<p>So we found out our roommates today. I messaged him with a nice introduction and tried to get to know him. But this guy does not seem interested in talking to me at all. He would answer briefly exactly what I ask and would not further engage in the conversation or contribute anything new.</p>
<p>More research showed that this guy is an antisocial, rude person with an undeserved superior attitude. I don't know how I can get along with such a person for an entire year. What should I do? What do you do when your roommate is someone less than what you expected?</p>
<p>& where did you get this research?
If it is facebook, then you'd be surprised that websites such as facebook/myspace et al. aren't an accurate indication of one's personality or how he or she behaves in real life.</p>
<p>Rather than question my research, can you please give me advice on what to do if my roommate does turn out like what I researched?</p>
<p>I realize that such research may not be 100% reflective of one's character, but it does to an extent. I would like to know what I should do if this person does turn out as such.</p>
<p>Good roommates may not equal good friends...maybe you're not going to be friends with this guy, but if he respects your privacy and belongings, doesn't disturb you and sexile you all the time, he may not turn out to be a terrible roommate. There's nothing you can do now before you meet him, so try to stay open-minded and see how it goes. As with all roommate problems, I think the procedure is to first go to you resident advisor and then if it can't be resolved they'll go to the student dean, etc. but if it's only a matter of your personalities not matching, I doubt they would allow you to switch rooms, in which case you can only try to make the best of it. I think a lot of people have roomates that are "less than expected" but you'll have lots of other friends and probably won't even interact with the guy that much.</p>
<p>yeah my last roommate wasn't like bff or anything along the line, but we got along pretty well last year because we respected our privacy and all that jazz..</p>
<p>seriously--research? that sounds kind of weird.
online messaging does NOT indicate whether he's a jerk or not. i got along fine with my roommate online, but we didn't do so well living together. common interests and other stuff don't do so either-we listened to the same bands and had same interests/similar characters but we didn't get along well. what really matters is, as boysenberry said, how compatible your days are--ie sleeping, socializing, etc. i'd like a roommate whom i hate but who doesn't sexile me rather than one who sexiles constantly but is an awesome guy.
in any case, learn to live with it. i'm sure if you'll be cool and don't open threads like "my roommate seems like a jerk" immediately after two messages, then everything will be fine.</p>
<p>If he's actually a "jerk" who's seriously disrespectful towards you and your things, get a RA to mediate. But don't go into the situation expecting the worst.</p>
<p>Give him a chance. Some people just aren't good at talking to people they don't know and they end up coming off as being rude or antisocial. You don't have to be his best friend. Go into it with a good attitude that you guys will get along. When you go into things thinking it's not going to work out, it usually won't. Who knows, you guys might end up getting along once you meet in person.</p>
<p>I know you would ideally like to meet your roommate and become best friends overnight, but unfortunately that doesn't happen all of the time. Though I've always known my roommates, I had similar hopes this summer when I was living in the NYU dorms during my internship. </p>
<p>While I was friends with everyone I lived with, we were far from 'best buds'. I never went out with any of them, but we still managed to make it work. Actually I never argued with them once, which is something I cannot say about my friends who I am roommates with.</p>
<p>Keep in mind that some people would consider your posts in this thread proof that you are controlling (messaging him and then criticizing his response for not being the one you wanted), intrusive (online "research"), and entitled (can't "get along with such a person"). After your initial approach your roommate may be wondering what to do when his roommate is "less than what [he] expected."</p>
<p>The answer to both of you would be to stop trying to get to know each other online, because it's clearly not working, and to show up on campus fully aware that you don't need to be friends to be successful roommates, and committed to being respectful, polite, and willing to compromise. In other words, exactly what any two roommates who don't know one another yet should be doing. If he's "antisocial" don't host parties in your room, but go to other people's rooms to socialize. If he's "rude," recognize that you too can come off as rude, and treat him the way you would want him to treat you if he thought you were being rude. If he has "an undeserved superior attitude," well, so do a lot of college students. If he likes to go to bed early (as many people who get called "antisocial" do), get used to getting ready for bed as silently as possible, and start practicing going back to sleep after someone who is trying to get ready for the day as silently as possible falls short of the goal. If he isn't always considerate (because some people who get called "rude" aren't), start working on picking your battles and being willing to compromise. And you might not think he is any of those things once you get to know him.</p>
<p>Don't prejudge him. If you go in there expecting not to like him, you will probably find that you're right. If you go in there expecting that he will have some good qualities (as virtually everyone does) and looking for them, you're going to come off as a much better roommate <em>and</em> you will probably find yourself happier in a communal living environment than you otherwise might.</p>
<p>Thank you to everyone who responded, especially those that answered my question.</p>
<p>Please realize that I understand that these characteristics may not apply to him. In fact, he might actually even be a nice guy. But those were the impressions that I got from my first encounter with him. I am asking what should I do if the guy really does turn out as bad as I think? Think of it as a worst case scenario - what would you do in this scenario? If the guy isn't as bad as I think he is, then we can get along, no big deal, I don't need advice. But what if the guy really IS that bad, what do I do then? </p>
<p>I think I rather get such advice now and be ready to handle it if it happens, than one month into the semester when we're sitting at polar opposite corners of the room and I'm trying to go onto CC secretly for advice.</p>
<p>Personally, I think you need to stop borrowing trouble. You're putting this on him when he could've just been busy (a lot of kids are during the summer, y'know) or tired or who knows what else.</p>
<p>Unless you hired a Private Investigator, your impression of him based off facebook/myspace/whatever is most likely false. Internet "research", as you call it, is extremely unreliable, especially since you can't possibly judge tone or body language over the internet. What you take as a superior attitude could just be sarcasm or <em>GASP</em> he could just be bad at talking to people he just met.</p>
<p>If he's really a jerk, get a room change or talk to your RA. That's why they're there. But seriously, stop looking for problems before they even happen.</p>
<p>HGFM, I remember you from another thread where you gave advice for roommates. I did (almost) exactly what you did. Unfortunately I did not get the same result as you.</p>
<p>Once again, I realize that online research is not 100% accurate. While I cannot judge tone and body language over the internet, it is possible to see him to an extent. </p>
<p>I take as superior attitude a group that was created against his superior attitude with 50+ people in it. And the guy proudly joins the group.</p>
<p>I can understand your anxiety about the situation. The whole experience of living in a dorm with a roommate that may not be what you hoped for is nervewracking. If it does turn out that this roommate is a problem, just contact your school's housing and find out their policy on room change requests. However, I agree that you should go in with a good attitude and try and make it work. As other's have said, you and roommate do not have to be friends, just respect each other and go about your own business. Sometimes it's actually better to not be friends with a roommate.</p>
<p>I hope things work out better than you're expecting and that you're pleasantly surprised with the experience.</p>
<p>"...research showed that this guy is an antisocial, rude person with an undeserved superior attitude...I am asking what should I do if the guy really does turn out as bad as I think?..."</p>
<p>Worst case scenario, you spend very little time in your room freshman year and look forward to choosing your sophomore year roommate(s).</p>
<p>echoes its not a joke because the group itself is a "fan club" that makes fun of him. i can tell if its a joke or not by looking at the comments. and i find it funny that you replied to that one line without consider the other posts that i had. you know this forum is for us to share problems and find advice. maybe instead of criticizing my research (which I realize already has flaws), you could contribute something useful.</p>
<p>Thank you everyone who replied with a helpful comment.</p>
<p>Thank you LilyMoon about what you said about how it's better not to be friends with a roommate. I can see why that could be true. But I will definitely go into the situation with a positive attitude.</p>