National Merit Finalist DAUGTHER- GAP YEAR??? HELP!

Parents Forum
1

<p>Hi...
This is a question that many of you may know... I have a daughter who was just named a NMF yesterday....yippee.... We have a few schools on the list for their generous aid... (ASU, OSU).... that she has been accepted at including their honors colleges.... </p>

<p>My child now is saying she may want to take a "gap year".... and has NO PLAN other than to work retail... or volunteer a bit... (doesn't seem like a plan to me)!</p>

<p>Would this nullify the large merit grant given by these institutions? I guess I won't hold anyone "responsible" for their info... I know I need to check with the schools directly... but I was hoping someone would have some info on that....</p>

<p>I'm not in favor of the gap year decision... but my child is feeling frazzled... I think a nice summer off will take care of that... but of course the "over-achiever" mind thinks differently.....</p>

<p>My child may even be trying to sabotage herself because she is scared to go away... ????? I just don't know where all this is coming from....</p>

<p>AGGGG.... </p>

<p>Thanks for any info! :)</p>

2

<p>1st of all, congratulation on her NMF. </p>

<p>My DD is quite opposite to yours. She can't wait to get away as she know exactly how many days left. </p>

<p>Hopefully your D is having a cold feet about going away. have she ever go some where w/o you before? My DD has been in Europe by herself and she is not afraid to travel any where alone.</p>

3

<p>D has been out in the big world quite a bit... although never extensively traveled.... but all we've heard all year is " i can't wait to be on my own.... and get out of here".... Yet now all this talk of a gap year.... </p>

<p>I don't know if this will affect her NM scholarship if she chooses ASU/OSU....</p>

<p>Craziest thing ever....</p>

4

<p>MOTHER - some schools will 'save' her financial aid offer - some won't - and that is a huge piece of the pie here. Does your gal realize that this won't go away next year - and she could potentially be facing similar choices?? Another thing to consider is that she may fall off your health insurance plan if she is not a full time student in the fall.</p>

<p>Sounds like she may be overwhelmed with everything and the choices she is facing. May I suggest that you take her out to lunch and have a nice mom/DD chat with her - to see where this is coming from - she may be feeling scared - nervous - overwhelmed and need that special chat to clear some things up.</p>

<p>Putting things on hold for a year but not really taking advantage of things out there may not be in her best interest. You/she has time to work thru this - so don't make any rash decisions just yet.</p>

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<p>Why not call the schools and ask? Different schools might have different policies.</p>

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<p>Is it possible that your daughter is better suited for a smaller environment such as an LAC ? Was too much emphasis placed on getting an academic merit scholarship as opposed to financial aid at other more suitable colleges and universities? There are many options for scholarships and financial aid, the Ivy League schools are very generous with financial aid. Consider Amherst & Williams Colleges, St. Mary's in Maryland, all of the Ivies if you qualify for financial aid--or even if you don't.</p>

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<p>The easiest thing to do is call or email the universities and just ask.....what if she deferred a year, would her NMF status result in scholarship offerings the following year? </p>

<p>In addition to NMF, does she also have high GPA, strong recs, good ECs, etc?</p>

<p>If so, I think a gap year would not hurt her chances for receiving significant merit scholarships, but there are others who know more about that than I. You could go over to the Financial Aid-Scholarship thread and post a question or do a search. </p>

<p>One excellent thread to search for (I don't know how to do attach a link to it) is "No acceptances: Andison's story" or something like that. This is a long thread about a young man, NMF scholar, who applied to all reaches and was waitlisted or denied everywhere. He took a gap year and reapplied was accepted to excellent colleges with FA and/or merit aid. This thread also does a great job of explaining how to approach a gap year, and points out that the process of applying to colleges comes in the middle of that "gap" not at the end, so it's not really a long time that D will be taking off from thinking about going to college. </p>

<p>And it's not only large state universities that offer merit aid to NMF. You can also do a search in these forums for "NMF" and "merit aid" and see how many private colleges do so.</p>

