My stuggling student

Parents Forum
1

<p>My child is struggling in his first year at college, and he is pretty upset about it. So are we. He identifies the problems as poor study skills, procrastination, and too much gaming. (The computer is coming home this week.) He is very smart (which actually is part of the problem - never had to work hard before) and is not a partier at all.</p>

<p>In trying to formulate a plan, he recognizes that he needs to reach out for help, but just doesn't know where to go. I don't know either. Would he start with the Director of Academic Advising? Or Dean of First Year Students? He has already talked to his assigned faculty advisor, without (apparently) too much help. </p>

<p>He feels that he has done the work, but is surprised by his grades on tests. My guess is that he has done the minimum work, and doesn't know the subjects thoroughly enough. He feels he could go to his professors, or to tutoring, but he doesn't really know what to ask. </p>

<p>At this point he needs some concrete steps and so I come here asking if anybody has a good idea how to point him in the right direction.</p>

<p>(Go easy on me Please.)</p>

2

<p>I wish I had appropriate advice, but Freshman year is so difficult. Like your son, daughter never really had to try in high school, graduated with a 4.0uw. She's acquired study skills over the last few months but procrastination still gets the better at times. </p>

<p>Is he generally happy at school? It appears many freshman suffer from depression and when seeking help on campus, are told it's just home sickness and it will pass. If faculty advisor hasn't helped, my opinion Dean of First Year students as it may be a problem adjusting. </p>

<p>Good luck to you and your son. I know it can't be easy.</p>

3

<p>Does he have an RA or something like that? It might help him if he can talk to kids more his own age. Also, if there are study groups he can join, that might help him focus. </p>

<p>I do think that reaching out is in order, and perhaps the Dean would be the first step, and could help point him in the right direction.</p>

<p>I've known lots of kids who have struggled in their first year. There are a lot of changes. And it is very hard to come to the realization that things may not come easy anymore. </p>

<p>Kudos to him for being able to recognize he needs help, and to you for your understanding.</p>

4

<p>Not to much help but a lot of empathy. S2 and S3 had the same problems. S2 it was definitely gaming. S3 was a combination of that and fraternity and sports - good time guy.. Both have taken time off, S2 voluntarily S3 at the schools insistence for lack of GPA. S2 has been off for 3 years and is heading back this fall with a goal and plan. S2 has been 2 years and is going to try community college this fall to work on study skills. Both very smart, had high school success but got very distracted by games at college. (There is another thread somewhere here on gaming addiction). They could no longer slide by on talent like they did in HS. They now have more maturity. </p>

<p>If he wants to stay and continuing trying, there is always an academic help center on campus. They have to find it and go though. Hard on a young male ego. If they go, there is studying and writing help, tutoring and probably some extra help you can pay for. Go on the college web site and search. It may go under different names, writing center, tutoring, student help. Try several. The professors always have office hours too. They have to swallow that ego and just show up and confess they do not understand what is going wrong. Good luck. Neither of mine would do it. You have my sympathies.</p>

5

<p>I don't know whether this will help him or not, as I haven't viewed the DVDs, but Great Courses offers one called something like "How To Be a Superstar Student" that teaches how to take notes, review them, study for tests, and the like. I got this out from my public library just yesterday; it has a couple of "chapters" for parents, which is why I got it. </p>

<p>I think the study group suggest is an excellent one. I know when I got to college, I had NO idea how to study effectively. When I was an upperclassman, one of my best friends and I studied together for a test we had in virology, and wow! She had to know everything, and did. That's why she was and always had been a straight A student. I learned a lot, and not just about viruses!</p>

<p>Good luck to him!</p>

6

<p>The Counseling Center would be the perfect place for him to start. They can help him figure out what's getting in his way and help him devise a plan.
I've found that most students underestimate the time it takes to actually master the material. Is your son studying daily (not just immediately before tests)? Does he read the textbook assignment before attending the lecture on the same topic? Is he attending ALL classes? Does he do schoolwork between classes or does he just hang out? The "meat" of the learning in college comes from the individual study time -- lectures are just the "gravy." Is he staying up late gaming/socializing leaving him exhausted the next day?
Learning how to learn can take awhile. If he wants to get more out of college and is willing to put in quality time, he can turn things around very quickly.</p>

7

<p>My daughter did well her first semester in college, but second semester of freshman year was suprisingly hard for her. Her grades took a nose dive. </p>

<p>While she too claimed that she spent "hours" studying, after thinking it over, she realized that part of her problem was trying to "study" in her dorm room. There were so many distractions there -- everything from friends dropping by to the lure of computer games -- that, while she'd think she was "studying for hours," in reality her actual effective study time was minimal. </p>

