This is why I think random roommate matching has it’s drawbacks- especially when you have different living habits. You have as much right to come and go as she has to get her sleep, and it sounds like you are being respectful (though it might be advisable to cut back on underage drinking). You do not have to go to bed on her schedule and sleep on someone’s couch on the weekends. You and your roommate should talk about compromises (as others suggested, she can use headphones , earplugs, eyeshades, white noise, etc.) and you can discuss ways you can be quieter or less disruptive when you come in. You can get your RA involved, and if all else fails, put in for a roommate change. As I say,nobody is blameless in these kinds of situations.
Does the door squeak? Oiling a squeaky door can work wonders -you could put in a maintenance request if it does.
Also second the noise machine -they aren’t that expensive.
Also agree that you should sit down and have a heart to heart
good luck!
If you’re a night owl and she’s an early riser and light sleeper, your schedules just aren’t compatible. I’d have a friendly chat and brainstorm solutions. You sound like you’re doing what you reasonably can to lessen disturbances. Maybe she could try a white noise machine and an eye mask.
I wouldn’t expect you to go to bed at her bedtime anymore than I’d expect her to try to adapt to yours, and you certainly shouldn’t have to sleep somewhere other than the room you’re currently renting. If she really can’t sleep if there’s any noise in the room, she should request a single or a roommate with a similar sleep schedule.
Sometimes I wonder if all these students who get mad at their roommates for disrupting their sleep have any idea what they have in store for them if they get married or have children. I’m also wonder what the statistics are for kids who grow up never having to share a room (before they leave home for college, etc.)? I think the percentage is probably a lot higher now, than in the past, as the average house size has increased in the last few decades and that’s possibly a factor in all the roommate incompatibility problems.
I mean, I’m sure that there are lots of just plain inconsiderate roommates, but several of these “problem roommate” threads seem to have one roommate that just isn’t being realistic about having to share a living space with another person.
Or possibly the stresses of college life cause people to be more “on edge?”
It’s possible, of course, that the roommate’s version of the story might differ significantly.
I’m in your shoes as well because I go through the same thing, except my roommate never gets mad at me when I come back too late.
I’d just talk to her 1 on 1 about it and make sure that she understands where you’re coming from. She can’t help it if she’s a light sleeper, but her attitude should change. I’d even recommend sleep medicine to help her on the weekends, like Melatonin. But, it’s all up to her. Now, if she can’t handle that, then I’d get a new roommate. The whole point of college is to adjust to new settings. When you get a random roommate, you will have to live with them and they may or may not like your ways of living.
Overall, whenever you sign up to live with someone, you made that choice and both of you will take full responsibility of whatever happens between the two of you. Even if you have problems living with each other, try to fix it between each other first before you get the CA/RA involved. If your roommate is uncooperative, then I’d just get a new roommate. There’s no need for distractions while in college.
Kg@sta3535 That is a bit much to expect the roommate to take sleep medication so the other roommate can come back late from a night of underage drinking. Who knows how quiet she is when she has been drinking. They can simply switch. They are not married
@bjkmom Yeah, I do think that there could be other factors involved, like the OP not being as quiet as she thinks she is, or maybe the roommate just doesn’t like having a roommate that drinks because of her moral beliefs. There definitely could be more to the story, but I still think that a lot of kids just are not mentally prepared to share a living space (mine included 
- I have one who has told me that she doesn’t want to dorm because she has a perfectly good room of her own at home).
I would never suggest to a roommate that they should take sleep medication. That is really inappropriate. Not everyone wishes to participate in underage drinking and that it totally fine. If you are hungover and disruptive because you are drunk I can understand her being upset but I don’t know the real scenario to judge. We don’t know her version of what is really happening.
I respect her right to be able to sleep without disruption. You both are just on different schedules but I think if you have a respectful discussion with each other something can be worked out. If not then try to see if you can switch roommates by next semester.
Well I’m sorry if I was thinking outside the box. I mean, why would that be so inappropriate? It was just a suggestion.
Because you’re not a doctor and shouldn’t be recommending (habit-forming) medicine to people for problems that can be solved without medicine.
The reason I mentioned not recommending sleeping medicine is because I don’t feel something like that should be taken without seeking advice from a doctor. Psychiatrists can prescribe prescription strength sleeping pills but that is really for someone dealing with insomnia. I don’t think that is the scenario here. Even for over the counter drugs we don’t know what other medications the room mate could be taking and how that could interact with sleeping pills. Sleeping pills can be addictive and can have other negative side effects so I really caution on that. It can really mess with your body and your sleep cycle. That recommendation should only be coming from a doctor who knows the patients medical history and understands what the true issue is. I don’t have expertise to advise anyone to take sleeping medication. Suppose something happens if she takes that suggestion? Do we really want to play with someone’s health here? That is just an accident waiting to happen. A pill is not the answer to solve this problem. By discussing a solution can be worked out.