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<p>Although I have only known a few students who took a gap year, all of them had thought about it for at least a year and had developed definite plans to occupy that timespan. Sounds as if your daughter needed more school choices. Did she apply to schools other than ASU & OSU? If so, where? Who selected her schools? What does your daughter want in a college or university?</p>

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<p>I wouldn't get too excited yet. She's probably burnt out from college and scholarship apps , etc, and just needs some down time. Maybe things will calm down a little and she won't feel so stressed. Once my daughter chose her school ( the final choice LOL ) she seemed to let out a sigh of relief and it was much calmer after that. She just focused on the fun stuff like prom and graduation and planning to decorate her dorm room . LOL
Try to give her a little break from the "college talk" and she if she feels better. Good luck.</p>

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<p>You need to check with each school individually to see if they will defer the financial/merit aid your daughter has received; also be sure they will allow your daughter to defer admission itself!</p>

<p>My son took a gap year and his college had no problem holding the generous merit aid they offered him. I also contacted the National Merit people and the AP Siemens award people who both had no problem deferring their awards.</p>

<p>My son was responsible for paying the very expensive COBRA payments (almost $400/month) for health insurance during his gap year.</p>

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<p>Does she want to defer her acceptance - by telling one school that she's coming but would like to start in Sept. 2009? Or does she want to start over again, reapplying to schools for Sept. 2009? Each of these scenarios is different.</p>

<p>If she's talking about deferring, she should contact the school she'd like to go to and ask them if she can defer both her acceptance and her scholarships. They'll be happy to tell her yes or no.</p>

<p>If she wants to reapply, then all bets are off - no one will "hold" anything for her and she'd be back in the admissions pool all over again.</p>

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<p>OH my thanks for the help... and encouragment...</p>

<p>I called OU (not OSU-my mistake) they do allow gap years... even without much of a plan.... (ie, ok to work for a year if he wants to)...</p>

<p>Coming clean.... my D is really a S.... I was trying to preserve my "identity" here if he was to do a "search", since I know he reads this website info.... I"m crazy.... I know.... sorry... It's probably important to be most accurate.... so that's why I disclose now to you. </p>

<p>Anyway... my son (yes it's a son... I promise) applied to 10 plus schools... We begged him to apply to some LAC.... he was adamantly opposed... He's interested in Aerospace Engin. but quite frankly engineering has been his biggest weakness in HS and would make a better Dr. (wink)....</p>

<p>Anyway... he applied to Tulane, Va. Tech, UVA, Olin School of Engineering, U of RI(don't ask me why), ASU, OU (not OSU), Boulder, Pittsburgh, last minute did not apply RPI, and maybe I"m missing some???? Can hardly keep them straight. Refused any small LAC.... which we wanted for good merit aid.... Also applied to all Honors colleges within the schools... </p>

<p>He was not accepted at Olin, but yes to URI, ASU, OU, Pitt,... haven't heard from Tulane, Va Tech, UVA... etc... Pitt gave OK aid... ASU/OU will be the best... don't know about the rest.</p>

<p>Money IS a sig. factor... S has talked vaguely about a "gap year"... but we thought the NMF thing would cause him to accept the great deals from some of the schools... </p>

<p>He really wants to take a year off... get a "menial" job in rural town (where grandparents are)... becoming a volunteer fireman.. and buy a 19 year old pickup truck... WHAT????</p>

<p>He says he feels like he hasn't accomplished much in his life... (some how the above plan to me doesn't change that).... Obviously he's done fantastic in school with grades, gpa..., clubs and organizations... president of about everything... citizenship awards... but he still feels that he hasn't accomplished "anything".... He wants to take a year off and "live the real world"...</p>

<p>Again... what about health insurance? Yep..... He's solved that... he'll work at REI... and get benefits... </p>