<p>She solved her problem by forcing herself to go over to the quiet area of the library every day, including weekends, during set hours, and focusing just on studying, writing papers, etc. there. She no longer works in her dorm room, even on art projects (she goes to the studio now to do those). It's worked for her. She says she now can feel herself switch into study mode the moment she walks into the library, and her grades last semester and this have been much improved. </p>

<p>The other hump my daughter had to get over was refusing to ask for help. She now takes full advantage of the tutoring and review sessions offered by her college, even in courses where she thinks she is doing well. And, she's learned that teachers really do want students to stop by during office hours if they're struggling.</p>

<p>So, if your son feels that he's "studying hard" but not getting anywhere, it may be that he's not studying in the "right" place or way. Just taking the computer home might not help if his roommate or his buds down the hall are also playing computer games. I'd encourage him to think about where he could go on campus to have the fewest distractions possible, to set standard hours for going there each day, and to look into and start using tutoring, review sessions, and meeting with professors.</p>

8

<p>Does the school have a study skills center where tutorial services are offered? Many colleges have this. If a student goes to them, they will assign a tutor and a number of hours that tutor can work with the student. This is a GREAT thing to do. Many students need some direction in college, and there is nothing wrong with asking for help.</p>

<p>Re: tests...my own kids had the experience of thinking they KNEW the information and not doing well on the tests. They went to see the professor during office hours with the test in hand to find out where they went wrong.</p>

<p>Another option would be that the student withdraw from one course so they could concentrate their efforts on the remaining courses.</p>

<p>Sometimes the hardest thing is asking for the help.</p>

9

<p>If there is a Dean of First Year Students, that would be an excellent place to start. On almost every campus there are tutoring services and centers for study habits, etc. Other options are the Dean of Students and meetings at office hours with individual professors. The school wants your son to succeed. The RA should know such things, but will be less sophisticated, more attuned to social issues. By all means, he should rally all the troops he can. He will need his computer, but he should loose the games! Time management and newly needed study habits are core issues. The advantage to meeting with professors is the opportunity to make personal contact, perhaps fostering some mentoring instincts. Good luck to your son. He needs to get after this tomorrow, no later.</p>

10

<p>I think different things work for different kids who are struggling in one or more courses. So you may have an idea of which of the suggestions folks make here will be most likely to help your S, or maybe he should try pretty much all of them.</p>

<p>I wanted to place strong emphasis on going to each prof's office hours "early and often." My S struggled in one course each term in his sophomore year - a new experience for him. He did a number of things (new study partner, bought an alternate text which worked better for him, visited prof ofc hours). Even though part of the problem was that he and the prof were on different wavelengths, it was still important to do this. First, the prof (or TA) has the best course-specific knowledge of what he might be missing. AND, equally or more importantly, profs can't help but notice when a student is trying to improve. So, they are going to give any possible benefit of the doubt to such a student when grading time comes.</p>

<p>My other suggestion is to see if S's department has more than one type of academic advisor. In many Engineering schools (where my S is), there is your individual academic advisor (a prof) and there is an advising staff. These advising staff members (usually not actual faculty members) are often more geared toward things like identifying what type of tutoring/academic support... might be helpful. These department- or school-specific advising staff exist, in his schools, in addition to the University-wide academic support services.</p>

<p>Good for him for recognizing where a good part of the problem lies (gaming, procrastination) and good for you for taking a supportive role, rather than a critical one. I think there is a reasonable chance that there will be some improvement just as he comes to understand the different playing field he is on - what tests are like, what it takes to get an A (compared to what it took in hs). But he will need to re-order his time and maybe learn different study habits.</p>

<p>Finally, check in with him on some obvious things - does he attend every class? Go to TA problem set work sessions, if there are such? Does he have study groups?</p>

<p>Last, but not least: this may not be relevant to your son, but was to ours and was very important, imo. Our son was trying very very hard yet was mightily fearful of failing a class. We told him "Just pass" the course. We did not want him to feel any pressure from us that we would be sorely disappointed if he did not bring home an A. I think the removal of that fear, of disappointing the parents, was a freeing up experience for him. Took off an additional stress and let him concentrate on solving the problem rather than be bogged down by the worry. Your situation may not be quite comparable, where it is a number of classes and where he identifies poor priorities as part of the problem. But letting him know you are in his corner and will be pleased to see him improve, even if he doesn't bring home grades that have been typical of him, might help him more than some would think.</p>

11

<p>Agree with requirement to start with a commitment to attend every class, even the early ones. Read every assignment and do all of the homework. We found that S2 and S3 were letting those things slide, particularly when playing games late at night. They thought they knew the material and it did not matter. Visitng the professor was hard, then, since they had to confess they were not attending class and doing the work. Professors do not have much time for you under those circumstances. Need the counseling center then. </p>

