My UVA ED Essay on Magic

Applying to College
1

I tried to hit a topic not taken by others, probably not taken ever. Please help me make it the best. Is it ok that it’s 52 words over the limit but still one page?

<pre><code>Imagine yourself walking in a big city, you’re on your way to a soothing coffee shop to relax and ease your mind. Unexpectedly, an unknown individual approaches you, he requests to show you something interesting. After a moments notice, you find yourself holding a playing card between your hands. You start to think this is just some cheesy card trick, but still obey the individual’s commands to see what he has to offer. He shows you another card and within a blink of an eye, the card transposes with the one in your hand. Flabbergasted, you can’t comprehend what has just taken place. You try to search in your mind to configure a solution, but before you ask the individual to attempt the transposition again, he is staring in your eyes awaiting your reaction.

This is the moment of astonishment practiced through street magic. Street magic is instant in-your-face entertainment. There is no fee, set audiences, or elaborate boxes containing tigers. The gritty city streets are a magician’s playground, that magician is armed only with a normal deck of cards and ordinary objects. People roaming the streets with their daily routine on autopilot are just waiting for something new to happen. When a stranger requests to show something unordinary, one usually can’t resist. Humans enjoy being forced back to their natural state of mind.

Paul Harris, a world-known magician, best stated the effects of magic. “Astonishment is our natural state of mind. The experience of astonishment is the experience of a clear, primal state of mind that is associated with a child’s state of mind.” Think back when you were a child, everything was new to your mind and that natural state never failed to amaze you. As you aged, you learned about the world and filed it into boxes. These boxes contain knowledge to prepare you in future experiences. A simple magic trick however, unlocks and surpasses these boxes. There is no box to file the inexplicable moment. However, this moment of astonishment doesn’t last forever. After a few seconds, one soon files the magical moment into an “I-missed-something” or “I-don’t-know-what-happened-but-it-was-just-a-trick” box. When I perform magic, I can instantly tell when someone doesn’t let the magic take charge. Instead of allowing their mind to experience the magic, they instantly state how they think it’s done or ask for the trick to be repeated so they can catch me. That stubborn spectator restricts the magic’s role of entertaining. There are two types of spectators, those who think of magic as a puzzle and those who allow magic to puzzle them. Those who attempt to decipher the trick destroy their unique and magical experience.

I have had the opportunity and joy of using magic to unleash that moment of astonishment. I have done it in places as ordinary as a classroom to the insane environment of downtown Atlanta. I love the emotion I feel when I have made a complete stranger’s day better by performing a simple piece of magic. It takes hard work to perfect a magical routine, but I feel it is totally worth the practice to see someone’s emotion after being amazed just like a child. These tricks are controllable amazement, and there are only a few events in life that can give an adult the rush connected to magic
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2

<p>The essay should be about you, not about magic in general.</p>

3

<p>You can and should rewrite this to tell more about yourself. Look for more places to use “I” instead of “one”. For example, you could use "I" in your first pargraph by making the story about you. You could start with going somewhere with someone in your family. Then, for example, you could continue with something like "A stranger approached us and asked if he/she could show me something interesting. After a moments notice, I was holding a playing card between my hands. I started to think that this is was just some cheesy card trick, but I still obeyed the stranger's conmand. He showed me another card and within a blink of an eye, the card transposesd with the one in my hand. Flabbergasted, I couldn’t comprehend what had just taken place. </p>

<p>I know now that this is the moment of astonishment practiced through street magic. Street magic is instant in-your-face entertainment. There is no fee, set audiences, or elaborate boxes containing tigers. The gritty city streets are a magician’s playground, that magician is armed only with a normal deck of cards and ordinary objects."</p>

<p>At this point you could talk about how this incident led you to want to become a street magician and how it makes you feel to use magic to unleash astonishment. Or better yet you could begin with the true story of how you became a street magician. Try to avoid the lecture qualities of your essay. This should be an essay about your experiences with magic and what they mean to you; not an essay just about magic. I think you’ve got an interesting topic.</p>

4

<p>Do you remember what it felt like to think and live as a child? A magical, carefree, and open feeling should come to mind.</p>

<p>Let me explain a magical experience. Roaming the crowded streets, I approach a man and request to show him something interesting. He then finds himself holding a playing card between his hands. The individual starts to think this is just some cheesy card trick, but still obeys my commands to see what I have to offer. I show him another card and within a blink of an eye, the card transposes with the one between his own flesh. Flabbergasted, he can’t comprehend what has just taken place. He tries to search his mind to configure a solution, but before he asks me to attempt the transposition again, I’m staring in his eyes awaiting the reaction.</p>

<p>This is an example of how I unleash the moment of astonishment through street magic. Street magic is instant in-your-face entertainment. There is no fee, set audiences, or elaborate boxes containing tigers. The gritty city streets are my playground, and a normal deck of cards and ordinary objects are my toys. People roaming the streets with their daily routine on autopilot are just waiting for something new to happen. When a stranger requests to show something unordinary, one usually can’t resist. </p>