The biggest part of the problem here is your roommate’s lack of communication. The silent treatment is childish and passive-aggressive. And it’s stupid. But welcome to the Land of Adulthood, where plenty of people who have been adults for decades do this, too. It’s lousy when people do that and I’m sorry that you’re having to go through this.
It sounds like you are trying to be considerate by doing things like not turning on the sink light. It IS reasonable, though to have a dim light on when you enter the room so you don’t trip over yourself finding your way to the bed. You could get a cheap night light from Target or Walmart for that and plug it in on your side of the room.
If roommate is 1 of those ultra-light sleepers who wakes up with every single little noise and can’t fall back asleep for hours afterwards, then I hate to say it, but nothing you ever do will satisfy her. If she’s one of those ultra light sleepers, then she needs her own room.
Your roommate needs to be willing to make some changes as well. She needs to consider sleeping with a white noise machine on. Or use ear plugs. If ANY light in the room bugs her, then she needs to sleep with a sleep mask on.
What time does your roommate usually go to bed?
What time does she usually wake up in the morning?
Is she a night own or a morning person?
It doesn’t really matter, in my opinion, WHY you are out late. Staying out late hanging out with friends of going to a college party on the weekends? That sounds pretty darn normal to me for a college student.
One of my roommates in college was an engineering major and she was in a lot of study groups where they’d be up all night working on problem sets that were due the next day. She would regularly crawl back into the room at 2-3:00 am. She wasn’t partying, getting drunk, or whatever. She was studying all night long. Many times, she’d make it back at 5 am, sleep for 4 hours, then go to class to turn in the problem set. It was grueling. Sometimes I woke up when she came back in, sometimes I didn’t. It was no big deal.
I had another roommate, though, who woke up at every little sound. A toilet flushed and she’d wake up. You’d open a dresser drawer to get out your pajamas and she’d wake up. It was a pain. Many years later and she’s still that same kind of sleeper. She can hardly sleep in the same bed as her husband because even HE wakes her up and she can’t fall back asleep.
If your roommate is expecting you to go to bed at the same time she does and not make a peep, then that is pretty unreasonable and it would put her in the category of Special Snowflake.
Just keep on doing what you’re already doing.
- Be direct with her. But be kind about it. She might not be used to open communication about stuff that bothers her.
- Acknowledge that she seems upset. Tell her that you really want to work things out with her. Ask her for ideas & suggestions.
- If that doesn’t work, ask the RA for advice.
- Ask her if you snore. Hey, maybe you do a little bit and you have no idea. And maybe if she’s an ultra-light sleeper, then the sound of quiet snoring would keep somebody like her up.
- Don’t suggest stuff to her like taking over the counter Melatonin or prescription sleep aids. Leave that to her doctor.
Thirding the advice to volunteer to buy a white noise machine…amazon has some really good ones…we have 3 Marpacs which are $60 and could go a long way in helping this problem.
Maybe you are louder than you think you are:
A wife goes out for the night with her girlfriends. Just before she left, she assured her husband that she wouldn’t be home any later than midnight: “I promise, honey.” Unfortunately it happened to be ladies night, which meant the cocktails were only half the usual price and the night got really fun and really late.
As the woman finally arrives home, she closes the door just a little too loud behind her. She quickly checks her watch. “Damned, it’s almost 4 o’clock in the night. I probably woke up my husband with the slamming door and now he’s gonna hear the cuckoo-clock strike four. Wait, I got it, I’ll wait here for the clock to strike and then add 9 extra cuckoo’s.”
She does exactly as planned and goes to bed feeling satisfied her little scam worked. Even totally smashed she managed to escape a conflict. The next morning however her husband says: “Baby, I think we need a new cuckoo-clock.”
The wife puts on her most innocent face and asks why. “Well, last night the cuckoo-clock said cuckoo 4 times, then waited 2 seconds, said cuckoo twice more, then hiccupped, then another 5 cuckoo’s, then said “Oh crap, was that 12 yet? Let’s start over”, cuckooed another 12 times and then tripped over the cat and farted.”
Buy her a bag of cheap earplugs or offer to split some slightly nicer custom built earplugs with her if it’s that bad for her.