everyone else attacked on the spam, but also turned against, lying and accusing me of absurd things just to protect yourself, and I’ll never forgive you for doing this”.</p>
<p>We went on pills the following days, quit his internship but finished the semester and graduated with us. So did I, with valedictorian honors.</p>
<p>dang man. That’s messed up…</p>
<p>Anyway, your roommate didn’t “turn gay,” he’s been gay all his life. Maybe he wasn’t out of the closet yet. I don’t really see how a guy can CHOOSE to no longer find women attractive anymore and move on to men</p>
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<p>LMAO . (10char)</p>
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<p>Well, we were close friends. I’ve been introduced to friends he had met before college in his hometown. For sometime he brought a gf to stay over our room when we’re not there. He has somewhat talkative and used to keep me and other suitmates quite updated on his personal life (at his own will, we were not the type of getting excessive envolved with others’ lives).</p>
<p>He was neither the guy who can’t deal with girls, neither the type who lives to hook up and for this only. He was just… normal hetero guy. Going to regular bars and clubs, drinking a little and never getting drunk, having female friends and female dates, very attached to his family, and seeming to keep his relationships of every kind in a good state.</p>
<p>In this context, and given the fact he used to be very approachable and friendly, although introvert, I cannot imagine other thing rather than he accidentaly meeting an already gay guy, becoming closed friends with him, then being involved with him without realizing what was going on until it was too late for him to stand for his sexual option, which then changed, if not at his will, at least under his consent and confusion.</p>
<p>If he was born gay, he couldn’t manage to keep a 'fa</p>
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And you are not entitled to an understanding of his sexuality. Much of what transpired was suspect, but leave his orientation alone. His orientation didn’t hurt you.</p>
<p>Those with scientific backing for their positions on human sexuality are not obligated to digest your account of this event, either.</p>