My short answer essay :)

Applying to College Common and Coalition Application
1

<p>Working at a boba milk tea store in the most crowded district of Hong Kong was quite challenging, We have to deal with thousands of thirsty customers everyday. My employer taught me a lot about doing a business. He was harsh sometimes because I didn't do things perfectly. Seeking perfection is a very difficult task, but I should always try to reach it. Then I started to try different ways of doing a same task. It sounds silly because the difference between the slowest and the fastest way was just 30 seconds, but every second counts for our customers. Efficiency is so important for doing anything.
Seeing regular customers is like seeing old friends, the reason for them to visit again was because they enjoy coming here. I do believe that I should always be responsible and try my best to fulfil my customers's needs, because they gave me their money and trust. By making drinks for thirsty customers in hot summer, I felt like I have contributed to the world.</p>

<p>Feel free to leave any comments for me to improve it
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I am an international students from Hong Kong
Studying in California CC
Business Major</p>

2

<p>Your first sentence is a comma splice, so you should fix that. Also, to be frank, this essay reads as though it’s made completely of topic sentences. Try to pick one specific topic to write about - seeking perfection, for instance - and focus on that one topic throughout the essay.</p>

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<p>So, it is better to write more specific rather than talking about my experience?</p>