<p>I could almost understand if he was doing a mission trip.. or volunteering to build beds on the Pine Ridge reservation... or feed hungry children... BUT.... to buy an old truck and work at a paper mill.... and be a fireman seems crazy to me.</p>

<p>I'm gonna cry... but I know I can't change his mind.... stubborn kid. So I guess OU will let "kids be kids"... and go let him work for a year... My question is will this really make him happy??????? Isn't this risky???????</p>

<p>Goodness if he doesn't have health insurance... and breaks an arm... he could be financially crippled for awhile.... It's crazy.....</p>

<p>Serenity now... Any words of encouragement....pass my way!</p>

<p>Thanks for listening... off to look for threads on GAP YEARS.....</p>

13

<p>First the need to mislead when you aren't using your real name and to think anyone is that concerned is a bit much isn't it?</p>

<p>Lay out his options on paper and walk away. There's a lot of roads to get there.... some are faster than others, some require walking a great distance. His opportunity to figure out. Put it down on paper and let it be, it's his life.</p>

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<p>I suspect he is just burnt out right now- happens a lot in the 2nd semester of Senior year, hence the term "senioritis". I think you may want to mention to him that he may very well feel quite different come in Aug/ Sept, when his friend are preparing to leave for college and a new life, and he is the only one left behind. Tell him to just relax [ but not let his grades suffer], and take a deep breath and wait until April to see what his choices are. But in the mean time, you should contact the U's he applied to and specifically inquire if scholarship winners can defer matriculation 1 year and NOT lose their scholarship $$</p>

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<p>Opie... he knows my username as I use it for everthing... He regularly checks college confidential... (as do I)... for advice and information... I have often quoted this website, as does he regularly, to help guide us in our college search and navigate this process... </p>

<p>Things are a quite delicate as we have discussed some of these issues with "his counselor at school", neighbors, friends, family friends who are therapists.... etc... He's oversensitive and in his words... "hates to be treated like a case study".....</p>

<p>I was just trying to protect him if he read this... so not intentionally trying to mislead anyone here at CC.... (but decided to change my mind because of all the generous input) and I figured it would be best to be completely honest to allow for more accurate help from people who may have been thru this situation......</p>

<p>I understand there are lots of roads to get there... (he's used those words himself)... My question: Why place unnecessary roadblocks where most kids in his situation would jump at the chance to be in his shoes... "Letting it be"..... is a lot easier said then done when dealing with your blessed children that you have raised with great care and attention for the last 18 years.</p>

<p>Best wishes...</p>

16

<p>motherandchild, your S sounds like my H, several decades back, long before I knew him. H did a year of college, did reasonably well, then decided to drop out in order to do something "relevant". Spent a year working at some minimum-wage job, driving a truck. His coworkers treated him with a range of amused tolerance to out-and-out contempt--he had shoulder-length hair, the other guys had crewcuts and muscles :) Anyway, it made H realize that this wasn't what he wanted to do with his entire life. The "real" world wasn't all that it was cracked up to be, and there was indeed something to be said for the kind of work one could have only via a college degree. </p>

<p>No idea what my in-laws thought of this. H's older sibling dropped out of college after a year and never went back, but that was a different dynamic--didn't do as well academically, as opposed to feeling that one has to get out and DO something. Sounds like your son falls in the latter category, rather than the former.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
Why place unnecessary roadblocks where most kids in his situation would jump at the chance to be in his shoes

[/quote]

But as we moms all say, "I don't care about 'everyone else'; I'm not 'everyone else's mother." Consider only your child, not what "most kids" would do. And I also know quite a number of kids who did defer, so it's really not unheard of. If it were unheard of, OU wouldn't have a procedure in place for it, now would they?</p>

<p>I'm not sure why you see deferring as an "unnecessary roadblock" or actually any roadblock at all. Maybe your s would do better with another year of maturity under his belt. Maybe a year doing "menial work" in a rural area will show him why he might want to go to college. Maybe it will broaden his horizons and experiences. There are a lot of benefits to a deferral or gap year, and if he has an acceptance and scholarship in his back pocket, and isn't trying to take the gap to make applications "look better" as some kids do, that takes all the pressure off.</p>

