Need advice about social scene

<p>Hi all, wondering if the heavy party scene combined with the high guy/girl ratio can be a recipe for trouble for girls. I have seen info on other web sites where Lehigh girls post about such issues to the point where they regret attending Lehigh. Can any current female students please provide their honest view on this topic? Are girls treated like objects; do random hookups dominate, or would you say there is generally good social and intellectual interaction between the genders and healthy relationships more prevalent.</p>

<p>I am a girl and I just finished my first year at Lehigh. I think I can help! I didn’t party in high school and I did not expect Lehigh to be so party-dominant when I started there. First semester was hard for me, everyone on my floor was partying really hard, getting drunk and going crazy almost every night. I went out for the experience, but I didn’t drink that much because it was something I wasn’t comfortable doing. However, no one judged me for that. I never felt pressured to drink. Greek life is basically dominant here. The published stats say that 35% are Greek, but that doesn’t include freshmen (who can’t rush until January), or off-campus seniors. This year, in reality, it was 49%. I rushed the sororities in January and ended up not joining any. It was my choice to drop at the end of the week because I wasn’t going to be happy where I would have been. A lot of other girls had the same problem and it was a really rough time for all of us. The first few weeks of pledging were miserable for me. I went home a lot and completely regretted going to Lehigh. So many girls felt the same way but we all were miserable and lonely because our friends joined houses. Of course this brought the non-Greeks closer together and now my friends all all non-Greek while I still do have friends in houses. I eventually found other things that I was interested in at Lehigh. There are other organizations and activities that you can meet people through and after finishing this semester, I’m happy to say that I love it and it’s the right school for me. Yes, there is a division between Greeks and non-Greeks, but it doesn’t ruin the atmosphere. A lot of Greek students hate being in houses and cling to their non-Greek friends and vice versa. It’s not like you can’t party at frats if you’re not in a sorority. I didn’t realize that until halfway thru the second semester. As for the guys, yeah there are some creepy, rude guys who just want to take advantage of you. You just have to be careful, make sure you and your friends know where everyone is at all times when you’re at a party, and be aware of your surroundings. Some frats are worse than others, and you just have to avoid those. There are a lot of random hook-ups at frat parties, especially first semester for freshmen, but relationships exist despite the hook-up reputation. There are some great guys too, its a mix and it just takes time to find your place but it all worked out for me and I’m thrilled. Let me know if you have any other questions.</p>

<p>Lehigh16</p>

<p>What an open and honest report of your experience. Thanks so much for sharing. I’m glad things got better for you. </p>

<p>One thing I don’t get is the emphasis on Greek involvement. I would think (and someone else also mentioned it) that joining a frat or sorority would isolate you to some extent, since you would be so involved with your particular house. But maybe I am wrong about that.</p>

<p>Thank you so much for sharing your experience Lehigh16, it is very helpful and I really appreciate it. Very curious about what made you decide to drop after rushing. </p>

<p>Any other Lehigh girls care to share their view?</p>

<p>I am also an undergraduate girl at lehigh who just finished her freshman year as well. I can pretty much say that lehigh16 summed it up pretty well for the most part and was one of the most honest answers ive seen thus far about greek life. To be perfectly blunt and honest with all of you about the social scene, I will say that greek life entirely dominates lehigh, to the point of exhaustion to be honest. I came to Lehigh under the impression that greek life did not dominate that much because thats what other current students had told me, but to my dismay, i realized they had sugar-coated the whole thing. If i had known how huge greek life was at Lehigh, I certainly would have not enrolled, and at certain times during the semester I really wanted to transfer because I could not handle how overwhelming the greek system was here. During my first semester, everything was fine because freshman can’t rush in the fall so you’re not immersed so much in the greek life. People pretty much just go to frat parties and meet some sorority girls and they try to get you to join their house by asking you to have lunch with them or something. Over the fall semester its really about the sorority girls overseeing the freshman class and seeing which girls they would want in their house and trying to entice them to join. During the spring semester it gets much worse. I wanted to rush initially because I, too, was enticed by the sororities girls to join. To be honest, Lehigh will make anyone join greek life, even if it was never what they wanted or never their intention. Most people say they would have never joined greek life if they went to any other school but since its so big and dominating here, they felt pressured to join for the sake of their social life. And I completely agree with them. In any other school I would have never wanted to join greek life. I despised the thought of it in high school and never saw myself as a sorority girl, and I even hated it in my first few weeks at lehigh. after spending some time at lehigh though, i was eventually enticed by the sorority girls and actually wanted to join because I saw how big of a deal it actually was here. Its kind of sad, but because its so huge here at Lehigh, so many people feel pressured to join. i did not rush in the spring because quite frankly, I did not have the money for it and my parents detested the idea. Practically all of my friends rushed though and said it was a terrible and demeaning, catty, mean-girl process. During pledging, many of them were forced to go out and it seemed miserable. A lot of them said they didnt want to join greek life but felt the need to because it was so big here and they felt like they wouldnt have a social life without one. For girls who dont rush, spring semester is really hard. You see all the new sorority pledges and it just because so overwhelming because its right in your face all the time. They go all out to show what house their in and flaunt their new house. Its like a status here, the “better” the house, the more popular you are to be honest. I felt really lonely at times because i would see all the girls go out with their houses and since I wasn’t in one, it was hard. I wouldnt see my greek friends as much because they were forced to be with their houses so much, so I was forced to make new non greek friends. I know a lot of my greek friends hate the system and wish they werent pressured into doing it. I know the stats say its only 30% or something, but its really much more than that. And it especially FEELS much more than that. At times I honestly felt like I was the only one at lehigh not in greek life, because everyone else around you is. In my opinion, it felt like 90% of the school was greeek life and 10% wasnt, but even then that was exaggerating it for me. I know in reality it is about 50% like lehigh16 said but it certainly does not feel like that. It dominates here so much that it feels like so much more of the school is involved in greek life. Like lehigh 16 said, over the course of second semester things got better and you learn not to care that much because your greek friends allow you to come to their parties and its not a big deal. I do think there is a division between the greek and non greeks, and the greeks often make fun on non greeks, calling them “gdi’s” or “geeds” and not wanting to party with them. I feel like it divides the school way too much and its honestly the only downside I see to lehigh. Im not trying to make Lehigh sound like a terrible school, because its really not. To be honest, i LOVE lehigh and I love my experience here but I just think the greek life system is terrible and it brings down the school. The dichotomy it creates is just terrible and I know some of my greek friends think the same too. Im just trying to be as honest as I possibly can, and I am in no way trying to bash lehigh because I truly do love the school. Aside from greek life, its absolutely a fantastic school and I couldnt have chosen a better school. </p>

