<p>sooo... i left the room messy for the past couple of days. Its usually clean/slightly messy but bearable. but lately, i have been leaving it pretty bad. the only thing is, is that im not really annoyed by the fact that my roommate is annoyed. this is for a few reasons:</p>
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<li>she is never there. and its not that she is never there because the room is messy. she is never there when the room is clean either. i am pretty responsible, and for the last two months, i am prettyyy sure i am the only one who has cleaned the bathroom every single weeks. she always drives home on the weekends, and on weekdays she either comes in super late or sleeps over at her friends house. </li>
<li>if she isn't at her friends house, she spends the night in the room, but she is always angry b/c she and so and so had a fight, she and her boyfriend had a fight, she and her family had a fight.. and i usually listen and i am pretty quiet, so its generally a one sided conversation. so she usually stays the night because she is either tired of her friends or got in a fight with them. but at the same time, i kind of don't care if she's ticked off about the room. yes, its my fault its been messy, but at the same time, since she's always angry, it really isn't affecting my mood too much. does this make me a bad person? </li>
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<p>yeah. ill clean it up. i honestly don't mind if someone is upfront and says hey, could you clean the room, its kind of messy in here. but this to me seems kind of juvenile, what do you think?
- she won't ever say whats wrong. she'll just unplug the tv and vcr that way i can't use it. and i don't ever go on her side of the room so i don't plug it back in. this happens a LOT. whenever she is ticked off, she just unplugs the tv. HOW THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHY SHE IS TICKED OFF IF SHE DOESN'T TELL ME? this happened for awhile, at first i thought the tv was broken. but she would get annoyed that i would watch too much tv and turn it off [even though she is there for a max of 2 hrs on avg everyday. so me watching tv while she ain't there really shouldn't bug her]
-finally i got a text today saying the room was too messy [which is perfectly ok] but the tv thing just seems far too juvenile. thanks for listening. <em>rant over</em></p>
<p>ok. i thought about it for a bit, and it was pretty immature for posting this up here. i guess i just wanted someone to validate why i was annoyed… sorry</p>
<p>The tv thing sounds like classic passive aggressive behavior. You can’t really change who she is as a person, but I don’t see why you can’t go on her side of the room and just plug the tv back in. She’s not your mother, she’s just a peer you don’t have to put up with everything she does.</p>
<p>my roommate is mad at me too i guess. he has never said a word to me about it though, i only knew because people told me that he was and was trying to move to a different room. the RA talked to me, although that was after we had already cleaned and over half the stuff he told the RA was bs. she does seem to be handling it badly though.</p>
<p>^^i guess i could if i really wanted to, but the outlet is under her bed. we have an agreement not to touch each others stuff, and she honors the agreement, and so do i.</p>
<p>i handled the situation pretty well i guess and kept my temper totally under control. i said the room was a pigsty, picked it up in twenty minutes, and offered to mop the floor so she wasn’t mad at me and we are back to normal… and the tv is working again the tv issue gets kind of annoying, but i don’t want to have conflict.</p>
<p>^yeah i agree. i like to be told things up front. its just soo much easier, and less awkward. i find it easier if someone just tells me whats wrong instead of having to play hide and seek</p>
<p>If you like things upfront, you should be upfront with her and ask her to be upfront!</p>
<p>Haha but seriously, I had something exactly like this where I used to work. I was a host, and we have two different sections - a lounge and a dining room. I seat people for 5-8 servers in the dining room, and if someone wants to sit in the lounge they seat themselves, and there are only 1-2 “servers” in the lounge that sort it out themselves (basically I don’t have to worry about people in the lounge).</p>
<p>So this one guy who had worked in the lounge the ENTIRE year I had been working at this place was moved over to the dining room for one day, and no one told me. So I never sat him, because when I saw his name on the list I thought it was for the lounge. So after two hours of him getting no tables, someone comes up to me and is like “He’s been complaining about you not seating him for, like, two hours…” So I talk to him and he acts like nothing is wrong and walks away (even after I apologize) but I still find out he’s talking bad about me, especially when he goes and complains to the manager </p>
<p>Luckily the manager actually agreed with me that he should have been up front about it. Sorry for hijacking your thread, just thought this was somewhat of a similar situation! I think if you ask her to be more up front with you, it may help a lot.</p>
<p>If I were you, I’d give her a call and ask her about plugging the TV back in.</p>
<p>Good communication goes a long way, and it’s clear that she’s not participating in this practice. I suggest you have a talk with her and say that if there are issues, it’s important to be upfront about them and also agree to not take those issues personally.</p>
<p>On the other hand, even with this working-out, it may still be a difficult compromise. I suggest that you try to find another roommate that has similar cleaniness preferences to you. I’ve lived fine with roommates who sleep much earlier than me and prefer the room much cleaner. However, with my current roommate (with similar neatness preferences), it’s just so much nicer to never have to worry about satisfying each other’s neatness standards. The only issue is when other people show up: my apartment’s so messy that it’s a very real hazard.</p>
<p>bumble, I’m fairly sure your roomie doesn’t want the room to be more cluttered. Why don’t you conversationally say, " you know, sometimes I like to watch tv in the room to relax by myself without having to go to the floor lounge. Does it bother you when I watch your tv?I think it does because of the way you unplug it, If so, why don’t I just bring my own tv back to school after Xmas?"</p>
<p>TVs can be very inexpensive, especially with all the holiday and post-holiday sales, if you do not have an extra at home.</p>
<p>It’s ok t have a respectful co-existence with a roomie, it’s not possible for roomies to always be BFFs. But she seems to be playing games with you, and that’s not totally respectful to you.</p>
<p>My guess is that if you call her on the unplugging drama by offering to bring your own tv, she will simply say that she won’t do it any more…and if she doesn’t want to cooperate, then end her power over you.</p>
<p>individualized- yeah, exact same thing happened to me. i know she’s not ok with it, but the tv is working right now, so i guess its ok for now. sorry about the tables thing. </p>
<p>excelblue- the only thing is we do have pretty similar cleanliness standards. i havent been able to find anyone else w/ standards as close to mine. the only thing is- sometimes if ive had a bad day/burnt out from too much work, i just get lazy and don’t pick up my side of the room. i do keep up with my chores though</p>
<p>boysx3- i dont have any spare tvs [im an international student] but i don’t want to stand up to her about it, i don’t want her to get angry. LOL i sound like a wimp, but i really don’t like conflict. i know that she is playing games, but i just do not know what to do :S</p>
so she wasn’t mad at me and we are back to normal… and the tv is working again 
the tv issue gets kind of annoying, but i don’t want to have conflict.</p>
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sorry about the tables thing. </p>