<p>S3 could not live in a suite situation where there was always someone to play with. We had to move him out.</p>

12

<ol>
<li>College is like a job. Whether your kid is nocturnal or not, a set number of hours per day need to be devoted to studying. So if he blows off a Saturday doing something fun, he needs to schedule those missed study hours for Sunday/Monday/Tuesday to make up the time. Once kids understand that there isn't some magic formula to help them learn the material they become more realistic about putting together a schedule.</li>
<li>There are probably dozens of resources at his college but they won't help if he doesn't use them. Agree that the study center/skills center, whatever it's called is the first step. He may have a hard time hearing how much time successful students actually spend preparing and studying- but this is often a good reality check.</li>
<li> It's great he feels comfortable discussing this with you. One tactic which may work for him is to actually schedule his downtime and his social time, vs. letting it be the amorphous "i'm not doing anything so let's go hang out for an hour". My kids found that blocking out social time worked better than trying to keep up with friendships while not neglecting school work. If you know that you're going out for pizza with friends from the hall at midnight it is easier to be in the library from 7-11:30.
4.Time for a reality check on his course schedule. College is usually not "high school with cigarettes"; the pace is blistering and whether he's taking reading heavy courses or lab-heavy courses, many a Freshman has been done in by assuming that he can handle what's on his schedule. The study center ought to be able to help him understand if his course selections were reasonable.</li>
<li>Keep the lines of communication open. This is a steep learning curve and Freshman often need to hear that the folks at home are rooting for them to get up to speed vs. being punitive that they're not blowing the cover off the ball in every single class.</li>
</ol>

13

<p>Thanks so much everyone for your suggestions. </p>

<p>There are many ideas here that will help him. We had a long discussion today, and he wrote down some things, so hopefully he will feel like he has a place to start when he gets back from break. His "plan" includes such things as studying outside of his room, going to the library to do work in between classes, and making appointments with all his professors immediately. (He claims he has never missed a class and I believe that. He is fairly earnest.) </p>

<p>I know all the hazards of that freshman year - this is not our first in college - I just never thought something like this would ever happen to one of my kids. Wishful thinking I guess.</p>

<p>I sleuthed out the name of the support department (or whatever you call it - it's good to save all those papers from orientation!) and I think he knows who he needs to see ASAP. I just wish someone at his school had noticed this problem and got him going in that direction months ago. He's lost a lot of time.</p>

<p>Thanks again. It's good to know we're not alone.</p>

14

<p>Good to hear back from you, Struggle Street.</p>

<p>One reaction ....
[quote]
I just wish someone at his school had noticed this problem and got him going in that direction months ago.

[/quote]
On some college visits, I got the impression that there are colleges where this would happen. I called them the "nurturing" colleges. But I don't think this kind of thing is likely to happen AT ALL at most Universities, nor probably at most colleges. Not that they aren't there to help, when help is sought. But I don't think there's anyone looking out to notice whether his grades are up to his expectations, whether he's spending too much time gaming, procrastinating, etc. </p>

<p>A lot different from what some of us might have had available at our kids' high schools.</p>

15

<p>I agree with suggestions to visit profs early & often. D dragged her feet on that one in her calc course, and she was "shocked" by how easily the prof was able to figure out how to help her. The kids who did best in high school often have the most trouble asking for help. Personally, I did not have much success with my prof visits in college, so I know it's not always a great help ... but there is no way to know that until you try. Also agree with going to the library. Actually, I used to go to the drafting lab or to an empty classroom. If that's an option for your S, it's a good idea ... even less distraction than the library. Other tips: Review material every single day, and retype notes. Plenty of other good suggestions here, too ... your S should be able to find some tips that will work for him. I was like your S, but I turned it around sophomore year and made Dean's List. I had to develop a certain discipline that worked for me, but once I got it together, it was much easier. Best of luck to your S.</p>

16

<p>I apologize if this has already been mentioned, but here's what I've noticed of experienced. Students will not procrastinate unless getting immersed into something that will prolong that procrastination. Students often believe that if they go on the web to surf or game for a limited period of time (say, they set aside one hour), then at the end of that hour, they will find that it is not so easy to let go. In essence, if a student concentrates on his work first, he/she will find that it is not so bad to complete. I advise your S to develop strategies that will allow to avoid the temptation of anything but work.</p>

17

<p>Good luck to your son.</p>

<p>Guess I need to give credit to my own, he consciously did not take any computer games with him to college. Of course, everyone else in his dorm has plenty.....</p>