<p>Paul Harris, a world-known magician, best explained magical effects. “Astonishment is our natural state of mind. The experience of astonishment is of a clear, primal state of mind that is associated with a child’s state of mind.” I think back when I was young, everything was new to my mind and that natural state never failed to amaze me. As I aged, I learned about the world and filed it into boxes containing knowledge to prepare myself in future experiences. A simple magic trick however, unlocks and surpasses these boxes. There is no box to file the inexplicable moment. However, this ecstatic bliss doesn’t last forever. After a few seconds, one soon files the magical moment into an “I know I missed something” or “I don’t know what happened, but it was just a trick” box. When I perform magic, I can instantly tell when someone doesn’t let the magic take charge. Instead of allowing their mind to experience the bliss, they instantly state how they think it’s done or ask for the trick to be repeated so they can catch me. That stubborn spectator restricts the magic’s role of entertaining. Experience has revealed two types of spectators, those who think of magic as a puzzle and those who allow magic to puzzle them. Those who attempt to decipher the trick destroy their unique and magical experience.</p>

<p>I have had the opportunity and joy of using magic to unleash that moment of astonishment. My successful magical career has taught me how to adjust to spectators and use experience to my advantage. I have done it in places as ordinary as a classroom to the insane environment of downtown Atlanta. I love the satisfaction I feel when I have made a complete stranger’s day better by performing a simple piece of magic. The emotion is unique to see them laughing, crying, or scared of my hard work. It takes practice to perfect a magical routine, but I feel it is totally worth the practice to see someone’s emotion after being amazed just like a child. These tricks are controllable pieces of amazement, and there are only a few events in life that can give an adult the rush connected to magic.</p>

5

<p>Just a few suggestions. First paragraph. I think you can begin the essay with the sentence:"Roaming the crowded streets,..."Second paragraph, last sentence. Can you make this a first person sentence consistent with the rest of the paragraph? (I think "my playground" and " my toys" work well.) Third paragraph is a bit long and distracting. You could lose the reader here. Can you cut it back? If you stick with the second to last sentence, you might want to put "my" in front of "experience". Fourth paragraph. This sentence:"I have done it in places as ordinary as a classroom to the insane environment of downtown Atlanta." would read better as "I have done it in places as ordinary as a classroom and as insane as downtown Atlanta." This sentence needs a little work:"The emotion is unique to see them laughing, crying, or scared of my hard work." I assume you are refering to your emotion. Can you make that clearer? (I hope you don't make too many people cry; that would seem to run counter to making someone's day and unleashing the moment of astonishment.) What are your emotions besides "unique"? (I like that you are using this sentence; I'd just work on it a little bit.) Second to last sentence, you might want to delete the word "totally." I think you just about have it.</p>

6

<p>Roaming the crowded streets, I approach a man and request to show him something interesting. He soon finds himself holding a playing card between his hands. The individual starts to think this is just some cheesy card trick, but still obeys my commands to see what I have to offer. I show him another card and within a blink of an eye, the card transposes with the one between his own flesh. Flabbergasted, he can’t comprehend what has just taken place. He tries to search his mind to configure a solution, but before he asks me to attempt the transposition again, I’m staring in his eyes awaiting the reaction.</p>

<p>This is an example of how I unleash the moment of astonishment through street magic. Street magic is instant in-your-face entertainment. There is no fee, set audiences, or elaborate boxes containing tigers. The gritty city streets are my playground, and a normal deck of cards and ordinary objects are my toys. People roaming the streets with their daily routine on autopilot are just waiting for something new to happen. When I request to show something magical, one usually can’t resist. </p>

<p>Paul Harris, a world-known magician, best explained magical effects. “Astonishment is our natural state of mind. The experience of astonishment is of a clear, primal state of mind that is associated with a child’s state of mind.” I think back when I was young, everything was new to my mind and that natural state never failed to amaze me. As I aged, I learned about the world and filed it into knowledge boxes to prepare myself in future experiences. A simple magic trick however, unlocks and surpasses these boxes. There is no box to file the inexplicable moment. However, this ecstatic bliss doesn’t last forever. After a few seconds, one soon files the magical moment into an “I know I missed something” or “I don’t know what happened, but it was just a trick” box. </p>

<p>When I perform magic, I can instantly tell when someone doesn’t let the magic take charge. Instead of allowing their mind to experience the bliss, they instantly state how they think it’s done or ask for the trick to be repeated so they can catch me. That stubborn spectator restricts the magic’s role of entertaining. Experience has revealed two types of spectators, those who think of magic as a puzzle and those who allow magic to puzzle them. Those who attempt to decipher the trick destroy their unique and magical experience.</p>

<p>I have had the opportunity and joy of using magic to unleash that moment of astonishment. My successful magical career has taught me how to adjust to spectators and use experience to my advantage. I have done it in places as ordinary as a classroom and as insane as downtown Atlanta. I love the satisfaction I feel when I have made a complete stranger’s day better by performing a simple piece of magic. I get a feeling deep inside when I see them laughing, amazed, or scared of my hard work. It takes practice to perfect a magical routine, but I feel it is worth the work to see someone’s emotion after being amazed like a child. These tricks are controllable pieces of amazement, and there are only a few events in life that can give an adult the rush connected to magic.</p>

7

<p>Well done. You edited that third paragraph nicely. Good going.</p>