<p>anyone want to read mine as well? :)</p>
<p>i'll read it</p>
<p>I'll read anyone's essays since I'm bored. PM me or hit me up on AIM.</p>
<p>I didn't research, I just visited and reminded myself of things I liked.</p>
<p>Wharton is such a long shot and this was my last application; I felt like taking a risk. Describing specific programs, curricula, etc, would have made for a much boring essay. I don't necessarily think answering the prompt 100% is necessary. </p>
<p>Basically, I wanted to post it for a long time to get critical feedback, but knew it wasn't "safe" to do so before the deadline...And even though it won't help matters now, I was still curious to see what people thought. Because, like I said, it was definitely my most unorthodox college essay.</p>
<p>I don't mind the critiques, so post as you wish.</p>
<p>Hopefully one helpful aspect is that my interviewer said this (not verbatim of course): "You are a better fit for Penn than most Penn students I knew".......................It was my last and best interview, and I hope her writing was as flattering as her words.</p>
<p>I would really like to read anyone's why penn essays. i will most likely apply ed next year and would like to see how different people approached the question. thanks.</p>
<p>"no offense dude but it just sounds like you did a bunch of research and sucking up about the school but don't give any REAL reasons for wanting to go there."</p>
<p>These are real reasons. These are the things that STAND OUT in my my mind. I only applied to the schools that have top notch academics, advising, residential communities, college towns, resources, libraries, etc!!! But what schools have a rock climbing wall? What schools have dark mahogany and buildings that inspire the Adams family?? You see what I mean? Even if it isn't exactly practical, the reasons I listed for wanting PENN are "real" and do make it special in my list.</p>
<p>"what's the point bla bla bla"</p>
<p>Every time someone makes a thread saying "Who wants to read my essay??", it elicits 15646789 responses. Well, I don't feel like PMing everyone who asks, and instead am posting it publicly in one easy step. There are even people asking to read other "Why Penn" essays on this very thread, validating my idea that people do indeed want to see this type of thing.
If you think I am being self-congratulatory, think again. I realize it isn't everyone's cup of tea, and that it is borderline pretentious. I won't apologize for that...I AM borderline pretentious.</p>
<p>Also, read my above post if you missed it.</p>
<p>Anyone can PM me with essays.</p>
<p>padfoot, i think this is good, though i wish you had both parts incorporated into one essay rather than separating PENN and WHARTON ... it seems counterintuitive since you and the website boasts that they are "one"</p>
<p>"I realize it isn't everyone's cup of tea, and that it is borderline pretentious. I won't apologize for that...I AM borderline pretentious."</p>
<p>don't worry, mine might have come across slightly pretentious too</p>
<p>ok, i'll be quite honest, i got really jealous when I read that... it was extremely well written and it really made me question my essay, which now looks slipshod and though focused, bland. your essay is what will really stand out in a reader's mind as opposed to my "suck up as much as possible and try to put on paper how one school can mean so much"... now, from admission's perspective, I have no clue which will be received better, but your essay, though perhaps deviating from the norm, was an incredible insight into who you are and what Penn means to you. Best of luck with admissions for everyone, at Penn and everywhere else.</p>
<p>At least I can always fall back onto my Penn State acceptance ;)</p>
<p>btw, id be glad to read anyone else's too(:</p>
<p>as for padfoots, i like that you addressed the prompt so well. i kind of didnt- my essay was more about ME than PENN. BAD way to go. lol</p>
<p>My essay was very bland and to the point. However, I answered the question while drawing my own personality and interests into my essay. That essay (along with the others I wrote) got me into Penn last year. Your essay, however, doesn't answer the question as well. To improve your chances you need to be original and think out of the box, but it might hurt you if it takes away from answering the actual question asked. Your stuff about Penn is somewhat weak and it can't help to separate Penn and Wharton. You explain your interest in business which is all well and good, but you don't explain why Wharton is better than say Sloan or Stern or Ross except for the fact that it is the best undergrad business school. Also, it is very poor to insult another school (especially one as well respected as Penn State, you never know but your admissions counselor may have gone there) in your essay. You have many holes in your essay, many that could have been avoided had you directly answered the question, but who knows and you might get accepted anyway.</p>
<p>how fatal do you think it is to repeat a sentance in two essays? i said "That is my purpose in life- the fusion of the two worlds I come
from, that of experience, and that of hope." word for word in two essays; the why penn one and the common app one. i didnt even realize i was doing it....i wrote my why penn less than 2 hours before i submitted my app!!! how much could this affect their decision?><</p>
<p>I never insulted Penn state. I would be just as annoyed if I wanted to go to Haverford and people constantly asked if I meant Harvard.</p>
<p>"You explain your interest in business which is all well and good, but you don't explain why Wharton is better than say Sloan or Stern or Ross except for the fact that it is the best undergrad business school"</p>
<p>I have no idea how Wharton is better than Sloan or Stern or Ross given that I never considered any of those schools, and that I have never attended any, and that I am still in high school. And wouldn't calling Penn better than these schools be a contradiction to that Penn State thing you said?</p>
<p>I think you are all assuming that I am trying to strategically write the essay that best increases my chance of acceptance to Penn. And we all know what happens when you assume...