<p>You ask if the year off would really "make him happy." Who knows? Why assume it won't? And would going to college when he really doesn't want to "make him happy?"</p>

<p>Whatever he decides, it should really be his decision with your support. Then, if it doesn't work out, at least he can't blame you!</p>

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<p>When you say, "Doesn't think he's done much with his life," I'd consider mild depression and have him evaluated.</p>

<p>No, I am not saying wanting a gap year is a symptom of depression, but there are a few red flags here IMO.</p>

<p>Low self-esteem, desire for aerospace major when he did not succeed to expectations in this are in HS (he may be scared) and idolized of blue collar life style -- menial job, pick-up truck.</p>

<p>Taken separately, there is nothing wrong with any of these things, but as a package, I would start to wonder and dig deeper.</p>

<p>My S got lowest grades in his intended major and highest in area is most casual about, and I know this caused a bit of a crisis for him. He decided to plunge ahead in what he wants to do and figure out how to raise those grades, and he has my support in this, but it's not an easy decision to make.</p>

<p>If all his school choices stressed this "tech" side, he may be having anxiety and/or second thoughts. </p>

<p>Many kids don't think "they can do" even when it's obvious to all that they can.</p>

<p>If it's fear, I wouldn't encourage the gap year.</p>

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<p>I would double check with OU (assuming you mean Oklahoma University). Part of their national merit scholarship is from the Oklahoma State Regents for Higher Education Academic Scholars program. My daughter goes to OSU and has the academic scholars scholarship and it does require the student to start school the fall following graduation (OSRHE rules not OSU rules).</p>

<p>Non-Resident</a> National Merit Financial Package 2007</p>

<p>from <a href="http://www.okhighered.org/academic-scholars/program-rules.pdf%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.okhighered.org/academic-scholars/program-rules.pdf&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p><a href="e">quote</a> A student must enter the program the fall semester immediately after his/her class graduates from high school, except for students admitted under the State Regents’ Opportunity Admission Category. The Chancellor may approve exceptions to this requirement for extraordinary circumstances.

[/quote]
</p>

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<p>mythmom..... you are VERY perceptive!!!! We also did consider mild depression and he has had 2 sessions so far to evaluate this.... Although there is no significant major issues... I also agree that he has low self esteem.... he actually openly admits this.... It's hard to imagine why... given his successes....</p>

<p>After all he has done and accomplished at one of the more competitive HS in the nation.... He still feels "inadequate".... </p>

<p>The idolization of the blue collar lifestlye looks appealing because it's so contrary to his current life... It's the antithesis of what he is surrounded with... "rich, spoiled kids"... It was the life of my husband as child... although thru education moved into the white collar world...</p>

<p>DS says he doesn't have far to go to become "successful"... he's already from a privileged background.... It will be easy (he thinks)... It's almost like he wants to sabotage himself... or wants to work backwards before moving forwards to make his future accomplishments seem more significant. </p>

<p>One minute he wants to invent the next "google"... the next he wants to work at a paper mill and drive a truck.... To me it seems incongruent with his goals.... but it must be something deeper within him...</p>

<p>chedva, you are right for me to consider that taking a year off wouldn't make him happy.... to me I worry he may feel even more inadequate... or disappointed about "not doing anything important with his life"...as he sees his friends move off to school.... but maybe a truck and a firehouse and a factory will inspire him to move forward???? Inspire him to say... "I don't want to do this for the rest of my life".....I don't know.</p>

<p>I do know it's not a maturity issue... as his nickname at school is "DAD"... because of his caring, nuturing, fuddy duddy ways.... He's old beyond his years.... but quite possibley its a FEAR issue.... I wonder if he's not sure he can do it?</p>

<p>Thanks...</p>