<p>And as for the guys, some of them are creepy but for the most part if youre with your friends and you want to get away they wont bother you. Like lehigh16 said, some are worse than others but just make sure youre with some friends to be safe. There is a big hook-up scene here though, and not many relationships in my opinion, but that does not mean that there are NO relationships. I do know people in relationships who are very happy but for the most part, its a hook-up culture here at Lehigh. And once again let me repeat by saying that this is MY honest opinion, and Im not trying to bash lehigh because I really do love the school. Let me know if you guys have any other questions</p>

<p>My daughter applied for choice housing for several reasons, one of them being her hope of finding friends who might be less likely to pledge. I’m not sure how true that is, or how likely that is to happen. I hope for her sake, she finds like minded friends. She is not one to cave to peer pressure so I doubt a sorority is in her future. The only thing that might get her to pledge would be a house with an awesome kitchen lol. She is a gourmet cook and I think the dining hall food might eventually take a toll.</p>

<p>With all due respect to the people offering opinions here, when I talk about how Greek life doesn’t dominate Lehigh’s campus on these forums and in the real world, I mean it. I certainly am not “sugar-coating” it.</p>

<p>I’m a senior and I’m non-Greek. During my freshman year, 4 or 5 guys in my hall of 20-25 decided to rush. During my sophomore year, maybe 10 guys at most were Greek out of 30 in the hall.</p>

<p>There are pros and cons to being involved in Greek life. Without rehashing it all here, I personally have lost respect for Greek life on-campus. There is no showing of academic excellence, no demonstration of service, and a distinct separation of Greek students from non-Greeks.</p>

<p>It may “feel” like many more people are Greek, but we can’t argue with the facts. One-third of Lehigh is Greek, and this includes honors societies and professional organizations. So in reality - as opposed to what it “feels” like - most Lehigh students aren’t Greek.</p>

<p>I would venture to say that most of the Lehigh students talking about Greek life dominating campus on this thread were experiencing good old-fashioned peer pressure. It “felt” like Greek life dominated campus because a majority of their hall was excited about it. I think it’s an anomaly, I never experienced such a high number of Greek students (or students interested in Greek life) living in my hall. And frankly, as Lehigh students, these posters should not have been goaded into miserably rushing just because their friends were rushing, too.</p>

<p>I’ll get off the soap box now…</p>

<p>I decided to drop after rushing because I knew that I wouldn’t be happy in the houses I had left at the end. I didn’t think I should join a sorority I’m not comfortable in just because I want to be in one. So I chose not to join, dropped, and am very happy I chose to do so. Would I have been happy had I stuck with it and signed a bid? Maybe! But I’m happy now and that’s what matters.</p>

<p>I also think that what lehighgirl16 wrote is very accurate and definitely lines up with my opinions. It is very very hard to be a girl and not be Greek during freshman year especially, and there is a divide between Greeks and non-Greeks, but there are other parts of lehigh that make it such an amazing place to be. People just have to think “how will I feel if I don’t join a Greek organization?” before applying</p>

<p>My son, also a senior, had pretty much the same experience as LehighChemE.</p>

<p>He would consider himself non-Greek but is ironically in the number counted as Greek due to various academic and honor fraternities in which he participates. Maybe it is different for girls, not sure - he felt no pressure to rush, nor was it a lifestyle condusive to his career and academic goals. He does not feel left out in anyway and is a very involved young man. He would totally disagree with the notion that Greek life dominates Lehigh.</p>