<p>Here is another vote to start with talking to the profs. It's okay to be confused, "I'm not even sure what kind of help to ask for." is a fine opening line.</p>

<p>And another vote for the student help center. I was impressed by the number of tutoring opportunities, study groups, proof-reading services, and study skills workshops that are offered at S's school. (not that S has taken advantage of them, yet.....)</p>

18

<p>I went through the same situation last semester (fall of freshman year) except part of my problem was not going to classes. The things that have helped me (TREMENDOUSLY) this semester:</p>

<p>-studying with a friend who's incredibly work-oriented, which gets me into a work-only mode, so if either of us gets distracted we keep each other on track
-scheduling classes so I could go to them. I like working at night, and I realize it's important to balance your time so you can get used to a 9-5 type schedule, but forcing myself to take early classes last semester yielded me missing classes instead of forcing me to sleep early! This semester my classes begin after 12, so I can work until 5 AM and still get enough sleep
-part of why I like working at night is because it's quiet - a habit I developed in high school, because there were always distractions in the evening (parents, food, friends). But I have since discovered that study lounges, study rooms, and libraries offer the same quiet whenever I need it, so I won't have to schedule late classes/sleep so late anymore
-last semester I tried working in my room (and I had a single so I thought it would be fine) but I could always hear people outside and/or they would come into my room, plus just being in my room kept me in the same carefree, prone-to-distractions mode so I didn't get work done, or I was very inefficient. I didn't realize how much of a difference this made until finals came around and I realized how well I needed to do to pull off even mediocre grades, so I got really serious and studied outside of my room a lot. This helped enormously, and doing it this semester on a regular basis - separating my social from my academic life, environment-wise - has made a difference
-in general, saying 'no' when friends want to go out has been critical. Last semester it was hard because I entered college wanting to fully explore the social scene. I guess that was important to me at the time, so I don't really regret it, but now I don't feel the need to go out every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, so it's become easier to stay in and do work or catch up on sleep
-this semester I haven't gone to any office hours and I often miss recitations, but what's more important has been making sure I understand the material when it's taught in class. I didn't review any of my notes until midterms came around, but I spend a solid two weeks studying for them each night for at least 5 hours, and I did very well.</p>

<p>These strategies won't work for all types of courses. For example, my writing and language classes don't have big examinations so it's just about consistently spending an hour or so every other day on homework. But my lecture-based classes are about understanding the material and then revisiting it in time for examinations. I realize now that I had absolutely no system or long-term plan for my classes last fall, so when I realized I had a midterm coming up a week later I didn't know how to start preparing for it. It's important to know what materials and resources are available to you (lecture notes, textbooks, practice problems, extra problems online) and, even more so, how much they're worth, because I haven't used textbooks seriously in any of my classes this semester. The most helpful resources this semester (only for my lecture classes, since they have exams), in order of usage in my studying schedules, have been lecture slides posted online, class notes, practice problems (from recitations or just posted online), and past/sample exams.</p>

<p>Oh, another thing I strongly recommend is marking a calendar at the beginning of the semester with every single assignment and exam. That way you can easily tell what you have coming up in the next week or two so nothing catches you by surprise, and when you're planning things like trips, conferences, or other events then you can be sure to avoid stressful weekends.</p>

19

<p>I have no advice, but I do want to give SS--and Theoneo--a big thank you. I'm bookmarking this thread because I anticipate that my kids may have trouble staying afloat in college, not with gaming but with being completely distracted by the social life.</p>

20

<p>Your son seems like he is prepared to change some things to do better academically, so he is already one step ahead of many other underachievers.</p>

<p>Here is my Rule#1 advice to my advises looking for help. Stay away from the residence hall!!!! What I really mean is get on campus by 10am at the latest and do not return to the RH until 6pm dinner time. Use that core time attending classes, doing assignments, studying, and review.</p>

<p>Rule#2 Take good notes using the Cornell method.
The</a> Learning Toolbox - Cornell Notes
Cornell</a> Notetaking Method Custom PDF Generator</p>

<p>Rule#3 Find a comfortable place to study with minimal distractions. It may be a library, empty classroom, student union room, gallery space, etc. And take frequent short breaks(5 min/half hour).</p>

<p>Rule#4 Form/join study groups but maintain academic honesty w/re to graded work.</p>

<p>Rule#5 Make a schedule for long assignments and stick to it.</p>

<p>Rule6# Studying for exams is best done in short review over the course of a week rather than a last minute cram session.</p>

<p>Rule#7 Take full advantage of university programs such as tutoring, writing labs, test review sessions, and instructor office hours(which can be less intimidating if done by members of the study group).</p>