<p>^ With other roommates in the past, I did talk to them. I wasn’t bffs with them, but I respected them and they respected me. We made small talk and once in a while we went out to eat in the dining hall, but we weren’t best of friends. I think it was a good mutual relationship. With my roommate this past semester where I was experiencing this depression, I just didn’t have a relationship with her because she was the same way, except worst. She just slept in the room all day when she came back from class. Even worse was that we had a bit of a problem due to her lack of respect. That issue added to an already stressful semester that I was experiencing.</p>
<p>I’m not blaming her for my own act of ostracizing myself from others, but I certainly couldn’t turn to her when she barely talked and slept. Not all roommates can help with depression. And friends? Pssh, I couldn’t find anyone who would listen to my problems. When I tried to say anything, they would just brush it off and make it seem like everything was peachy.</p>
<p>I almost resorted to seeing an on-campus counselor, but how do I explain that to my parents? They worry about me for small instances. How do I tell them that I hate school and find it hard to fit in or confide in someone? I almost got to a point that I really didn’t want to deal with anyone or anybody anymore. I just isolated myself because it was how I was able to comfort myself without being judged or worrying that people will think I’m just looking for a pity party.</p>
<p>I don’t mind being lame, because I am. I find it hard to get close to people because I can’t trust anyone or feel I will get too close and they will just abandon me. It has happened in the past when I was younger and people wondered why as a kid I always tried to shy away from being friends with people from there on after. Yeah, anyone can go ahead and laugh right now at me and say that I’m being like every other person on this site who makes a different thread each week about “Hating College” “I have no friends”, etc. It’s difficult. It’s hard for others to understand. Personally I think I might have a social anxiety disorder, but I’d hate to admit that and would hate if someone diagnosed me with such a thing.</p>