<p>Oh and regarding relationships and there being very few of them - my son has been in a serious relationship with the same girl since freshman year and the vast majority of his friends are also in serious relationships. I think the drinking, hook up world goes hand in hand and if you buy into that scene, that is what will dominate your world. Choices are important.</p>

<p>Choice is not an anti partying dorm. It’s an “anti partying in the dorm” dorm.</p>

<p>Britsmum is correct. In CHOICE housing you would sign a contract agreeing not to bring the party back to the dorm or come back intoxicated. It does not mean you can’t attend partiies or partake in alcohol or other substances if you so choose.</p>

<p>In my son’s case, he did have some guys on his floor who just did not believe in putting anything like that into their bodies at all, but most attended parties and took advantage of the whole college experience, just wanted a guiet, safe home base so to speak.</p>

<p>To counter popular opinion, not many girls in my hall did rush. There were in total 4 girls in my hall of about 25 girls who rushed. So to say my opinion was because of the “dominating” scene around me is inaccurate. I did not live in choice, but i know that in most of the choice dorms there is a very low number of girls and guys who rush. So it was not my environment that drove me to my opinion, it was my every-day experience of lehigh that drove me to this conclusion. Walking around on campus, there was not a day where I would not see somebody without greek letters on. Especially during second semester its overwhelming. Yes the “facts” may say its only 30% but as lehigh16 said, this does not include freshman and does not include off campus seniors, which in total, is a hefty number. So to reiterate, my hall was NOT dominated by greek life, so I was most certainly not pressured by them to make my opinion. My opinion was based on my everyday experiences at lehigh, outside and within my dorm. Maybe it may be different for guys, and depending it what dorm you’re in, but I do not hold back on my opinion that greek life certainly dominates this campus.</p>

<p>Well, it just goes to show you that different people have different experiences. My son’s experience has been the opposite and it irks him when people say Greek life dominates Lehigh because that is not what he sees day in and day out. Your perspective is different and honest and we appreciate it. I only want readers to know that it is not consistent with my son’s experience, I’m not saying it is not truthful for you.</p>

<p>Wow, I can’t believe there is still so much soul-searching about the ANTICIPATION of your sons and daughters encountering Greek life at Lehigh, like it is somehow the only thing that precludes Lehigh from being the perfect school! The reality is that Greek life has existed at Lehigh since 1872. Despite that, Lehigh has grown to be one of the nation’s PREMIER educational institutions (just like many other Ivy Leagues and second-tier schools where Greek life thrives). There is so much tradition, history, and pride that goes along with fraternities and sororities at Lehigh, and their continued presence contributes to the fine institution Lehigh is today. Some are better than others, and even that changes year-to-year depending on the makeup of the members. To try to “protect” your son or daughter from Greek life is counter-productive… they will surely be exposed to it in a big way, and will either embrace it or not once they truly understand what it is and how they fit in. I hope they go in with an open mind and decide what is best for them, not what they think their parents might want (although I was a Greek at Lehigh, I want my son to choose his own destiny). Instead of feeling your kids might be “pressured” into joining like it is some form of cult, perhaps the message here is that so many join Greek life at Lehigh because it actually enriches their college experience and is something they really want to do! Whatever their decision, your kids will most likely love Lehigh just like most of the posters on this thread, and most of the students who have ever attended Lehigh, Greek or not.</p>

<p>My son just finished his freshman year at Lehigh and LOVES it! He didn’t go in concerned about Greek life, and neither did we. We trusted him to know what felt right, and he wouldn’t know until he got there. </p>

<p>He decided to join a fraternity and there was zero hazing, and he was treated with respect like brothers treat each other. He has maintained friendships with many on his hall that did not pledge. As a matter of fact, just like LehighChemE said, he was in the minority of people in his hall that pledged. </p>

<p>My husband and I both told him before he left home that if anyone asks him to do something disrespectful to himself or anyone else, he needs to walk away immediately and not turn back. </p>

<p>He loves his house and his brothers. He also loves his friendships with fellow students that decided against pledging, male and female. I get the impression from him that he sees the student body as a whole, not Greek versus non-Greek.</p>

<p>I thought I’d be so sad when he left for college, but he is so happy and doing so well there that I can’t be anything but a happy mom of a Lehigh student.</p>

<p>I don’t think anyone is soul searching about the ANTICIPATION of our kids encountering Greek life. In fact it’s fairly obvious they will. I must have missed the post about “protecting” kids from Greek life. I think the concern for kids who choose not to pledge finding a group of friends is not unfounded, considering the numerous posts on the subject. I spoke to many students on candidates day and my daughter was confident it would not be an issue and she apparently made her decision to go choice housing during candidates day as well.</p>

<p>I just want to add that from the kids I have met on campus, and the kids who have posted in these and other forums, the lehigh students are an amazing group with a whole lot to offer, whether they pledge or not. I am very impressed!</p>

<p>Marky95 Which Frat did your son join?</p>

<p>How much does it cost to join a sorority at Lehigh?</p>