My purpose is different: writing an essay that shows my personality (in conjunction with the rest of the stuff in my app), and seeing if Penn connects to that. Otherwise, I don't know. What I said about Penn was the only thing unique that I could have said! Anything else is from a secondary source, since I have never been able to personally experience their education. Does Penn really want regurgitated information? Then again, maybe it does. Maybe it values repetition of info they write in their view books more than originality. What do I know. It's too late to make it right, probably wouldn't if I could. (hopefully no one gets that allusion slash quote)...Anyway, I have Haribo Gummi Bears to eat and Hamlet to read.</p>
<p>If theres one thing you get out of Hamlet, I would look at the part where P is giving L advice, he says something like "accept criticism but do not be judgmental." Why would you make a thread like this if you just deny any slightly critical feedback? If all you want is positive feedback I'd recommend going to a "lower" school, which for you I think Penn St. might be a better fit.</p>
<p>Sorry if that came off hard, you are a good writer and the essays aren't "bad," I just wonder why you make this thread. By the way A LOT of schools I have visited have climbing walls...</p>
<p>You kids slay me.</p>
<p>Having written a successful essay and read many more, here are three most important things you MUST do in your Why Penn essay, IMO: </p>
<ol>
<li><p>Provide solid justification for why YOU are a good fit for PENN, not just why PENN is a good fit for YOU. This means you have to be careful about your phrasing, although the content need not change. Talk about your unique talents and experiences, but frame everything around how you can enrich other students' lives at Penn, now how they can do that for you. Penn wants contributors, not mere takers. </p></li>
<li><p>If you are applying to Wharton, you'd better have a good explanation for why you want to pursue a business education, in addition to at least 2 other reasons that Wharton is your first choice. Neither of these should refer to the prestige factor, or worse, rankings. Do some research. Pick a lesser known class, professor, or Wharton club, and tell the reader why you want to be involved in it. Be sincere, or don't bother. </p></li>
<li><p>For God's sake, be humble. Don't get cocky. I don't care who you are, you are not ENTITLED to a place here. Entreat or entice, don't badger or berate.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Good luck to all!</p>
<p>what about if youre applying for, say, LSM? theres a why lsm essay! so i guess the why penn should be just PENN and why whorton should be in the LSM essay?</p>
<p>ditto to what country_crazy said</p>
<p>and as far as the why penn essay... honestly when i read it i thought it sounded like something i'd read in a 34th street mock essay, and wasn't sure if it was a joke.</p>
<p>it's certainly good that you've done the research to know all those things about our campus, but i would recommend omitting the less important things (like the 5 stories of pottruck) in favor of emphasis on the resources that you'll really care about / use.</p>
<p>and your depiction of west philly, as worded now, is unlikely to give a good impression to the reader.</p>
<p>Did you let somebody look over what you wrote?</p>
<p>This essay reminds me of my friend's counselor.</p>
<p>Friend: "I'm applying to UPenn"
Counselor: "What's a you pen?"</p>
<p>Both essays are well-written. The grammar and mechanics aren't the problem; the content is.</p>
<p>The first essay (Why Penn?) is too trite and you don't really specify what you can offer to Penn. Country_crazy is right, Penn wants givers, not just takers.</p>
<p>The second essay pretty much misses the point completely. You don't even mention Wharton until the very end, and even then you don't say anything that's really specific to Wharton that justifies why you would want to go there (besides the prestige, which isn't a good reason). You could pretty much remove Wharton and replace it with Sloan, Stern, Ross, or any other well-known business school and the essay would still make sense. Not very good, IMO.</p>